my son is 3.5 yrs old and will not poop in the potty.. help please..

Nicole - posted on 01/09/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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.my son has been potty training for a while now.. he pees in the potty except at night he wears a pull up. nap time he does not wear a pull up. but he poops his pants and jsut this week he has started to come tell me he pooped instead of going to hide or just sitting in it.. the only thing that got us to this point in pooping is i started to have him wipe himself and tell him its yucky and that if he sitts in it his but will hurt.. and after he wipes himself i have him sit on the potty for a while and tell him it will be easier if he poops in the potty instead of his pants.. but still not pooping in the potty. when he 1st started potty training he sat on the potty to pee and sometimes would poop in potty. but now he stands to pee he just started to by himself a while back now. so he wont sit to poop.. any suggestions.. its getting frustrating.. he'll be 4 in july and i'd like him poopin in the potty by then so he is ready for pre k..

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Elisha - posted on 01/22/2011

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Hi Christine,

may I make a suggestion? u say he uses it at school because he is afraid of the kids and teachers right? well think of it this way, why is he afraid of the kids and teachers? what would they do if he pooped his pants at school that u do not do to him at home? laugh, make fun, call him a baby right? well I know this may sound insane, in fact I'm sure it does but try doing those things to him when he poops his pants. Trust me he is not going to like that one bit. My aunt had to do this to my cousin and I thought she was just mean, but it honestly worked!!

Christine - posted on 01/17/2011

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Good luck ladies. My son is 6 now and he still won't poop in the toilet. He will pee all day long no problem. I am so frustrated. We have rewarded him, praised him, gotten all excited etc... even if it is just a little tiny one.
We have gotten upset and mad when he goes in his pants. We have tried sending him anywhere from every 15 minutes to every hour, we have even tried to just ignore him when he doesn't use the toilet. We make him clean himself. Nothing seems to work. I have even taken him to a childrens shrink to see if it is something mental. He uses the toilet at school, just not at home. He told the doc he is more afraid of the teachers/ other kids than he is of mommy and daddy. Let me know if you find anything that works. Other than time.

Wendy - posted on 09/02/2012

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Update to my last message. I have now cracked the habit my boy was in. I took away the nappies all together and he went 2 days 3 night without a poop, then late at night when I was taking from his bed to have a wee, he got the strong urge to poo and quickly sat down on the loo and did it. I made a big fuss of him and the next morning he was so very proud of himself and we phoned all the family and he told them what he had done. we have not look back since then and he is now fully trained and starting school in 2 days what a relieve. good luck everyone.

Erin - posted on 01/18/2011

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JJ had the same issue. The first time he went poop in the toilet was because he was in the bath and had to go and didn't want to poop in the tub. We also had him clean the poop out of his underwear himself; he didn't like that!!! He had to shake poop in toilet, then use toilet paper to get extra off then run it under hot water in sink. After that, he had to wring it out and put it on washing machine. That seemed to help a lot since he didn't like doing it. He still needed help wiping for almost a year afterwards but at least he went in the toilet! Seriously, though, make him clean his own underwear. That worked with his sister too.

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Zoe - posted on 11/10/2012

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when i 1st started potty training my son was the same. We got a nice potty from fish price that came with a potty book that helped and he wouldn't poo either. I was told that they will us the potty when their ready and feel the need to. Maybe a little role play might help using there Favorite toy or a puppet or a story book or their Favorite tv program or film while their sitting on the potty. even if his not doing the poo when going to pre school they will try and help the best they can and encourage. Also you encouraging him will help a lot to. I know how frustrating it is but you have to stay calm and it will come before you know it. Good luck

Grace - posted on 11/04/2012

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My son is gonna turn 3 on the 29th of this month but he won't use potty or adult toilet. He does not make accidents on either pee or poop during the day and therefore I don't put any diaper during the day. Only at night and the moment I put it he asks me or his dad to leave the room coz he won't poop when anyone is watching him. Then he goes then he comes asking to be changes So every night before he sleeps I use two diapers! It's driving me insane coz he knows almost everything; he communicates very well, he holds himself till night time to poop coz he knows ill put a diaper. Two days ago, I withdrew the diaper at night and I even woke him up to go pee, he peed just alright but he has not gone And he is complaint of a tummy ache.... I don't know what to so coz today his dad felt bad for him coz he looks like he is suffering. So I put the diaper back.

