Did your kids ask about sex at an early age?
Did any of your kids ask about the birds and the bees when they were young? How did you respond when their question came up?
When my 22 year old was 10, she found a condom package on the school playground and she wanted to know what it was for. She also said a boy told her to "screw a tree" and she wanted to know what that meant. We had already talked about how babies were made when I was pregnant with her younger siblings so I focused more on the fact that people who aren't married should not touch each other in their private places or take their clothes off together because they could make a baby and that a baby deserves to come to a loving home with a mother and a father who want them and are ready for them and until you're in that situation you shouldn't do anything that could make a baby. She looked at me and said, "That's just gross mom to do that if you're not married." Of course I explained to her that a condom is something a man wears on his penis(we've always used proper terms from day one) to prevent his sperm from fertilizing a woman's egg and making a baby. I told her though they are not very effective and even when a man uses one he can still make a baby which is why he shouldn't do anything to make a baby unless he is married to that woman. I said the boy didn't really understand what he was saying or he wouldn't have said it and it was probably something he heard someone else say so he just repeated it. I explained to her that "screw" was a crude term for sex and that you couldn't do that with a tree. She said, "Boys are so dumb." and I told her sometimes they are. I've always answered my kids questions about sex honestly and with complete information based on what I thought they were old enough to understand. It's my responsibility as a parent not the school to teach my children these things. I have 6 daughters and I don't want to have any teenage mothers at my house.
We lived on a farm when my son was young. He was about 5 years old when he came into the house after seeing puppies being born in the barn. Ill never forget that perplexed look on his face when he came to me and said... "Well, momma...I know how they got out...but what you need to tell me is how they got in there!" lol
It's never been a secret that mommies grow babies in their tummies. When my son was three he asked how they get out and since I'd had a c-section, I just told him that the doctor cuts a hole and gets the baby out. I even showed him my (appendix) scar and said that's where the dr got him out. When he was four I was pregnant with his sister and he asked how the baby got there. I explained that God plants seeds in girls when they are born and at the right time He allows them to grow into a baby. Over the years, thanks to TV, my kids are aware that some babies are "pooped out" instead of cut out. At age 9 he has recently asked about his dad's involvement. I simply told him that while the seed comes from the mom, the fertilizer comes from the dad. "What is fertilizer?" "it's what makes things grow.". My now 5 year old (thanks to the insurance commercials) recently ended her 20 Questions with "Where do babies come from?". My succinct response,"God"
I called the health clinic and had pamphlets and out of date condoms mailed to me. Then, one evening I sat my sons down and we discussed the pamphlets, the reasons why they didn't want to become a father without planning for it, and the reasons for using condoms. At the time I was working at an AIDS Hospice. My sons were both in elementary school so once they started junior high we talked about it again. The out of date condoms were used to show my sons' how to put them on properly. We also discussed how they should always have a condom but should not carry in their wallet for safety reasons.
I bought a box of condoms and put them in the medicine cabinet, letting both boys know where they were. The deal was while I didn't believe they should be sexually active, if they were to do so they needed to use a condom. I would replenish the supply no questions asked when I did grocery shopping. If they wanted a different kind or whatever, they could simply place a note in the medicine cabinet and I would buy their preference, no questions asked. Questions were never asked but suggestions were always thrown out that abstenance was best. I did replace empty boxes and never asked who used them ever.
This seems to have worked too well, as I still have no grandchildren and one son is now 26 with the other turning 23!
Maybe I have this all wrong but if they are asking the question, why not give them an honest answer? I have just had my 6th baby and my 1st (Miss 14), 2nd (Miss 13) and 5th (Mr 3) were all there for the birth of their baby brother. Mr 3 had a birds eye view from the bottom of the bed and was amazed - he adores his baby brother and has no adverse effects of watching the birth.
With all my children I have been totally honest and figured if they are asking the question, they are ready for the answer - don't get me wrong I don't go into too much detail (EG. At 3 or 4, my first asked me how the baby got in my belly, I told her dad put it there - she then asked so he puts it in tiny and you grow a big baby ready to be born - that is so clever! A few weeks later she asked so dad puts it in and you grow it, but how does it get out - again I was honest with her. She decided it's kind of gross but still very very clever). I don't think it is wrong to be honest with your children, sex is a perfectly natural part of life. My oldest is now almost 15, a virgin and in accelerated learning programme at school - so honesty doesn't seem to have steered her in the wrong direction =)
Just my opinion by the way - not saying it's how everyone should tackle the question.
