Will not poop...

Sandy - posted on 02/06/2009 ( 37 moms have responded )

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I feel like I've read over this question before, but I need some advice...

My daughter has been using the potty for a good 3 month now. She pees all day long on it, will tell me when she needs to go, stays dry at night, but for the life of me will not poop on the potty. She'll hold it as long as she possibly can or until she has a diaper on, then go hide and poop. I've tried putting her on the potty when I know she has to go and leaving her there - no luck. I've tried bribing her with treats, TV... - no luck. I've tried the guilt trip (mommy is very sad) - no luck. I've tried ignoring it and not making a big deal out of it at all for a few weeks. Now she has 2 wrapped presents sitting in sight but out of reach until she goes potty - no luck. She'll get excited and say she's going. Then she pees and goes on to telling me "poo poo is not working mommy" and 5 minutes later she'll poop in her pants. I know she knows when she has to go, I just am at my wits end with how I can get her to do it on the potty?

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Ann - posted on 02/13/2009

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Ok ladies, I haven't tried this yet, but It sounds like it might work. I did some research and this is what i have found. I imagine that it will be a little messy in the beginning, but it lets them know that it isn't going to hurt...which is very often the problem. Being in the same boat as most of you, I am willing to try anything.



"As a result of stool holding, a child's appetite will drop. Kids can withhold stool for a variety of reasons, but one reason is something I call the "DDD cycle"--Discomfort-Dread-Delay. Kids have an uncomfortable stool, they get afraid of the next one, hold it for a while, the next one hurts worse, and the cycle continues--and gets worse. It can start at any point, often with delay (if they are busy playing, for instance). They can also do it from anger or fear--as with the arrival of a new baby in the home, parental divorce, a stressful move, or other life changes.



If the DDD cycle is the problem, the best way to break the cycle is often with medicine, such as mineral oil, that will soften the stool and make it impossible to hold in. The dose is gradually adjusted until kids have a soft stool daily, and then left at that level for about two weeks while they learn that stooling doesn't hurt and while the intestines shrink back to normal size. (Often kids who have withheld for a while are so stretched out that they can no longer feel the urge to go until it is too late.) Taper the mineral oil off after another two weeks. The starting dose of mineral oil for a 4-year-old is usually about 4 teaspoons per day, but sometimes people need to go as high as 12 teaspoons before seeing the results. Have the parents check with their pediatrician to see if this might be a good approach for their boy.



Kids with this problem should also be encouraged to have a high fiber diet as well. This is something that you can help with! Lots of fruits and vegetables, high fiber cereals, whole grain breads, and whole wheat pastas should be regular parts of this little boy’s diet. Avoid constipating foods such as white rice, white breads, and “junk food”. In addition, daily prune or pear juice can help keep the stools soft once the DDD cycle has been broken"

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2009

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I know how u feel my Son is three and just got used to going on the potty. He picked it up quite quickly but will not go poo on the potty. But has no problem goin in a pull up or big boy underwear... I dont know how to get him to go. Hopefully there is a Mom out there who can help us out. Plz Moms were in need of some help!!!

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Lisa - posted on 04/23/2012

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same problem pretty much trained to wee on toilet very aware of how and why and bribed etc. Every trick in the book! no number 2 on toilet hides and has to in pully up? at wits end - we done the completely no pressure approach for a few weeks now so she learns to relax when doing it and not a big deal- older cousins have shown her and i know she understands why- being a big girl etc? she is 3 in august- shoul i just wait ? or go with natural remedies to help her out?

Crystal - posted on 01/16/2011

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I am no help either. I am in the same boat as everyone else. My soon to be 4 yr. old son has been peeing in the potty for months now but he will not poopy in the potty. I know that he can do because he has gone a few times before. He will go to a hiding spot and do it in his underwear. It doesnt phase him that he has poopy in his underwear either. I have tried bribibg him with many different things and have even taken away favorite things but id doesnt phase him at all. So if anyone has any good advice I would love to hear it so I can give it a try. I done the sticker chart when we first started training and that helped him pee in the potty but it does not work for the poopy in the potty....Please Help

Candace - posted on 07/23/2009

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my daughter will be 2 in sept. we have this game we play about every hour or so, its like a competitive game where I say "I've got to potty" and she says "no me" then I say "no me first" and she wants to go first. well about 3 months ago she was going potty really good pee and poo and even telling me when she had to potty. Now i don't know what is going on she wont use the potty hardly at all. Now when I try to play our game she just looks at me and says " ok mommy first". Me and her dad are divorced and I think it has something to do with her daddy having another little baby and her picking up on how the baby acts. I really don't know maybe some of ya'll having trouble with the potty thing can try my game with your kids. It might work, I hope it helps.

