PULL-UP OVERFLOW,bed wet, afraid of pottys and no bribes working (so far) ..... HELP!

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

My daughter will be 4 in June, will wear real panties(with basically no accidents) but insists on going to the potty in a Pullup. She can hold it and tell me she has to go but if I try to put her on potty first (seat or toilet insert) she freaks out like she's afraid of it. I don't want to push her and risk freaking her out even more but now with holding it some nights (especially 3times this week) she will go in her sleep and the pull up overflows; soaking EVERYTHING. Not only is this gross and a pain in the butt but she feels bad on top of it.
I probably already know the answers but any suggestions on how to get her to sit would be greatly appreciated. We have made the chart, used little toys, outings and special places she likes, figured out a big prize toy she wants and will get that when she finally goes on the potty (much less just sits on it) and nothing works. The big prize is working to get the interest there again as since our recent move and new little brother all progress we had made is gone. We have to get this moving along as we all want her to go to school but the one she's planned for states she must be potty trained first. Thus back to square one.

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[deleted account]

One thing we as moms have to remember, whether we like it or not, potty training is the childs process, not ours...we're just there to help along the way. It's a mental, physical and physiological process for them. Keeping this in mind, and the fact that toddlers are "control freaks" it's much easier to understand why kids go back and forth with their progress. With all the changes that have gone on in your daughters life I can understand her hesitency. It's about control for them. This is probably just one way she's trying to let you know how she's feeling.

When I started potty training my daughter I bought both a small/portable potty and a special adult toilet seat that has a small toddler seat nested in the cover. If the toddler wants to use the big potty, they can just pull the seat down, then when they close the lid the smaller seat nests into the lid again. They sell it at Home Depot for about $35.

My daughter's been trained for about 9 months now, and she still uses her froggy potty (the small potty) most of the time. She loves it and we were able to bring it with us everywhere. I would keep it in the back of my vehicle, and if my daughter needed to go, I would just open the hatch and let her sit on her froggy right there in the back of the vehicle.

Books at home, in the bathroom were also a big hit. Sometimes she would sit on the froggy potty for 1/2 hour while I read to her. I think it helped her to get comfortable with it. There are a lot of books out there about the potty, so we picked up a few of those too.

Be very patient and don't force her. I had wanted my daughter to be potty trained by summer, so after a little while I tried pushing her. Of course that backfired and she regressed. Once I calmed down and accepted where she was she started to progress again. She actually asked to start wearing undies :)

Your daughter will get there, in her own time, when she's ready. Keep being patient, and always remember it's her process, not yours :)

One other thing, on the pullups at night. My daughter still uses them, and she's a big night tinkler. We limit her fluid intake 2 hours before bed and that seems to help some. We still have a few nights here and there where the pull up leaks, but it's not frequent so I can live with that :)

Karin - posted on 03/01/2011

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I agree with the other mothers. Good advice ladies! We have a child with kidney reflux, so we have dealt with the whole night-time wetting issue from 3-8 yrs old.

Have you asked her why she is scared of the potty?
My kids don't like the loud flush of ours and wouldn't go in for the longest time, and the oldest passed that on to their siblings. So, now my kids cover their ears whenever they hear a toilet flush.
Another issue - when we moved into a new place, we were still getting rid of TX cockroaches (it was as big as my foot, I kid you not!). My son freaked and still has problem using that bathroom.
Other than that, my oldest daughter who hated making things "dirty". It was just something she needed to work through.
As for night time, make sure they don't drink anything for 30-40 minutes before going bed, and make sure they go to the bathroom right before bedtime (verify that they really tried), and you may have better luck with it.
Lastly, don't forget that there are night-time pull-ups that hold more urine than a regular pull-up. I believe they go up to 5T. As soon as my kids are awake, they have to use the toilet first thing, just to make sure we don't have an overflow upon waking.

Hope this helps in some way, and I wish you the best of luck!

