heartbroken and ready to move on... right thing to do?

Taylor - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i have a son who is 15 months and his father left me when we found out i was pregnant. I met this other guy 3 months after i had my son. we dated. fell in love. got engaged and decided to have a baby. i got pregnant and he left me 3 months into my pregnancy. we tried to make things work about a month ago, but he had lied to me so many times while we were together, i couldnt bring myself to trust him and i didnt want to be in a relationship constantly worrying if he was lying to me or not. so i broke up with him. he says he is trying to change his ways and bad habits (i.e: drugs, partying, other girls, lying, etc..) but i find out something he lied about almost every day. im tired of thinking he is going to change and putting myself through all the heartbreak. im trying so hard to be strong for my son and my unborn daughter, its just so hard doing everything alone. am i doing the right thing for me and my children by completely ending things with him and moving on?

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SG1311 - posted on 02/21/2014

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yea it is the right thing to do.. this sounds a lot like my story, except that i havent been engaged and i only have one child... he promised me that he had changed, and that he would never hurt me again. i actually believed him and i even imagined what the future would be like with him and my child. he seemed so real this time; but truth is men never change. i know how u feel; but you are doing the right thing_ be patient with yourself, it is not easy. u wont wake up feeling like a brand new person overnight. as stupid as this may sound; you went through that experience for a reason- and you are stronger than ever. you do not need a man like that in your life; your children need to be able to look up to their father and be proud of him. move on for good; because he cant respect u, and he wont be able to teach your children how to love, take care of, and treat his woman... it gets worse before t gets better; take it one day at a time.. take some time alone; there is nothing wrong with being a single mother. you and your children are going to be very close, and they will make you proud. work hard for them, and you will reap the rewards :)

Lauren - posted on 07/31/2011

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I think you are doing exactly the right thing, he doesnt deserve you atall, from day one he should of stopped all these things he had been doing, and thought how he was going to step up to looking after you and the little ones, you shouldnt have to give him chance after chance, i have learnt the hard way my baby daddy said he was going to stick around, he lied to me and has been vile to me all through my pregnancy and afterwards, he never paid a penny or did anything for us, and i still have them feelings for him ill always love him like you will always love your ex.. you have just got to ask yourself.. do you deserve to be treated this way? do you want this type of person around your children ie drugs, been drunk if he is partying all the time.. and can you see this person been able to change?.. and the outcome of most of them will be no.. you have to be a strong person, you cant change him as a person, he is stuck in his ways. But you and your children dont have to live with that, you can move on be strong rolemodel for your children and show them for when they are older their mummy didnt accept this in her life or for them, so they shouldnt let anyone do the same to them. Maybe one day when he has realised what he has lost he will make the changes he should do, or atleast help you with the upbringing of the children. Keep positive hun us single mummy's have to stick together, your doing a fab job, don't ever think its you that has done anything wrong either with this guy, you've done all you can and you are giving him a daughter, you should be with someone that treats you like a princess and knows how to look after his family, and you will find that special someone, i hope i do one day aswell... but for now i am just focused on my little boy, and thats just what i think you should be doing and looking after yourself and your babies you dont need the stress with another little one on the way! Good luck hun keep intouch hope i helped abit :)

Jade - posted on 07/25/2010

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Hey hun... sounds very similar to what I'm going through.

I have a 1 and a half year old son from a previous relationship, and that ended with my sons father turning out to be not-so-nice at all, irresponsible and cheating on me (leaving me for the girl). So, after about 6 months or so, I met and fell in love with my now ex-boyfriend (who by the way I am newly pregnant by). Everything was perfect, he wanted to marry me, was excited to live with me and my little guy and have our own baby... but financial issues we were having made things very stressful for us at times and we would often argue sadly because of it :( ...basically what ended up happening was he decided to end things soon after we found out we were pregnant... he said he wasnt happy anymore and he fell out of love with me, but to this day I don't believe it. Unfortunately he is also flirting with a girl online too. Along with his family and mine, we all feel he's overwhelmed with the stresses of life... but now I am left pregnant, single with a toddler, trying to figure out exactly how we are going to live/get by.

But, I feel that you have done the right thing. You may always have love for him, but I feel that at this point in time, he needs to sort out his priorities in life and mature. It's not okay for him to be doing all that, it affects you and your children so badly... and you don't want that for your family and yourself. As hard as it is, you are being the greatest Mom you can be to make the decision you have :) And you should be SO proud of yourself for that!!! :D

If you ever need to talk, feel free to add me on facebook :)

- Jade Noelle Bajona

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