Teaching the Meaning of the Word "No"

Petra - posted on 10/06/2010

Lol - I totally catch your drift, Meghan - its not that I don't think she's patient and gentle, because she is, its more that I tend to let him claw my face when he's tired and grab at my chest & neck skin... totally don't expect her to do this :-)

Meghan - posted on 10/05/2010

The only thing I want to add (cause I agree with the other ladies, and I am new to the day care thing too...) is that I WOULD expect a day care provider to be as patient if not MORE patient with grabby hands (and the face clawing :P)! 10 months old is just the beginning and if she/he can't handle that aspect, I would be concerned about the other milestones my child would reach while in their care!

Petra - posted on 10/05/2010

I have put a lot of this advice into motion - rather than just saying no and redirecting, I'm say "no _, Tor" and redirect and cheer him on (rather than just say yes or good, etc.) when he gets into something else. So far, grabby hands and face clawing are still prevalent, but its only been 2 days.

Thanks again, girls!

Riana - posted on 10/05/2010

Welcome Petra, good to have you here!

You girls have already pretty much summed it up. Kids are never to small to start teaching them the meaning of no and you can use is as many times as you would like on the condition that there is at least 5 yeses for every time you say no ;-)

Not sure if that makes any sense so will try again, for every time you make a negative comment you have to try and make at least 5 positive comments on your childs behaviour. Find things they do right and comment on it to keep the balance.

Positive reinforcement made simple LOL

Chatty - posted on 10/04/2010

*bows*

Petra - posted on 10/04/2010

Yeah, missed it the first read, then reread and had my "fuck, she's funny" moment. Props, dude :-)

Chatty - posted on 10/04/2010

Petra, THANK YOU for laughing at my joke. I was worried that it went over everyone's head.

Chatty - posted on 10/04/2010

Seriously, dude - what's your name? Even if it's a fake name, just gimme something other than "Gotsome" to call you....PLEASE?! lmao.

Gotsome - posted on 10/04/2010

Great question! Reading your posts have helped me too! I am in the same boat but with a 13 months old, so thanks to Petra for posting the Q & thanks to all of you for the great replys!

Chatty - posted on 10/03/2010

Yes, "no" needs to be followed by redirection. You're telling them "no" but then showing them what IS appropriate behaviour. If you just tell them "no" they can't possibly understand what you mean and it certainly doesn't help them learn what TO do.

Sarah - posted on 10/03/2010

my son is also 10 months old and already understands no. I say things like "no biting, no hitting, no touching" it took a little while but he caught on a lot more quickly when i started taking him away from the person he was biting or hitting or the object he was touching. now all i need to say is no (and whatever it is he's doing) and he stops. There are even objects (like tv remotes) he knows he's not allowed to touch and when he comes across them he will pass it to me. in turn i praise him by saying "good boy" and he enjoys this more than no and feels really pleased with himself. when he touches my hair instead of pulling it i say "good boy, gentle, mummy loves gentle boys" again he often responds with a big smile and gets really pleased with himself.

Charlie - posted on 10/02/2010

Dana and Karen have summed it up for me !

Chatty - posted on 10/02/2010

Roxanne turned JUST recently turned 2. Sept.11th....

Petra - posted on 10/02/2010

Yup, tone totally makes the difference between him smiling and looking at me with surprise. I don't yell, but I have a "serious" voice - the dog knows it well :-)

How old is Roxanne, Dana?

Chatty - posted on 10/02/2010

Yes, parenting is extremely redundant but it will work eventually.

I wanted to mention one more thing. I sometimes use, "NO" or "STOP" followed by a "1......2......2 1/2....3!" Even if Roxanne has ignored my first attempt to stop the behaviour she knows that I mean business when I start counting. Something to think about for the future. My raised firm tone while counting, so far, has always put an immediate stop to the bad behaviour.

Petra - posted on 10/02/2010

Thanks, girls - this is pretty much in line with what I've been doing, he just doesn't seem to be catching on yet in the sense that he actually stops doing what he's doing... repetition, repetition, repetition, right? Thanks :-)

Chatty - posted on 10/02/2010

Right from day one. The "concept" of no can be taught from a very early age. I don't use the actual word "NO!" very often....I reserve it for those rare extremely crucial situations so that Roxanne knows i mean business. So, in place of a swat on the hand when she was headed for a socket or the hot stove, I'd quickly snatch her up and firmly say, "NO TOUCH!". For other smaller infractions, I try to approach in a more positive way and by that I mean: when Roxanne was pushing buttons on the tv or dvd player, instead of telling her "no" I would redirect her and say, "let's go play with your blocks" ......if a child hears the word "no" too often it will become ineffective and you'll find yourself getting frustrated quickly.



I very much agree with what Karen said......the "no" should always be followed by something. You can't "JUST SAY NO!", despite what Nancy Reagan says. ;)

Karen - posted on 10/02/2010

Well I think a good place to start is by saying more words than just "no". I've noticed a lot of kids looking blankly at their parent who is yelling "no!" Kind of like "no what?, no standing here, no touching this, no pulling my friend's hair, no what??
I would take his hands gently in mine and look in calmly into his eyes and say "no grabbing my face please, it hurts. Hands are for gentle touching - like this" and then either show him how to touch gently, or gently touch his face.
Basically, I'm very clear with exactly what I'm saying no to, then I give a reason and follow up with what he/she CAN do.
Hope that helps.
(It would be important for the same types of words/reaction to be used and the day-home - otherwise it'll just be confusing)