Monumental Tantrums

Brandy - posted on 11/07/2010

im not even going to read the other posts so sorry if i repeat anything. but i think you should definitely let her throw her tantrum without your presence. thats why shes throwing the tantrum to begin with, to get a reaction from you, and as you can see when you walked away she stopped. keep up the good work!

Melissa - posted on 10/27/2010

So glad I'm not alone! My son starting throwing tantrums and hitting me if I pick him up. I will try ignoring him them explaining w do not hit and it hurts Mommy. I know he throws them because he's frustrated and can't communicate with me. It is so awful! I've tried patting him, not picking him up, and telling him it is going to be ok, but he just goes and goes. He had one for 20 minutes the other night before bed time (over-tired much?). Glad to have my mom's!

Madelaine - posted on 10/16/2010

I cant help you constructively. You know it takes two people and nappy-pants to change Stanley. He's not throwing a tantrum though, he just doesnt want to lie down.

Stanley pitches tanties when you take something off him, take him off rides before he is ready, is tired, hungry, etc etc. I laugh. I find it amusing. I dont give in, i just go on with our day and he snaps out of it or is distracted.

I know it can be incredibly frustrating when someone laughs at you when you cant seem to explain yourself or make yourself understood, so i need to not laugh at Stan when he is trying to make a point. But i just cant take a tantrum seriously, i mean, hes just so cute there on the floor wailing plaintively and looking so small!

So Ava is throwing tantrums....you KNOW what to do, you just need to follow your instincts.

Karen - posted on 10/12/2010

I think full-blown tantrums are really scary for kids. They are completely overwhelmed by their emotions and don't have an acceptable way of dealing with them and so they just freak completely out. Keeping this in mind, I always stay near my daughter (not necessarily touching her - it depends) and make sure she knows I'm there to help her calm down when she's ready. Doing this has helped tantrums end sooner and better. It also provides a really natural time for us to talk about what just happened and gives me insight on how to avoid it next time.

Becky - posted on 10/11/2010

All children are different. I have one son who, when he is very upset, holding him calms him down and makes him feel better. My other son, sometimes holding works, sometimes it pisses him off more. If I try to hold him and he starts trying to get loose or crying harder, I just let him be. If she doesn't like to be held through it, by all means just let her work it out on her own.

Nikki - posted on 10/10/2010

*I haven't read the other posts.

I think your doing the right thing Jess, I always believe it's better to ignore negative behaviour, from a very early age.

Riana - posted on 10/07/2010

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn was that being a perfect mom will not give you a perfect child :-) Being a positive mom is not about having a perfect child it is about creating an environment and relationship with your child where when things go wrong (and trust me they will) you can find effective and lasting solutions :-)

Your newborn is now a toddler, she is just as sweet but testing her limits as all children must.

Biting is wrong and will not be tolerated, if you bite then nobody wants to be your friend and you'll end up sitting in the corner on your own. However if you choose to be your wonderful sweet self then you get lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles. Choice is yours.

Think of it this way, her world is getting bigger and instead of asking "Mommy is it ok for me to bite?" she uses the action because she does not have the vocabulary, but it is the same question and should get the same answer.

That is why toddlers are so wonderfully challenging because they have SOOOO many questions and they ask all of them through actions LOL

Give her a hug from me and good luck! ;-)

Jess - posted on 10/07/2010

She has now started biting ! She bite a child at day care so hard she drew blood yesterday. I was mortified, I rang the centre and apologised, she actually bite the group leaders daughter. Where did my sweet newborn go ?

Meghan - posted on 10/07/2010

J does the same thing sometimes. After they have used the potty once, it seems like they get a lot more confidence...maybe try big girl underwear or pull ups with her fav character on it to avoid a mess?

Erin - posted on 10/06/2010

Definitely walk away. Milla's tantrums started at around the same age. If I saw one coming I would try and distract her with a toy or song, but once she got going I would put her down and walk away. They were brutal (still are lol) but very brief.

Candace - posted on 10/06/2010

My son does the same thing with diaper changes. I think he just really hates being still now that he has some independence and can get into things. I've perfected standing diaper changes. I have him hold onto the rail of his crib and sort of wrap it around him. It's ridiculous. He also throws tantrums when we take things away he can't play with or when we come in from playing outside. At this age, I think they know what they want and don't really understand why it can't be that way despite my explanations. I will try to distract him with something else when the tantrum starts but it often doesn't work and I just let him throw a fit and ignore him until he calms down. It usually lasts less than a minute. Then we play a different game or have a snack or something. I think tantrums come with the territory.

Kate - posted on 10/06/2010

Yes! I agree you made a great choice. If you hold her you are acutally teaching her that you don't have faith that she can manage her own feelings. by walking away you are teaching her that you will not accept that behaviour, and you reward her with your attention again when she is doing the right thing.

Probably worth being careful about how much you talk to her about it, modern parents seem to get into a pattern of explaining things to kids, which in theory sounds good - but sometimes we can over explain things! Sometimes no means no... and that's it. As the parent you don't have to explain yourself, and as an adult you don't always get an explanation from other people about why they have done something. If you teach her that she will always get things explained to her, she will grown up thinking that's the way life is. Sometimes she just needs to learn to do what she's told!
I'd keep it simple afterwards - something like "thankyou for calming down, it's much easier for mummy when you listen."

great job!

Jess - posted on 10/05/2010

Thanks Riana, I'm hoping Ava figures it all out quickly too ! I think communication is huge so I always explain to her that I don't understand whats wrong. Its funny because she doesn't do that to her dad, but then again he only looks after her 1 day a week, whereas I have the rest of the time.

I was pleasantly surprised at how calm she was afterwards. She just let me put the nappy on without any hassle at all. I just felt weird about walking away while she had an emotional meltdown, every inch of me wanting to be their consoling her.

Riana - posted on 10/05/2010

In my opinion, yes - just let her be. It is impossible to hold her down or talk to her or try to make any sense out of the situation once it is out of hand. Walk away (if possible, obviously not an option if it happens in a public place) and come back when she is calmer.

But I would try to talk to her afterwards, maybe hold her if she cries, explain to her that you just can't understand what she is trying to tell you or help her when she screams and shouts. Also remember walking away should not mean that she is having her way, so as soon as she calms down she still has to put on the nappy but at least it can happen in a civilised way.

Annika was great she hardly ever had tantrums but Kobus was the worst! However he just grew out of it, as he got older and the tatrums stopped almost as suddenly as they had started. It was like he just sat there on day and thought to himself - you know what screaming doesn't get me anywhere - so hang in there it will blow over.