The best location for time out?

Picture it: you send your daughter to her room for a little time-out to consider a misbehavior, and a few minutes later you check on her... and she's fast asleep. Uh oh! Looks like bed isn't the best place for discipline. Where IS the best place to spend time out? What has worked for you?

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40  Answers

0 3

Don't you see, they are acting up BECAUSE they are tired. Let them sleep and try to recognize why they are misbehaving next time. Are they just so tired, they are truely exhausted? That's how adults act when they are tired too. Like little Heathens!

15
0 4

I totally agree with you! :)

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0 0

We use a corner in the house where we can see him to make sure he's sitting there on his stool and not doing something he's not supposed to be doing while sitting there in the corner (e.g. looking over to watch TV), yet he's out of sight (but can still hear) from anything that's fun for him. Seems to be working the best (so far!)

15
26 10

I use a step. I don't send them to their rooms because I don't think their room should be associated with punishment I think there room should be a safe happy place for them, but thats just me. I know it seems to work for other people and you should do what works for you, and the stairs work for my kids

14
5 10

Our son (at the recommendation of his therapist) gets his nose on the wall. It can be any wall, anywhere. It limits the visual stimulation from just sitting in a chair or going to his room. It has worked very well for us. At first he would get strike 1, 2 and 3 and then nose on the wall, but as he got older (we started this when he was about 4 1/2, he is now 9) it went straight to nose on the wall. There have been times when he's had his nose on the wall in a restaurant or a grocery store due to inappropriate behavior. That way, he doesn't think that just because we're out in public that he won't be held accountable for his behavior.

10
4 20

I do use the bedroom, if they fall asleep...great! Usually the reason for my child's misbehavior is because she is over tired. When she wakes up she is refreshed and back to her normal self again.

8
162 6

I place a chair against the wall for my preschoolers, and if they aren't sitting quietly, I do face it to the wall. If they are kicking the wall, then they have to go in the hallway so they don't get the attention they want and will stop it. They sit there for about 1 minute per year of their age.

When my kids were little, and were sent to their rooms, they did sometimes cry themselves to sleep. That's not a bad thing AT ALL! They would take a short nap and wake up with a wonderful, sweet attitude! They would cuddle, apologize and be well-behaved for the rest of the day! Sometimes, a nap is exactly what they need!!!

8
505 54

We have a chair in our entry way, normally used for taking shoes on and off. There is nothing else to distract them. Our boys are sent to that chair for as many minutes as they are old. They are told to think about why they are there, and give a better way to have handled the situation. At times, I have my oldest write a paragraph while in the chair about the same thing. When the timer goes off, I sit across from them and we calmly discuss what happened. I listen to their side, and we agree on new ways to deal in the future. We also determine consequences for the behavior, and make apologies when necessary verbal or written. If, time is up and they still "don't know" why I put them in time out. They are told to stay there until they remember. (It usually takes less than 30 sec.) In addition, There is no talking in time out. If they make any noise, (other than appropriate crying for being in trouble) that is disruptive or disrespectful, I simply tell them, I am adding another minute. This has been an effective tool for us. But we have been very consistent. Not only does it give both parties time apart to calm down. It teaches them how to reflect on their behavior and brain storm new ideas. It has also become an opportunity for open communication, where I am learning too! Timeouts are not an effective tool unless you have the follow through of learning from it

6
135 41

We use a corner by our hallway, facing the wall. We can't use their rooms. Their rooms are their safe haven, plus they have all their cool toys in there so it wouldn't be much of a punishment. The corner where we can keep an eye on them seems to work well for us

4
30 1

It depends on how old your child is. 2 and younger should be in a chair in a spot where they cannot reach anything or watch anything. 3 and older should be standing facing a wall or corner. A timeout is meant to teach them that their behavior is unacceptable. The time should not start until the child can be still and quiet. If they are fighting you, moving around, yelling, or crying they are not actually serving their timeout..its just a minute til you let them go about their bad behavior. Also, they should not just be let off of their timeout! They should have to tell you what they did, why it is not OK, and what they will do to change that behavior. This way you know that the timeout was well served because they learned something. ALWAYS tell your child that you love them after the talk!!!! Its important that they understand that you love them, its the behavior that you do not like!!!! I know this works because it is how it is done in my home. My children are not perfect, but they can go weeks without getting a timeout. It works, you just have to be a strong enough parent to help your child be good. Good luck =)

