need help please.

Karin - posted on 03/07/2011

Any progress, Crystal? If so, what's been working, what hasn't? Keep us posted! :)

Kathi - posted on 03/07/2011

I do home daycare and what seemed to work on the 3 year old I have is putting a square of toilet paper in the kid pottie to see if he can get it wet. I have also heard that putting cheerios in the big pottie and seeing if they can hit it works as well. Also limit when your child drinks, I noticed when the children carry their sippy cups they pee more and dont really stay dry for a certain amount of time, now if they drink at breakfast and then snack 3 hrs later, I usually catch Matt at a 2 hr mark to pottie. My son was 3 and a half and wanted nothing to do with the pottie. We put a jar of m&ms in the bathroom and told him any time he went pottie he got one m&m, he got so good at it that he would actually only go 1/2 way then go play and come back nearly 5 minutes later to pee again. Patience, all kids are different .:) good luck

Keyonia - posted on 03/03/2011

i suggest u switch it up every week for a month make it into a game for him. he may be getting bored and is going back to old comfortable habbit of using the pamper. each week reward him and let him know that it is for him being a big boy

Amy - posted on 03/03/2011

My stubborn child is 3 1/2. Same deal. What I'm doing right now is not letting him watch Scooby Doo unless he stays dry. I tried all the positive reinforcements and timers, etc. None of that worked for more than a week. So, I took a dif. route and took something away. It seems to be working because he LOVES Scooby. Good Luck!

Joy - posted on 03/03/2011

Devon is giving good advice. You can also use cheerios in the toilet and have him aim for it. Then if he dose give the reward. Poop is harder. I don't know what to say about that. If the rewards don't help ask you pediatrics doctor what to do. Good Luck and God Bless!

Kathy - posted on 03/02/2011

If your husband can take him potty with him this can be the best tool ever for potty training. You can use a candy jar with little smartie candies or m&m's etc He will get one if he pees and 2 if he poops. When you are away from home he will receive double this amount when he arrives home again. You can also try cherrios and have him hit them when he pees. If he has older siblings it helps also for them to convince him to use the potty verses accidents in his underwear. If all else fails ask your ped.doctor for some ideas or advice. I had one that was not going to leave his match box cars to potty not for love nor money until he was age 5. Sometimes if you try and then fail and return to pull ups this does nothing to train them as they soon learn how to manipulate the parents. If they find out they cannot go to McDonalds etc if they have wet pants. Positive behavior results with positive rewards. Negative results in negative rewards. In raising any child you must revert to psychology ideas. When they find you get flustered they then learn oh my this button works to get whatever I want. Good luck mommy!

Fern - posted on 03/02/2011

I think he needs a reward for being a big boy. Only you can figure out what works for him, but for our son coins worked really well. It was only a penny, but he loved being rewarded and he got to save up to get something special too. Also, no pullups during the day. He needs to feel uncomfortable so he will want to go in the potty. For night-time you can buy Underjams. These are much larger, more absorbent pullups for bigger kids. That way you don't have to do laundry every morning. But don't use them during the day unless its an emergency. If none of the tips you get here work, its time to talk to his doctor. He may have some sort of neurological issue going on such as a sensory disorder that could be interfering with his desire to potty train.

D - posted on 03/02/2011

get some regular underwear and the plastic covers. or get those extra thick training pants. they make it so they feel the wetness but adsorb most of it. my lil guy was trained in 2 months with those. I also had a book and a toy that were just for potty time

D - posted on 03/02/2011

get some regular underwear and the plastic covers. or get those extra thick training pants. they make it so they feel the wetness but adsorb most of it. my lil guy was trained in 2 months with those. I also had a book and a toy that were just for potty time

Maria - posted on 03/02/2011

You have to take away the diapers. I'm sure that there will be a lot of laundry and messes for awhile, but that is parenting.

Lisa - posted on 03/02/2011

Hi Crystal.
I had the same thing with my son at that age. It is very frustrating all right. He knew what to do and that he was suppose to go to the potty, he just didn't seem to care that he was wet.

