C - posted on 02/02/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I have a 12.5 year old who is in sixth grade this year.. She is smart and very loving. She is laid back and a go with the flow kid. She is happy to clean with me or have ice cream treats... She is good with babies and her brother..... HOWEVER... She has straight F's.. School work is a battle. NOT becasue she isnt smart or is struggling. Its because she doesnt want to do it. When she does do class work or homework she writes a bunch of crap and turns it in.
I have tried checking each assignment - This is how this works... I say bring me the vocab when your done I am going to check it so go ahead and do it right the first time. She bring me the vocab and its last weeks. I give it back to her and tell her to do it right this time. She brings me the vocab with the first words defined correctly but the others have fake deffintitions next to them. I say go do it again and this continues over and over and over for the entire night.
I have tried leaving it up to her. This is how this works. I say this week your school work is your job. You plan it you complete it. If you do well then you get to join movie night with us this weekend. If not then you get to write me an essay while we are at movie night... She will bring home her friends homework with good grades and lie to my face watch the movie and not show evidence of feeling bad at all.
I have tried using things she cares about.. Clarinet concert... this is how this went... Dad and I said.. If you are missing assignements then you dont get to participate in your concert. If you do your work then after your concert we will all go to ice cream. I made her write the plan. I made her a calander. I reminded her over and over....
She came home the friday before her concert... excited she asked me if she could put the time the concert starts on the calander... I was excited that she had done her work and we could go to the concert.... WRONG --- I asked for her grade sheet and she had done nothing for three weeks!!! This means that when I checked on her at her desk she was faking homework for three weeks. ...... When I asked why.. She says I dont know.. She did not go to the concert.
Next was camp keep... went the same way as the concert...But this time I made her cheer leading charts on her walls with pics of camping and her friends. I made her lists of reasons I knew she could do it. We were all cheering her along.. Effort not grades is always what I ask... NO CAMP KEEP! she did nothing and she lied the entire time to both of us.
I have tried daily contact with teachers... I have tried the desk in my office, I have tried the desk alone in her room. I have tried sitting with her. I have tried a tutor. I have hung presents on ther walls. I have grounded her. I have taken her cell phone ( she does not have one).
We also have some other issues if your want to keep reading LOL
I say things like no eating on the couch (its new) if I am not there or if I am in the shower or If I am in the garden.... GUESS who is eating on the couch....
I say dont use my laptop use the home computer... Guess who locked me out of my own house for 10 minutes while she was on my laptop....
I say dont eat the chocolate sauce its for a special dessert were all having this weekend.. Guess who eats the sauce and hides it in the bathroom...
I say I bought you hairspray... this is yours but this is mine. Please dont use mine... Guess who uses it anyway...
I dont know what to do. My husband doesnt know what to do.. Really now she does what she wants and thats that... She has no consequences because I cant think of any I havent used or even think of anything she really cares about.
My husband doesnt want to check her grades this quarter. He says all the arguing doesnt help anyway. He wants to leave the decision up to her... I checked her grades... All F's ----
Then if she brings home all F's on report card then what?
REally nothing will happen to change her behavior because we dont know what to do. Were setting a very bad pattern... She will have poor grades and no consequences. Whats going to motivate her to change behaviors???? We need help.... Any suggestions will help because now .... We all 5 of us hide our peronals and I hide the food from her in a locked cabinet because she doesnt listen and will eat her snacks and then sneak her brothers and sisters. We cant leave her alone at all.
I am worried that were setting her up...like were sealing her fate by always expecting her do do the wrong thing...
How do I turn this around???