3
235 30

With some difficult children if you tell them you love them after the time out a lot of times they will behave badly just to get that attention. After time out there should be no positive reinforcement. You should be telling your children all the time that you love them, but not immediately after a time out. Later on you can let them know that you always love them, but that you can't accept bad behavior and that there will always be consequences so that they can learn how to behave appropriately, but that doesn't mean you don't love them. We have had a difficult daughter and we have been told this same thing by many therapists. Children with bi-polar disorder, anxiety, depression or oppositional defiant disorder can be very manipulative and will behave badly to get a parent's attention and affection. It's important with children like this not to validate bad behavior by telling them you love them afterwards. Instead you should always be looking for any little bit of good behavior and and make a really big deal praising them for it. When they misbehave the consequences are administered immediately and without emotion.It takes a lot of time, but eventually children with these disorders learn to make good choices and behave better to get your attention because they learn that they don't receive affection when they misbehave. Of course as your child gets older you want to make sure that when they make a mistake that you react with love so they will feel comfortable coming to you for help, but it's taken me a long time to learn how to not let my daughter manipulate me with her bad behavior.

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45 9

Honestly I am alright with finding her fast asleep if I sent her to her room for a time out. Obviously she needed the nap or she wouldn't have fallen asleep, and perhaps that is the real reason for the misbehavior in the first place, rather than the behavior itself.

2
5 17

She stands against the wall in the hallway where I can keep an eye on her. There are no distractions. She sometimes uses a chair, but since she started playing with the chair, I removed it and made her stand for her time out. It works beautifully. She can stand quietly for her 2-3 minutes, then we briefly "debrief". Her bedroom was not working because she ended up playing with her toys.

2
7 12

I uses the second step to the bottom of our staircase. I can still see and hear her but she has nothing to play with or detract her from her punishment. I also turn off the tv if it is on since it is visible from her timeout spot. Otherwise, a corner or a chair works too.

2
69 42

I agree with Molly. Most of you may be too young to remember Dennis the Menace in the funny papers on Sunday but when he was naughty, he sat in a chair, hugging his teddy, in a corner facing the wall. I used that method with my first child and it worked wonders. If she fussed or complained, I added five minutes to her time. It did not take her long to learn to sit quietly until her time was up. My second child did not need it. Maybe watching Sissy have to do it cured him before the fact. Facing the wall pretty much keeps the child focused on what they did to generate this punishment and keeps them from engaging in emotional escape behavior.

2
505 54

You added 5 minutes to how much time? If she was 5, the max time should be 5 minutes?! I will add 1 minute for inappropriate outburst during their (minute per age time out). I also have to disagree with the statement that "Facing a wall engages focus on what they did wrong." They will day dream or fall asleep before focusing on wrong doing. Unless that is, you do not excuse them from timeout until they can relay back to you what they did, why it was wrong, how they could handle the situation better next time, and apologize to whom ever if necessary.

8 0

I sat on the step as a child, with the hallway door closed. Since we didn't live in home with any steps when we first needed to start implementing time out, we decided on a chair. We used a specific chair, which was in the dining room (open plan home) under a window. We only used that chair for time out. We called it "the meditation chair", and it faced out to the room.

We wanted the chair to be somewhere we could see it, but far enough away from the hub of activity that whoever was sitting in it felt like they were separate from us (prompting the desire to come back into the fold). We also wanted to find a description for the time out that was a bit less negative... so we came up with "meditation chair". The idea was that it was a place to sit quietly, and breathe until they felt calm enough to comply with whatever was being asked of them.

