Welcome!

Rebecca - posted on 02/10/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Here's hoping I'm not all alone in this community for very long, because I'd really like to meet some other poly- mums ... it's not like I have a whole range of poly mums to talk to in real life :P so it would be nice to know some in cyber space.

i live in Cape Town, South Africa and have one husband and one lover. My eldest girl (5) is my husband's child (we've been together for 14 years) and my youngest girl (2) is my lover's child (we've been together for three years).

I've seen lots of poly- discussion groups, but none of them really seem to talk about the challenges of parenting in poly families, so thought it would be nice to get something going on here.

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[deleted account]

Hello, I think I need to post in here also. I have watched this group off and on for a while now and it is about time I introduce myself. :)
I am a mother of 4. My ex boyfriend is my oldest daughters father, age 15. I have 3 other children with my soon to be ex-husband and none with my poly family. My poly family consists of my boyfriend and his other 2 wives. I am his third girl. He is married legally to his first wife and they have one son 17. He is married in his heart to his second wife with no children. He and I have been together less than a year and are still feeling our way. All together we have 5 children. 4 girls and one boy with no more planned or possible.
As for our parenting in our homes, as I live in my own apartment for space reasons, our parenting is similar but very different.
We each are allowed to reprimand each others kids when need be but our kids are our kids. We each are their sole mother with the other two wives standing as a sort of surogate mother to each others kids. This is my first poly relationship and one that I am learning as I go sort of thing. This is a whole new world for me and a lot of work. There are a lot of things that I have yet to learn and I look to my family to learn those things. We/I believe that being open, honesty, compromise, rules, and communication are the keys to making this all work. Especially with 3 women. hehe
I know that every family is different and that we all have our own ways of doing things. However, I think it will be nice to get to know other poly families as well. We/I am not totally open about my relationships with my poly family because of the court dealings with my kids, and some very close minded family members. However, I am slowly introducing my new poly family to my exsisting extended family and we are going from there.

Lin - posted on 08/02/2011

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Hi! I'm a mom of 2 boys (ages 3 year and 18 months) and 1 angel from Cincinnati, Ohio. My husband of 4+ years and I have very recently decided to open up our marriage beyond just us, so as we are very new to this whole thing please excuse (and correct) me if I say anything dumb, and consider advice to be very welcome.

Chanda - posted on 04/25/2011

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Hello. While I am not currently in a poly relationship, I would like to applaud you all for living your lives and taking love where life (and God) offers it. My view on Christianity is slightly slanted some would say, but the bible is filled with non-monogamous relationships and lifestyles society as a whole typically finds objectionable so I think most people are simply reading into it what they choose to for the purpose of their own chosen social mores.
I ran across this thread and just wanted to say thank you, I guess, for raising children who will grow up with minds of their own and not be led around by the nose for the sake of public opinion. God bless.

Rebecca - posted on 10/08/2010

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Hey Sara
Wow! that is amazing! and are you poly- or not?

Hearing a testimony like that is awesome!

Sara - posted on 05/06/2010

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hello...I was raised in a Poly family mom had gfs and bfs and dad had several gf's himself. It was wonderful growing up with such happy open and contented parents.

Jeannie - posted on 11/03/2009

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Hi everyone I live in Cedar Rapids IA, in a poly Triangle Triad relationship. There is me, my husband and our boyfriend. We have 5 kids all together, 4 of which live with us ages 16, 10, 5, and 2 weeks. All of them are aware of our relationship and we all live in the same home. The youngest baby has both last names of the two men and we do not yet know which is the father though she will call both of them dad and we do plan on finding out who is the biological father though they both consider themselves her daddy. The 10 and 5 year old consider our boyfriend their second dad (10 year old stated she preferred calling him a second dad then step dad). The oldest two are from a first marriage though sadly their father passed away suddenly back last December. The oldest now lives with me with her sister with their step mom back in North Carolina. The oldest considers my husband her step dad as he has been in her life since she was 5. She looks at our boyfriend as more of a uncle since he is only 8 years older then her. I will be starting a blog soon that will follow me and my family, it will include many topics including polyamory and I will share that link with you guys once I have it started. I look forward to getting to know other poly moms :)

Jess And Mona - posted on 06/27/2009

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Hello everyone-
So glad this group exists as its not like I run into other poly parents in person very often (ever!). I am living in Louisville, Kentucky and have just one daughter for now. My wife and I have been together for 6 years, and we were always pretty open. This year we have met our Boyfriend (for lack of better descriptive label) and are very happy in our FMF poly family!! We will probably try to have our second child next year sometime and feel that the surplus of love in our household will only be a plus to our childrens growth and development into open minded, kind individuals who arent afraid to be themselves! :)
I look forward to talking to you all more!!

Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2009

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Yes, I agree that its better not to let the children know about those that drift in and out, but they need to be told about serious relationships.

I don't know what I would say to your daughter -- my five year old has been exposed to various gay people since she was a baby (her godfather is gay and so is my sister). she came home from school one day when she was about four and said that women must marry men. we explained to her that that was not necessarily the case and that her godfather likes me. she immediately burst into tears and ran to her room and refused to talk about it. but now she has accepted it and its not even a topic of conversation anymore (except very occasionally).

if I were you, i would just leave it for now. if you become involved with a woman, and it gets serious, then introduce her - at first with no fanfare about it being your girlfriend. then let your daughter get to know her a little and then explain that she's your girlfriend once she already likes her.

mind you, my sister was previously involved with a woman with two kids, and the older one was about 12 when they got involved with each other. the older one never accepted her mother's relationship with my sister and didn't want any of her friends to know -- it was a source of embarrasment to her.

so, yes, it can be very tricky -- but i doubt that attitude will persist into adulthood -- i think it's a matter of exposure to other gay people and realising they're just human beings, like anyone else...!

Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2009

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That is a tough one! Even tho I fell for someone else while in a monogamous marriage back in 2002 and my husband said he was ok with it from the beginning, I decided to forego a relationship with the other person because I wasn't 100% sure my husband would not be hurt. So now I am still in love with the other man, but we are just friends. Later I explored all sorts of different sexual relationships - swinging, FWB, fuckbuddies etc etc and decided I needed love to be in the equation and got together with my current lover.

I'm glad your husband finally accepted it. I've been with my husband for 14 years and with my lover for 3 years...

Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2009

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What made you decide to switch back to poly? Have you spoken to your children about it, or is it hidden from them? If you spoke to them about it, how did they react?

Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2009

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Hi Christine
Welcome to this very small group ;) Hopefully we will find others. I will find out in another group of group admins if there's any way to add search terms ... or maybe I should see if I can change the group name to 'Polyamory and parenting'?

Would you like to tell us about your family situation and the age(s) of your child(ren)?

[deleted account]

Hello All who join. I agree with Rebecca. It will be nice if we aren't alone in this application. I would also love to meet some other Poly mom's/families out there and discuss the different and unique challenges that arise in our lives.



I live in Toronto, Ontario. I have a husband, and I am the top of a triad with a married couple. I also have a long distance boyfriend that lives in the Sault. I have one child, a daughter who is a very very mature 9 year old. (Her father and I are no longer together - we were monogamous for almost 8 years).



Our lives are different than most. My daughter knows about our lifstyle at her own level, and we live out in the open.



I look forward to talking with new people. Welcome all.



 



 

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