How do you stay married to a police officer

Laura - posted on 01/01/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am a mom of 4 and married to an officer for 13 years. Been having a tough time lately. He has been on a swing shift for over a year and looks like we will be here again for another six months. The hours are killing me, the shuffling is over whelming and I feel so alone. My friends all have husbands that work 9 to 5 jobs with holidays off and don't get it. This last holiday season has been its worst for me with him working the end of the week swing shift. My kids are 11, 10, 8 and 7. My mom passed away a little over a year ago, my dad is a mess and my in-laws are in their own world. I am hoping to find someone who understands where I am coming from and may have some advice to start the new year.

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Missy - posted on 01/16/2012

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I can totally relate since my husband has been doing this the whole 20 yrs of our marriage. It does make it so hard when you see other families with normal hours but you do get used to it and like the other posters stated learn to do even enjoy parts of it. My husband had to go on straight days M-F for over six months last year and I thought finally we can live like normal people and we both hated it.We both much prefer the shift work because we've made it work so well for us. He can be off during the week and help me get stuff done and spend one on one time with me when the kids are in school. We go on dates during the day, go grocery shopping together, work on house projects together etc. The days I have to work he can be there to help out with the kid's appts and practices, get dinner started, clean up around the house, etc and things feel more equal. When we are all home with the kids on a weekend it feels like nothing gets done because it's all our day off and no one wants to do anything. We still make time for family time-just not always on a weekend day or the actual holiday. I also have several friends from church whose husbands work shift work at the area plants and they know what it's like so we plan activities with each other and our kids even if it's just hanging out at each other's houses, going to the mall, or some church activity together. After dealing with the public all the time my husband doesn't enjoy being around lots of people on his down time so we can all get our socialization in while he's not around. Try not to complain or make your husband feel bad about it. He's working hard and providing a living for your family and can't do anything about it anyway. Don't rely on him to make you happy. Find things to make yourself happy and fulfilled and then what time you have together will be more enjoyable.

Brenda - posted on 06/08/2011

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I agree with the ladies, Its just part of the job and its part of being a PW. My husband works nights 6 to 6 and I had a hard time feeling like a single mom... Sometimes I still get the feeling but I try to make the most of it! I have to figure out what worked for me and the baby! Now Dad has to work around our schedules on his days off. I enjoy my days w him but I have learned to enjoy my time with my daughter... Roll with the punches... I hope for the best!

April - posted on 03/04/2011

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Just wanted to offer some encouragement Laura. I know it's tough. My husband has been in law enforcement for 16 years and we have been through it all. You just try to do the best you can. If you are feeling that you need extra support, try to join a group of women that have the same interests you do who can offer support and keep you busy when he is working. Join a garden club if that interests you or play groups, just something to help get you out of the house and some adult interaction. After 16 years and having a child, my husband decided to get out of patrol with the crazy hours and he studied really hard to take the detectives exam and was promoted to detective two years ago. He works 8 to 4 with weekends and holidays off. So there may be options for him to be promoted to another position that has better hours. Just hang in there girl!

Kellie - posted on 01/07/2011

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I agree with the reply below, we went thru that exact thing, at first i resented his schedule feeling like a single mom, but then I got past that and began enjoying my new "free" time, didn't feel like i had to cook a big meal every night since all four kids are such picky eaters anyway, I'd make them soup and began doing weight watchers and not eating much myself...and began to embrace the new way of living. My husband just went to day shift last week and after three years of night shift, i hate this new day thing, i feel like i have to get the house cleaned and dishes done and dinner cooked by four thirty which stresses me out, no more time to get things done at an easier pace, and he's not enjoying it either, because 4pm til bedtime is the hardest time of day and now he sees it, my kids are 2, 4, 6, and 15... you're NOT alone, once you can both find the things you like about this crazy shift, you'll adjust, I'd never have guessed I hate to go back to day shift, but I just have to adjust once again. I saved my sanity by creating and building something I love doing...pray for God to show you joy, I'll be praying for you, hang in there! Chance are he's struggling with something at work, they see so much more than we ever do, and their reality is so much differant from our reality....remember why you love him, ignore the temptation to look at the things that annoy you....hang in there

Stacey - posted on 01/04/2011

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It is very difficult to get used to their schedules, but that goes along with being a policeman's wife. It is part of who they are, and unfortunately we just have to do our best to make it work. My husband has been on the night shift (6p-6a) for the past 4 years while I work a full-time day job and a part-time night job. The first year was by far the hardest, but after a while you just learn to make it work. I now dread when the time comes for him to go back to days. But to get to this point, I had to completely change my way of thinking, my attitude, and my way of doing things. My first reaction was to be resentful because I felt like a single mom, but still had the responsibilities of a wife. But after a while, I started to enjoy the time away from him. I could watch shows that I wanted, play games with the kids and get as loud as we wanted, and if we wanted to eat cereal for supper we could. I enlisted the help of my kiddos - now 5 and 10 - to get the chores done faster so I'd have more time to play with them or to relax with a good movie. Then when he was home, I could appreciate the time with him a lot more. Try not to let little things get to you because you have so many bigger things to worry about. Let the little things work themselves out. If that means you have to celebrate a holiday a week early or a few days late, then that's okay. Just keep a positive attitude and when it gets the best of you, send the kids to bed early, fix a nice strong mixed drink, and take a hot bubble bath!

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