It worked well, although sometimes if there was a lot of screaming with no signs of calming down, we'd move the time out to the bedroom (sit on the bed, upright). These days, the meditation chair has retired, and we send the kids to their rooms, if necessary. But it's so rare to have to do that, and we never found that falling asleep while in time out to be a problem.

1
0 4

I usually send my daughters to their room when they have misbehaved, but one of them falls asleep. Then I've used a corner in the house, but my oldest daughter got clever and started taking her books to read every time I sent her to the corner! I can't win

1
21 19

wall in the hallway. he sits there and i don't start the timer until he has stopped throwing a fit. he tells me that he is ready to sit quietly and i go start the timer. 3 minutes since he is 3 yrs old. when the timer goes off i go sit in front of him and we go over why he was in time out and why what he did is not a nice thing to do. he apologizes and we go on normally. if he was hitting the floor or anything else while in or going to time out he gets a toy taken away, which he picks out after the time out.
i like what someone else said about figuring out a different way to deal with it in the future. my son has said "i don't like you" or something to that effect before just because he was mad and i've told him that's not nice and it hurts my feelings so if he is mad that is fine and he is allowed to feel that way but he needs to say "I am mad" and not say hurtful things like "I don't like you." It has worked and i think is giving him a new way to communicate what he is actually feeling.

1
1 7

Time out just barely works in my house anyway. I believe my kid enjoys it because he never stops and its like a little break for him lol. So, I changed my tactics. Now, he has to stand in the corner with all the commotion to his back, nose to the wall and hands up. I know it sounds military, but he's a tough o e and this seems to work. My dad used to do it to my hard-headed brother and he buckled everytime.

1
9 15

This question writer is missing the point.

If your kid is sleeping when she is supposed to be in time-out, that means that the reason she was misbehaving is that she's super tired. Tired kids are cranky kids - this is parenting 101.

Step 1: figure out why your kid is acting up. Is she:
tired?
hungry?
bored?
angry at you?
lonley?
something else?

Step 2: address the real issue at hand in a CALM, loving manner.
Step 3: no more problems (until next time).

1
0 4

You are living in dream world, if you are calm and loving when a child is yelling and screaming at you. It is easier said than done. We always love our kids, but you have to have a firm voice for discipline. And.....parenting 101 is a joke, because no two kids are the same. Parenting is trial and error or more like many trials and many errors. :) What works for one parent won't necesarily work for another. So I don't think she is missing the point. I think sending her child to her room is just fine. Sometimes they just have meltdowns.....just because!!!!!

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0 23

Bathroom. As long as you know they won't get into anything it's the perfect place. They have to sit on their stool and there is absolutely nothing for them to do in there except sit and think about why they are in time out. We also make them tell us why they got the time out.

1
505 54

How do you know they won't get into anything?

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3 6

sounds to me like that kid was misbehaving because he/she could not control herself. she was too tired and needed sleep. sounds like timeout worked just fine. also depending on the age of the child time out is really just to settle and should be next to a loving adult. I think timeout should be more of redirection and manual labor or rest. untill about 7yrs or so.

1
235 30

Have any of you watched American Supernanny? She calls it the Calming Corner instead of timeout. When you take the child you say, "You're going to the calming corner because you..." Goes along with what you're saying.

1 10

I have a problem with my almost 3 year old (boy - 2 yrs & 11months). If I put him in a chair for time out, he will jump out of it and come back. so the "time-out" never really works. I try to talk to him calmly, explain to him that what he did was wrong and then he would say "sorry" and then is calm for the rest of the day. I think you don't really need to time them out. Sometimes, talking to them helps more than time-out.....

1
235 30

I've had this as well. When they won't sit in the chair or stay in the corner, you have to stand there through the time out or in extreme cases wrap your arms around from behind the chair so it doesn't feel the same as an affectionate hug because some children will be bad just so they can sit on your lap and be held.

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203 23

We have a "naughty chair" in our entry way that he sits on for time out. We chose the entry as it is the least stimulating of the rooms and if need be there is a door we can pull partially closed. Once his time is up, he has to tell us what he did wrong and if an apolog is required' apologise to the person in question. At first it seemed to have no merit but we persevered and now I would say its pretty effective!