I don't have any particular advice, I just kept several changes of clothes with me to change him and left him naked when I could.

Eventually he just started going to the potty on his own and was toilet trained.

I think this is one of those situations that you just have to wait it out, until he is ready to go on his own.

Good Luck
I am sure he will come around. :)

Karin - posted on 03/02/2011

Have you spoken to a pediatrician about it? Perhaps there's an underlying medical, psychological or developmental issue.

Tiffany - posted on 03/02/2011

ok my son will be 3 in july. i keep all diapers off of him and make sure to let him kno if he has to pee or poop go on the potty. they say if you let them go potty with there dad it helps him understand and then it makes him wanna do it more often.

Tiffany - posted on 03/02/2011

ok my son will be 3 in july. i keep all diapers off of him and make sure to let him kno if he has to pee or poop go on the potty. they say if you let them go potty with there dad it helps him understand and then it makes him wanna do it more often.

Milena - posted on 03/02/2011

My best friend's boy at the time he was 3,5 was doing the same thing. She was in the hospital and I was watching the kids for a week. Her boy would just pee or poop his pants every time he had a chance it seemed like. I pick him up from daycare and they gave me a bundle of dirty clothes so what i did is we had the talk of u r a big boy look how yucky this is mommy or I have to wash it and we don't want to. Try not to pee ur pants anymore. If you do you r going to wash them yourself do you understand? Of course I got a yes. About 2 hours later as I am washing the dirty underwear he comes in and says "I pooped my pants". In a very stern voice I was like u did what? Take of your pants and wash them. Made him was it in the toilet (I cleaned it of course). And ever since then he went potty and pee like a big boy. Hope this helps good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2011

I think what you have at this point may be a battle of wills here. I'd back off and let him know that when he is ready to be a big boy, you are happy to help him get there. Until then, maybe you could try the overnight pull ups for extra absorbancy?
If it helps for you to know- both my sons did this. So I know your frustration. The problem is the more you push, the less they want to do it. Once my kids decided they were ready, then they did fine. The younger one ( who is going on 4 1/2 next month) only needs frequent reminders, mostly and still has the occational accident. I found that little immeadiate rewards- such as a video he wanted to watch or a treat he wanted- worked well as an incentive. And If he made an honest effort to at least try, but didn't go, I'd try again in about an hour. The trick is to find what is going to motivate him to want to do it for himself, and while being conistant, put the choices in HIS hands. If you want ______ then you gotta go on the potty.
Are there any other delays anywhere? My younger son has a speech delay, so I wasn't terribly concerned about the potty training going slowly. It's something to think abnout.
And in the meantime, unfortunately, you have to grit your teeth and repeat the mantra that " he won't graduate in Pull-ups" about 10,000 times. It will happen, keep up the good work!
jenn

Catherine - posted on 03/02/2011

Here are some of the things I did with my difficult kid.. If he wanted a drink, he had to go potty first. If he wanted the computer, potty first. If he wanted a movie or the park, potty first. You have to get in the way of what a stubborn kid wants & make them want to use the potty. The reward at 4 needs to be " you want to do big boy things?.. be a big boy & go potty". I even race my kid to the potty like I have to go.. He needed a reason. the competition got him running there to beat me.. Now he's almost 5 & he is completely potty trained, but I still have to use this sometimes..

Catherine - posted on 03/02/2011

he isn't ready & the pressure is making him nuts.

Carrie - posted on 03/02/2011

you are just going to have to let him go on his self a few times. does he say to you that he is a big boy. when he says that say ok will big boys do not pee or bobo them self. i have 2 boys my oldest did not potty train in tell he was 3. he was hard. and my little we are doing it know and he will be 3 in may. he wear underwear all day. he does great, he puts himself on the potty and all. know we just have to start night time. because i do put a dieper on him at night, but during the day big boy paints. he tells me he is not a baby, look i waas going to my moms houseand he had big boy pants on. we were in the midle of no were and he had to pee so i pulled over. you just have to know if they tell you they have to go they have to go. i would just let him pee himself,