My children's father and I found out recently that our 11-year-old was flirting and making sexual jokes with a boy at her school. We were NOT happy, especially since at first she said this boy was the one doing it all and was scaring her, and I told her this joking was soon not going to be a joke and the boy would take it seriously, and something could happen. That's when she seemed to realize the severity of the situation. I have sat my daughters down (I also have a 10-year-old), and carefully explained what sex is, how a man and woman are "together" during it, and that it can be a beautiful thing between a man and woman who love each other, and you can make a baby together and that baby is a symbol of your love with the man who loves you in turn. Their father and I enforced a rule that our daughters are not to start having sex until they are 18, and that if any boy forces them to, they should tell someone immediately.
I had to talk to my 9 year old recently because a classmate told her she should check out a website about sex. so I told her the consequences of sex. now she makes note about how if people are having sex on tv..that " they might make a baby.." but she knows that you shouldn't have sex because you can't reach your goals if you are a young mother.
My Daughter is 8. Well we saw ducks mating she thought the male duck was killing the female duck so I told her what they were doing and that there will be baby ducklings in a few weeks. so now she has an idea it really did help break the ice.. so now when we see other animals this fine spring season we talk about it.. It made it so much nicer on me.. and we watched a calf be born in a field along the side of the road.. she stopped the car and got out and watch life take place.. it was beautiful.. and then to see the baby stand up shortly after birth was amazing.. So glad our off spring doesn't do that.. whooo we would really have our hands full.. Now we have an open door to the birds and the bees and life.. we are both comfortable with it.. I know when she was smaller I was like oh no I will have to talk about that some day and God was good he gave me the tools to us..
Know what they're really asking. When my son was 3 he asked at the dinner table, "What is sex?" I was shocked but had learned to ask, "Why do you want to know?" He said, "Am I male or female?" That was easier than I'd thought.
My daughter started asking about where babies came from at about 5 or 6. I told her they come from the daddy and mommy loving each other and the daddy plants a seed inside the mommy which grows into a baby. She seemed content with this answer since we have a garden. Later she started asking more questions so I mated my female Chihuahua and explained (not in too much detail) the mating process and let her watch the puppies develop. The night the puppies were born we stayed up and watched. It was the first time I had ever seen puppies being born and it was just as amazing for me as it was for her. What really shocked me was the ease and comfort of the whole birthing process for our dog. Way different than for us women, but it does say in Genesis 4:16 we will go through intense pain and suffering during childbirth. My daughter now is 11 and beginning pubert,y and so we have discussed things a little more in detail. Her response was, "Oh gross Mom! Did you and Daddy do that?" As to which I explained, "You just keep thinking that way until you're married" LOL
If they ask...I tell using age appropriate language. I also broached the subject to a degree with my kids as young as 3 or 4 with the private parts/good touch bad touch and such. "Where Did I Come From" is an easy text for kids too.
It depends on your values as to how you respond (as in whether you say sex for love or sex with marriage or whatever). The mechanics and results are always going to be the same as far as biology goes.
With such a double-standard existing regarding sex/sexuality in media, conversation and practice it is really important to address it if it comes up. I say keep an open dialogue if you can get comfortable with it. We are our kids best resources if we want to keep them healthy, informed biologically and morally (according to our own moral code).
I have always been open and honest, although begrudgingly, with my chidlren when they ask about sex. My daughter came to me when she was about 5 or 6 (which seems to be the norm here) when a kid told her that babies come out of your butt. I explained to her and her brother how they are made. As they've gotten older (she's 11 and her brother is 12) and they spend more time with their friends the details have become more age appropriate as to exactly how babies are made. I let them know that they should wait until they are older because you can't really take care of a baby when you're young, to wait until they have become financially responsible, they they should not feel pressured nor should they pressure anyone, AND IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS I have explained the legal ramifications...that it is illegal for anyone under the age of 17 to have sex, that it is illegal to be forced to have sex with anyone, and explained that someone can go to jail for these things, I don't believe that parents stress the legality of sex as often as they should.