1
14 8

I use a corner of the room. And she has to sit there 2 minutes (she is 2 years old). So i can see and hear her, but i will ignore her the 2 minutes she is in the corner. After 2 minutes she has to say "sorry" and we cuddle.

1
0 4

the bottom step

0
0 19

Never the bedroom that is only for sleeping. I use the steps. The 4th step to be exact (this this just far enough away that they can't see the TV or the living room) Works every time!

0
0 4

Depends on the situation. When they are a little older they like to argue and be confrontational. This to me is a good time to send them to their room. A little peace for both parent and child. My children are past the age of daily naps, so they don't fall asleep.

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0 3

We put our 3 year old daughter in the corner with her nose IN the corner and hands by her side. It works for our family this way. I think the bedroom is a horrible place for a time out session! You should know your child well enough to see the cues that they are tired if they are acting unruly or misbehaving and it is around the time they usually take a nap, then they still get in trouble for acting in a manner that is unacceptable and apologize for acting as such and then that would be a great time AFTER the punishment to allow them to take a nap. If I sent my daughter to her room every time she got in trouble, she would see it as a getaway! She loves to be in her room, I would not want her room to be associated with negativity.

0
0 4

Put their nose in the corner?! What do you think that does to their self esteem?

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1 8

I Diciplined my 6 year daughter when she was a year old. Worked really hard all these years and now good behaviour is her habbit. I have used motivational dialogues with her and explained to her the comsequences very openly.She is developing understanding of what action will have what reaction she is much more capable of deciding. In early years when she misbehvaed my time out use to be actually put her to sleep, which she never wanted to, all she wanted was to sit with family and play and talk. It worked, after 3rd time she came and promised she would behave and since then she did. Only thing is I never lost my patiance with her.

0
235 30

Did you ever have problems though with her getting too much sleep and not wanting to sleep at night?

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0 4

Sounds like a perfect place to me. They act up for attention, so sending them to their room by themselves and tell them when they want to be nice they come out. If they fall asleep so be it. Sometimes they just need some time to themselves, but they don't know how to express that. Anyways, works for my kids.

0
581 24

we use a step near where we are in the house.

0
1 7

We have a storage cube/ stool in our living room. We can see them and they are safe and out of vision from the TV( if it is on). It works for us.

0
3 0

My daughter has never passed out asleep during time-out. At home, she has a designated time-out stool. At both her grandparents house, it's the bottom step of the inside the house staircase. Anywhere else, we try to find a slightly-apart-from-the-rest-of-us place to sit quietly. A few minutes in time-out or even the threat of impending time-out is enough for her.

0
48 38

I work in a home daycare, we have 6 kids under 3, my daughter is the oldest. My daughter generally doesn't get into much trouble and if she does she'll take herself to a quiet corner and sit there until she's done crying. Then she will appologize to the group and to myself and the primary daycare provider for doing..(whatever she did) and then she comes over to me for a snuggle. She never gets timeouts at home unless she gives herself one :o) The other kids at the daycare are generally not as conscious of their behaviour (which is normal) so they end up either in the exersaucer in the other room (they can't get out of it, and they can see everyone else having fun) or they sit in the highchair at the window so they can see us outside having fun while they are stuck inside with one of the educators. We explain why they got the timeout, we make them say they are sorry for.... and after the timeout we explain it again breifly and reind them no hitting or pushing or whatever it was they were doing to get the timeout. Because they are so young it's less about making them sit quietly in the time out and more about making them realise there are consequences for their actions.

For everyone who mentioned about finding out why the child is acting out. That definately works within your home but at daycare it's a whole other ball game we have 2 children with sensory (and or) developmental issues and 2 with major language barriers. On top of that all but 2 of them are only children who do not see much disipline at home, or the parent doesn't think the child is old enough to address the issue. It's completely on us to teach them not to hit their friends because they want a toy, or not to pull a friends hair because he or she was in line for the rocking horse first. One little guy hits when he's excited, happy, angry, frustrated, tired, just woke up, etc. It's what he does, at least this child is getting outside help from a therapist and is starting to realise what is good and what is not.

