advice on potty training four year old?

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 4 (will be 5 in september) and we are having the hardest time with potty training her. she shows no interest in it and seems to act like she doesn't know when she has to go. we tried the timer i set it for every 15 minutes or so and took her and she would pee everytime i took her, even with not having much to drink. it seems a little much to me, i mean i don't think a child should have to pee every 15 minutes for an entire day. i don't think it's her being lazy, i just don't know what to do about it. she's at the age to start kindergarten this fall but with all this i know she can't. help please!

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Carolyn - posted on 10/18/2012

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My grandaughter is 4.5 and will pee but not poop on the toliet. The dr. says just be patient. She is a strong willed child and wants to do it her way. My daughter is beside herself and yes washing out panties every day. She works outside the home, so It is very frusterating to come home every day and devote the whole evening to changing her. Hannah knows she should be doing both on the toliet. We have tried rewards, not letting her do certain things, and charts. She understands them all, but choses not to participate. She goes to pre-school and holds it all day so there is also the fear that she will develope bowel issues. Nothing seems to work so the next step we are considering is therapy. We all seem to be in this thing together and definately need each others imput. I will share anything I can and would and do appreciate hearing from all of you. Thank you ..........Carolyn Fellie

April - posted on 08/27/2011

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At almost 5, I'd take her to the Dr. to find out if there is a medical reason behind it. If not, I'd get tough.

Sara - posted on 08/16/2011

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Melinda~ I hope you are able to find a solution for your daughter. My daughter has been on Oxybutynin for 2 months now and the results have been AMAZING! Her Dr said it can take a couple weeks to take full effect however we were able to see an improvement almost immediately! I am not a doctor and obviously your situation may be different than ours but I would be glad to share what we have found if you have any questions.
Sara

Melinda - posted on 08/16/2011

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This has been extremely helpful! I am having the same issue with my 4 year old daughter. I have been saying for a while that I felt like there is a medical explanation, but now I am convinced more than ever this is true.
Thanks!

Amanda - posted on 06/15/2011

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sara- Thank you. that makes me feel a lot better, and i'm glad you are finally getting answers for your daughter too. She had her appt yesterday where they did an ultrasound of her bladder and kidneys and we will follow up with her regular dr next week, but i'm thinking it's the same thing as your daughter (and so does her dr) so hopefully once we get her on the medication it will help and she will finally be potty trained.

Sara - posted on 06/15/2011

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Amanda- We took our daughter to a urologist today and I feel MUCH better about things now. Obviously this is not an extremely common problem but he made me feel like I wasn't crazy. He gave us a prescription and explained that this is the last part of the nervous system to develop and sometimes it just takes longer for some kids. (Yes I know the bladder isn't in the nervous system, but the nerves to the bladder signal the brain) There is nothing you can do really except for medication or wait until they outgrow it (which they usually will at some point). He said the medication just helps speed things along. If it doesn't help then he plans to look at her bladder to see if there are other problems but he said at her age and the fact that she hasn't had infections makes him think that the medication will work for her.
Obviously people who haven't had to deal with this do not understand the problem and unfortunately are sometimes RUDE about it. I have a 2 year old that is now potty trained so I know that I can potty train a child that doesn't have any medical issues. You are right, not having a potty trained child does not make you a bad mom!

Amanda - posted on 06/12/2011

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shannon- we have been trying to potty train her since she was 2. and obviously if the dr didn't think there was something going on then they wouldn't be sending her to get it checked out. IN my opinion, i'm a great parent and just because shes not potty trained doesn't make me a bad one, sometimes there are medical reasons why they are not potty trained. and we have tried her in underwear and all the rewards and everything else.

Shannon - posted on 06/11/2011

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wow you should have started at around 3 or earlier my daughter is 2 about to be 3 in 3 days and is almost potty trained we just awarded her everytime she went and i took her every 15 min and gave her big girl panties and stopped buying diapers or pullups all together i dont even buy diapers for my son who is 19 months im potty training him starting today. to motivate me as a parent to train early or to just train even when its hard is the feeling of proudness and the knowledge that it makes me look good as a parent not saying anything bad but just giving my opinion

Amanda - posted on 06/06/2011

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we saw her regular dr. but it's a new dr so this was really for a new patient appointment but i brought up the issue. she is referring her to a specialist for it, and they are going to do an ultrasound on her bladder and kidneys to see if something is going on. I would try to get a second opinion if you can, maybe that would help. good luck! and i will let you know what they say at the specialist.

