Welcome..

Gina - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm Ginamarie and currently 20 years old. I live in New York with my son in my parents house. I have been going through post partum for almost a year now. I have had an extremely hard time finding people who understand what I have been going through. Talking about it certianly helps though.



At first I thought people would think I was crazy for the way I was feeling. Nobody seemed to understand when I would say 'I love my son and I know hes mine but I feel as though I'm just babysitting and someone else is going to come pick him up one day' or that when my baby cries I feel as though I have tunnel vision and the only thing I can concentrate on is the crying. I can't 'tune it out' or 'just ignore it' I get stuck in the cry and cannot physically do anything aside from saying my sons name figuring if he hears it he'll stop crying.



It took me a long time to realize that what I have been going through many other women go through as well *everyone to their own degree* and that I am not the only one out there to have to go through this.



Unfortunately sometimes talking to family just makes them look at you worse because they do not understand since they themselves have not been through it. But talking to others who have been does indeed help at least a little bit. And when you just want to be able to be a good parent to your child any little bit that can help you'll take.







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4 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 08/18/2010

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Hello I am glad this support group is here. I started with Ppd when the baby was three months old after I stopped breast feeding. I started having horrible panic attacks and just crying out of frustration. I felt overly concerned over the babies welfare and kept wanting to switch formulas. I finally got better with that and settled on Enfamil Gentlease. Then the worst thing happened I was called back to work in an environment where it is really stressful and your numbers count or your gone. It is an environment where you have to be strong or you lose. I am always worried about Emma to the point I want to quit the job to be with her but it upsets me I cant handle it. She is in daycare during the day and my hubby helps me at night. I went to the doctors and he prescribed Lexapro but it does not always work and I cry and lose it at work.

Michelle - posted on 08/02/2010

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Hello I just joined and with none less than great hesitation. I read the posts of how this is something that most are reluctant to speak of. I realized that feeling shamed for talking about PPD would not help change it. So hear I am. I haven't been diagnosed, but have felt irritable, along with anxiety and sleepless nights. I don't have any feelings of harming anyone. Not myself or my child. Not even my husband for that matter. I just feel stressed and inadequate at times. I feel judged and also some guilt. This is the first time I've written or let out these feelings. My son is a year, and I thought PPD was only right after the baby was born. So I ignored it. Looking back I realize I had what they call baby blues. I guess it just never got better. So now I might have PPD. I plan to talk with my husband and a Dr. It makes sense to me now that I've done some research on the topic. My pregnancy was unplanned. I was not married until after the baby was born. As well as I failed the last month of my college program in my eighth month of pregnancy and have not returned since. The school thing alone was a great deal of my stress. Since we had the baby we have moved 3 times. My husband is trying to find a good job. I have been uprooted and am away from my network all while trying to be a new mom. It is overwhelming to say the least. I haven't made any friends here yet. It's hard to get out when my life is revolving around my son's toddling and my husbands erratic work schedule. Most of the time I can deal. We are making great memories and I am trying to start up the hobby of scrap booking to stay positive. The worst is my sleepless nights. This just makes it so difficult to have any energy to keep up. I feel like I am cheating my son when I just have no energy. I try to nap when the baby does. Then when night comes and my husband is working I just won't sleep. If I do sleep I am awakened by either nightmares, or just unsettling thoughts of my son's well being. For the first six months or more I constantly checked to see that he was breathing. I don't still do this, but I have fearful thoughts. I also worried that something bad would happen to my husband. Now I just worry that he may leave us. I'm just not sure what to do. I am afraid to talk to a doctor because I don't want to be on medication. I am still breastfeeding and don't want to wean yet. I feel it would be selfish to wean so that I could take a mind numbing pill. Ugh I hate medicine. We hardly even take an asprin around here. I take breastfeeding very seriously and am very mindful of what goes into my body. Wow so there it is. This post is a lot longer than I thought it would be. Open to thoughts...

Gina - posted on 07/19/2010

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I am glad to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. My son is going to be 15 months old soon and unfortunately I still feel the same as before. There are alot of books out there in reguard to post partum if you haven't already picked some up. They might be useful to you.

Laura - posted on 07/19/2010

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"Stuck in the cry" is such a perfect way to describe that place. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Still at 11 months when my DD wants me for whatever reason and I can't come exactly at that moment she has a crying, screaming meltdown. I want to run out the door and drive away when she does that!

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