Monica - posted on 03/02/2011

Did you try to take him to the toilet with you when you go? Or even when daddy goes? I took my daughter with me, showing her it's a normal thing and then she really wanted to use the potty and the toilet because mummy does it. Of course, your intimacy goes out the window for about a week, but once he wants to do it, you'll be able to regain your own space in the bathroom. It worked wonders for us. Hope it helps you

Kelly - posted on 03/01/2011

My son is 3 and Ive tried potty trainin several times with no sucess. He just wasnt ready!!
About a month ago he asked to weewee on potty during nappy change, so we left him naked from the waste down.
I made a huge game of it, counting to 3 and saying go, but I had to hold his tadge down so it didnt spray about, he hated it when it sprayed!! I had to do this for about a week!!
He has had a couple of accidents, but not as many as I thought!
Only trouble Im having is getting him to poo on the potty, but we are getting there slowly!!
I wouldnt keep switching between pull ups and pants, that does confuse them. My lil one only has a pull up on for bed, an hes told every night its just for bed.
It just takes time and effort, and isnt easy!!
Maybe a sticker chart, so many stickers gets a reward?
He knows he needs the toilet so I think it is just a battle of wills, he wants to control it not u. Stick to ur guns, Im sure he will get it soon x

Janice - posted on 03/01/2011

My oldest didn't potty till 4. She just one day decided that she wasn't going to use a diaper anymore. My second child, he was alot harder in that he had alot of accidents. My youngest is still in diapers.
Here are the things I did. I made up a pee pee song and dance for my oldest. When she went on the potty, I would do the most ridicules dance while singing, tinkle tinkle in the potty tells me I am a very good girl...hooray! Loud and proud, she laughed her butt off. Then she would sometimes take a picture of her work, never did develop that film...lol. My son needed different tactics. I put him in underwear, when he had an accident, he lost his favorite toy, game, no cartoons, basically I grounded him. Singing a dancing just wasn't his thing, but his cars, o yeah, got his attention. When he went on the potty, he got them back. Took a bit, but he got it, and is doing great now. So hoping my youngest likes singing and dancing!!!!

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2011

i didn't read the other advice. i know that for some friends of mine this worked.

every day give him a choice, "underwear or DIAPERS" If he picks underwear then tell him as soon as he has an accident he has to wear DIAPERS.

don't yell, don't get angry. just clean up the mess and put him in a diaper.

after awhile, he will want to be in underwear. don't worry.

don't nag. don't give him any negative attention. be almost absent of any feeling. like robotic.

once he realizes he's 'in control' and you are not going to give it any attention it will go away.

Davon - posted on 03/01/2011

Hi Crystal,
It sounds like a traumatic situation may have occurred. As most parents see this as a sign of a power struggle, which could be the case, however, there could have been a traumatic situation that has caused your son's reaction to using the toilet.

Try to reflect on the last time your son went to the bathroom w/out this issue (was it in public, did someone besides you or his dad take him to use it?)

Has he ever been constipated? There could be a number of reasons, but most of all, if he's going and hiding and using the bathroom, it's not because of a power struggle. Children will confront you head on and do it right in front of you if that were the case, he's actually going and hiding and your finding the situation.

Try to engage him in role play or using dolls to get his explanation as to why he's changed his mind about using the pot.

Also be vigilant and mindful of how he reacts to those that are around. Inappropriate touching or molestation typically comes from those close to us and that we'd never guess in a million years would harm us or those that we love and care about. Unfortunately it's a reality.

Get to the bottom of it by attempting to use a form of role play w/dolls to get your son to articulate why he no longer likes to use the pot.

And if for no other reason, you can use the same method to encourage him to use the potty again.

