what is healthier?

[deleted account] ( 27 moms have responded )

having a mum that constantly holds her baby on her hip and tries to multitask like this doing laundry, dishes etc even when baby is sleeping
or
having a mum who is okay with putting the baby down to nap in her crib/bassinette while she does the chores?

i dunno, maybe that sounds a bit funny.... how about...which is healthier, having baby tied to your hip all day everyday, or having baby held when possible, but also putting baby down at intervals, to sleep, have floortime etc...

Id like to see answers for this kind of two fold. Once for newborns 0-6months and then second for olderbabies 6months onwards...Or does age even have anything to do with this?

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Connie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Babies need that closeness as much as possible. The movement, varying smells, sounds and the comfort of being next to mom increase brain development in ways that being stationary can't. In many cultures, this is the norm. My only concern is that the babies get enough tummy time. With the trend towards having infants constantly off the floor, in exersaucers, bouncers, swings, etc, there is a lack of upper body strength, and increased lower body strength, often leading to skipping crawling pretty much and going straight to walking. I've seen research that indicates this lack of upper body development is causing issues with writing and drawing in early elementary, and lack of crawling as an inability to cross the mid-line that affects reading, writing, and active play in early elementary. Up to 6 months, I don't think babies can be held too much at all. But, I do make certain that my babies 3 months plus (home daycare) get as much tummy time as they can during the day. I also do specific exercises daily to get their brains to start making the connections to cross the midline. I always have a baby on me in some way (even now). They need that connection for the first few months, and all kids retain some level of need. Even my 9 year old wants to be held next to me and cuddled a good deal of the time.

[deleted account]

Dana, no I don't think only clingy babies should be worn. I just don't see the point if you have a more practical solution. I used to put my youngest in a sling while hanging out washing to dry because he liked being outside but wasn't old enough to sit up on his own. There are also some practical times where baby wearing is easier but some babies don't like being so snugly contained as I discovered with mine. Carrying around a baby who prefers independence is pointless.

I don't think carrying a clingy baby (baby being up to 6 months old) is going to cause any major dependency issues. It isn't safe to carry a baby for every activity so it's isn't 24/7.

They should eventually learn to settle or play by themselves. If they don't then I'd start to think a mother has more a dependency on wearing the baby. No one should be carrying around a sleeping toddler while trying to do the household chores. That would be insane.

Johnny - posted on 08/10/2010

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Before Michaela could sit up and play on her own, I wore her more often. When she was that small, it was in a moby wrap. As she got older, she spent more time alone playing when I was working on the main floor of the house. My house is 3 floors, so when I was upstairs cleaning the bedrooms or bathroom, I usually wore her because there was not that much for her to do anyway. On the main floor, she'd usually sit & play with her toys, and in the basement where the laundry & stuff are, there is no where for her to play, so it was best to wear her. Also, in the garden. I spend a lot of time tilling the garden, and there was no place for her to sit safely. In our yard there is just a concrete patio (I was afraid she'd hit her head) and the garden (dirt & plants, no grass). Beyond our fence there is a grass greenway where she plays now, but when she was younger, she would have been licked to bits by all the passing dogs if I'd just left her on the grass. And I would not have been able to keep a good eye on her. I certainly didn't wear her 24/7 though. We spent lots of time on the floor playing, taking naps in her bed, etc.

I also felt that for many tasks, she was learning by watching. So because she was on my front or back (I wore her on my back in the Ergo when she got older) she could see what I was doing. I think it's worked too. Because she knows how to weed, till the soil, water the plants, dust, and load the washing machine even though I've never purposefully instructed her on any of these things. At the grocery story, she likes to try to carry the basket and load it with the right groceries. Again, I've never really had to "teach" anything. She's learned by being able to observe my actions close up. I'm not sure that for me it was so much about "bonding" but more about convenience.