Sara - posted on 06/06/2011

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so glad they are going to do something, please let me know what you find out! We went to the dr a couple weeks ago specifically for this issue and got nowhere, again! I am so frustrated! Again they did a urinalysis which I knew was not the issue. So I spent just under $100 and they are doing nothing to see if there is actually a problem. I am thinking I need to make an appointment with a urologist. Did you go to a general dr or a specialist? Today is actually my daughters 4th birthday and she has been doing slightly better lately but has not had a good day today. She is on her 3rd pair of underwear already :( I hope you get something figured out for your little girl!

Amanda - posted on 06/06/2011

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so here's an update- She had a dr appt today, so I talked with her dr about the potty training issues, and they are going to schedule an ultrasound/xray on her bladder to see if she has an overextended bladder or overactive bladder. if thats the case they will see which medications to put her on to regulate it. :) glad we are finally getting somewhere with this and getting a dr to listen to us.

Amanda - posted on 05/09/2011

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i'm glad to know i'm not the only one with this issue. she's never seemed to even want to potty train,so i'm thinking it could really be something medical going on and it can't hurt to have her checked out just to be sure anyway.

Sara - posted on 05/09/2011

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So sorry you guys are having this problem but it makes me feel slightly better that we are not the only ones! I can't decide if I think she has a medical problem or if she is just developing late. The worst part is that she wanted to use the potty when she was barely 18 months! We didn't push it then but let her whenever she wanted. Now 2 1/2 years later I am STILL potty training. I also have a 2 year old now that I feel like I should be potty training but I do not have the energy to until I get my oldest daughter figured out! I will probably take her to the dr soon but I really can't afford to take her and I am really afraid that I will spend the money and they will just say that we need to wait and watch it longer.
Since my daughter ALWAYS has at least a few drips in her underwear I have started putting panty liners in her underwear sometimes. I know it sounds weird but to be completely honest I am sick of doing laundry and she will wet 6-8 pairs of underwear some days. We tell her that the panty liner is a band aid to help keep her bottom dry so it doesn't get sore. Also she knows that it won't hold the potty like a diaper would so I know she does not go on purpose like she sometimes will do with a pull up. Obviously if she goes too much then it still gets on the underwear but sometimes it helps.
I feel so bad for the poor little thing because she really does not want to go in her undies but really can't help it.
Good luck with your daughter!!

Amanda - posted on 05/09/2011

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sara- exact same thing with my daughter! I will definately keep you posted on what the dr says, if anything, when I get her in.

Sara - posted on 05/09/2011

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My daughter will be 4 in less than a month and we have a similar problem. She seems to not be able to hold it and has accidents unless we take her every 15 min however even when she goes in her pants she can still go more in the toilet. My daughter also doesn't seem to notice when she does it or mind sitting in it. I think Samantha was right and the next step should be the Dr. Please keep us updated if your Dr helps!

Amanda - posted on 05/09/2011

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Thank you samantha, that's what i've been wondering, if maybe something else is going on. She will be going to the pediatrician soon for a new patient appt anyway so i will be sure to discuss this.

ANSON - posted on 05/08/2011

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If she pees in pants n cry u told her cannt nd to pee to in toilet. Jus like u do. Praise her when she do it. Jus keep asking her to go toilet 30mins when she get irirate she tel u when she wan to go toilet.

Samantha - posted on 05/08/2011

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Id take her to see a doctor, she could have a bladder problem. Her bladder sense could be delayed or lack nerve feeling.

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2011

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i tried that, i have to take her every 15-20 minutes or she will definately have an accident. i tried putting her in underwear it's like she doesn't notice when she pees in them. and it doesn't seem to bother her when she does.

Louise - posted on 05/04/2011

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You need to get on top of this now as she is getting older. Take her to the toilet every hour and reward her if she pees. If she pees in her pants leave her in it for 10 minutes at least before you change her so she understands that it is uncomfortable to sit in wet pants and much more comfortable to pee in the toilet. If you get no joy after 3 days then really I think a trip to the doctors is in order. At 4 she is more than old enough to understand the urge to pee and why she should pee in the toilet. May be there is a medical reason why. Maybe she does not understand the urge to pee and this can be sorted out medically. Do not use pull up pants with her as this just gives her permission to pee herself without any consequence. Only use knickers from now on.

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