Hope this helps and all the best to you. :-)

Susan - posted on 03/01/2011

tell him that yes he will be a big boy if he goes in the potty but he will always be ur baby no matter how big he gets. u need to sit him down on the potty and u sit on urs and have convesations with him find ways to play games while ur sitting on the toilet. thats how u will get him comfortable with it. then u will see a change in him. just take ur time thrs no rush

Marcia - posted on 03/01/2011

Hi Four is very late for not using the potty, but as a doctor told me he never seen one graduating from high school in diapers or pull-ups. I was frustrated with my son and lost my temper at times, because I just wasn't use to it taking such a longtime, but eventually he just got up one day and went to the bathroom himself and haven't stopped. We are now working on not wetting the bed during the night. I make pee before going to bed and I stay up late during the night so I take him while he still sleeping and put him on the toilet and he pee while still sleeping and there is no problem in the mornings when he wakes up. Every child is different my son you could not bribe him you could not force him when he was ready is when he did it. So, find out what works with him and go from there. Rewards rewards.

Gayle - posted on 03/01/2011

I had 3 kids to potty train and each was different as far as their habits. Of course, my daughter was the easiest, because she could sit. With my 2 sons I had to do things a little differently. I painted a red target in the center of the potty bowl and made sort of a game out of it. When my boys used it for both, I would give them lavish praise ... "Great job!" or "You're such a big boy now!" I let them keep track of their progress on the calendar with a red X and gave them pick a family movie to watch at the end of the week. When a child has an accident it is very important not to get upset and berate or belittle them. Explaining the benefits of good personal hygiene works even at potty training age. Feeling dry is much nicer than wet and sticky. It is also important not to let your child have anything to drink an hour before bedtime to avoid a full bladder while sleeping. One more thing ... when my children had accidents, they helped clean up the mess, (rinse out their underwear, change the sheets).
I hope this helps and your son is using the potty on his own :)

Celena - posted on 03/01/2011

DDo you have a new baby in the house or have you had any major changes to your life ? Sometimes kids regress and want to go back to being a little one. I wouldn't worry to much he will go back to using the potty. I worked in a daycare for a very long time and with the 3 to 5 yr olds sometimes they just give up. Try rewarding him with a treat when he goes in the potty. Make sure he knows that the treats are his special treats just for going in the potty and after he goes a few times lessen the treats and give more praise. Pretty soon he will be going again on his own.

Colleen - posted on 03/01/2011

Get rid of the pull ups biggest mistake most people make. Let him poo his pants a couple times of that and he will be done with it, if you continue to use pull ups he will just lazily poo in his pants because its easier.

Lynette - posted on 02/28/2011

My daughter just started going last weekend. My licensed day care provider got her to go by sitting her down and asked if she wanted to be a big girl? Not for stickers, to go to school, or to even make mommy and daddy happy but just because you want to be a big girl. She can't keep asking her every 15-30 minutes watching other kids so you just need to go by yourself. I kid you not she has not had any accidents since then. Before this she wanted to stay in pull ups like my 1 year old son, she said they were her diaper. I know it's frusterating but hang in there, when he's ready it will just click. Good luck!

Ei - posted on 02/28/2011

My son was fully trained @ 3yrs old. Hubby was training him @ first but he deployed so I was stuck w/the task. I had a hard time because I wanted him to be trained already he was past the age of 2 (that's when my daughter was fully trained)! I was comparing him to her. I got frustrated & worried that he might not get it. I did the consistency thing but all it did for me was set him back. He knew where & when to go but just wouldn't. One day I just threw out his pullups (he used the ones that got Cold when wet), my son was good @ night he'd stay dry just when morning hit he would pee.My folks told me to stop pushing him to go. Kids go @ their own pace. When they're ready they'll go. I tried that method & boy did it work, I didn't bug him one morning (a month after he turned 3) he went on his own,came out & told me that he went to the toilet... from that day we I mean he was good to go! I say be consistent but not pushy (as I was). Have dad help w/ the task. If you have other kids ask them to help by showing him. Rewards help too. I didn't get the chance or even thought about using it, my youngest was fully trained a month before she turned 2. Thanks to her siblings she wanted to do what they did. So she got it(made it really easy for me,lol). Best wishes & Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/28/2011

As long as he has anything on his bottom, he's going to keep peeing and pooping in what he is wearing. Leave him bare buns, keep the potty next go him, and put him in charge of cleaning any messes.

