Are you a Brain Rules parent? Take this quiz!

Liz - posted on 06/27/2011

JuLeah, I think you were the person who posted that they liked the book The Gift of Fear.

So you probably know that Gavin de Becker had an extremely abusive mother, and he ran away from home (and took his younger sister) when he was (I think) 12 years old. The singer Rosemary Clooney took him in.

He said in The Gift of Fear that he thinks children from violent backgrounds need someone, anyone to show them that someone cares about them by the time they're 14 or they're lost.

Well, your daughter has had you all her life! Think how blessed she is in that way.

Jaime - posted on 06/27/2011

I can't imagine what you have had to go through, JuLeah but I'm glad your daughter has you ♥

Chatty - posted on 06/27/2011

:(

((((((JuLeah))))) That makes me sad.

JuLeah - posted on 06/27/2011

I didn't do well on the TV question. I said an hour. I felt bad on some of the questions about parents' fighting and kids feeling safe/learning better.

My daughter spent her first few years in domestic violence ... well, she is still there part time. Feeling of safety ... not so much.... nightmares, upset stomach, headache, OCD symptoms .... she has sooo much stress in her life and I know the damage that does .... anyway, reading that was upsetting and now I am rambling a bit, sorry .... it is just that when you leave a DV situation everyone thinks it's over, you got out, your done, never look back .... but if you have a kid with this person .... you never get out

Jaime - posted on 06/26/2011

Awesome information Kelly, thanks! And what you're saying makes so much sense. I scored a 10 on this quiz so I definitely need to redirect my own focus to make sure that Gray is getting what he needs :)

Chatty - posted on 06/25/2011

Liz, thanks for this thread. It's been REALLY eye opening for me. Pretty much overnight, I've changed A LOT of things....the tv being the biggest issue for me. Roxanne has been having mini meltdowns lately and this quiz reiterated about using empathy, which had become very difficult in the moment with her.

♥

Liz - posted on 06/25/2011

Well, I had been interested in this book for a while -- then I finally ordered it the other day.



But I never took the quiz properly. I just went to the end and read the answers. *blush*



Some of them I already had some idea about from other parenting science articles I had read, like the questions about fetus/newborn development, praise, and empathy. And I knew from personal experience and from CoM what the answers to the marital problem questions were. ;)



The other questions... not so much.

Riana - posted on 06/25/2011

yikes! I scored 14 :-( not my proudest moment either (big hug Dana) but very interesting, thanks Liz (btw you never mentioned your score)

Also had the TV one wrong, plus question 2 were feeling safe is the most important factor in learing, do you think I can print it in big bold letters and stick it up on the schoold notice board!

Liz - posted on 06/24/2011

Here's a wonderful, wonderful blog with lots of great ideas for games/crafts:



http://playathomemom3.blogspot.com/



My son is too young for most of it -- except yogurt painting -- but I enjoy reading this blog and imagining the future. We have long winters here.

Chatty - posted on 06/24/2011

VERY "helpful", Kelly. I'm glad I'm making the necessary changes now.

Kelly - posted on 06/24/2011

I was in the 13-17 range....barely. I don't remember my exact score because I got distracted before I could post :P (I can elaborate on the TV thing too, but I'll do that below.)
There were several questions that I had no idea how to answer--like the one about expressing empathy. Even though I took a shot in the dark on paper, I marked them wrong for myself because I knew I didn't really know how to answer and just "got lucky" so to speak. I also marked myself wrong on the tantrum one--I KNEW the correct answer was to empathize with the tot, but I also knew that *I* would never think to say those things during the situation and would resort to reasoning with him...or trying to anyway.

TV
One of the reasons TV is said to "poison attention spans" is that it literally weakens the chemical and electrical connections in our brain that allow us to guide our own thoughts. It is not just that time spent watching TV is time that could be spent more productively, the TV is actually damaging.
In simple terms, it works something like this. It takes effort to make our brains think about certain things....we don't usually notice it, but if you try it, you can see it--try to complete a tedious process without letting your mind wonder, like a page full of mathematics, or compose a factual paper.
TV "guides" our mind completely--it does not only give us all of the factual content (dialog and images) but it also pulls us along in a direction we have no control over. In a book, for instance, we are given a chance to form our own predictions about what will happen next--we don't turn the page until we are ready, and we often (though you don't notice unless you are looking for it) stop and think about what we are reading and where it could be going, how it applies to our own life experiences--yes, even with fiction! That process strengthens our ability to focus and guide our own thoughts.

Another way that TV affects attention span is that it is incredibly compressed. Consider a 30 minute sitcom. Most cover at least one full day, condensed down to less than 20 minutes once commercial time is removed. Second, commercials force our minds to remove themselves from the content at hand, focus on something entirely unrelated for 30 seconds, switch to something else, often 5+ times during a standard break before returning to the show at hand. Over time, the brain is less and less able to focus on a single subject for extended periods of time.

I could also go into great depth about chemical and electrical reactions the brain has to the flickering light and unconnected sounds of the TV (which is why I am ADAMANTLY OPPOSED to leaving the TV on as background noise), but it is very technical and I'm tired, but if anyone is interested, I can pull out some research tomorrow and post links.

