" Do as I say, NOT as I do! ".....

Kelly - posted on 05/19/2010

Ha! Here's a funny story for you. I promised myself I would NEVER EVER use that phrase on Jake--and until today, I've been successful :S
I caught my son climbing on the kitchen counters two days ago (he was trying to get a bowl to put cereal in while I was in the shower--He is 5, so he's really into trying to be independent right now). Obviously, I got him off and told him he should never do that, it's dangerous, all that good stuff--I even found pics of my hubby after he cracked his head open falling from the kitchen counter as a child.
Today, I couldn't find the step ladder I use to reach the top of my cabinets and I needed some things from up there so I lifted myself up on the counter and stood up (I'm small, but we also have high ceiling in the kitchen). Just then Jake walks in and yells "Mommy NO!! Dangerous!!" and that's when it slipped out: "Mommies can do things kids can't, just do what I say, and don't worry about what I do."
On the plus side, he remembered the talk from two days ago....

Amy - posted on 05/18/2010

I agree with you Dana. I think that as we have learned more in recent years about child development and how modeling is the most important way that children learn, that the "DO AS I SAY' model has become outdated. I believe our parents, grandparents, etc used it and unfortunately, we learn from what we see. Now we all know that children are going to learn from what they see, not from what they hear. I just don't think people from past generations really knew as much as we do now. You would think they would know better, but we have come soooo far in what we know is appropriate for children and what is not. The part of why I believe people still use it is because they also just don't know any better. There are many, many parents out there who do not know even the first clue about how children develop and learn. They are parenting in the only way the know how, which is how they were raised, wether it be good or bad. The key is education for parents. Reaching those parents who are not aware of proper techniques and brain development. It is a hard job, but there are more and more early childhood groups and advocacy campaignes out there that are trying to spread the word. Public awareness really needs to increase so we can do away with these "old" ways of parenting.

Meghan - posted on 05/15/2010

I heard this quite a bit growing up lol! I agree that it is crap but I have said it to J :S but only with things like climbing on the fireplace to dust or throwing all the laundry down the stairs to be washed.

I totally agree that we have to model good behavior! But I think that in a way it is good for our children to see that we to ARE human and we goof up as well.

I don't know that I would ever say this to him in a serious way and just leave it at that with no explanation but there are some things that I feel it could be used for- but basically I think there may be a nicer way to say it-if mommy jumped off a bridge would you do it to?? lol

Amie - posted on 05/15/2010

Nikki! Just DON'T tell her until she's an adult. =S That's what my parents did for that aspect. My GOD the stories I heard. I thought I was a pretty bad teen, I was nothing compared to them. LOL! I really wasn't. =S

Amie - posted on 05/15/2010

LOL! I just posted to this in DM. I'll copy and paste my answer from there.

I think it's BS. For everything. My parents never used that exact phrase much. Other than in a joking manner. It still didn't matter.

Modeling behavior works much better than dictating to a child, especially older children. /:) It's always harder when they can point out the flaws in your reasoning or turn it back around on you.

Nikki - posted on 05/15/2010

Ha ha I love this saying it's so crap! What a power trip hey! I will not use it when Isobel grows up, because I think it is double standards.

I agree role modelling appropriate behaviours is so important, the only area where I think I will have to be careful with this in regards to Isobel is my diet, I am not exactly a poster girl for healthy, so I have to get my butt into gear so that I can be a positive role model for my daughter.

The only other clause to this rule would be do as I say not as I did when I was younger, as far as partying and drugs go, I don't want Isobel leading the same lifestyle I did when I was younger. Still not sure that I will ever tell her most of it, because although I put myself in some very risky situations, nothing much bad ever happened from it, so I don't want her thinking that everyone is as lucky as me to come out of such craziness unscathed.

Sorry, do you want me just to disagree with you so you can argue with me?? he he