She is a very independent kid, not at all interested in being carried around any more. So I am glad I did it when she was younger. Whenever I take her out to a play group, I'd say she is the least clingy child there. People constantly remark on it actually. She only calls to me when she needs specific help to tackle something she can not yet do on her own. I don't think it was because I wore her though. I think that it is just in her personality to be independent, and if I'd never done it, she'd probably be just about the same. But it does make me happy I did it, because now that she doesn't have time for Mommy, I'm glad I took advantage of the snuggles and dependency when I could.
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As for my back or other discomforts, I didn't really have any problems. I've suffered from sciatica on and off since a car accident in my early 20's and I didn't find that babywearing bothered it at all. In fact, I think that it sort of strengthened my abdominal muscles and improved things while I was doing it. Now that I don't wear her anymore and I'm back at work sitting at a desk all day, my hips and lower back are becoming problematic again.

Charlie - posted on 08/10/2010

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i used a bubba moe sling and a baby bjorn carrier , like a front pack .

Nicole - i found the baby bjorn actually strengthened my back , one of the reasons i wear it :D

I thik the closeness experienced can benefit any young baby regardless of whether they are ussy or not .

Charlie - posted on 08/09/2010

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I dont carry him 24/7 i only wear him when i have things to do like stacking the dishwasher or hanging the washing on the line , sweeping ect generally when i am doing housework ( which feels like 24bloody7 haha ) when i am ready to sit and relax he goes in his little vibrator chair and even though we bed share he has a bassinet next to our bed i havent yet put him in there on his own , i like him to be in sight and for him to be able to sense and smell me ( yeah yeah i know new age hippy crap LOL ) i go by the 9 months in me = 9 months near me to adjust to the world but not necessarily on me all the time although the 9 months near me is adjustable to the babies personality , Cooper was a very independent child by 6 months so i could adapt to his needs ( or lack of need for me ) and let him play while i work .

Generally its only while they are little and immobile i suppose 0-6 months is around the time frame .

Gosh does that even make sense or do i really sound like a loon , Haha

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Charlene - posted on 08/13/2010

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I'm unfortunatly one of the multi tasking moms. She will buckle her legs when I try to put her down, usually when she's tired. I'm the ONLY person that can put her down but only when she's RIGHT OUT!!! She's been that way her whole life, she's now 18mths and thank goodness, she likes to walk around, watch tv by herself and play so I only have her clinging to me when she sleeps. She's like a little suction cup!!! LOL!!

[deleted account]

Depend on the mother and the culture.For me i was fine with putting my children down as the didnt mind being left down so i could do things.I did things while the were sleeping mostly or in the bouncer playing.A good friend did most things around the house with her baby wrapped up snug on her back.:-)



Its what the mother wants and as whether its healthier to do either one i dont see how doing both is not healthy.

Meghan - posted on 08/11/2010

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Josh was a stage 5 clinger until about 10 months. I mean he was independent and would play on his own, but sleeping and when he wanted up, he was on me! He eventually got over it and now he is great but it was a rough go...I really had to be firm with him.

Jana - posted on 08/11/2010

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as long as you can hear your baby if they wake up, i say put them down. it will allow you to get stuff done way faster and maybe even have extra time before they wake up to, gee i don't know .... what did we do for ourselves before we had kids? lol!

Charlie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Connie i was thinking about this last night how it is quiet common in eastern cultures to not only wear your baby but wear toddlers too .

Here is a link to the history baby wearing around the world .
http://www.parentingwithpresence.net/ind...

Really interesting please take the time to read .

[deleted account]

IF we have another, I might take a different approach....thanks ladies. AND just for the record, I don't think "wearing" your babies makes them co-dependent or 'clingy' AT ALL....I actually think it's quite the opposite.

Cathy - I hope I didn't offend you.....I was honestly just curious by your statement. I didn't "wear" Roxanne because I didn't feel there was a 'NEED' but I've come to understand that she might not have a need to be worn but it might be beneficial to me.