Jaime - posted on 06/24/2011

Um Lissa...I think I love you! Your ideas are fantastic...I'm seriously writing them down because I have two very active boys (one is my nephew) and I will need some interactive, energetic games for them to play :)

Also I think you and I are on the same page about t.v. The lack of focus ties into decreased face-time and social, human interaction so that when kids get to school and have to interact with peers they just don't know how to. I think it's a really eye-opening perspective about t.v. and it has certainly made me think about how much I let Gray watch.

Chatty - posted on 06/24/2011

Haha! Can't wait to try the blanket game. Right now Roxanne is a HUGE fan of peek-a-boo or hide and seek. She's actually pretty good at finding hiding places.

Lissa - posted on 06/24/2011

If anyone is interested in things to do a popular game in this house is hiding things under the blanket. It's interactive fun and gives your little one a turn to be in charge. Get a blanket and ask your little one to get some things which they hide under the blanket. You then have to guess whats under there by touch. Then swap you hide things and see if they can guess.

Papier Mache always messy and can be a project that lasts for days.

Taking turns in pretending to be an animal with the other person guessing which animal you are.

Make a giant dice out of a box paper and colour it, each person rolls the dice and the person next to them has to make something up for them to do that many times, star jumps, that many red things etc. Lots of fun active and gets them thinking.



Just thought I'd throw in a few fun suggestions then thought hell you guys probably don't need them!

Lissa - posted on 06/24/2011

There is something I wonder about the TV thing and I really hope I don't get shot down for being horribly un PC. Is it that children who's parents let them watch a lot of TV are less likely to give them lots of interactive time. Not really knowing how to interact with your child so they get cranky, TV keeps them happy. After one of my children I was given a book on how to play with them. It seriously included instructions on peek-a-boo, suggestions like playing with bubbles and singing nursery rhymes. There really are people out there who don't know how to do these things.

I would be very interested in a study concerning TV which looks at the effects on children who have lots of interactive face time, reading and pro active parents. I wonder if the results would be different.

Jaime - posted on 06/24/2011

I am starting to compile some craft ideas for rainy days like this one so that the t.v. is not the only go-to. It's difficult to break the habit of t.v. because it is such a quick and convenient 'fix' for boredom. Given this new info however, I am going to make a true effort to limit Gray's t.v. as well.

Chatty - posted on 06/24/2011

Ya, I'm not letting her watch more than 2 half hour shows a day. One in the morning, and another one in the afternoon. I've been meaning to restrict her access before now but I've been lazy about it. NOT anymore. NO more tv, for either of us. Gah!

Jaime - posted on 06/24/2011

Dana, the t.v. requires no concentration at all. In fact it is probably the antithesis of focus because there is no brain work involved in committing the pictures on the screen to memory. There's no need for imagination because the picture has been created for you. So when they say it "poisons attention spans" it is perhaps to point out the fact that children can develop poor focus as a result of too much exposure to t.v. and that leads into learning difficulties which affects emotions and so forth. It's amazing how much our outer environment affects our physical person. I don't think that anyone here is striving to poison their child's focus, but given this new info it definitely gives a whole new perspective on where the root to some behavioural issues might begin.

Liz - posted on 06/24/2011

I'll post more when I get to that chapter in the book...

Chatty - posted on 06/23/2011

That's a good question, Liz.

"Is TV itself harmful, or the fact that every hour watching TV is one hour not learning/exploring face-to-face?"

I'm not sure, but I'm really interested to know what they mean by, "TV also poisons attentions spans and the ability to focus....."? Poisons? Care to elaborate anyone. I want to know exactly how it poisons their attention spans.

"So, a preschooler who watched three hours of TV per day was 30 percent more likely to have attentional problems than a child who watched no TV."

I'm really curious about how they come to that conclusion.

Liz - posted on 06/23/2011

I just got the audio version of this book. Something to do when my son won't nap by himself...

Fascinating stuff -- some of it very surprising.

Dana, I wonder about TV too. Is TV itself harmful, or the fact that every hour watching TV is one hour not learning/exploring face-to-face?

I have this inexplicable compulsion to buy Tommy high-tech toys when I see them at the store. I have to make a conscious effort NOT to buy them.

Chatty - posted on 06/23/2011

What an AWESOME and enlightening quiz, Liz. I'm REALLY embarrassed to admit that I only got 10 out of 20. ACK! 50% and I'm the admin of this community. WOW! Not my proudest moment, BUT I will say that I learned a lot, and there were some that I was torn on but if I'm being completely honest, my first thought was wrong.

I wanted to comment on question # 15. I had a question but now I can't remember it. Oh ya, it was the one about tv. I am SHOCKED to read about them being more likely to bully, and that it lessens their attention spans as they age. WOW! Roxanne is NEVER watching tv again. Seriously. I'm feeling REALLY guilty right now.

:( I need a hug. I'm off to sulk and make a list of some serious changes I need to make. Gah.

Jenni - posted on 06/23/2011

16! I got the tv one wrong (I said an hour)
The one on when kids stop asking questions in school (I said never)
The one on best chance of happiness (I said living according to their own morals and values)
Oh and what perdicts how well your child will turn out (I said a loving home)

Good quiz, thanks Liz. :)