Is it better for a husband and wife who are fighting to stay together or be apart?

40  Answers

0 9

I was the child of divorced parents and I must say that my Mom tried hard to "hold the family together", but I was truly happier when they split. There was a sense of peace in the house and we were all happier. I had the same experience (sadly) in my own marriage and my daughters (now 11 and 13) have said that they felt that they noticed a distinct sense of happiness and calm in our house after their Dad left.
Too often we try to hold a family together because we know how hard and sad it will be, but it is to the detriment of our children. We must remember that children thrive in an environment o0f love and peace- not just one of 2 parents.

72 9

well said Christine!

View More
3 43

I think that we live in a throw away society these days, we are so used to immeadiate gratification, with the internet, and fast pace living, we have everything at our finger tips, fast. If something doesn't work, we chuck it and get a new ""better'' one. Its become the norm in society to give up on a marriage because it got hard. They all do!!. The secret to a sucessfull one, is deciding to stay at these times, and rise above what is going on in the moment and look at the bigger picture, the promises you made in your vows. No 2 people are the same, always thinking the same, its not about just finding the right partner, its also in being the right partner. You need to work on a marriage every day. I was the child of a single mother, then a mum and step Dad, I was never happier than the day my step Dad told me to call him Dad from now on, so I've been on the other side of what other people are saying. My parents are still together 28 years later. I love how they are such a team, and even when it gets tough, and they fight, they love each other anyway. That gives me great joy, and great hope and faith for the sucess of my own marriage. We do things very deliberatly to strengthen our relationship, watch the dvd series marriage on the rock series, it did amazing things for us, can't recommend highly enough!!, read the 5 languages of love, my partner listened on audio book he doesnt like reading.. read captivating, for you and wild at heart for your man. Another thing I think is important, don't stay together for your kids, stay together for yourselves. Your relationship should come first. Its a role model for them to learn from, and one day they will grow up and move out, but you'll still have eachother. Putting your relationship first has a flow on effect that benefits your kids. I hope you can get to a better place with it, I hope you don't give up without a fight, good luck!!

0 18

Well said.

View More
0 0

I agonized over this for years and years. I fought hard to make my marriage work and be happy. We had a perfect seeming family. But we put up with things no one should ever put up with -- my ex's alcohol and drug abuse, violence, and inability to hold a job. It has taken a long time for me and my children to recover from our fantasy about what a happy family we were -- our memories are very affected by my attempts to suck it up and put on a good face. Someone once told me that there are three "A's" you cannot ignore in a marriage: addiction, adultery and abuse. I wish I had listened sooner.

0 20

I applaud you for your answer and was scrolling down to see if anyone would even come close to touching on the subject of why some marriages are just not repairable. I would like to add to that list mental illness. My husband has bi-polar and the ugly anger and negativity, not to mention costly mistakes and loss of jobs is becoming unbearable. My 4 children and I are constantly the victims. This post has been helpful for me to see that sometimes kids can benefit from divorce, but before I thought it would only be damaging. Divorce felt like a selfish option.FYI- We have sought separate counseling but have as yet to get marital counseling.

View More
45 25

I think people do stay together for their children more often than we'd like to admit. I am lucky enough to not have this issue in my own relationship, but other members of my family (uncles/aunts) have been in this situation. I can't help but respect and admire someone who puts aside their own happiness and desires in order to provide a stable family environment for their children. The only caveat in my mind is that both the parents have to be mature enough to not fight like cats and dogs in order for the ruse to be a positive influence. If you can't find any common ground, you'll end up hating each other, and children will pick up on this. Respect and love must be taught, so just be sure you are setting a positive example for your children, whether together or apart.

56 39

Putting aside your own happiness for the sake of the children is just unhealthy. In the end there will be many regrets and possible resentment either from parent or child. You do what is best for YOU not for the kids. If the marriage is toxic for you it will be for the kids. THe only to set things aside is when you are separated. Getting along THEN for the sake of the children is what you should do not suck it up for the sake of parents being unhappy together. Just because one doesn't fight infront of one another it doesn't mean there is no hostility towards one another,kids can feel it.