Thanks again, ladies

Caitlin - posted on 08/11/2010

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I wish my girls had wanted to be worn! I had no intentions of doing it all the time, but both my girls HATE the wrap, sling or snuggli. My first was incredibly independant, she prefered being in eyesight of me but able to move freely and flail on her own. My second likes to be held a bit more, but not worn so much, she hates the wrap but can take the snuggli for brief periods of time (20 mins max) and she'll never fall asleep in it, she'll just scrfeam until I put her down to nap. She prefers sleeing in her playpen next to my bed, not in bed with me. This makes it really hard to get the snuggles I need/want. My oldest is starting to come for hugs at times now,a nd likes sitting on my lap when she's tired, and this just started at 19 months.. They are so independant, at the park my oldest is always running off to explore to the amazement of most other moms whos kids will point and cry to where they want to go if their moms don't follow them. It's hard though of course, because our youngest (5 months) is in the stroller and sleeping usually and I don't like to have her out of my sight, but I know most of the other moms will keep an eye on her briefly so I can herd in the escaping toddler..

[deleted account]

well my question kinda is...*does carrying a clingy baby all the time make him more clingy?* what makes them clingy? I've seen some mums that IMO are too babyish with their child and i just wonder if the mums clingyness makes the baby clingy. and then is that such a bad thing?
Is it healthy for a baby to be so clingy/dependent on mum? *talking about 9months onwards with this because of course newborns are totally dependent on us:)*
does it make it harder for him to relate to others/ trust others. Then again, is that a bad thing? It could be good to know that you've always got mum? :)
At this point i believe in encouraging a babys independence. Kinda like when they go off to play, let them do it, let them explore, give them chances to discover the world on thier own, but if they turn back to look at you, give them reasurance that you are there and will welcome them back with open arms.
I'm just a bit weary about projecting my insecurities onto my child.

[deleted account]

Cathy - do you think that only the clingy babies who have trouble settling on their own should be "worn"?

[deleted account]

Depends on the child. If they are happy and content to be left somewhere on their own, no point carrying them around. If they are clingy and have trouble settling or playing alone then put the in a sling or carrier. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

[deleted account]

Healthier for whom?
I would think, sling or baby carrier or not, carrying baby while doing chores will lead to back pain and strain especially as they get longer and heavier.

I am a klutz so William was in his chair or play pen when I was doing chores or working with the day care kids (do home day care and went back to work when my son was 6 weeks old).
I don't think he suffered for not being with me every waking or sleeping hour. He certainly never lacked for entertainment because if he started to fuss while I was making lunch the older kids would go talk and make faces at him. I credit them with how fast he learned to roll, crawl and sit by himself because he wanted to see what they were doing all the time.

I don't think there is a definitive one way is healthier then the other for the child. Depending on temperament and personality some would be fine and others we'd have over dependent needy kids who require Mom's attention all the time. Basically it comes down to balance.
And making sure you don't hurt yourself at the expense of your child.

Jacqueline - posted on 08/10/2010

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I don't really see which one is necessarily healthier. I wore my dd pretty much every day. I did dishes, laundry,etc. with her on me. She was also super cranky w/ reflux and other issues so she slept much better in an upright possition. If she was an easy baby maybe I wouldn't have done it. I dunno. Its just what worked for me!

[deleted account]

Now I feel silly.....I wish I would have given mine more of a try! I think the reason I didn't was because it was a cheap one....a gift.....and it was super uncomfortable and not easy to get in and out of. What type did you use Loureen, Carol?

[deleted account]

thanks for your input Loureen :) Im reasurred that mums do whatever is easiest for them without compromising the child. I respect that you find it easier that way, and see why you would! I remember thinking about it with my first but never found a sling that looked comforatble enough and in my price range all in one!
Like i said, i have a in-law family member that does this (even without a sling/carry thing!). We went on holiday to tasmania with her family and went on a hike and she was holder her son in her arms on the whole trek! *he's 9months old and weighs 10kg, so he's a big one and that was no easy task to carry him on an hour & half walk*
i thought it was a bit crazy at the time, as with my first we always took the pram out everywhere we went *i think this also had to do with me having had a c-section* but it has made me think twice and now i've made a few trips just holding my newborn instead of getting the pram out. And i do find it easier coz i dont have to navigate a pram but it gets tireing on the arms, but at least its a positive pain *i.e it will strengthen my arm muscles :)*
anyway, im just trailing thoughtless thoughts now so i[ll stop!