Ammie - posted on 07/21/2009

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My daughter is the other way.. she poops so well in the potty but don't pee in the potty all the time.. she loves to sit to her elmo potty that has the hand that says 'good job whenever she press it..

Erin - posted on 07/15/2009

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Oh, another idea is to move the potty to a fun part of the house... for example, let her try to go while she is watching tv, or near her toys where she won't feel like she is missing out on something if she tries to go in the bathroom for a while.

Erin - posted on 07/15/2009

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Well I feel a little funny responding to this question, because I have not had to actually put the idea into practice, but I read something that stuck with me because it made a lot of sense. It is also funny because this is the second time I have put this idea out there... I am, however, not a potty-pooing expert! LOL That said, here goes:



If the issue is that they are scared of the idea of losing a part of themselves and therefore only will go in a diaper, try allowing them to put on a diaper, but get them to sit on the potty while they do their "doo". If they will do that, after a few good poos on the potty with the diaper on, start cutting out the back of the diaper so they still have that security of the diaper, but suddenly the poo is now going in the potty... Then applaud and praise them like crazy! It can ease the anxiety of the transition from diaper to potty, so I plan to use the idea if necessary! Good luck everyone!

Darla - posted on 07/13/2009

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my daughter is 3 1/2 and like most of your children has no problem with peeing in the potty, but refuses to poop. She will poop in her panties and acts as if this doesn't bother her at all, We have tried bribery, we tell her she is a big girl now, to which she says she doesn't want to be a big girl. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I wonder if it's a control isssue, she is very stubborn. When she has an accident we tell her it's ok, but she needs to tell mommy and daddy when she needs to go and we will help her. We have yet to even see a sign that she wants to poop in the potty. If any of you find something that works PLEASE share.

Fiona - posted on 07/13/2009

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i wish i could help both of you i am so sorry but i have a for year old who will not poop in the toilet and he s tarts school in september , i am after some advice aswell,i hope some one can help- me too please

Hillary - posted on 07/13/2009

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I wish I could help you but unfortunately I am in the same boat as you. My daughter has been using the potty since before she was 2. Now at 2 1/2 she still refuses to use poop in the potty. I hope someone can give me some advice as well.

Emma - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hi,I have six children so I have gone through this many times!After trying to potty train my son too early(1years old) I then left the others until they were completly ready to ask to do it by themselves-around 3 years old.Then when they were at the stage of being dry and going wee in the toilet I would then say"this is the last packet of nappies so after this,no more".They all accepted this,especially when they see there really are no more in the house!!!Another tip :when going out,let them know where the bathroom is;my son at 3 would poo in his pants while we were out and when I questioned him he said"but I didn't know they had a toilet"

Charlene - posted on 07/11/2009

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i have experienced both i have 2 yr old twins so i see both sides of it my son was the first to use a potty for a wee and my daughter showed no interest wen she caught on i never looked bak she done everything in the toilet no potty wudnt entertain that we still have some accidents but we are getting there n we are also working on getting dry at night however wiv my son he would wee on the toilet again no potty but he wud not poo he also liked to go n hide whilst he did it however one day it happened by accident he went for a wee n wen i checked on him he had done a poo so was made a great fuss of since then he jumps between the two i think it depends whether they are hard or soft if they are soft her seems to have no problem but if they are hard he waits until he cant hold it any longer so i just increased fruit and veg intake and made sure he had plenty of fluids at mealtimes tro help to keep them soft we are now starting to conquer the problem some accidents are still expected but it is much improved

Yeukai - posted on 07/11/2009

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My daughter is the complete opposite she does all her poops in the potty but rarely does here wees in there.

Wendy - posted on 07/10/2009

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I wish I could be of some help, but my son is stubborn and refuses to poop. He does let me know if he has gone in his underwear, by telling me "Ewww". Since he doesn't like it, I hope he will come around soon. My husband is home for the summer (he's a teacher), so with his man voice, we may make some progress. Some kids just don't respond as well to their mothers; my hubby has been a tremendous asset in this battle!