0
0 4

I run a home daycare and I totally agree with you.

253 5

I use a corner in the loungeroom as I can see it from the Kitchen, she has to face the wall, I don't like using the bedroom, it shouldnt be a punishment to go to her room but my partner uses it anyway, I just stick to the corner though.

0
9 16

My son is 26 months and he acts out when he's tired or hungry...I find giving him a snack or milk usually makes him happy and I praise him for being a good boy when he is! For time outs he sits down on the floor quietly for 2 mins, he has to be quiet otherwise he stays sitting there until he decides to be good and it ALWAYS works for him! He's a very good kid though :) so I don't have to do this very often...

0
0 45

I sit a chair in the middle of the kitchen so he can't see the TV or play with toys. He sits there and thinks about what he's done and when I'm done doing whatever I have to get done (usually more dishes) then we'll sit there and talk about it. I'll ask him, "Do you know why you're sitting in time out?" and then we'll go from there. Just putting him in time out and not talking about what was done won't do much. Talking to him about it helps him understand that what he did was wrong and not to do it again. If he does it again this is where he'll end up, again.

0
19 40

We used to put up two safety gates in our hallway and put my son between them for a time out. He couldn't climb them and he got to watch everyone else having fun, which was part of the punishment. That was when he was 2 and couldn't climb out of them, now that he's almost 5 we have him stand facing a stretch of wall since our corners are all blocked with furniture or have him sit on a stair. My mother, whom I live with, prefers the stair, while I prefer the wall. But a lot of it depends on the child, I don't think I'd send my son to his room, partly because it's my room too, but because he has toys in there, it's not really a punishment if you have something to play with, and no siblings that you'd rather be playing with.

0
1 0

Maybe you need to re-assess what's causing the naughty behaviour. If she fell asleep that easily, she was probably over tired.
We use a naughty corner - just a boring corner, sitting on the floor for a few minutes.

0
505 54

Fatigue can be a cause for bad behavior, and should be acknowledged. However, that does not make it OK. Children still need to learn how to act appropriately even if they are tired, and or hungry. Be sure to limit the amount of time in "time out" as well. ( one minute per year up until 10) so they do not fall asleep, and so they still have immediate response, appropriate for learning

1 1

The stairs work great. There is nothing to do and they can't fall asleep, plus in our house they were secluded. However, now we moved to a house w/ no stairs and we have to use the corner. Doesn't work quite as well but it is suitable.

0
235 30

Depends on how old they are whether or not they fall asleep on the stairs during time out. My kids fall asleep anywhere including the stairs. It seems as though a lot of the time my children misbehave is when they are tired so sometimes their timeout turns into a nap:)

0 4

The best one I found for that works is. Take my son(3) out side to the front stoop. Because It takes them away from the area of bad behavior and you have their attention. My son likes to go into these crying screaming fits when he didn't get what he wants. So once it started it I would pick him up straight away bring him there and put him down and explain to him to stop crying and listen and then I can pick you up. Once he has stopped then I was "allowed" to pick him up and still would not get what he had wanted. Once he stopped crying in I swear less than a minute I would have a discussion with him about how crying because you are getting what you want serves no purpose. Deending on your beliefs, I would say God gave you a tongue and to use it and speak to get you point across and getting angry doesn't get your point across either. Maybe after like 15-20 minutes of good behavior. Let him either have it or if I had said no I don't give to him period Because the letting them cry tactic doesn't work he will just cry till he gags and forgets whatever he cries about gand continues because all he knows is he was upset. I notice that when I talk to him like he an adult I get better results. But keeping in mind he is only a 3 yr old and use that 1 minute per yr of age.

0
3 30

I haven't tried time outs as of yet. Perhaps I'll get some good ideas by reading over the other posts.

0

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