Charlie - posted on 08/10/2010

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Initially i bought the sling because it looked cool and i was given my baby bjorn by a neighbor so i never intended on wearing my kids it just kinda happened .
I guess i wear them because its easier with Cooper i lived on the third floor of apartments and had to run up and down to do washing outside and couldnt see him in the flat unless i was in the same room , i found that it was a great bonding experience too then Harry came and has colic so it just made it easier to settle him and get the housework done, it also makes it easier for me to go outside ad play with Cooper or watch him on the trampoline when he wants to show me his jumping , it gives me the opportunity to give them both the attention they need , which is difficult at this stage .

I dont think its lazy not to Mia , its just one of those "each to their own " things oh and i also wear him because its great resistance training and i need to shed this baby weight :D

[deleted account]

like Dana i like to know more about this instinct to baby wear like that! I have a family in law member that does this with her son, continuously, and she doesnt even wear him in a sling. she just holds him. she is totally supper mum! but because i do respect everyones parenting style i dont want to ask her about it. i dont want her to feel that i disapprove, which i dont, i just dont understand :) so good to have you girls here ::)))

it makes me feel like maybe i'm being too lazy and should have done that with my babies? mind you i carry Alysha around a bit, i really like it, but i always put her down to do something. and she sleeps in the bassinette.
i dont know how you mums do it! sounds like a lot of hard work to have them on you all the time. man, i'd go crazy!

[deleted account]

No, no....you totally make sense. So I'm realizing that all the time you spent doing the laundry, sweeping, dishes etc. you were wearing him whereas I would put Roxanne down to play or swing or sleep etc. It never occured to me to "wear" that often. I might have been more inclined or thought to "wear" her if she had fussed much but she was an extremely happy and content baby. It really just never occured to me. And course I'm not saying that your baby has to be fussy in order for you to wear them....or do they? Why do you wear him so much?

I hope you don't mind me being nosy? I've just been doing a lot of self reflecting lately and I'm trying to understand myself and other better. Thanks for being patient with me

[deleted account]

I stand corrected. I respect Carol and Loureen very much and if they say it's possible to carry a baby 24/7 then shut my mouth. I just can't imagine carrying them constantly though. Didn't you ever sit down for an hour? I'm honestly curious how that would work? I'm sure Michaela spent some portion of each day on her own?

Charlie - posted on 08/09/2010

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I wear my baby in a sling once they start getting older , more awake and able to play / amuse themselves i leave them to play but otherwise im a baby wearer especially when he sleeps , he curls up in the sling like a little marsupial in its mummas pouch , the thing is the sling seems to put him to sleep straight away like it mimics the womb :D
Two free hands and a sleeping baby is great !
After 6 months the only time i wore my oldest was when we went out instead of a pram .

I dont think either are healthier its just what works for some families .

Johnny - posted on 08/09/2010

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I carried my baby because it worked for me. She was in her sling while I did most chores. Except laundry, I couldn't reach into the washer while she was on my back. It worked great for me. She slept and I got stuff done. If it wasn't for baby wearing, I would have never got my garden in that year. My daughter didn't like it until she was around 3 months and then I wore her until she was a bit over a year. Then she got too heavy. My husband wore her in the Ergo until recently. They both loved it.

I don't think that either way is "healthier" though. Baby wearing works for some moms & some babies, but it certainly isn't a universal thing. There are loads of babies who hate being worn and lots of moms who find it uncomfy.

[deleted account]

IMO, age has nothing to do with it.....I would never wear my child 24/7. I would be surprised at any mother who carried there child while they slept?! Maybe the odd time but not ALL the time. Nope, not this chick! Babies need some alone time although they need less than toddlers so I guess age does kind of matter BUT I still think it's unhealthy to have your baby attached 24/7 UNLESS they NEED you.

Haha, it's been a long day and that was a crazy ramble. Hopefully you understand my point? If not, feel free to clarify!

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