When my daughter was about 3, she asked me "Who built me?" I told her, "Your father and I built you." That was a satisfactory response, she didn't continue her line of questioning.
Then when she was four and a half, a boy in her preschool class was soon to become the middle child in his family, so evidently they got some conversation in on the subject during those moments when they could congregate on the playground equipment together without adults eavesdropping.
So when I woke up on Mother's Day my four year old daughter asked me "Mom, why do boys want to have sex with girls?" After being blindsided by that, I had to first collect my wits for a silent moment locked in the bathroom, after which I emerged and explained to her "Remember how I said your father and I built you? Well, that's how a boy and a girl build a baby. But it's not something people can do until they're much older, so you are lucky you don't have to worry about it for a long time. Right now you only have to work on growing up and doing well in school." Thankfully, she was satisfied with that answer as well, as I was not really prepared to answer another 19 questions at that point in time :-)
Of course all kids will from time to time ask about sex or their genitalia from the time they start to talk 3 word sentences so don't freak out and they don't know much at that time so how you answer will determine if they will continue asking. Be very straight to the point!
My daughter was 4 when I was pregnant with my son, curious, but never really asked...it was a few years later that she was a little more curious about "how" and we just happen to be breeding our horse at the time so she got the whole deal in 3D. The vets, having kids younger and older then mine, were more then happy to help me out, get and give tips.
TELL THE TRUTH so they don't go looking someplace else!!!
She got to see the stallions "parts", collection of sperm, the vets showed her the sperm under the microscopes and explained to her how they worked with the mare, she then got to see the ultrasound with the mare's egg and got to watch the AI process, followed by a 4 day ultrasound showing the baby took, 14 day ultrasound showing the baby implanted and 60 days showing we were here having a girl and she got to see the head and legs...very cool...then the birth a year later!!! We used real words for all parts, and explained how everything worked...so she could understand, she understood that men and women were similar and that was the end. Our son was about 3/4 at the time and he even caught on a little...I am waiting for his turm to come around.
We haven't had any problems or concerns since, she was and is actually very mature about the whole situation. We of course also tossed in there...don't you try this until your 30.
When my son was very young he would ask where babies came from and I said 'mummy's tummy'. Then he asked how the baby got there and at first I just said 'the mummy and the daddy go to bed together and the mummy ends up with a baby in her tummy'. When he was about 6 he said to me 'mummy, how do babies get into mummies' tummies? And don't tell me that the mummy and daddy just go to bed together because that can't be it!'. So I told him the bare facts of sex and he just said 'ewww!' Sex itself wasn't mentioned for ages after that, but he did ask about how bodies develop, etc. to the point where, when he was 9 and the boys and girls at school first had to split up to change for PE, one of the kids asked why they couldn't all be together anymore and the teacher said it was because their bodies were changing. The other kids didn't know what she meant, but Stewart piped up 'I know what that is, puberty!' and proceeded to explain what would happen their bodies during this change. The teacher said later that he explained it far better than she could have! :)
When my ex husband and I found out I was pregnant, of course, our daughter was elated. She had wanted a baby sister for so long since about age 2. She was six now. One day after we had confirmed it, she decided to ask us how babies came out. Her dad openly said with a grin on is face, "THrough the belly button." This did not impress her too much and she gave him a dirty look to that answer. She looked at me to see what I would say. I told her; "God made a special place on mommies for the baby to come out and its not always the belly button though sometimes that happens." She sat back in her seat in the car and we never heard another question about it after. When she hit 10 we had the long discussion about what sex entails. But she was satisfied with that answer. Her brother who was supposed to be her baby sister never asked me the questions of how babies came or anything like that.
I I always answered honestly and currently, using correct names for body parts. Of course how in epth I went depended on the child's age. We were never ashaimed of our bodies and they saw us nude often. Once they reached the age of 3 or so that changed. I also had my first 3 boys in 3 1/2 years. So I was always nursing or pregnant. So it was a pattern of life. Then 4 1/2 years later I had my fourth baby. 2 years after that I had #5. They were again exposed to mom nursing on demand. No big deal. I never hid or covered up. My clothes and the baby did that. And yes they asked questions about nursing. Again honesty is the best policy in my book.