Aimie - posted on 09/08/2012

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My son turned 4 in July, he has thew same problem I thought I he was an Oddity but it looks like its a common thing. He was training at 2.5 and did really well until he broke his leg and things went downhill. The weight of the cast made him lose balance on the toilet and he cracked his head on the tiled step for the shower. I think that is where the no longer pooing in the toilet stems from he has always been fine peeing even in a cast he stands and was fine with the cast, he managed to drag that leg behind, even though the DR said don't let him walk on it... I'd like to see them try stopping a 2.5 yr old walking... But ever since that fall he has poo'd in his pants. He has never had night time nappies, once we started training..... touch wood.... he has been dry. I have tried everything to get him on that toilet for pooing again, bribery, presents, food treats, stickers everything. To no avail. We had a break through yesterday and he told me he needed to go, we got on the toilet and it went away. I heard him grunting a little while later and talked him into getting to the toilet fast. He had started in his pants but finished all the rest in the toilet. Fingers crossed it is the start of toilet pooing. I think it just takes time when they have got into this funny phase nothing is going to get them out of it. You just have to wait and it will happen eventually.

Brittney - posted on 09/02/2012

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@Wendy I remember asking my 17 month old daughter where poop goes and she told me it goes on the floor, I corrected her and told her it goes in the potty and she hasn't looked back since...even 7 months later. She didn't hold it, she was sick for 4 months and a lot of her accidents were on the floor.

Wendy - posted on 06/29/2012

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Its very interesting reading all your comments above. My boy who will be 4 in July has the same problem, he is fine with his wee's and has this under control. But the poop side of things is bad. He will only poop in his nappy and fights to get off the toilet if you put him there to poop. He has now worked out that when I put him to bed he will do it then and when he wakes in the morning he can also have a poop in his night time nappy. Not very often now does he ask to have a nappy on during the day now, which I am worried about because he is saving it all up for the night time nappy to go on. He has not poop in his pants at all and I am wondering should I take the nappies away all together including the night time and see what happens. He likes to stand when he poops and I dont know how I get over that. I have asked our health worker and she does not seem to have any more of an idea than me and she seem to think it was a little odd. But reading all of the above comments, maybe its more common that they think.

Lesley - posted on 06/28/2012

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my son made 3 in March and he has no accidents peeing. He has been in ONLY underwear day and night for 4 days now. He only poops in his underwear. As an adult we know when we have to go dies a child feel the same? I mean if he is pooping on himself then i would think he knows or feels his tummy hurting to go poop. When he was wearing diapers or pull ups he told me mommy i shit...... it is very frustrating. Part of me wants to give up and the other part of me dont bc he has come this for. I dont let him drink after 6 p.m. he pees before bed and then around 1 or 2 i wake up and make him go and then he goes when he wakes up in the morning. There has been no accidents at night just during the day when he poops.

Sonia - posted on 10/04/2011

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oh my..reading your post Nicole, it's like i hear my thought and concerns written down ...it is scary...i am having the exact same issues. he stands to pee, but won't poop. he goes to hide when time to do it comes, but in his underwear, and he won't even tell me he did it, just sit there in his poop :( we told him it is good to sit on the potty, or toilet (where he goes to pee) and that he will feel much better after that, but he still refuses :( we tried to 'bribe' him with little stuff, and big stuff...even told him we will take all his toys(silly..i know) , rewarded him, made a big deal when he just sits...but he won't do it. Good luck with this, i hope someone will give us few brilliant ideas :)

Ann - posted on 10/02/2011

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I talked to my son. I asked him if he's scared to go & poop in the potty & he said yes. I told him that I understand & how scary it is but that he has nothing to fear. Then I offered to hold him while he sat on the potty & that his favorite character called me & wanted to know if he went poop in the potty because he wants to send him a new toy.
Just a lot of patience, understanding, talking & no yelling or frustration. That did it.

