Riana - posted on 07/06/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against time outs or discipline in general (OK maybe I am but I will admit to also resorting to punishment at times, including time outs, no mom is perfect) I just find it amazing that as soon as you mention “solutions without smacking” everyone automatically jumps to the conclusion of time outs! Why is this?
Time outs are not the opposite of spankings, it is in essence the exact same thing (just is a more civilised form). It comes down to punishing a child (in any form) for bad behaviour. It is reactive.
Positive behaviour strategies (in my mind at least) has almost nothing to do with punishment. It is a proactive approach to parenting whereby you try to prevent bad behaviour on an ongoing basis through alternative solutions and open communication.
Positive behaviour strategies succeeds where punishment fails because it is not simply an alternative form of discipline but a whole different approach to life.
Sometimes I think that there is something wrong with me as I feel no overwhelming need or responsibility to punish my children. I see my responsibility as a mom as helping my children learn the difference between right and wrong – by preference in advance but sometimes by using past actions. Meaning when they are right I feel a responsibility to point out to them why they were right and to enjoy it with them. When they are wrong I feel a responsibility to point out to them why they were wrong and help them deal with the consequences and find alternatives to prevent reoccurrences.
It sounds complicated but it is in fact so simple that it works on all kids of all ages anywhere in the world. If it does not work then your just not doing it right and you should try harder!
I know I get carried away, but my point is this: Prevention is the best cure but in a case where a child misbehaves remember that he/she only doing something wrong when they do so knowingly and on purpose. In this case they should be punished but even then the punishment should be aimed and preventing the same behaviour in future and not at getting back at them for disobeying you or making a mistake.
Agree or disagree?