Karen - posted on 07/10/2009

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Me too!  My 3 year old son does the same thing!  He'll not go for 3-7 days, but if I put a pull-up on him he'll go almost immediately.  He even asks me..."mommy, do i have a pull-up on?' and I'll say no, why do you have to poop?




He stays dry all night, wears under all day and uses the potty or the big toilet to pee all the time and all by himself...but no luck with the pooping.  I have tried all the above too...treats, bribery, presents, even Hot Wheels...he knows they are there for when he goes in the potty but still won't go.



We have even stopped buying pull-ups and you could see the wheels turning inside that head when I told him there weren't any diapers in the house at all...we ran out...so, if you have to pee OR poop, you have to do it in the potty or the toilet. So he held it for days, until I couldn't take it anymore and put a pull-up on him and he - no word of a lie - pooped not 5 seconds later.


What do we do?

Angela - posted on 07/10/2009

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I have been seriously potty training my son for 3 days now. When I was looking into different tricks of how to train him, I read that most kids have a hard time pooping on the potty. I read that most kids want to do it in their diaper or even underwear. To try and nip that problem in the bud, I pick a time during the day when I can tell that my son has to poop, and have him try on the potty. When I know he has to poop, but doesn't want to on the potty, I put his diaper on but still make him sit on the potty. He does it! And right away, we take his diaper off and flush it! I am hoping that the act of him sitting on the potty to poop while wearing his diaper will turn to sitting on the potty to poop without it! We'll see though...he might see right through my tricks :)

Neoloni - posted on 07/09/2009

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With my daughter I kind of turned into a game... I know this will sound very different but she would come too me and say mommy my boys want 2 come out and for weeks I didn't have a clue until one night she was sitting on the potty and I asked what was taking her so long and she said mommy u have 2 be patient my boys are trying to come out... from that point on when I take her 2 the pot I would ask does her boys need 2 come out I know this sounds pretty nasty but it works now when she goes too the potty she does both

Samantha - posted on 07/09/2009

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oh and i really think it's a matter of being impatient..he sometimes says "i have to poop" but then when i put him on the potty he says "it's gone"...i tried giving him books and stuff but he wants down. he under no circumstances will pee his pants..not even during naps or at night but he WILL NOT go poop in the potty..i think it's because it takes longer to go and he doesn't want to sit and wait for it :(

Samantha - posted on 07/09/2009

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I'm no help...I'm having the same problem. Except for the fact that my son has absolutely NO REMORSE about it...he doesn't wait for a diaper or go and hide..he just poops his underwear and goes about his business...he will usually come and tell me to change him. He goes at different times every day and sometimes it's shortly after mealtime and sometimes it's not...so there's really no guessing when it's going to happen. I, too have tried everything between bribing and getting sad, etc. My friend let her son go completely pantsless...and was able to kind of catch him when he started to go and then took him to the potty and let him at least finish in there...didn't work for me but maybe it'll work for you! Good Luck!

[deleted account]

Try keeping track of when she poops and try to find a time of day that she poops about the same every day (for my son its about 30 minutes after he eats). At that time take her in and sit her on the potty and try reading her a book. Or 4 or 5 books until she makes a little poo in the potty you might be there a little while the first time until she understands what she is supposed to do. Kids have a hard time relaxing on the potty so reading a book helps them relax and forget about the potty and they will poo. GOOD LUCK!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Kerrie:



ive had some progress with the idea of not switching between pull ups/pants, my 3rd old now tells me he needs a poo, he will sit on the toilet for about 45 mins trying to go but finds himself unable to,but will instantly go in his pants,do yu think this is fear?should i keep going or try an alternate method?





I've heard that children often use different muscles to poop in the potty than they do in a diaper. When he goes in his pants what position is he in?

[deleted account]

I too have been struggling with my son to get him to go #2 in the potty. He's four now and let me tell you, we have been getting a lot of 'We need to talk' from the daycare ladies. Telling me that he might have autism or a delay, that we should have him tested. I told them that he had a bad experience at the previous daycare. One of the teachers was apparently making him sit on the potty for a very long time. Even after he started crying to get off. Ever since then he has refused to use the potty. He was two then. His doctor told us to give it a rest for a while. A couple of months later we tried again and he freaked out. It's been hell ever since. A battle!



With a lot of talking and explaining he finally stared going pee in the potty but no #2. It’s been TWO years, I know he is over the traumatic experience at the old daycare and I've finally realized that my son is just lazy and stubborn. I know all the books and articles tell you to make it a positive experience. Yes, of course but with my son all it took was what we call 'LOCKDOWN'.



