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Meeting for Worship -- help!

Kathleen - posted on 01/30/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

Hi, all! I have a son who's almost 4 and a newborn daughter. I am having the toughest time getting my son to sit quietly in Meeting. The more I try, the more he talks. What I'm doing right now is to take him outside and make him sit quietly (or at least without playing or eating) with me for awhile outside the meeting room so that his making a fuss in meeting doesn't lead to a reward of getting to leave and play.

We have blessing time at meal every evening and he's been resisting mightily there, too. I've started just insisting that he respect those of us who are having blessing, even if he's not joining in, and ignoring it if he starts eating his food or playing around a bit, as long as it's quiet.

I really don't want worship or prayer time to feel like a punishment and yet I think it's important for him to experience it and see us doing it from a very early age in order for it to feel like a natural part of how our family lives in the world. Does anyone have any words of support or suggestion?

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Stefanie - posted on 07/07/2009

364

Hello, I'm new here but I also have a 4 yr old, a 2 1/2 yr old and a 2 month old. My older children are given a children's picture bible or some other Christian picture book to look at while in Meeting or Mass (my DH is Catholic and we switch attending meeting and mass for worship). It will keep them occupied for about an hour while we are in worship. I'm not too worried about them sitting and reading for now b/c I feel that them just being present is of great influence at their age.
As for silence before a meal we hold hands for silence or DH will say a short prayer (to show them what we "do" while in silence). If they do a good job about "prayer" during meals they get a "Thank You" cookie from Jesus on Saturdays. We tell them that Jesus very much loves their fellowship, friendship and conversation and that this cookie is a Thank You from Him for remembering Him and keeping fellowship with Him. They, of course, know that the cookie isn't *really* from Him (since they help to make them) but they love the fact that they get a "present" for their efforts to talk with Jesus. I've noticed that since starting the Thank You cookie, they talk with their Jesus doll (purchased from Wal*Mart) much more now too. :-)

Cindy - posted on 02/10/2009

I wish I had good ideas! for all the other issues I've had with Jeff, this has never been one of them, which has nothing to do with me and everything to do with his temperament. On the other hand, we did not even begin to attend worship regularly until he was about your son's age or a little younger, so perhaps we were spared this just by not even trying!

Is there a quiet toy or a book that would help? I don't suppose it helps to know that he is in a lot of company at our Meeting? (I know you know that!) I so appreciate your sitting quietly with him instead of going to play...I have every sympathy with families who are having a tough time of this, but it does frustrate me a little when I see the (in non-construction days) Cherry Street room being used as a private gymnasium by kids who didn't want to stay in Worship! I guess construction is putting a crimp in the style of those who like to leave Worship and run about--there is nowhere to run, at least in this weather.

I really think time will help...I know that is frustrating in the here and now but he is still so young. Does he have a bond with any of the older kids, such as the ones who are now helping in Child Care frequently? If so, maybe getting to sit with them (as long as he can sit quietly and not talk to THEM) would be a perk. I know it's early yet for that too, but again, that might come with time.

Rorie - posted on 02/09/2009

Hi. I agree with you that prayer or worship should not be a punishment but at the same time, I think they do have to recognize that there is some discipline involved to it and it's not easy for most of us. We "do silence" before eating meals. When my girls are getting into a fight, I also ask them to be in silence for a few minutes in order to collect their thoughts and then they have a discussion. The fight usually disappears.

Unfortunately as far as meeting goes, my experience has been that the best thing to do is to have a children's program / 1st Day School. I have two kids, six and three and they, especially the older one, are mellow, I mean really mellow...but they still have trouble sitting for an hour in silence (and stillness). I don't know that it's possible for most kids. I'm not even sure it's possible for most adults. We go to a VERY small meeting that averages about four or five of us. My spouse (who has trouble sitting still too) does 1st Day. The children sit for 15 minutes at the beginning with us and then go on to do more active things - but still related to Quaker topics. Next year we are likely to shrink to three and we will probably rotate who is in charge of 1st Day.

When we've gone traveling to other meetings where they haven't felt comfortable with the 1st Day, they have sat quietly for an hour but that's a one off thing.