Bullies, Victims and their parents...

Geralyn - posted on 05/05/2010

Jodi, that is an awful situation. As close as you are to your sister, your daughter comes first, and you have every right to be pissed at what is happening. Its totally inappropriate that your sister is downplaying the significance of what is happening. And I don't think that it is possible that you can change the "disciplining" that your sister chooses to use with her son. The only solution is not to have them together. That may drive a wedge in between you and your sister at least for the time being, but that is an unfortunate consequence. As her son gets older and is around other children - playgroups, preschool, etc. - she is no doubt going to have problems with him, and other moms will not want to have their children interacting with him. She needs to teach appropriate play skills, communication, and social interaction to her son - not just "discipline" and its going to be time consuming, but if she doesn't start right away, it could lead to him being kicked out of a preschool and definitely being isolated with no "friends." I think most moms would feel the way you do- sisters or not, and to make you feel like you are overreacting and should not worry about it is definitely the wrong response. Perhaps on some level - since she is getting defensive - she knows that there is something that needs to be done, but she feels that nothing is working. No one likes to think of their child as a bully. However, your daughter cannot be put in that situation.

Jodi - posted on 04/26/2010

It hasn't been a matter of watching him closely, I (or anyone) can be 2 inches or 10 feet away and he goes after her...about every 5 or 10 minutes! My issue with the time outs is that she hovers over him and talks to him about bugs and books and what not and then he says "all done?" and she'll say yes!!!!! GRRRR!!! It's been very frustrating and my limit has been reached so when I do have to let them be around each other, they will not be playing together at all. But thank you for validating my concern for my daughter! I was told it was just a "bump" on the head and not to over-react...

Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2010

Ouch! I would not allow them to be around eachother for several weeks or mnths, he will probably outgrow this, but you must do everything to protect your daughter. He is only 2 1/2, so there's not much more you can do other than time outs, seems like somebody should have been watching him more closely and maybe try to prevent the problems before they occur. Please stay away from them until this phase is over, head traumas sometimes don't end well. You have great instincts, and I know it's hard on you and your sis, but your baby's safety is most important.