problem with my hardheaded child!

Sally - posted on 08/21/2010

Ummm, those vents are like $2. Buy one for her to play with. Or move one from another room for her to have while she is there. Its not rocket science.

Chatty - posted on 08/21/2010

I don't think Lacye is even part of this group anymore....perhaps we should lock this thread?

Mia - posted on 08/20/2010

okay so i dont know if lacye is going to read this but here's my take on it anyway lol...

i do think that 13 months is too young to have a toy taken away to teach them that you dont abuse others property. heck to teach them anything. and unless your consistent with this i dont think she would get it until shes older. and you would have spent one whole month (if not more) of implimenting that strategy when you could have not stressed about that and used that solution when she's a couple months older.



its easy to forget how young 13 months is. i dont think they can be self aware at that age (well not the average kid anyway).



i just say Lacye, keep doing what you are doing, you just have to be vigilant, shes at that young age when they are difficult and you just have to keep them out of danger because they will get hurt and dont understand this unless they actually get hurt (and even then some forget).

she will grow out of this stage. she will understand. it just takes perserverence to get through this particular age.

at this stage prevention is the cure. either remove the distraction or remove the child from the distraction, which is what you've been doing. just keep doing it. thats all you can do.

JuLeah - posted on 08/19/2010

Wow, your kid is smart!

13 months and she has this figured out. "How do I get Mommy to come back?"

Run the the vents :)

The vents have no interest for her beyond getting you to come back.

One day, when she is a known thoughtout the world for her contributions to science, you can tell this story.

Meanwhile .... play with her, and if you leave the room, take her with you. If you care fixing her food or something, ask her to help you. She can hold stuff, hand you stuff, play in a highchair as you put things in the oven.... it is you she wants, not the vents :)

Chatty - posted on 06/30/2010

Layce, you didn't "offend or disregard" any of our guidelines. We're not upset or offended BUT we just wanted to make it clear that in this community we DO NOT promote 'spanking' or 'smacking' as an effective form of discipline.

Jane said, "Some may suggest a little swat on her hand." BUT "SOME" is not us....that's all! We are not "SOME" people. I don't mind if you use spanking in your home, or if anyone does for that matter but in this community we ask that everyone refrains from promoting or suggesting 'spanking' as a viable option!

Thanks, we hope you decide to stay!

Jaime - posted on 06/30/2010

Lacye;

It's fully your choice to remain a part of this community or not. There is no offense being taken, simply a warning that we do not accept suggestions regarding physical punishment in PBS. I'm aware that Jane was voicing her opinion, but I'm a moderator for this group and as such I feel the need to remind everyone why this group exists. If you're having great difficulty right now with your child then I'm certain it is very frustrating. The very purpose of our community is to offer positive strategies, apart from physical reprimand. If the suggestions aren't working, it's not necessarily because they're ineffective, but more so perhaps because it will take time for your child to learn and comprehend. If you are not finding our community useful, perhaps you might try reading a few books on the subject of discipline to get a better idea of what it entails. I recommend anything by Barbara Colorosso. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Thank you for your contribution to our community.

Lacye - posted on 06/30/2010

then please lock this thread because apparently there is nothing more to be said. i tried the others' suggestions and as they didn't work either, she was giving her opinion. but don't worry. i won't be back in this group again. don't want to offend or disregard any of your guidelines. thank you all for your advice. i appreciate it.

Jaime - posted on 06/30/2010

To ALL PBS members; We sincerely value everyone's opinions and any suggestions regarding the OP's question, however; PBS does NOT accept any suggestions that promote physical reprimand of any kind. I just want to be clear that in this community it is not okay to ever suggest physical reprimand as a means of dealing with a difficult behavioural situation. Please keep this in mind for future posts in PBS. Again, we value each and every member but blatant disregard for our guidelines will result in threads being locked.

Thanks,
Jaime- PBS Moderator

Lacye - posted on 06/30/2010

thanks jane. but i tried swatting her hand. as i said, she's a very hard headed child.

Jane - posted on 06/29/2010

Oh dear Lacye.....this may deter her from wanting to play anymore....let's hope so eh....

However, something like that won't deter all children! If she carry's on playing with the vents, then I guess it's just back to being consistent and removing her.

Some may suggest a little swat on her hand (DON'T crucify me ladies - for some this IS an option that works well and it's a personal decision not intended to open smacking v non smacking debate, so please don't go there)

You can always try covering them over again and distraction, but I feel it's gonna be down to how much resolve YOU have and wether you can continue to be consistent with her.

Hope it works out for you.