He was told that if he went #2 in the potty that we would take him to Chuck E. Cheese. (Positive side) He liked this idea and did try... he really did... but would hold it until a pull-up was on. So… his room was locked, no games on the computer, no playing with Mommy’s iPhone and the only time he could watch TV is if he was on the potty…trying to go #2. Layout of the house helped with this! Lol The second day he pooped in the potty!!!! We went to Chuck E. Cheese and he got all his toys back. We have removed all Pull-ups from the house bought 30 pairs of underwear and there is no going back. Do not go back… it only confuses them. Sometimes he will have an accident when he is playing and doesn’t want to stop to use the restroom and in this case he is put in lockdown. We tell him… Big boys stop playing and go to the restroom when they have to go. If you can’t act like a big boy then you do not get the pluses of being a big boy. So far it’s worked with him. Might sound harsh but it worked for him. Trust me I tried everything else…everything!!! So getting tough might be the answer for your child if you feel they are just being lazy and stubborn about it.

Kristina - posted on 03/08/2009

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I stuck strickly to underpants no diaper,no pull ups. When my daughter poo poo in her panties I told her this was a no-no and that it was gross. I then proceed to tell her that "big girls go potty"  and I would also put the poo from her panties in the potty and tell her that this is were poo poo went. I even went as far as throwing away her panties(only the older ones the hand me downs for her older sister). Then one day she just started going to the potty by herself. We made a really big deal and from that point on she was went to the potty. Good luck!

Erica - posted on 03/07/2009

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Success! My son is now going poop in the potty every night. We still have to remind him but he seems to be more comfortable doing it now. He realizes it doesn't hurt and actually feels better.



This is how we did it. We found out what he really wanted and around the time he usually makes a poop, we bribe him with it...yes bribe...it doesn't sound great and I might feel guilty but it actually worked.



The first night he really wanted a piece of carrot cake for dessert so we told him he'd get it only if he made poop in the potty. He would not get it if he made any in his underwear. I guess he really wanted the cake because he marched right to the potty and dropped the bombs.



The next night he wanted cookies. This time he really had trouble going. He sat about a dozen times and didn't do anything. He did not get cookies that night. Unfortunately he didn't poop that day but that also meant he didn't have a mess in his pants. The next day he had no problem though and got his cookies. We've used other guilty pleasures such as lollipops, ice cream, etc...stuff we don't give him on a regular basis. The mom who suggested it used M&Ms.



I do have to note that we don't allow him to sit for too long at a time and we tell him to relax rather than force it out so he doesn't hurt himself. He knows he can always try again later.



Some nights he does better than others and he even does it in the morning. We are now switching gears and only giving him a treat when he goes by himself without us having to remind him. We ALWAYS make a huge fuss (the potty dance) when he does #2 in the potty to encourage.

Tina - posted on 02/14/2009

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Well, ladies....luckily my toddler has the ability to watch the older brothers, and wants to be as much like them as possible. I can recall with my oldest, who is now 8, how difficult it was to get him to poop in the potty. Sometimes, he would even poop on the floor, behind the couch, you name it. I knew that one of his favorite things was having his own tv in his room. Now, please keep in mind that he was going on 3 and 1/2, and had been peeing in the potty regularly for quite some time. After doing everything I could have ever thought of, and was at my wits ends...I took his tv out of his room and put it in the living room. I let it sit there, so everyday he could see it. I explained to him that only "big boys" can have tv's in there rooms, and that if he wanted to be a big boy and get his tv back, he would have to start pooping in the potty. I told him that if he could show me what a big boy he was, and use the potty consistently for the next few days, then he could get his tv back. He started pooping in the potty the very next day...and never went anywhere else since then. With his help, my middle son, who is now 4, potty trained relatively easily. Alex has helped pass on the idea to his little brothers, that if they want big boy things, they have to use the potty like a big boy. My youngest has just started potty training. He just turned 2 in October. Lets hope he catches on as quickly as my 4 year old did.

