Daycare...help!

Nicole - posted on 09/15/2010

Just read your comment.
Don't panic over your son not eating. He's still learning to cope with the big changes to his routine and you being at work.
They other alternative is pre mixing the bottles for his day and sending them with him and see if that helps.
The fact the husband only makes comments to you and not your husband implies he really is an ass and is just trying to goad you into a confrontation. I reiterate ignoring him and not wasting your time on his stupidity.

Nicole - posted on 09/15/2010

Get your self on a waiting list. Keep looking for somewhere else to take your son. As he gets older things will open up because infant spots are far and few between. You may find as he he gets to be 15-18 months of age that there are more spots available. And you would be surprised how a 2 year waiting list can drop to 6 months or less when spots come available and they call people and they have found care else where. Rarely do parents ever call a center to tell them to take them off a waiting list.

I do home child care. My gut reaction is for you to remove your son. Obviously you don't have the luxury of doing so.
Why is this my reaction?
I think the wife as, soft and nice as she is and likely very good with the children is not addressing her issues with your son and having her husband do it for her.
I have watched many a couple do this behaviour with regards to conflict within circles of friends.
Also he's not been there very long, he's never been to day care, and he's 10 months old. He should not be expected to be following the routine and settling on his own for at least 4-8 weeks depending on his stubbornness for change.

Also, in my opinion, when cleaning is being done, one of them should be in with the children. They should be taking turns with the cleaning. This is how it works in a center. And as someone who does home day care on my own with 5 kids of which one is my own, it's not that difficult or expensive to child proof one's kitchen. I have what feels like a million magnets on my fridge to keep the crew occupied while I clean or make lunch etc. If I am doing something with the stove, then I may corral everyone into the play area, but then I generally put in a video as a distraction and since they don't get to watch tv often here they get excited by the "treat"
I get that they don't want all 9 children in there with them, but there is no reason it can't be child proofed and made so that those who need to be around people more can be there, but kept busy and out of the way. They should be the ones adapting here, not the kids. 9 children in a play room unattended... doesn't sit right with me. Even when I am working in the kitchen which is directly attached to my living room/dining room I am constantly going in and out. My lunch making process is very much put out all the bread for sandwiches, go check the kids, lay out the meat/peanut butter on the sandwiches, go check on the kids etc. If I end up with the whole group in the kitchen they all have been taught to stick to the fridge area. When the youngest one was your son's age I would pop him into the high chair with some toys while the older ones played with magnets. As they get older I got them involved with helping getting things in and out of the fridge and setting the table etc.
As to your son throwing temper tantrums. It will happen. And in this case he has probably learned it from another kid (don't you wish they would only pick up the good habits?) and it got the attention he was looking for even if it was negative. Kids are funny that way. They'll take attention of any kind.

But yes your feelings about the husband being an idiot are not unfounded. His expectations of a 10 month old are not realistic either.

Should you say something? No, because he will take it to a heated discussion. He's already demonstrated with his comments that he is an arrogant ass. Ignore him. If he seems determined to engage you, make non committing agreeable noises and change the subject. If he seems really determined politely tell him that you will discuss your child's actions with (insert wife's name) since she is his primary caregiver. Keep it polite and simple. Give him no room to engage you in battle of stupids with regards to his messed view of how young children should behave.

I hope he smartens up or that you are able to find care else where sooner.

Good luck!

Cynthia - posted on 09/14/2010

Unfortunately, I can't pull him out now because I don't really have a support system where we live. Both our families live hours away and our friends work as well. My hubby has picked up our son the past 2 days and the husband hasn't said anything to him. I'll be picking him up today so I'm hoping for a positive experience when I do.

On a side note, for the past week my son has been refusing the bottle at daycare. The wife has tried feeding him at different times and putting it in a sippy cup but for some reason my son is refusing it; not good. I brought a fast nipple for her to try today and hopefully that works, we shall see. If it doesn't I don't know what to do. Maybe it's the way she's mixing the formula? I guess I could try pre-making the formula for her and see if that makes a difference. My son has NEVER refused the bottle before he's an eating machine! He does eats his lunch with no problems and will only drink water all day. Any suggestions?

JuLeah - posted on 09/13/2010

He sounds like a bully. Based on what you said, I'd have concerns leaving my child there. It doesn't even sound like he treats his wife well.
Maybe drop in from time to time during the day and see how things are going?
It doesn't sound like he has a lot of skill dealing with small children. I wouldn't trust him with a toddler or a baby.
This is a tough one ..... I'd say pull him out if you can. Find a friend/family member to watch him?

Danielle - posted on 09/13/2010

Whoa!
That sounds like an intense situation.
Maybe pull the wife aside and explain to her that you would prefer to talk to her specifically about your child's day. Being that he is not responsible for his age group that if there were any concerns that you would prefer the main caregiver to confront you with them, and do not appreciate his inappropriate, unprofessional remarks.
I would start looking around and maybe getting your name on some of those waiting lists. Also you could probably check some adds in the paper, or internet for qualified day-homes.
I would personally look for one with less children. How can you know or trust that your child is getting the attention required especially when he is still at such a young age.