Lacye - posted on 06/29/2010

ok. so i let her play with the vent covers and it broke and cut her finger. so i guess that solved the problem. no more vent covers. ty all for your advice

Riana - posted on 06/28/2010

Dana, I understand and agree that she is little but if she can put 1 and 1 together that everytime I want mommies attention, I just play with the vent and I get it? If she can understand that then she will also be able to understand that if I play with the vent I'll have to give up a toy. Don't underestimate children, they are a lot smarter than what we think

Jane - posted on 06/27/2010

Odd thought - but what about telling her today you are going to Aunties house and today we are going to play with the vents? You still remain in control, you are giving her permission this time. Even take her over and 'tell' her to play with them. I wouldn't necessarily interact with her tho at this point - make a point of talking with your aunt, fixing a snack or anything else. When she has finished go and really interact with her with what she is doing. If she plays with the vents walk away or ignore her - after all she has permission to play with them today! You may find this kinda reverse psychology works and isn't a problem from then on. Before this you couldn't ignore her behaviour as you had given her instruction not to play with them. Now you can ignore as you have given her permission! This may well take the 'fun' out, especially as she gets no positive re-inforcement from you!
Dunno - might be worth a try. Let us know what you try and how you get on tho!

Chatty - posted on 06/27/2010

Riana, it makes perfect sense BUT her daughter is only 13 months and while I think what you're saying would work with a toddler who's a little older, it might not translate to a child that young?!!

Riana - posted on 06/26/2010

First of all ask yourself why? Why is it that she can't play with the vents? Are they dangerous, are they breakable, is it disrepectfull because you are at someone else's house. Explain to yourself why EXACTLY you do not want her to play with the vents, then simplify the explanation and explain it to her.

Remember that the word "Don't" is like waving a red flag at a bull, the more you tell them not to do something the more they want to so yes simply letting her play with it will make it loose it's novelty but there is obviously a reason why she can't and as you have never explained the reason here I somehow think you might have also overlooked explaining the reason to her?

Then I differ from all the other moms once she know the reason why she can't play with the vent there should be a consequence is she then still does it preferably one that links up ie.

If she can't play with it because it is disrespectfull to your aunt and she understands that but still tries to play with it then take away her favourite toy until she can learn to respect other peoples things.

If she can't play with it beacause it is dangerous and she understands this but still tries then a more serious action is required and she has to be taken out of the situation and be put in her high chair or another room.

It is important that she understands the reason and the consequense beforehand, that way if she does try to play with it again you are not the one punishing her, she is the one punishing herself as she understood the consequenses of her actions.

Does any of that make sense?

Nikki - posted on 06/23/2010

I agree with Nicole, if possible let them explore, the more you try to get them to stay away from it the more they will want it. If it was something dangerous obviously you would need to persevere and find a solution, but I think pick your battles, otherwise everything can become a stress.

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2010

If they are fairly durable and your aunt is amicable to this suggestion, let her explore one thoroughly so that it looses its novelty.
Both my son and my friend's son had a fascination with the garbage can at that age and in the end I just empty it, cleaned it really well (one of those small round plastic cylinder types) and let them have it. Two days later they didn't give a hoot about it.

Otherwise put her in booster seat or what ever it is she sits in when she eats while you go to fix her something. Or a play pen if you have one there every time she goes for the vent and you are not readily present. Eventually she'll get tired of being confined for going near the offending vents.

Good luck!

Meghan - posted on 06/22/2010

Joshua used to do this too...he was obsessed. I moved tables over the vents and blocked them off. I know it is your aunts house but maybe you can slide a couch over or slide SOMETHING (small toy box, your diaper bag/purse) infront of it just for the time you are there and move it back before you go??

Lacye - posted on 06/22/2010

your advice is helpful jess but i tried to get her to help me but she wouldn't do it. i put pots and pans on the floor for her to play with while i was fixing her a sandwich one day and i went to the fridge to get the mayo and she was back at the vent. at the apartment where we live she doesn't do that. she doesn't try to get into things she doesn't need to be in. if i'm in the kitchen cooking she will be in the living room playing with her toys. it's only at my aunt's house that she does this.

Jess - posted on 06/22/2010

From what you have said, it sounds to me like perhaps your daughter isn't interested in playing with the vents, just using them as a means to get your attention. You mentioned that as soon as your not focusing on her she is straight to them.

I have found that when Im busy doing other stuff around my house my 10 month old is into everything she knows is off limits. I take this as her way of telling me the washing can wait and we need to play together !

Obviously this in't always possible, but rather than leaving her to get her some lunch, perhaps encourage her to come with you and encourage her to find things for you. For example "can you find mummy your special plate"... and have a plastic baby plate somewhere for her. And then, "can you find mummy your special cup", so on and so forth so that way she is occupied and you can get her lunch ready. If you keep her stuff in the same place so she knows where to get it from thats at her level. It won't take long before she gets into the swing of it !

With other jobs, get creative. Often there are lots of little things kids can do to help us ! With the laundry maybe she can hold the pegs, or pass you the clothes to be folded !

I think the key is to keep her engaged for the duration of your visit.

Good luck though !