Coping with the death of a parent

The grieving process when you lose a parent can take a lot of time and usually happens very gradually. What is some advice you can share for moms who are coping with the loss of a parent?

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23  Answers

19 10

I found the best thing when my dad died was to talk about him, so many people dont talk about their loved ones who have passed and that is a real shame, remember them and all the fun times everyday. its been 11 years since my dad died and we all still talk about him all the time, we have our soppy moments but its all part of the healing. they are forever in our hearts

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1 20

I dont understand people (relatives of mine) who dont talk about the loss of their mom/dad. it's just not right...I talk about my two girls (twins) who died at 37 and 40 yrs old. I have pics of them all over my home and visit the cemetery often. Always mentioning Memories of t hem to anyone who will listen. What is wrong with people who dont even visit the grave-site of parents even when the cemetries are so close at hand....Mkes me mad, I think they are very self-centered, selfish, all me,me, me people like no one else matters. The mom and dad were wonderful people and I cant see why he acts this way...Maybe they didnt have a good relationship while they were alive, i never noticed that...puzzled ??? Yes, I am...

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4 22

Hello, I really hope this will help you and your children. When my grand-daughter Gracie was 5 years old my mom died. They were very close and Gracie was very depressed and she cried alot. One day when I was baby sitting her, I asked her if there was something wrong and she said that she missed Grandma and wanted to talk to her. I told her that she could talk to her anytime she wanted and Grandma would hear her. She talked to my mom as I sat and listened. When she was finished I noticed that she was feeling better. That weekend we went to the park for a picnic and I had a surprise for Gracie. Of course my daughter didn't think my idea would help but told me it was ok if I tried. I had bought a balloon and a card, I told Gracie that we were going to send the card to grand ma with the balloon. She got really happy and giggled for the first time in weeks. So everyone signed the card, I put it imto a large zip lock bag, tied it to the balloon and Gracie said a prayer then she let the balloon fly away. It helped her to say good-bye. I also bought her a scrap book ang gace it to Gracie with some pictures of mom. That was in May of 2000. We talk about mom every day and Grace still tells mom she misses her everyday. Please try to "Mail A Card To Heaven' with your kids. It may help. It notonly helped Grace but it helped my daughter and me too.

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0 55

I lost my dad when I was 26, my ex husband was very unsupportive his advice was "get over it he isn't coming back" I learned on my own what was the best for me. Everyone grieves differently and the hardest times for me are important milestones, like when I remarried and had my daughter all things he missed. Now I look at pictures and tell stories and cry when I need to. I want my daughter to know her grandpa even if he isn't here with us. And I think being an ear for someone who has a lost a parent is also helpful to myself.

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0 0

My mom passed away in January of this year. It is the hardest thing to deal with. Everyday I cry and Imiss her so much. I try to keep myseld together but it is hard. She was my rock and my best friend. She was what kept our family together., She was always there for me as I was there for her. I talk about her and joke around but it hurts deep inside. For someone to ask me how I am doing, well I just break down. I do find talking about her to my kids makes me feel better but deep down it hurts and I wonder when the pain of missing her will calm down for me.

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0 5

That sounds just like me. I lost my Dad in June and my Mom in Aug. It has been devastating. I also am the youngest in the family and was very close to both of them. I have photos of them everywhere- - and we found my mom's journals when we went through her things. I kept those and read through them often just to "hear" her voice. I will do fine for a while but if anyone says kindly, "How are you doing"" I loose it. Tears come easily and often. I had my yearly check up last week and once again- broke down. I asked my doctor what was "normal" for this kind of grief and she said 2 years!! So that made me feel better. But she also suggested a short term anti-depressant just to get over the edge of it all. Its been 9 months since we lost Dad and 8 since Mom. My sister handles it by NOT talking about it, not looking at pictures, but I feel better if I do. I made a memory wreath at Christmas time with family photos of them and it helped me get through the holidays. Anyway, I hope it helps you to know- we are not alone, and hopefully the pain will at least ease.

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6 0

I found talking about Dad was very painful at first, and I had to reserve those conversations for times when the listener would be very supportive when I burst into tears (again). Most of the people who helped my steps were others who have lost their Dad. The common ground was very helpful.
I wrote about my feelings in a journal, sometimes they were well-thought, and sometimes they were sporadic and strange. I have never shared them with anyone, so that makes me feel like I have that "private" conversation with my dad still intact. Prayer and Praise were also tremendous tools for me.