Bonnie - posted on 03/01/2011

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couple of ideas... potty vs toilet... my daughter only ever played with her potty and i couldn't get her to do anything on it... I had a toilet seat we were given (a step attached one) we tried that a few times and Cadence was petriied... she didn't like that it was so unsteady, we then tried a small step and an ontop seat (it was a set that came together and forms a potty) that she didn't really like either... we finally found something that worked... we have an under the toilet seat potty seat... (very stable) and a large wide stool that is also very stable... this worked with a lot of praises... sticker galore... we started with stickers just for going into the toilet..., then 1 for taking pants down and a 1 for sitting anything she did for a week she got a little prize out of the prize box (party favours) this got her confident to sit... we then toned down the rewards back to just stickers...
as with the night problem if you get a GREAT solution let me know... our little girl is a heavy wetter, and i find i'm constantly washing sheets... i've recently been using a disposable nappy and a good night Modern cloth nappy over the top to help maybe you could try a wool "nappy" cover as they absorb as well as keep dry.... dunno good luck

Devon - posted on 02/28/2011

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I don't think she is afraid of the toilet, she doesn't want to give up control. She is in control of her pee and poo, and its scary for most children to give up that control. Us parents are always telling our children what to do and not to do, this she has total control over. It sounds like you just moved as well and had a new baby, these things can be very scary for an older sibling, and a lot of times they regress... To make her fell more comfortable and secure you need to set up a routine so that she knows what is going to happen and when it will happen.
Choose one thing, either diapers (pull ups) or underwear, don't go back and forth, it sends the wrong message.
Set a timer for one hour when it goes off everyone goes to the potty, let her see that it isn't a scary thing, Mommy goes, if Daddy is there, Daddy goes. Have a jar with gummy bears and gummy worms. When she sits on the potty and pees she (or Mommy) gets to get one gummy bear from the jar, when she sits and goes poo she (or Mommy) gets to get a gummy worm from the jar. If she decides not to go then reset the timer for thirty minutes, fifteen, etc. and try again until success. If she has a daytime accident have her help with the clean up, cleaning where she went, getting clean clothes for herself, putting the dirty clothes in the hamper, or taking off the diaper, putting it in the garbage, getting a new one to wear, the more she does on her own the better. Good Luck, it will all click soon enough for her!

Sarah - posted on 02/28/2011

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I have no idea how to convince her to go during the day, other than telling her that she cannot go to school until she is potty trained ( worked for my daughter).

as for night time, I do know what to do about that. I have a 15 year old autistic boy who still is not night trained due to some bladder issues. He wears depends at night, but I know he leaks through them 90% of the time. He ruined one mattress before I found http://bedwettingstore.com/index.htm just last month I spent $98 on a special sheet and zip on mattress cover for his bed. The sheet is awesome. The top is towel material, and the underside is waterproof. In the morning if it is wet, all you have to do is take off the special sheet and wash it. The towel material keeps the moisture from spreading too much.

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Alison - posted on 03/02/2011

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That is a whole lotta transition for a little girl. Assuming school starts in September, I would give it a rest for awhile. At this age, it will take no time for her once she decides she wants to use the toilet.

Diana - posted on 03/02/2011

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My son was afraid of the potty as well and potty training has been going slow with him. In the beginning I had to sit with him and give him lots of hugs as he cried it out while sitting on the potty. We read the elmo potty book everyday to help with the fear of going and we always talk about what a big boy he is and how he'll be able to start doing more once he learns to go on the potty (ie school, sports, etc). We're in month two now and he gets on the potty no problem (well most of the time).



He also has mastered holding it until he gets a pull up on so we've eliminated the pull up except for overnight. That has helped a lot.



As for overnight bed wetting, I would suggest limiting how much she can drink before bed. We start limiting our boys drinks after dinner so they only have small amounts (bedtime is within an hour and a half after dinner).



Hang in there. I'm sure she'll come around.

J** - posted on 03/01/2011

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First... let's do something for mommy! A great website called meetup.com is something you should join. It is a site that gives many people with the same types of issues or interests to meet up in your area. I joined a potty training group, and single parents group. We have playdates and it is nice to meet people to form a support system. Now, for your princess. First, due to all the changes, I would not pressure her and definitely NOT get stern. Due to all the changes in her life, this can only do damage to any progress (however small). If you join a potty group, you can see if any other parents would be into group pottying. (We did this) When children see other kids doing something, they become more relaxed and the intimidation level drops. I would purchase the small potty. I used this with my son who was potty trained at two, and my daughter who is current 18months is almost potty trained. Just be diligent and patient, I believe that her pullups are the one constant that she has control over.

Lucinda - posted on 03/01/2011

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I went threw that with my son! I got mad and mad and mad and it did me no good bribes didn't work ether! One day I just decided to take the pullups away all together even at night - if a wet bed is your issue plastic cover the darn bed under the bottom sheet ofcourse! The wetness is imbarasing to them yes but thats a good thing because they don't want to smell like pee or have it running down their legs so they use the potty! Doesn't matter if she uses a potty chair or the toilet long as it's a potty! Let her make that change on her own! I don't know if you have an open door policy or not but seeing you go on the potty will help remind her always that she is a big girl and this is how big girls do it! Thats the best advice I can give It worked for me hope it works for you!