Carolyn - posted on 02/28/2011

II used to keep a little jar of gum drops in the bathroom on a shelf where my kids could see it. Everytime they would pee in the potty, they got one gum drop. If they pooped in the potty, they got two. It worked on my son and my daughters. I hope this helps.

Cheryl - posted on 02/28/2011

This can be so hard sometimes.. I agree with Devon.. get him involved with the cleanup.. wiping the floor pulling sheets off the bed, taking wet clothes/diapers to the laundry room/sink/ basket don't let him ever get away with not helping with the cleanup.. if he poops pants, he takes them off, dunks in the toilet, gets in the tub or shower, on a stool at the sink to hand wash underpants.. make it really a pain for him.. and while all of this is going on keep a straight face, nothing positive or negative, he doesn't get any special attention when he blows it.. stirictly business m'am .. the less positive feedback you give him when he blows it and the more work he has to do to clean up, hey he might just get tired of the hastle.. and praise and happy and good happens to him when he does go in the potty.. good luck God bless..

Amber - posted on 02/28/2011

Wanted to tell you, Devon, that I think you gave the right answer here!

Jennifer - posted on 02/28/2011

Well i got some good advice from my friend ... She had issues with her child not wanting to go to the potty. She told me to use a timer and set it for every 30 minutes then you take them to the potty to go.. you have to be consistant or it wont work.. first week 30 minutes 2nd wee 45 minutes.. 3rd week 1 hr.. reward him when he goes with the potty dance... or a small snack or toy.. Children thrive off of routine My daughters fully potty trained at 3 1/2 even night time trained.. It worked like a charm we also had some set back as she fell and sliced her knee open and needed stitches she was in bed for 2 day and was back on pull up for a week then back to potty training but she grasped it quicker.. Good Luck i hope things work out for you.

RaShell - posted on 02/27/2011

Just from experience. Pull-ups don't work. He is a "big" boy so he needs to wear big boy undies no matter what. There will be messes and accidents. Accidents happen. I have a 4 yr old daughter and it took me 8-10 months of cleaning poopy panties and pee panties but I never put her back in diapers. I made it very clear to her that she will NOT wear them. Once she understood she started using the potty. You can't give up. Stick to ur guns no matter how many times he pees his pants or you stepping in the puddles. Once you give up it shows him he can take advantage of the situation. I wish you the best. You can do it.

Sheila - posted on 02/27/2011

Does your son have something he really wants? What worked for my stubborn almost 4year old was a money jar. I had pretend coins. When he peed in the toilet he got a coin and when pooped he got 2 coins. If he had an accident he lost one or two coins. He had to fill the jar and then he got to go to Chucky Cheese. Once he got to go we emptyed the jar and did it again. It took 2 trips to Chucky Cheese in 2 months but it worked.
I also got the cornstarch colored peanuts, in the art section of the store, for him to put in the toilet to aim at. He had a great time sinking the peanuts.
Good luck I was there. It will pass.

Devon - posted on 02/27/2011

Sounds like a power struggle. He has total control of that part of his life and is not willing to let that go. I would pick one thing, either diapers (pull ups) or underwear, don't go back and forth its sending the wrong message. Make a game of it, set a timer for one hour, when the bell rings its time to go to the potty! Have a jar with gummy bears and gummy worms, for every successful pee pee he gets a gummy bear, for every successful poo poo he gets a gummy worm. If he doesn't go, then set the timer for thirty minutes, fifteen, etc. until he goes in the potty like the big boy that he is. If he has an accident have him help in the clean up. Either cleaning where he went, going to get clean clothes and get dressed, or taking off his diaper throwing it away and getting a new one, putting it one, etc. The more he has to do himself the better. Good luck!

Shannon - posted on 02/24/2011

maybe try telling him if he wants or isn't in school yet he has to go potty in the potty cause little kids that wear diapers can't go to school? I have a girl and it wasn't easy but I would also try these things at babys r us and you have the boy pee on them and they disolve or something like that? try it and see if he will try that