Malinda - posted on 02/13/2009

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wow I am so glad I stumbled across this conversation! my 2.4 years old daughter TT in 6 days, poos and wees then decided not to do a poo in the toilet anymore, just in her knickers or will now hold it in till she has a nappy on for sleep. I thought it was because she used to do it on the potty then when we moved her to the toilet she got scared. Now i think it may hurt her sometimes and she is scared! I think she is also scared of the toilet, I'm going to try the bread with nutella trick, to show her it's ok in the toilet. Perhaps some natural laxative may help too...she can hold on for up to 3 days! normally 24-36 hour between poos:(

Kerrie - posted on 02/11/2009

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id love to know the answer too jennifer,i also gave in to callum 3 ashe got very frustrated as he really want to show mummy how he can be a big boy and poo in the toilet,but he just couldnt,im sure its not physical,would just like to get him thru this as he is beginning to get angry as he wants to but cant,callum is now dry through the nite too, its totally confusing me and just want to help him,anybody???

Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2009

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I would keep trying. Last night Ava,2, told me she had to go poop and wanted me to put her diaper on. So I told her I didn't buy diapers anymore, she got very upset. I put her on the potty and she absolutely lost her mind. She was screaming and crying that she couldn't do it her and saying her belly hurt. Instead of trying to go and get it out  she strained and clenched to keep it in. She was shaking and sweating and I tried everything including bribary to get her to go. Finally I felt so horrible I took her down and out a diaper on her and she instantly pooped. I just don't get it, she has been using the potty for weeks and never has an accident even through nap time so why in the world is pooping on the potty so traumatizing? How do I get her over this complete anxiety?

Kerrie - posted on 02/09/2009

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ive had some progress with the idea of not switching between pull ups/pants, my 3rd old now tells me he needs a poo, he will sit on the toilet for about 45 mins trying to go but finds himself unable to,but will instantly go in his pants,do yu think this is fear?should i keep going or try an alternate method?

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2009

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I have the same problem with my two year old daughter. She will pee on the potty all day, no accidents ever but refuses to poop. She knows when she needs to go but instead of using the potty she has a tantrum and begs for a diaper so she can go poop. I just don't know what to do, when I figure something out I will let you know.

Natalie - posted on 02/09/2009

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not too much help... im in the same boat with my 3 year old son, the only thing that kind of helped was allowing him to pick out his own toilet seat to go right on the toilet (cars of course lol).. worked for a bit, now back to the same thing with the hiding when he has to go poop or holding it till he gets a sore tummy ache..  yet the idea about trying him in underwear sounds like it may actually work, because when i had him in cloth diapers at one point he hated it so much he would either take them off or would hold his poop.. so im going to give it a shot... thanks a bunch

Maraea - posted on 02/09/2009

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My grandmother taught me a good trick for the poos, get a piece of bread and spread it with nutella or sumthing and roll it up so it looks like a poo. When your toddler is sitting on the potty or toilet "trying" to do poohs quickly put the fake poohs into the bowl and show them that they did some poohs and give lots of praise, then ask them if they want to try to make more poohs.



Sometime they feel like they are losing a part of themselves in the toilet when they poo because it is such a solid thing that comes out of them. Also dont tell them they are naughty or growl them for doing poohs anywhere else but in the potty because this confuses them as they have only known to do poohs in their nappy since they were born and now we expect them to do something that is very foriegn to them.



 



Good Luck to you all

[deleted account]

Make sure you are not switching back and forth between diapers/ pull ups and underwear.  That confuses kids. Let them poop in underwear and see how she reacts. At some point she will not like it.

Kerrie - posted on 02/07/2009

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i also have the same problem,my son is dry throuhgout the day but refuses to poo in the toilet,he has never liked the potty and went straight to the toilet,if he feels he has to poo he jumps off the toilet and asks for a nappy pant,some people have told me its fear of letting something of theres go,he wants to be changed straight away as he cant stand being uncomfotable,any ideas????

Michele - posted on 02/06/2009

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No help, but I am in the same boat as you with my son.  Everyday when he walks in the door after arriving home from daycare, he grabs a pull-up and asks me to put it on.  Then he stands in the corner to poop.  He stays dry all day long in underwear and has no problrm peeing on the potty.  I have tried everything you have and made no progress.  I hope someone has some new ideas and I am anxius to hear! 

Erica - posted on 02/06/2009

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My son hides to poop too...he'll do a small poop on the potty by accident and we make a big deal of it with his potty dance, treats, etc but when he "really" has to do it, he hides behind the couch and runs from us when we want to check. He doesn't seem to be phased by the yucky feeling and doesn't seem to care the ouchy bottom is because he doesn't go to the potty. I'd like to hear any ideas anyone has as well.

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