Tercia - posted on 02/02/2011

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Ana - sounds like your little one is really stressed out about something in his life and has regressed a bit. try figure out what it is (could be anything, new baby, new school, any change).

Nicole - My little girl was having a tough time doing a nr 2 in the potty and left me a few surprises. It was a gradual process of comforting once she'd gone in her panty - I explained that she had to poo in the potty like mommy (even letting her sit on potty while i was on the toilet). She got really freaked out when she made an accident - i reckon it was from pressure at school, but they also took on the calm and collected approach and explained that they'd clean it for her and that she didn't have to worry. It really is traumatic for them to realise what comes out of the body and as long as you keep encouraging him with calm loving words - all will be well. Took us about 2 weeks to make her understand and she now goes in the potty - no accidents yet.

Zina - posted on 01/26/2011

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I am having this very problem right now with my 3 1/2 year old, he'll be 4 in July also. I am going to try and make him clean it himself + stool softners + increase liquids and fluids + take away treats when he goes poo in his pants. I will let you know if it works (cross your fingers!) Let me know if you have any success. : ) good luck

Ana - posted on 01/21/2011

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My son is 2y 11 m, he was doing extremelly well with potty training for poo and pee, but recently he started wetting himself and now he is having accidents with wee and poo. The stickers scheme do not work anymore, if we take him to the toilet he cries I'm not sure what to do to fix these problems. Any ideas

Michelle - posted on 01/20/2011

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My son was potty trained to pee at around 2, but poop was harder. He would want to poop in a diaper or underwear. I spent as much time as I could with him out of both to force him to tell me. However, he would poop on the floor, not even the bathroom floor. BUT we would get closer and closer to the bathroom, reinforcing to go to that bathroom to poop. Make sure all diaper/underpants changes are in the bathroom, too. I rewarded him for pooping in the bathroom, even on the floor."wow, you went plop!" Once accomplished consistantly in the bathroom, I observed what he liked about pooping on the floor. He likes to stand! So we have a small floor potty that allows him to stand up and poop. He likes to take all his clothes off, even his socks (he doesn't want poop on his clothes he says). One of the rewards that worked for him was chocolate milk or small ice cream treat. Pooping in the potty received his choice. No poop in the potty, neither. BE CONSISTANT through the tears. His sister got a dessert and he would cry, cry cry. Also, if he didn't poop for 2 days, I would give him stool softeners, 3rd day got the enema. He stopped holding it in. Every child is sooo different. Never had this issue with my daughter. It took much control not to have a tantrum myself. Now he is 3 and still standing naked (hee hee) but I know that will end before HS graduation!

Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2011

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well, personally, I'd back off a bit. At this point he's getting a HUGE reaction from you about this. For some kids this is about control. ( certainly the case with my younger son!! ) For others, they fear losing what they think if as part of their body. I'd take the fact that he tells you now when he has pooped as a step foreword.
And take heart- he will NOT wear pull ups to his high school graduation. At some point he will just "get it" and decide it is time to be a big boy. It will happen- every child has his/her own timeline. Jenn

Kaylee - posted on 01/19/2011

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When my son started he would sit on the toilet backwards when he poop. He is now 6 and just started not to sit on it backwards but when he started he was afraid to fall in and sitting on it backwards he didnt feel like that.

Nicole - posted on 01/09/2011

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we have a chart on the wall for stickers ..he dont care.. my husband has offer to give him a quarter $$ each time he goes poop in the potty no luck yet..

Laura - posted on 01/09/2011

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ive had te same problem with my son refusing to poop in his potty.we wrote him a letter from prince potty about him being a big boy etc and that at the end of each day he would ring mummy and daddy to see if he had had any accidents and if he hadnt he would get a present.we wrapped lots of little things up and within 2 weeks he was going in the potty and hes 2 and 3 months.hope this helps

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