Why??

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

Ok, my son is 6 yrs old, and this is the second time my we have gone through this phase, and it is literally driving me batty!!!



Every time I ask/tell my son to do something, he asks why he has to do it. Now, the first time we went through this stage a simple explanation would do. It was still annoying to explain that he couldn't go into a store without shoes every single time I told them to put his shoes on, or that his teeth would rot if he didn't brush them, but the short explanation was all it took, so I got used to it and eventually, it ended.



Now it is back, and it is back with a vengeance!!!!! We've been at it for a couple of weeks, but I'll use an example from today:



ME: "Please put your coat on, we are going downtown."

J: "Why do I have to wear a coat?"

ME: "It's cold outside."

J: "Why is it cold outside?"

ME: "Because it is Winter."

J: "Why is it Winter?"

ME: "Because it is the time of year when it is cold out and we call that Winter."

J: "Why does it get cold this time of year?"

ME: "Because the Earth is tilted on its axis and the suns rays don't hit us directly, so it doesn't warm us as much."

J: "Why is the Earth tilted?"

ME: "JUST PUT ON YOUR COAT!!!!!!!!!"

J with tears in his eyes: "Why are you mad?"

Me hugging him: "I'm sorry I yelled, I just need you to do what I ask you to when I ask you to do it."



***DOWNTOWN****

ME: "Please hop out."

J: "Why do I have to get out?"

ME: "Because I cannot leave you in the car alone."

J: "Why not?"

ME: "It's dangerous, someone could take you, you could freeze (though it was warm today), and it's illegal."

J: "Why would someone take me?"

ME: "PLEASE, just get out of the car."



***LEAVING THE GARAGE***

ME: "Please hold my hand here."

J: "Why do I have to hold your hand?"

ME: "Because there is a lot of traffic and I don't want you to get hit."

J: "I won't, I can see them."

ME: "Yes, but they cannot see you."

J: "Why can't they see me?"

ME: "Because you are not tall enough to be seen through the windshild."

J: "Why don't they make the windshild lower?"

ME: "The engine is in the way."

J: "Why don't they put it in the back?"

ME: "I don't know! PLEASE HOLD MY HAND!!!"

J: "Why are you *always* in a bad mood?"

ME pounding my forehead with my fist. And all that was before we even got to the FIRST STORE!!! ....Why do we have to buy gifts? Why do people buy us stuff? Why do they not have daddy's size? Why don't you like this hat? Why is it so crowded? Why didn't everyone shop earlier? Just to name A FEW.





I don't want to be a "because I said so" mom, but I cannot go on like this! Not only is it insanely frustrating, I am coming down with laryngitis and will not be able to answer his questions by tomorrow. Any advice?

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JuLeah - posted on 12/23/2010

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Maybe his questions are his way of getting attention from you. It seems to work.
Turn the questions back on him.
"You tell me son. Why do you need a coat?"
Change the topic to something you do wish to chat about.


ME: "Please put your coat on, we are going downtown."
J: "Why do I have to wear a coat?"
(YOU) Put your coat on and we will talk about it.


***DOWNTOWN****
ME: "Please hop out."
J: "Why do I have to get out?"
(you) Hop out and we will talk about it.
Then you get out and ignore him until he is atnding beside you.

***LEAVING THE GARAGE***
ME: "Please hold my hand here."
(You) when you are holding my hand we can talk about it.
Then you said nothing but that line until he is holding your hand.

Your kid is smart. He has figured out a few tricks to have a lot of control.
Putting my daughter to bed the other night she did something like this. As her head lowered to her pillow she asked, "Is the universe round, or just the Earth?"
20 minutes later, I realized she was sitting up with a big grin on her face as we were talking about the 'meaning of life' - I just laughted - she got me
I said, "If you still want to know about this tomorrow we can talk for hours. Good night"
She lowered her head back down and said, "I almost got a half an hour of stay up late time, Mama"
"Yah, baby, you're a smart one"

This is what kids do, the test, the push, the distract, the talk, they find your weak spots, they push ....