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0 0

i feel the same way i was 20 years old when i lost my dad now im 22 ,

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11 28

I found I cope better with more positive thoughts like how lucky I was to have that parent in my life and how lucky anybody would have been to know them and all the good memories I have and knowing he is always with me in my heart and knowing one day I will be with them again it's not goodbye but see you later

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1 20

I like your answer to this question. I feel the same way, about my mom/dad and two daughters that I lost....they are with me everyday and someday I hope to be with them in God's Heaven in Paradise. Thanks for your thoughts.

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0 0

My ailing parents had lived with me, in their own cottage on our plot for 10 years. For several years their health deteriorated, so I had to split my time between my own family (husband, and 4 children) as well as cope with serious health issues of my own. 7 years ago I was diagnosed with an incurable bladder disease and went through 9 operations but eventually had the bladder removed and a new bladder was made using my own intestine. The recovery was a long process, and 2 years after that operation I had a spinal fusion. (in total I have endured 37 operations) 8 months ago, my mom passed away and the pain was so raw, even though I expected it for some time. I made a committment to take extra special care of my dad who was diabetic, an amputee and blind in one eye. We had 7 glorious months together and he had a sudden heart attack on 9 March. He passed away on 12 March, one month ago today... I am so traumatised by watching him slip away and find the memories sliding down my cheeks almost hourly. I am so grateful to God for giving me those special months where we got so close, and I really got to have fun with him, even at the age of 78, He was buried the day before his 79th birthday. Yesterday was our own wedding anniversary, as well as my parents. It would have been their 57th! it was a"bittersweet" day for me, but I am allowing myself to grieve no matter where, when or why. My tears show my deep love for my parents. Losing them has inspired me to start a journal for each of my children with special thoughts for each one, of the special things they do, say and mean. One day they will have my special memories of themselves to look back on. I realise too, how little my parents said they "loved" me, and how little they hugged me. I vowed long ago to change that in my own family, and intend to tell my kids every day how special they are. It seems to be a generational thing, but we can learn from it and change it for our own kids. I miss my mom and dad every day, and there is a hole in my heart which only God can fill with His love and grace. I'm thankful I had them for so many years. It was a privilege to take care of them in their old age. Life has no re-wind button...we must love the people we have while they are here..

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0 0

I just lost my parents almost 3 wks ago, their loss was very sudden my mom first of a heart attack then my dad 5 days later of a broken heart. I read your story and made me realize I didn't get to have the chance to enjoy them and say good bye.. I don't know if it was best not to live the pain of seeing them slip away or if I missed on having them more time . I don't know how to cope with this, I'm trying to be strong for my baby she is 10 months old and she cries when she see me cry so I contain myself. Your story is so inspirational I want to make sure I kiss her and tell her I love her each and every day!

0 29

Its certainly not easy especially if you were close to your parent. It has taken 3 years to be able to speak about my Mom and being able to look at pictures and remembering the good times. We can keep their memory alive and remember how much we enjoyed being with that person and how much they loved us in return always helps and I always say something to her everyday I know that sounds strange but I feel like someone is listening! I let her know how much we all miss her and how we will see each other again one day soon.

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0 0

I lost my mom in January of this year. Its comforting to know that I'm not the only one that can't look at her pictures and I find it very difficult to talk about her without braking down in tears. I find myself trying not to think of her and then feel guitly for doing so. My mom and I were extremely close, I'm the youngest and a change of life baby. My siblings are much older than and I, so my mom and I became very close, because I was the one left at home. She was my best friend and my everything. Life without her is hard. As I write these comments I can't contain my tears. Thank you for sharing your experience.

1 0

My daughter was 3 when her father passed away now she's 6 and still has a hard time dealing with it ::/ I miss her father a lot but I guess I dealt with it better than her I just want to ease her mind and help her what a can I do pleas help

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0 0

i lost my Dad on Christmas eve last year and the feeling of emptiness has not left me. am the last born in my family and my Dad was not only wonderful to me but all my brothers iam still lost for words and cannot believe i have made it this far! knowing that i had a very wonderful dad who loved me so much makes me appreciate the years we shared together! my biggest and weapon is my son who asked countless questions sometimes which made me cry alot but helped face the facts and as a role model i could not help but instill confidence and hope in my son that we shall see him again someday! my husband was so very supportive though he works and lives far he helped to counsel our son. i must just appreciate all the response i must say i identify with most of them.

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0 16

Everyone does grieve differently. My mom died as a result of medical negligence. It tears me up inside. I went back to work one week after her funeral. I cried at work often. I cried myself to sleep at night. I cried throughout the weekends, losing quality time with my husband and kids. Running is how I cope with the anger. It will be almost one year since her painful and unnecessary death. I can function only when I block it all out.