View More
2 7

it is better for the children to see their parents apart but happy, than together n unhappy

4 0


View More
2,651 24

He will grow up when he is ready. Yes he has agreed to go to counseling but it you may still feel the same way you do know even if he does start to mature. Staying together just to have mommy and daddy in the same house isn't healthy for anyone involved. If you are unhappy emotionally then your babies will know no matterhow much you try to hide it. Plus I have seen both sides of parents that have split. There are 2 kinds.
1st the parents that stayed together until they hated each other. Fight on he phone, fight at special occasions, and ight if their children should go to Harvard or Yale. Children pray everytime they know their parents will be within yelling distance of each other tat they won't be embarrassed again.
2nd type: Parents that realize they can'tfix their issues. they seperate peacefully,and coparent together. Have healthy conversations and make decisions based on what it right for their children. Children in this situation just say yeah my parents aren't together but they are friends still.

It is your relationship but don't do it to keep a 2 parent household. Do it because it makes you happy and it will help them to stay happy.

0 0

I totally agree with the 2nd type...

View More
1 0

T O G E T H E R ! Never apart ...not if you can help it ! NOT IF YOU CAN HELP IT!


Take a time out, recall why you fell so darn in Love with him! Treat him/or her like your boyfriend/ girlfriend.... once in a while, compliment him , dont ever give him a reason to cheat or leave the home. I find that if I try not to hold grudges, and forgive quickly that with practice, try to correct our communication, then eventually everything works out! Lets Face it, Life is short , Dont spend life fighting, spend it as Happy as possible, as Happy as YOU are capable of, and reminding ourselves, that if we have children, our biggest job is to have Fun setting the example for your THEM!

Why would you leave your home, or allow him to go out there and do who knows what while you are angry and hate each other for the moment, or maybe momentS....LOLOL so then he/ or WE can justify why we did what we did when we were angry with each other and out with friends....Not pretty can get ugly....Are you willing to share him with someone, because he left the house and did something stupid. Share his/ her thoughts to a stranger ? or maybe even start to confide in someone who he/she can talk to to about the problems in YOUR marriage.....It happens every day...these are the affairs...the one night stands, and the reason...we justify everything. "You made me mad!, I was angry! You dont love me! Actions speak louder than words and you never show me you love me! Then their ..."I dont know why....But, I can talk to him/ her so much easier! ..They appreciate me, conforted me in a time of need!! Blah Blah............Then we have 2 problems instead of one...LOL UGH!!!

For real, us women are capable of many things when we are pissed at our husbands, and that doesnt mean going to the Mall and spending their money! LOL Although...that feels pretty good...LOL But ...Lets face it, .......Thats minimal damage!! LOL

Get it together! Pull yourself together and really think about this ! Hash it out, what good is it if you leave each other.

Take a time out ( sort of speak ) but that doesnt mean to leave your home. Go into seperate rooms ( never overnight ) or go out for a drive, Not a BAR! Make sure each one of you are able to bring back to the table what you needed to discuss at the time things got out of hand. While in this TIME OUT.....rememeber 2 things, I always try to do and sometimes are very difficult to do, but at least TRY....Just try : )) I am sure you have many reasons to try! My three are my kids, and it is who I think of each time, and what example I am setting. This also shows your children, you were always willing to try and correct things, and not just running out and giving up.

1) Why you love him and married him! ALL positive aspects. Change that negative energy to a positive one!
I think of things like......: Our wedding day ..we cried like happy! The look on his face each time our babies were born. When he took care of me after the kids were born,.. How he cried when he came to see me at the hospital after a bad car accident, the great dad he is with our children, When I watch im play catch in the back yard with the boy.... How he helps me out " ONCE IN A blue moon,..." NOT>>>>ok...too many!! reasons...LOL

2) Try to be a listener! Not the talker. Think of what you say and find THE BEST way to say it or express yourself.... WITHOUT HURTING FEELINGS OR PUTTING HIM/ HER DOWN..... it may not get resolved right away...but you BOTH coming back to face the music is a very important task you will contribute too throughout your marriage and let me tell you It takes A LOT of practice!
What I think of.....: This is the perfect time to react to him as you would one of your Best Girlfriends, or guy friends...their are things we do and say to them, that we dont do and say with our spouses...Why is this? Because we change, for some reason we just forget, those first converstions of when we dated, when we first met, our first kiss, and the things we would say to them,and the things you did not....
Praise him if he says sorry, even if you think he is wrong, apologize and tell him you feel terrible when you fight. Listen to him and throw in ONE compliment of him as you would your best friend. Dont be anymore judgemental, or say anything to him/her you would not say to a best friend. Try it works, one great example is when he leaves his clothers on the floor. Eventually it gets picked up, but when I first married, I Freaked ! If it were my roomate, or best friend, I would of FOUND a nice way to tell him. Its How you say it, and what you say, and MOST definietly WHEN!
Dont make it a contest, as to who wins or looses the argument! Make it a learning experience, and try to learn from it. Recall your own faults, and Go forward,...dont waste time.

