Charlie - posted on 04/22/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )
I thought it might be interesting to share our own methods of discipline and beliefs we have about raising children , i think we can all learn from each other by sharing .
Well i guess the desire for me personally to not use aggressive forms of discipline came from the fact i was brought up in a spanking/smacking household , i remember clearly feeling scared `and at times unloved I actually remember thinking as a very young child " i thought my mum loved me why is she hurting me ? " it took a long time before i could trust my mother again , literally 18 years .
These are feelings i would never want my children to feel towards me and those emotions are the core of my beliefs .
I believe a good child / parent relationship should be based on respect NOT fear , i believe the basis of ANY relationship is good communication and that should be taught from birth .
My discipline methods are based on those main ideas .
I think a lot of parents confuse learning and exploration in young children for being "naughty " its incredibly frustrating for me to see and hear of children being smacked for " touching things " .
I use somewhat of a formula at his young age to explain actions and consequences for example :
I explain action : when you throw a toy at me
My feelings : it makes me feel sad
Consequence : im going to put this toy away
I always show the emotion on my face and tone of my voice , i think this is important for children to learn each emotion and to be able to distinguish between them , being able to correctly recognize each emotion is the building blocks to an empathetic child .
Another strategy i use is to NEVER call my child naughty or bad , while i make sure he knows everyday that he is loved when he does act out i make sure he knows it is his behavior and not him as a person that is inappropriate .
For example i might say , Cooper i love you but your behavior is unacceptable / naughty / bad .
I think that constantly telling a child that THEY are naughty and not their behavior is really just setting them up to fulfill the prophecy .
I reward his good behavior and ignore the attention seeking behavior .
For example when he went through his hitting stage i would place him down on the floor and ignore him afterward we would play together where i would teach him " gentle" and show him how to pat , now that he gets lots of positive attention when he pats he is more inclined to do so and rarely hits anymore much to the enjoyment of our dog who relishes pats from Cooper .
To me communication is KEY , i think of myself as a leader not a dictator , i think of my child as my responsibility and NOT my possession .
What are the methods you use in your home and the beliefs on which they are based ?