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0 34

My husband died 2 months ago, and we have 4 children ages 2, 4, 6, and 8. I don't hide my tears from the kids, which has kept an open dialogue in our house. His birthday is coming up, and I plan on making an annual celebration out of it to specifically remember Daddy. This year, I'll be taking the kids to where we got married (and bring our wedding album along), go out to dinner to one of his favorite spots, then come home for birthday cake around the firepit. I also signed us all up with a psychologist. Because although I think I'm doing everything right, it's good to have a professional involved who can help me make sure they grow up to be strong, independent adults.

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0 0

Losing my mother was like losing my bff forever. I was flooded constantly with the feeling that i could have done more, alive and ailing. I was in denial while she was sick. I just knew she was gonna get better and come home. I promised myself I was gonna spend more time with her, do more for her, treat her better, finish that "honey do" list (for daughters), anything as long as she gets better. But at 74 and her eyes were graying it wasn't gonna happen. I didn't accept it until I had actually left the room to go to work, then changed my mind and turned around to be with her. She had hung in for me. After I said my goodbyes and actually told her it was ok and that i understood, she had cringed, sighed, and went into the light. It still didn't hit me. I got home with her pillows still in my arms and her sent lingering. I couldn't put the pillows down. I paced around not knowing what to do next. So I called the family, brothers from oldest on down. I kept my cool, emotionless, I was the assignee of her estate so it was all my responsibility now. I was finished making calls and I went toward my computer. Along the way I dropped to the ground and wept and sobbed and screamed and yelled and balled my eyes out. From that point on I felt like an orphan, no longer a bff. I had lost my father 20 years earlier but he was absentee so it didn't bother me as much. But my mother was another story. To this day that whole year was a blur. But I still remember how I felt. Two years and counting I had cried over the thought of her. Before his passing my uncle had said something that stuck with me. He said, "you will always remember your mother, the good times and the bad. And you may forget them. But the pain of losing her will never go away." He is right. It has been 10 years and I still cry like a baby when I think of her not being here. I am an only girl and the youngest of 5 and I have a son so it is especially hard without my "BFF". My mother was my sister, my hero, my confidant, my conscience. I feel so ashamed that I am so weak without her at times. But we move on. We go on with our lives. Maybe just a little differently but we do go on. And we never forget the love that our parents gave us. And not having just that one special portion of love in our lives no longer makes us hurt. So don't expect the tears to subside. Don't expect to get over it any time soon. Just see that they were here and made such an important impact in our lives. And if you have a second parent still living cherish them and know that they need you now more than ever. Be with them so that you have no regrets. If you have no regrets, and they are no longer amongst us then look for them in your favorite places or your favorite things or to the sky. They are there watching us with pride and sending us all the love that the heavens can allow. But most of all, take care of you and cherish the memories you had because they are who molded us into what we are today. Be well. Peace.

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0 0

I am 53 and losing my Mom was devastating. Nothing prepared me for what I already knew would be really hard to face one day. She was a great mother to me but also a fun friend and confidant. We shared alot of common interests, sewing, crafts, fashion and shopping, kids, old movies, and we bowled on a bowling league together with two of my friendsfor years. I miss her every day!! It was really hard to talk about her or look at pictures for a long time because that made it real. I was in a panic mentally 6 months after her passing when I found a local support group dealing with the loss of a parent. They also had a group for widows and widowers for my Dad. These groups have helped and supported us tremendously. Taught us how integrate our loss into our regular lives and given us a safe place to share her with others having our same feelings. We help eachother heal!! Find a place to share your loss. A year later, just when I think I might not need to go, I go anyway and I learn something new and am able to help someone else. I'm walking out of the fog a year and a half after losing my wonderful mother.

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3 4

TALK TALK TALK! Don't keep any of the feelings bottled up, and cry when you need to cry. My daddy went to heaven 2 months ago yesterday and I am a big mess... What helps me is to look back at pictures and remember all of the funny things he used to say or do. The best moments are when our 4 year old (Makayla) talks about her granpa Rock and I just love to hear what sweet things she says. I take the tragedy one day at a time and unfortunately I have several close friends who have lost their fathers as well, so talking with them has helped in so many ways. I also see a therapist once a month and get everything out and pray for comfort and peace daily.

