Is this normal?

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

I am 19. I had my daughter when I was 18, and now I suffer from PND. My daughter is a beautiful 13 month old and I adore her so much. When she was 3months old, my father was in a terrible accident, and now suffers from permanent brain damage. He is slowly recovering, but because of this, I have become very depressed. Not to mention that my partner was also involved in the accident, though he was not injured, the mental and emotional harm was severe for him. We both find ourselves so stressed out at the end of the day. I get VERY mad and yell and scream all the time. At the time I don't know what I am doing. I am on medication but I am not sure that it is helping me much. I grew up with my parents fighting all the time and that is all I remember from my childhood. I do not want my baby to go through what I did. I love her so much and I would never hurt my baby girl but sometimes I get scared to tell anyone. I feel that if I mention this to anybody, that they would take her away from me. Am I crazy?

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Julie-Liz - posted on 06/03/2010

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You are not crazy. You sound just like me lol. I had my first child at 18 too, My partner went through the death of a very close relative, then we lost our home, all this emotional upheaval made my PND symptoms worse. I was given a technique to try in the evenings to try to understand my emotions thru the day. First you write down an incident where you ended up shouting and screaming, Then write down all the emotions you were feeling (i.e angry, scared, anxious etc) and which emotion was strongest in % (i.e. anger 60% scared 30% etc) then write down what these emotions link to in terms of your past and how they are possible triggers. This helped me to understand why i was feeling how i did. Then with the help of my fella i asked him to try and recognise when i was getting to the point of 'blanking out rage' and distract me. I still have the odd outburst now (2 years later) but it does help you to calm down. try saying 'stop' and ounting to ten slowly. The key is recognising what the triggers are and realising when you are going to blank out. its not a quick over night fix but it will help you begin controlling the issue. Rest assured you are not abnormal or crazy. I have been there too so you are not alone either.

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