Dawna - posted on 12/22/2010

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Maybe try saying something like, "I really want to answer your questions, but we're in a hurry right now. Can you hold your questions until we get home later, and we can look up the answers together?" Then, maybe you could use the Internet or a dictionary to look up info on the weather, etc. If he's 6, he may be into learning on his own a bit, and maybe he could wait that long for answers, if he believes you will help him and answer him later? I don't know, mine is only 3 and simple answers or, "because it just is." still work. ;)

[deleted account]

Thanks, ladies. I need to sit down and formulate my responses beforehand. I just get caught up in it so quick b/c my first impulse is to just answer the question.....need to keep thinking "make him do what I ask THEN answer the question!"

Don't get me wrong, I do love his questions and his curious mind. I guess I was just over stressed, we'll blame it on the the onset of this cold right before Christmas....I can't speak today :(

[deleted account]

Next time let him go without his jacket and he'll learn first hand! Natural consequences, right?! ;)

Riana - posted on 12/23/2010

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I'm with Dawna, sit him down and explain to him that he is always allowed to wonder about things, explore his enviroment and ask why but that there is a time and place for everything. Agree that when possible you will answer as much as you know but also agree that you get one answer that is "Now is not the time" or "We are in a hurry and will discuss this later" or "I'll explain on the way" or something like that, a single phrase clearly stating that now is a time for actions and not questions. Then try to come back to the questions later, while driving in the car.

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Amanda - posted on 12/27/2010

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well u are not giving me any hope for my son because he is in the first phase where the short version will do untill it gets so annoying that I have become a "i said so" mom but that is just that you may not want to be one of those moms but you might...especially if he just keeps going on and on....other then that i really don't know what to tell ya...i just answer untill my son starts to get sill and ask questions he already knows answers to...don't know why and he can get funny sometimes but it is really annoying so I know how u feel....good luck

Karen - posted on 12/24/2010

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My daughter is forever asking questions she knows the answers to (what colour is that? What's that animal called? -- she's 25 months). I usually answer the question with, "What do you think?" Maybe that would work for you.
Or you could say something like, "you seem really curious about xyz. Let's talk about it while we ..."

Meghan - posted on 12/24/2010

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Jess...I am so confused about your reply. I am trying to picture it but I can't. LOL. You are awesome!
J is a lot younger but he has already started the "what's that" thing. Whenever we go to a store he points out 100,000 things and asks "what's that?" It drives me up the wall but I answer every single time-sometimes I don't even look and blurt out random things. BUT today while he was doing it I had an epiphany. He started it while I wasn't paying attention to him. I was so busy price comparing and trying to figure out if crab legs were in my budget (they weren't but I got them anyway haha) that he started to include himself. Given his age I don't think he is trying to be a pain in my ass, just trying to get my attention.
SO given the age difference and the fact that we haven't dealt with the "why" stage yet, I am going to boldly suggest that maybe you "distract and ignore." Maybe he just wants a conversation? Answer the first "why" then immediately follow it up with a conversation starter.."what did you do at school today?" "What do you think we should have for dinner?" "What is your take on Obama's health care plan?" (j/k on the last one)
I don't know if that applies or helps at all?

[deleted account]

Jess, you're fuckin' hilarious! *high five*

JuLeah and Dawna.....THOSE are some great suggestions. I almost can't wait 'til Roxanne goes through that stage! ;)

Jess - posted on 12/23/2010

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Easy fix, all you will need is, a large glass, a blender, a straw, a pair of scissors and some gaffa tape.

Cut a good sized piece of Gaffa tape and make a slit in the middle. Pop it over his mouth making sure you don't cover his nose. The blender comes in handy at meal times... just whizz everything, put it in the glass and pop the straw in !

Problem solved ! Merry Christmas

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