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8 21

I lost my mom at age 56 two yrs ago March1st. She meant the world to me. I was in many situations that I couldn't have gotten through without her. She held our family together. She passed away suddenly. I had dinner with her one night and that was the last time I spoke with her. I think of her every day. The difficult thing for me is not re-living the night of her death. I have a display case in my living room filled with her pictures and the things that meant a lot to her. Also on top of this case are her cremains. That was difficult for me at first knowing that she wanted to be cremated. But after talking with someone close to me....I am comforted in knowing that our bodies are just shells and because she knew God, I believe she is in a better place where I will see her again. Tears fill my eyes almost on a daily basis thinking of her.....but that's ok. It's good to cry. But it;s the anger that you have to work through and eventually let go of....that was hard but time will help. God bless!

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1 4

My mom just pass away in December after open heart surgery following a heart attack. She was 69 and 3 weeks away from retiring. Never sick a day in her life before this. She was my best friend and she spent every weekend at my home with my son (he is 10 now) and my husband.

She was looking forward to retiring and spending time with her 3 kids and her grandkids. I never got to say goodbye since we thought she would pull through the surgery and of course you have to be positive when a loved one is going into surgery so you don't say your "good byes" or they will be nervous and worried.

She was the best mother ever and since I am a Type 1 diabetic and so is my son and my mother had a child (my brother) with diabetes she was my rock and sounding board as she was the only other person I knew who had experienced having a child with Type 1 diabetes.

She was the nicest person ever and I miss her more than I can ever put into words. I think about her all the time and really find it hard to believe that I will have to live most likely half my life without her.

Since I am not close to my dad at all I feel like I now have no parents :-( This is the worse thing I have ever experienced and never knew it would be this hard.

I love you mom...I hope you are resting in peace xoxoxox

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1 20

I feel your hurt..my mom and I were so close, I was the youngest of four children and yes, I was a spoiled brat..but my mom taught us children manners, respect for elders, good morals and wonderful values, the children of today are missing out on all that. I would never think to ever answer my mom back..nnever. I see this happening right in front of my eyes in my own family, disrespective, I just want to haul off and smack them upside their heads and knock some sense into them. I talk to my mom and 2 daughters )who also have passed to go to Paradise w/God in Heaven.every day I talk tot hem, tell them stories, ask their opinion, and confide in them I know they are up there looking down on me and saying .We love Millie, we love you Mom...missing them so much...But I know it's all in God's plans for us. I was not taken yet as there aare things God wants me to take cre of before I go to be with my wonderful Mother and 2 daughters. thanks for your posting.

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1 0

Talk about them. Share stories with your kids and go thru pictures~ My daughter was three when my mom passed. She loved to hear about Grandma Brenda being my mom and stories about me being a kid. Pictures help you recall alot of those stories.

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0 0

I lost my mum, my best friend, on new years eve 2009, I can't talk or think about her without crying, I try to avoid thinking about her, I miss her so very much...I thought my Mum would around forever and I always said I wanted to die before her so I wouldn't have to live without her...I was with her when she took her last breath and I'll never forget the last time she looked at me...I can't believe it's been so long since I saw her, it still feels very raw, I don't know how long the grieving process is but it's a good job I have my 3 beautiful children to keep me going, I just take things day by day and put one foot in front of the other....

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0 0

i feel the same i lost my dad and a month later i found i was preganet and my husband and i was trying for 2 years , i lost my dad who was my best freind and i got big blessing my daughter , its hard to deal with , when it comes to talking about my dad at first its okay but then i want to cry , but i been up and down since he past its hard my daughter keeps me going her smile makes me smile

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0 0

I lost oth my parents two weeks apart when I was 19. I was married and Pregnant with my 2nd son. For me I launched myself into writing and that really helped me. Also sharing my experience brought a certain amount of healing to. You never truly get over it you learn new ways to cope. My parents are gone 16 yrs now and im still married and I have 4 boys. I've just finished writing my 1st poetry book with poems on grief in there. You can check them out on Facebook.

Amy.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Heartbeat-Poetry/134036950006868?ref=ts

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9 0

Grief is individual. Talking was very helpful for me also, let yourself cry, quiet alone time, having lots of people around can help. You have to allow yourself to grieve. There is no normal, go by your feelings. Keep up as regular a routine as possible. When you start feeling down look for someone close to be with or near even if you don't talk. It's a process that can't be rushed. Time really does heal. Be patient, the ache dulls. I can't say it goes away, but it comes less often. Be true to yourself. These might sound like cliches but they worked for me.

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3 0

Walk into a grief support group and share your feelings. It really helps to know that there are others out there who are going through the same thing. Also, that you don't have to put time limits on yourself to get through your grief. Not everybody grieves the same way nor takes the same amount of time.

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