"Mom? Do I HAVE to wait till I'm married to have sex?"

Cathy - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Yes, my 11 year old started this conversation while I was merging into freeway traffic!! She said that waiting that long just "didn't make sence to her" and that they were telling them to wait both in school and church. Personally her father and I are now christians and DO believe in waiting, but we ourselves did not. I told her her virginity was a very special gift. It can only be given away once. You never get it back. I told her we would pray some about it and I trusted her to make the right choice. Any other advice? She is developing early just like I did and I know she will have the boys attention next year in middle school. I don't want her experementing this young!! I am a nurse and usually get pretty graphic with my girls when it comes to explaining why you shouldn't do something. But I never expected to have to be on this topic at age 11! Any help?

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Candi - posted on 01/13/2011

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I remember my kids asking when they were 4 and 5. They swore it was illegal to have sex before marriage...I agreed!! lol. Now they are 12 and 10 and they sort-of know better. My son swears he is going to wait b/c he has too many dreams and goals and doesn't want to throw them all away. My daughter (10 yrs old) keeps saying, "mom, would you be mad if I got pregnant at 16?" Thanks MTV for making it look fun and acceptable!! I told her she would have an abortion and I don't care of it had to be done in 3 steps b/c she was too far a long!! (trying to scare her). She understands the whole homosexual thing too. They are having sex-ed classes in 4th grade now!! I really hope we instill our Christian values and beliefs and morals into our children, but society is a bigger influence than mom and dad. Friends and peer pressure can make the best person do bad things. Its sad, but I hope my kids are strong enough to overcome those pressures and stand up for what they believe in.

Nelly - posted on 12/05/2010

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My husband and I both waited until our wedding night and we all instilled the same values in our kids. Always encourage your kids to wait, because virginity is something that you can only loose once

[deleted account]

Cathy, I totally feel you on this subject. Unfortunately, I had to deal with it way early on....like when my son was 7 and my daughter was 4. My son came home one day and asked what oral sex was. Yes at age 7 in Kindergarden...thank you.

Of course I was shocked but I decided if he's asking the questions, then I needed to prepare him. I sat him and my daughter down and gave them the talk. I also told them that just because we're having this talk doesn't mean you need to have sex. Just like you, I told them their virginity is a very special thing and should not be taken lightly, because once its gone, its gone and there are dire consequences. I've alwas encouraged my kids to not have sex but eventually that's a split second decision they need to make on their own. Hopefully not the wrong one.

The best thing to talk with them, have that open relationship with them and let them know that they need to be cautious when making that decision. There are way too many diseases out there and if & when they decide make sure its with protection. Don't depend on the guy to have any.

I'm grateful that I have a wonderful open relationship with my kids. My kids ask me things about sex and if I don't know, we research it. So just talk with her about it... and be honest with her about your feelings.

Best of Luck.

Tanya - posted on 05/05/2010

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I was asked this question by my 10 year old. I was honest with her...I told her some people don't wait but I also made sure she was aware of the consequence of not waiting such as STDS, teen pregnancy ect. I also told her like you that I believe a woman should wait till she was married because it is something shared between a man and woman who love each other very much. I also explain the christian concept of the deposit of ones soul into another during the act of love making. Basically, it is the giving of one's self to another the ultimate gift and how a gift that special should only be shared with someone you are going to be with till you pass on hence your husband. It worked for her because she says she is saving herself for her prince which is so sweet to hear.

Ramona - posted on 04/06/2010

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Since you are a Christian, it is easy, it is God's rule, not yours! Lol! I tell my kids that all the time. I also believe that we are entitled to our privacy. You would not have asked your parents about their sexual relationships, it is not your business. Not saying if you choose, you can't pull wisdom from your past, but that is up to you.

Terri - posted on 01/28/2010

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Wow, my daughter is approaching 10 and I can't even fatham her asking anything of this matter. I think that you did do the right thing for sure. All we can do as parents is pray to God that when our children get older what we have taught them, that it was instilled in them and they will respect you and themselves and really truly learn that it is a gift and not something that is just up for grabs when some boy wants it...

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