Toddler woes

Stifler's - posted on 07/16/2011

Oh my dad just reckons Logan is moer in the "discovery " phase of "ooh this does this when I do this" rather than "this is fun to play with" and it comes off as boisterous.

Alison - posted on 07/16/2011

My daughter pulled her oxygen tube out in the NICU--I think twice. :O) I don't have good advice, but I needed the same advice as you so thanks for the post and hang in there.

Jenni - posted on 07/16/2011

It IS normal for many toddlers. They have no clue what the boundaries are in our adult world. And it's so tough at times, especially when you don't see any results from your disciplining. Or when you see other children who sail through the toddler years with only a handful of short-lived tantrums. You could have one child who learns lessons far more quickly than another. One child who is eager to please and one who craves more independence.



To me the toddler years have been about adjusting to my individual child's needs. Learning what works for them, what form of discipline suits them best, what drives them towards making positive choices. It's all about learning your child's individual personality and how best to guide and encourage aspects of their personality towards positive choices.



And example would be... with a generally spirited child or high energy... you're going to want to ensure they are kept busy doing positive activities.

My son is ultra sensitive and it took me some time to learn this about him because he doesn't outwardly show it and when he does it's in forms of aggression. Being overly critical (as I naturally am) was a huge deterent to positive behaviour. I had to learn to be more encouraging of PB's and less critical of NB's. Being overly critical was harmful to his fragile/insecure ego and only increased NBs. When I finally realized this, his behaviour improved 10 fold.

I still address his negative behaviours but I am far less chastising. I felt he wasn't listening to me, so I over compensated. It wasn't until his language skills improved that I realized how much he actually did understand.



He has always been a very negative child. As a baby he was very serious and often doom and gloom. (Reminds me of his dad lol). So by feeding into that negativity I was only perpetuating it. The more positive my attitude is, the more his is... the less negative behaviours he engages in. (As I'm sure is true for most toddlers).



Juleah's metaphor was steller. It'll just take time to see the growth they are actually doing under the surface. The difference in my son's behaviour between 2 years old-2.5 years old was drastic. He began to exhibit far more self-control. And if I could go back, I've realized now I could have been far more subtle in disciplining him. I believe 'over' disciplining his behaviours was probably unnecessary and most have worked themselves out as he matured.



Of course it's frustrating. In the midst of the 2's I believed if I didn't nip these behaviours in the bud now. They'd continue into his preschool years. When he repeated behaviours after I had implemented disciplinary measures, I felt I was failing to discipline him correctly... so I became more forceful. I worried there was something wrong with how I was parenting, I questioned my methods. I worried there was something wrong with him, ADHD runs in my family. And I often compared him to my step daughter who is his polar opposite and very eager to please and easy to discipline.



But as Juleah's metaphor states; I wasn't seeing the inner workings under the surface. When I finally did, I came to a ton of realizations and understandings on toddler development and individual personalities.



I'm not saying that even if we do understand all this there won't be times we find ourselves at our wits end. But take a break when you do, go and breathe and tell yourself: "I'm doing what's best for him and these behaviours will pass."



In my experience lack of language in toddlers is often the culprit of many negative behaviours. So it is very helpful to keep on teaching them the words to express their feelings, wants and needs



Keep setting boundaries. Stay calm in the midst of the chaos and know that he IS learning from you even when he isn't showing it yet. You will shape him into a civilized adult it just takes time and a ton of patience. :)

Stifler's - posted on 07/16/2011

My 18 month old... if I didn't know better I'd swear he has ADHD... climbing on stuff, hitting us and thinking it's funny, biting, throwing things. People tell me this is normal.

Tania - posted on 07/11/2011

Thanks ladies. Its been 13 years since the last one so suggestions help.
I see it with Ben now and how he is with people, through his community work and with cadets. I'll just remember with the little guy to give it time.

Chatty - posted on 07/11/2011

JuLeah hit the nail on the head. You can't or won't know for certain that it's sinking in until everything comes full circle a few months or even a year down the road and all of a sudden one day he says or does something that lets you know that he TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD! It's a great feeling when you realize that all your hard work is paying off.

Try to breath, Tania. I know it's tough. Up until about 26 months Roxanne was a peach. Just the past couple months she's been wearing on patience, for sure. Just remember that it's age appropriate behaviour and that some kids are more zealous than others.

Good luck!

JuLeah - posted on 07/11/2011

It is okay to set limits. If he thorws a toy at you, you get to keep it. No words needed, it simply goes up on a shelf. If he hits, offer a firm 'no' put him down, put him away from you ... don't interact for a couple of minutes, then pick him up and talk about gentle touch ....



And, you can't know if it is sinking in or not. I remember when my child was about this age and working with me in the garden. She planted her little seeds, water them and waited ... for about two minutes. "Where are my flowers?"



She wanted to dig them up and check on them cause they were not growing.



So much growth happened under ground where she was not able to see ... didn't mean it was not happening.



Sometimes, you don't know what kind of a parent you are until you see your kid show great kindness to another child in distress, or parent their own children with gentle love.