HITTING!!!!!!

Katherine - posted on 10/06/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 2.5 yr old literally beats on my 6 year old. I have a concentration in behavior modification and I can't figure out how to stop this.


I can stop it after......and during......but not before. I mean she really hurts her sister. And sometimes my older one provokes her, but I want the hitting to stop.

I've tried the "use your words"

I've tried time-outs

Saying nothing, holding her hands down. Nothing works.

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Jennifer - posted on 10/16/2011

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Personal opinion, but if S is provoking her to the point that A loses her temper, then S should be in just as much trouble as A. Hitting is unacceptable but deliberately provoking your sister til she hits you is as well. Could this part be a sibling rivalry type thing? Could S be trying to get A in trouble in the surest way she knows how?

Also, for the monster tantrums, put her in a room by herself and let her have at it. If she wants to hit the walls or scream she can but there is no one there to hit, bite, or scratch and she's not getting the attention that most kids this age want. My daughter can be a brute as well and when she goes off the handle she gets put in her room until she calms herself down and can tell me what the actual problem was.

Jenni - posted on 10/10/2011

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I hate to say it Katherine, because it's probably not what you want to hear... ;)



But it really is just the age with most hitters. I think 2.5 is the peak, generally.



Just keep training her to use other tools to vent her anger/frustration.

We don't hit...

"We say... I'm really mad!"

"I see your angry let's walk away and take a break"

"Breathe..."

"Count"

"Let's do jumping jacks."

"Squeeze bear instead."



Just keep removing her from the situation immediately and teaching her these tools. She'll get it eventually, it just takes time and maturity.



Even some adults have to relearn appropriate ways to deal with their anger. That's why some adults need anger management class. It's restructuring how we react to those strong emotions. And it takes a lot to train and restructure ourselves and our reactions. As it's going to take her time to learn not to react negatively, by hitting, and use alternative tools to vent.



I watched my son learn this restraint and appropriate tools and although there were times I felt like I wasn't getting through to him. I stuck with it, and he has matured emotionally so much in the last year. So have heart. :)

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Katherine - posted on 10/15/2011

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Her sister teases her, so she hits. The thing is, is that A speaks fluently. She doesn't have communication problems. She can say stop. Sometimes her sister doesn't listen and that's when she will hit.

I have tried to get S to stop provoking her and telling her that it's not acceptable. It's like she's on auto pilot or something, she can't help herself sometimes.

Katherine - posted on 10/15/2011

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Yeah, I know it's normal toddler stuff, but she's a brute! She scratched me under my eye pulled my hair and was wailing on me one night. I had to hold her arms down.

Jennifer - posted on 10/15/2011

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My youngest brother used to be a serious hitter. My mother eventually taught him to grab, and hold onto, his pants really tight when he wanted to hit someone. It was a visual cue that he was losing his temper and gave her a few extra seconds to get over and diffuse the situation before he actually did hit someone.

If it's just normal toddler stuff she WILL outgrow it. In my brothers case it turned out it was a symptom of his ADD, which we didn't find out until he was in school and actually beating up on kids there. Once he was tested then my mom put him on a low dose of meds until he was a bit older and then he saw someone who helped teach him better methods for controlling his emotional outbursts.

Donna - posted on 10/06/2011

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its the age. Just keep at it. I know you probably dont want to but maybe you need to hit her so she understands that it hurts and it is wrong. My daughter kept pulling her sisters hair and one day I got tired of it, I had had enough, so I pulled her hair, She knew what it felt like and didn't do it again.

Katherine - posted on 10/06/2011

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I know the antecedents, I just can't get to her in time. So I need to stop the behavior NOW. I'm trying to get my 6 yr old in tune to this but of course she doesn't care until she gets hurt.

Rachel - posted on 10/06/2011

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hey, i dont have this problem (mine are 6 month and 2.5 yrs) but i would suggest giving the older one a time out if she is provoking her younger sister. maybe it will help the younger one feel that you are defending her and both will be punished for acting out. Do you know any triggers etc that are causing her to start hitting? like what is she doing just before she hits (is she: screaming, already upset, perfectly calm, silent etc) so how is she acting right before. if you look for that you might be able to stop it. Update when you can, it'd be nice to know how this works out for you! I know kids will be kids, and they all fight sometimes, but beating is excessive obviously. goodluck!

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