Another (yeah, yeah) potty thread...

Johnny - posted on 08/09/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I am sorry. I swore I'd never start one of these. They're evil. But I've never seen this question asked so now I've got to do it. I'm a bit stuck.

Michaela loves to sit on the potty. When we first started the training, she almost always went every time and it was great. To get her to sit still, I either sang the poo song (Skinnamarink, you go poo) or read her a book. Now, potty time is all about her book or her song. She doesn't bother doing her do do anymore. She just goes in the diaper! Ack!

And I can't stop the song or the book because it will just cause a ruckus and then nothing will happen. Gran & Grandpa have the "musical potty" at their house so she goes on it to hear the music play. But I really really really don't want to have to invest in yet another potty. Help!

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Jaime - posted on 08/12/2010

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lmao...nah, not disturbing Carol. Funny as hell, but not disturbing.



I've heard countless stories either through talking or reading about moms that have taken their kids in the stall with them to a public washroom and the kids will stand there and clap and cheer and narrate what mommy is doing "good girl mommy go pee pee"..."ooh, mommy stinky poo"..."yay, mommy big girl go pee"....something along those mortifying lines.



So, I will say tread lightly my friends, for this could be you one day...stuck in a mall washroom while your child cheers you on as you do your business and others get a good ol' chuckle out of it.

Jaime - posted on 08/10/2010

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I think this is a classic case of the 'reward' backfiring. I'm not suggesting that your methods are flawed...because I have heard many success stories...but it's possible that the rewards are now becoming more of a deterrent than just being consistent and patient. Maybe try easing up on the potty routine and try again in a few days time with a whole different approach. Or gradually decrease the reward (song, stickers) or nix them altogether and just tough out the tantrum.

I'm not in this spot yet with Gray, but with the three-year-old I babysit I bought the kandoo frog soap (it has a cool dispenser) and he seemed excited to be able to wash his hands after he had peed or pooped. Maybe change up the reward and see if that helps?

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Johnny - posted on 08/12/2010

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Hmm.. Meghan, you just gave me an idea. Obviously, like most moms I can never pee alone. Perhaps next time she's in the can with me, I'll do that when I pee. Sort of draw her attention to what I'm doing. "Look sweetie, look! Mommy's going pee!!"

Meghan - posted on 08/12/2010

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J wants me sit and watch LOL...freakin kid. LOL I can't stop laughing now..he started holding is hand up and saying "wait for it mommy..wait for it"

Johnny - posted on 08/11/2010

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That's a great idea Dana! And it could be really useful when she's older...hehehe (evil laugh!)

[deleted account]

While Roxanne is sitting reading a book on the potty I'm usually hidden around the corner video taping her. Outta sight, outta mind....but CUTE memories!

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I also think that the idea of being less present is great. I think kids need more privacy as they grow older and potty time is part of it. I will keep that in mind when it's time for my DS to be potty trained.

Jaime - posted on 08/11/2010

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"I'm starting to think that I may just try not to be too "present" during potty time. Maybe if I help her get on the toilet, hand a book, and get busy doing something else, she won't feel so much pressure to "perform"."

This is an awesome idea. And I'm going to try it once Gray begins to train and is able to sit and stay on the potty. I know I have many months before that happens, but we'll get there. He's almost 18 months and I figure that I will begin to really encourage the potty once we hit that mark. He's been sitting on it more and more when I'm in the washroom, so I think he's cluing in.

I too am going to adopt your method of just focusing on the new successes. I'm really working on not saying "good job" and I am getting better at catching myself, but like you, having others around Gray that are praise junkies makes it rather difficult.

[deleted account]

Haha! Funny story....Chad, Roxanne and I were watching home videos of the past year of Roxanne's life and we were both ASTOUNDED at the number of times we just said, "good job"....ACK! We've made a pact to only focus on the new successes as well, Carol. I love self reflection. lmao.

