What am I to do?

Jessica - posted on 08/28/2010

Wow Jen you are on a roll... I guess we should all try that inner witch thing for a while and see how far we get... I have to say though since my last post things have gotten better in some ways and worse in others... Yes life is still crazy busy which is not going to get better for a while longer but at least the last 2 nights we have been able to have dinner be 10 pm and get to bed before midnight... That right there is an improvement on his part... But yet again he is not spending time with me... Now we did start watching a movie last night but that didn't last long and all we did was sit on opposite ends of the couch and watch the movie... There were no cuddles or snuggles or any of that... I don't think I am asking too much for a little cuddle time on the couch instead of the quick and too short amount of time I get in bed before it is down for the count time for him... Isn't that really all any of us are asking for?... I mean even if it is only during part of a movie or TV show is that really too much... We just want to feel needed, wanted and appreciated for not only what we do everyday around the house but what we are doing for them 24/7 with carrying and giving life to their child inside of us... I was once told that the average man would not make it one day with having a period and I think that the same applies to pregnancy (especially since we are all heading into our third trimester)... I just wish that my hubby could feel for one day, one hour, one minute, or even one second how I have felt everyday over the last almost 7 months... Then maybe just maybe he might be a little more sympathetic to me and how I feel... I know I am whining but today is one of those kind of days... I didn't sleep for crap last night, my mom is out of town, and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown if Tuesday doesn't get here soon (my daughter goes back to school and I can't wait)... On a semi-side note my almost 20 year old daughter is just back from Florida and going back to school on Monday... She was over last night to pick up some stuff we bought her for back to school... Well after we bought it we put it in the baby's room so as not to get it confused with our stuff... I carried it out to her mom's car and she about lost it... After my trip to the hospital earlier this week she is very concerned about me lifting... Now that is pretty bad that my daughter is worried about me lifting and he is not quite as worried... He told her that it would do no good to take the package away from me... It is just the point and I am totally blown away by her change in attitude... Well I am finished for now... TTYL... Joy

Jennifer - posted on 08/27/2010

Ok, on the verge of my inner witch (that should start with a capital 'B'!) coming out, well, my hubby has pulled similar stunts about hording stuff .... he also works -- A LOT! I have found that a few things here and there "disappearing" don't go noticed for a while, and when they are noticed to no longer be there, well, "I don't know what you did with it honey, maybe you should go through some of your stuff and see if you can find it. You never want me to go through it!" is a great response!!! My husband just last week realized that the 6 (god I wish I could bold that) NON WORKING DVD players that we used to have in the basement before we moved (over 2 years ago) are missing .... "honey, I haven't seen that box since we lived at the old place" ... that's because the Salvation Army donation box found them shortly before we relocated .... ooops!

I also agree with giving him a space to call his own ... my husband has the garage (so long as my car fits, I don't care what else is in there), his desk (so long as the top closes, again, I don't look inside), his side of the closet (if I can open the door to my side, and I don't have to see his crap ... fine with me) and in his dresser (this one I didn't know about until I went to put away his socks the other day ..... yeah, his sock drawer collects a lot of random shtuff! But I don't see it, so I don't care)

And I don't care what people say ... if *YOU* want a shower for your 10th son in a row .... have a shower!!! I mean, come on ... the point of a shower is to get together and enjoy time with friends and family ... I don't think there is a written rule that you *have* to give gifts ... although most people do bring them. Tell whomever is on you that you can't have a shower, to buzz off and not attend yours then! (ooops there's that inner b -- witch again! It's the hormones, I swear!!)

And as far as your little guy .... well, so long as you have given him his cuddles and snuggles and love that are part of his bedtime routine ... allowing him to work it out in his crib at his age isn't going to hurt him. I know it's really hard to listen to the tears, but sometimes, it's what you need to do. And better to do it now then to wait until the baby arrives, isn't it? You can always check in on him and lay him down every so often and let him know that you are there and you love him, but it is bedtime. He will eventually work his way to sleep. And a bath right before bed ... is a great way to help them relax off to sleepy land.

I'm so sorry for your situation, and I apologize for the rashness of this post, but sometimes a girl just needs to stand up for what she believes in, and when that girl has pregnancy hormones to back her up .... well, let's just say this one doesn't loose very often!! LOL And you have all of us here to come to if you need help.