[deleted account]

Well, I've bought the stool and an insert for the big potty and she's TERRIFIED of even sitting on it. The next step will have to be the small potty. We started out good with both about 6 months back and then had to move and got rid of things as the transition was enough and we were staying with some friends till our place ready so I didn't think the no pants thing was a good idea in someone else's place.
I've been putting her main stuffed animal on it with a book in his hand to let her tend to him and we'll give that a few days then I'm just going to spend the money and take her to pick out a cool one that's small and makes music or whatever will not make her scared.
Being tough was a thought but to hear her genuinely upset and knowing the next step was her peeing on herself or worse holding in a poop to avoid is NOT the way I want to do this. Both of my kids have trouble with stools so I'm going to take a little bit of everyone's advice (and all your encouragement) and keep plugging along.
Due to family situations and the care of a disabled parent this little girl has been moved 7 times in her 3 1/2 yrs of her life. So, considering the fact that she has adjusted to ALL that's been dished out, her being "late" or hesitant to potty train the rest of the way is going to have to just be ok for now.
Thank you ALL for your stories and advice. With this move and no support system or family and friends to turn to the mothers at Cirlce of Moms have been a great help to me.
Thanks again : )

Mazy - posted on 02/28/2011

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If shes almost four, then I would try being a little tougher about it. My son started off great with toilet training, but randomly stopped using it. I got him back on track in no time by taking away the diapers and taking off his pants while we were at home. If he had an accident on the floor I would
very sternly tell him that poops and pees go in the potty and it was very bad to go on the floor. He also had to help clean it up. He's 21 months now and even wears underwear on outtings without accidents. Just keep trying :)

[deleted account]

Do you put her on the big potty? If so she might feel intimidated about being so far off the ground. You could try to use a stool beneath her feet so they don't dangle, and make her feel trapped up there. You could also try a small potty, and let her play with it even when she isn't actively going potty. I have 2 sons. A 4 year old who is potty trained. And a 2, and a half year old who is just getting started on the process. I have a potty seat for him that sings little songs, and he loves to sit on it (He won't do anything in it yet, but he loves to sit on it) I keep it in the living room sometimes, and he'll sit there, and watch TV, and play with it, and sing. My older son wouldn't sit on the big potty for a long time. He was afraid of it. Once I got him a step stool so he could climb up by himself, and feel more in control he stopped being afraid. No matter what though even when my older son wets the bed which is thankfully rare I make sure that I tell him that it's OK, and that accidents happen to everyone. I try to make sure he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong.
You can try to make it fun to sit on the potty. Maybe sing songs like the ABC's or on top of spagetti or something like that. Or read a short book. Try to make it something to look forward to. One thing is for sure though they just get it one day. It just clicks, and they get it, and then everything gets easier. I hope that happens for you soon! Good Luck! I hope some of my ideas are helpful.

[deleted account]

relax first thing, I would probably step away from trying to make her change and maybe she will decide to do it herself, if you give her the choice like "would you like to use the potty like mommy or your pullup?" this might help her think she is in control. Fears for children are very real, if the potty is scary then maybe make it a funny thing for a while. Maybe sterilize it and make it a toy holder or put her dolls on it for a seat at bathtime? I dont know I just know that my son was afraid of floating toys in the tub when he was little and eventually it worked out that he like them but I did not push it until he was ready.

As for the night time, my sons both wet in the night, even through a pullup, until they were at least 10. This is something they have no control over. I would put a waterproof pad under them so I would only have to change them and remove the pad and not have to change the whole bed. One son did not like the pad so I would put a waterproof liner, a sheet, another liner and another sheet. then if wet I could just change them and then remove one layer of sheet. I know there are medicines and even alarms for "changing" them but I looked into them and decided I did not believe this would be best for them. Their doctor was not concerned either and felt they would eventually out grow. I did notice as they got older that it would go in cycles, no wetting for months then wetting a couple times in a week. Some say that red and blue dyes in foods can affect wetting issues.

I know they feel bad when they wet but I always reassured them that it was not their fault and tried to control my reactions because out of tired frustration we can respond negativly without meaning to. Smiles and hugs go a long way.

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