Everytime Roxanne does something so simple she'll scream, "I DID IT!" and although it's super cute, I don't want her to continually expect praise for simple, self rewarding accomplishments.

Thanks ladies.

Johnny - posted on 08/11/2010

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I completely agree with you Jaime. I've been working really hard on stopping myself from getting into that endless praise cycle. I set a goal for myself to simply respond positively to new successes (and only new ones) with the phrase, "yes, that's how you do it". It's a struggle, I catch myself slipping up all the time. And it doesn't help that her grandparents, who look after her 2 -3 days a week are praise junkies. My dad has agreed to try things my way, he agrees with the concept. But my mother is convinced that unless we praise her profusely for everything from smiling to picking up her toys, she is going to have low self-esteem.

I'm starting to think that I may just try not to be too "present" during potty time. Maybe if I help her get on the toilet, hand a book, and get busy doing something else, she won't feel so much pressure to "perform".

Of course, if I don't give out the stickers when she succeeds, what am I going to do with all of those stickers?!? lol

Jaime - posted on 08/11/2010

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I completely understand having a child that does not sit still EVER! Gray is the exact same way. Doesn't sit still in the car seat, to get his diaper changed, to have a bath, to get dressed, to eat his meals...GAH!



When I was referring to the book, songs and stickers all as rewards, I was including the material AND the verbal together. We've had discussions before about the overuse of things like "good job" or "you're so smart" and how these phrases, although they aren't intended to deter our children or intimidate them, can often lead to either a sense of entitlement OR extreme pressure to succeed when they are older.



Having said that, I'm not suggesting that by singing to your child or letting her have a book that you are damaging her...I just think that maybe she's the type of kid that might be adversely affected by the rewards and might do better with just the routine of it as you said. I've tried to eliminate a lot of the 'rewards' with Gray both material and verbal to see if it helps his understanding of situations better. So far I'm failing because it's such a habit to say "good job" or clap ridiculously every time he picks up a block and puts it in the toy box.



I hope that makes sense.

Johnny - posted on 08/10/2010

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I've never really used the story/songs as a reward, but more as a way to get her to sit still. Michaela does NOT sit still ever unless she has a book on her lap (or she's strapped into her car seat). She does not even lie still when she's sleeping. So for her to sit on the potty, without falling off, a book is almost a requirement. Otherwise, she'll just squirm too much to even go. I have done the sticker thing as a reward, and it did work. She knows that she gets the sticker if she pees or poos, and there has never been a problem with that, no tantrums when she didn't get them. Perhaps she doesn't care about the stickers that much, so she doesn't see the need to seek the reward... hmm... She loves moving her step stool to the sink to wash her hands, doing the hand washing, and putting the potty seat away. It's like she likes the potty ritual, but doesn't understand the purpose.

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We have the singing potty and it's become useless. She knows how to push down in the right spot to make it sing so she often just wants to play with it! ACK!

Sounds like you guys are in the same boat as us. Roxanne used to go frequently and I THOUGHT we were making progress but she's since regressed. I'm not sure why? We tried the sticker chart but then she would just sit on her potty to get a sticker and when I wouldn't give her one because she didn't actually go pee or poop, she would throw a huge tantrum. Needlessly to say, we nixed that idea.

I wish I could be of more help but the only advice I can give you is to just be patient. I've backed off completely because I noticed even my encouragment was causing her to get upset. I didn't want to traumatize her. (NOT saying that's what you're doing) I've decided for myself that I'm just going to give it a bit more time and since I've backed off she's used her potty 3 times....pee twice and pooped once on HER time and HER say so. So, ya....that's where we're at.

Let me know how it goes or if you figure out some miracle solution...lmao!

[deleted account]

I'm not quite there yet with Shawn but I would say that maybe telling her that she gets the story or song AFTER she does what she needs to do would help? Explain to her that she seems to not pay attention to what she is on the potty for and that in that case we will do it a bit differently now. Maybe she will pay more attention.

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