Lots of love and prayers heading your way ...
♥ Jen

Naomi - posted on 08/23/2010

I have a husband that is very similar... it's always his way or the highway but i put my foot down on some things and he has gotten used to it though he still makes a fuss. You need to be strong and know that you have the right to be. You need certain things and that isn't a bad thing and doesn't make you a bad person. Make a list of the things that you won't bend on a list of things you would like and things that your husband wants that you can live with. Try to negotiate but if that doesn't work than you need to make a decision. Sometimes i just do things without asking permission especially if it has to do with the welfare of the family. You can't go on being stressed forever. You may just have to sort things out and bear the short term consequences. If he loves you guys he wont be going anywhere so do what you need to do.

As for you little one i agree that it wont hurt him to be left in his cot. Make a routine before bedtime like having a bath immediatly before bed or something like that then put him down and say goodnight and walk away. crying doesn't hurt them and after a week or two he will start follow along (yes it gets much worse before it gets better but you need to hang in there).

I have to admit i don't really know you or your son so am just going off what has worked for my other 4... hope you find something useful in it LOL!!! Good luck

Courtney - posted on 08/21/2010

Hi i have a 14 month old daughter and u have been going throw the same thing with her and im not sure what to do either im so stressed and my husband works all the time too. And yes u can have another baby shower its called a sprinkle. Im having a boy this time and my mom is throwing me another baby shower because i have no boy stuff. It just not suppose to be as big as a baby shower.

Jessica - posted on 08/21/2010

I have to agree with Jane about the needing time together and also about your hubby's stuff... That is an excellent idea... I can understand how you feel about doing it all by yourself... I feel the same way... Probably while you and your hubby were fighting my hubby and I were also fighting last night... I let him have it and was not backing down... I am tired just like you and very stressed too and sick of doing everything myself... Now granted my daughter is almost 7 but I still know how it feels to have your older child up your butt while you are trying to get things done and then not feeling like doing anything because your child has you so stressed as well as your hubby... I don't understand why you can't have a baby shower for this baby... One of my GF's daughters had her children pretty much back to back and had a shower for each one... She has 2 girls and one boy and they came in that order and still had a baby shower for each of them... It is not like that kind of situation with you... You are having a girl after having a girl after having a boy... I have had one girl and am having another and still having a baby shower but mine are going to be 7 years apart... Whoever told you you couldn't have a shower is very wrong... But back to the hubby issue... (sorry about jumping around so much)... He needs to get a grip on reality and fast... I just amazes me how they think that we are super woman and can do everything and still have dinner on the table by 5... Like you said stress and pregnancy don't mix therefore both of our hubbies need to pick up the slack and not complain about it at all... My hubby's biggest gripe is "I work 9 1/2 hours a day and still come home and do what I need to do"... Yeah for himself and everyone else... He is always on the go and I give him credit for that because most men wouldn't do half of what he does but what about me... When I let him have last night I told him that I was tired of being in our house by myself while he goes and does for everyone else and doesn't spend time with me or my daughter... His response was well hunting season is coming up and I want to get it all done before then... I have no problem with hunting season or him going and doing that but I would like some time with him too and so would my daughter... I can see it effecting her too... She has been soooo bad the last 2 weeks since she came home from her dad's house after 2 weeks... She has heard her dad and his GF fight a lot and now is acting out since she has been home which is really stressing me out... She is mouthy, disrespectful, and to top it off she is not listening worth a crap to me... That is not my child... She generally listens even if she does whine and throw a fit about doing what she is told she usually does it... I don't know what to do about either of them... I can't take much more... Well I am done with my complaining and I hope you don't feel so alone in your struggle because I am going through it too... TTYL... Joy

Jane - posted on 08/20/2010

18 month olds can be very trying. they are on the cusp of a lot. and they get very frustrated. it won't hurt him to be in his crib while you give yourself a break more than just once a day.
sounds like you and your hubby need to bend on some things. having a crowded house depresses everyone. pick a place that he can have his "stuff" - just not a common area. maybe a basement or a storage shed. you need girl clothes - check out craigslist.com to see if anyone is giving away clothes, i usually give mine away, i post it under "free stuff" as well as "baby and kids".
night time should be his time w/your son. they both need time together.