Smile Often & forgive quickly! My Great belief in almost 16 years of marriage to a man who I adore, yet at times, I want to strangle....LOL

Imagine everyday you leave each other for work, or what have you, that he or she may not come back . Fate is funny, a car accident, maybe someone who caught his or her eye at work or at the gym, even a gas station..... There will always be someone willing to take your left overs ! LOL

Make the best of your life! Make Lemonade with the lemons ! and most importantly...even when you are angry with each other - P R A Y together when you go to bed at night! If you dont do this now, start....take turns each night as you lie in bed.

There will be days you allow him to leave without a kiss, or an "I love you", It Happens. But YOU have the choice! Try not to make this mistake too many days in your marriage! It isnt worth it.

Obviously, the argument may not be as simple as what you cooked for dinnner, or a disargeement on bills and spending money, but take the time to pick your battles....You wont win all of them, and dont try to change someone either, they are who they are! You fell in love with them, what gives you the right to want them different now?

Lets face it , we are the leaders in the marriage when it comes to emotions, and communication, without us they are Nada! LOL "Behind every good man, is his women...right ?" Take care

God Bless
Muah ! XO

0 18

my aunt and uncle practice c.p.r. c= Communication (very important) p= Patience r= Respect try this and also read the 5 Love Languages and The Love Dare, and Relationship Rescue.. but do it together and pray. It will still be a hard journey that could take many years. I am 37 and have been married 20 years and if we make it to july 21 years and it is still a chore. but the cpr method and all the books and counseling, talking really helps. But what i can say that helps is the power of forgiveness.. if you cant forgive there is no hope for you! I hope and pray for all of you that you never fail to give up. try everything you can and if it doesnt work then leave for awhile and come back. i left for two month (end april 2011 and came back july 5. 2011) it helped put things into perspective... now i know what i truly want.. Prayer works too. God bless to all of those having trouble, i pray that everything works out for you! Sincerely, Michelle Tscherne

View More
11 11

It's impossible to give a "one size fits all" response because every marriage is different. When you have given your marriage your best efforts for at least a year and nothing has changed, then ask yourself "Are you better off with him or without him?" Life is too short to stay stuck in a miserable marriage for years if you are the only one who wants your relationship to be different. Good luck.

8 0

===== ======= you can find many cheap and fashion stuff 30—39 USD jordan air max oakland raiders; 20USD Ed Hardy AF JUICY POLO Bikini 30USD Handbags (Coach lv fendi d&g) $30 louboutin boots 12USD T shirts (Polo ,edhardy,lacoste) $12 30USD Jean(True Religion,edhardy,co ogi) $30 12USD Sunglasses (Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $12 12USD New era cap $15 16USD Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $16 WE ACCEPT Credit card PAYMENT DELIVERY TO YOU DOOR TO DOOR ======== ========== ======== ==========

View More
1 40

I highly suggest reading and rereading "The Five Love Languages" and "Men are from Mars..." and having a good friend read them with you, or if your spouse is open to reading along with you, that would be ideal. Unfortunately, my experience of friends and also research shows counseling does not do much good by iteself. If your clear vision is to have this relationship change into a harmonious one, there is alot of hope and all tools can and should be used to that end, its important thogh you think through what exactly your goal is and you focus on changing yourself to bring that end into reality, you cannot change your parnter.

205 0

I would add "the proper care and feeding of husbands" to that list. I truly believe when we learn to be a better spouse, and live less selfishly in our relationships, we can find the greatest happiness in life.

View More
6 29

Check out the book "The Love Dare". It is a series of 40 dares - dare to love. Try it - I am on 23 - it has changed everything dramatically in our relationship. We were thinking divorce a year ago.

0 0

life is hard so relationship too!! you have to fight to make it works!! Also- "The Love Dare" - great book - saved many marriages.. .

View More
19 37

If there are children involved, then I suggest to divorce. I am an only child of divorced parents. I feel that if you stay together and the fighting continues, you will only harm the child/ren. Said child/ren will become depressed, withdrawn and not want 6to spend any time at home once they get to the age of hanging out with friends. I was lucky, my parents divorced to not argue in front of me. They got along great!!

72 9

You are are lucky lori.! your parents knew how to be reponsible. i applaud your parents. you are rare kind of situation.