I always gave age appropriate, honest answers to my kids. By doing that, my teens often came to me saying things like "Someone at school said........, is that true?" They knew I would tell them the truth, and give them clear answers. And I knew they were getting correct information. I also took the girls along to mother/daughter information sessions put on by the local health service, where they explained about puberty, menstruation and sex. As a single mum, I also found answers for my son when he asked questions about the male side of puberty. My son was often embarrased in his teens when he would walk into a room to find his sisters and I discussing "girl stuff", although he usually stayed to listen. Now (at 22) he says it was good because he understands women and women's issues better than some of his male friends do.
I was lucky my daughters other mommy/nana was pregnant when she was about 4 and we used all the terminology for where the baby is(uterus) and that is grows there until it comes out of her vagina. We had planned on her watching the birth so had her watch a video first which helped with the explanation a bit. She also has already learned what a period is due to walking in while female products are changed, she was worried at first until she found out is supposed to happen and a bit about why it does. Now she points out pads and tampons at the store, its so cute. I think you have to be very clear and honest when talking about all of it exspecially sex. She is turning 7 next week and still hasn't officially talked about sex but knows that daddies help put the baby in the mommy when they have special time together. Also she knows that special time shouldn't happen until she is an adult and loves the man. Also told her no babies until she graduates college.
Calmly and truthfully for their age, Focus on the Family has some books that is set up for the right age group. I also would say it's a special type love that is just for a mommy and a daddy.
I am actually dealing with this subject with my four year old. He is a little more advanced than most four year olds. He is not really stisfied with the answer that "doctors help mommies get the babies out of the mommies belly" Luckily, tonight actually, he asked how the twins (my bro and sis in laws two year olds) got out of their mommy's belly. She had a c-section, so I simply explained (in simple terms) that the doc cut her belly open and got them out. He was a little worried about the pain, which I explained that the doc numbed her belly like when he got stitches. He also stated "but the doc didn't cut the babies" to which I said no, just her belly. He seemed ok with that, but the questions keep coming...for the past year off and on. I give him the info I think he actually wants and he seems satisfied for about a few days to a few weeks and then more questions come. He is an only child, but had a cousin born recently. Any suggestions from anyone I would greatly appriciate. Thanks!
They didn't ask. They told. I was amazed at the vocabulary one of them picked up in nursery school - not from the teachers, but from the children of very progressive parents.
when my son was 6 years old he thought babies were made when mommies and daddies do that special kissing....lol.
Well, do you concider 9 years old young...I do. My daughter asked in 3rd grade for a couple of reasons. 1. she had 2 girls in her class start their cycles and 2. other kids were talking about "things" she knew nothing about. I continued to tell her that we would tell her when we thought it was the right time. I had purchased the American Girl Doll Book " All About You"...(I think that's the title, of course I can't find the book as I write this). Anyway, that book is AWESOME! It will help your child if it is a girl. I haven't had to deal with this with our son yet. Not sure how that will go. I did find a book about a boys body and how it changes though. I thnk the illistrations and information in the American Girl book is incredible. Not too much, but definitely enough. Good luck..
I think my son asked when he was around 4 or 5. He's an only child, and a friend of ours got pregnant. He was curious as to what was going on, and I explained it to him. "[friend] and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a long time. They saw a doctor to find out why they haven't been able to have one, and with the doctor's help, stuff from [husband] got mixed with [friend]'s eggs, and the goo got put where babies grow in the mom." I also got him the book "Where Did I Come From?" (by the same person who wrote "What's Happening To Me?" - the book my parents used to explain puberty to me), and we went through it together. So, he's got a good idea what happened, without being (too) grossed out or traumatised, and the knowledge that Mom Will Tell Him The Truth. Biology is gross, but fun.
With the truth. However, the truth can be explained simply and in a way that can be deepenef SA the child gets older. Daddy and mummy live each other and give each other special cuddled. Daddy gives mummy a seed which grows inside mummy. That's goid for say 2-6. As the child gets older... More details. There are heaps of children's books on the subject.
my oldest son asked when he was about 3 I was pregnant with my 3rd child. the question was how did the baby get in my tummy? I answered by saying daddy put it there. I think its important to answer questions at an age appropriate language he was satisfied with this answer. but when he was about 8 my sister in law was pregnant with her first child and he asked how did you get the baby out and I told the truth that it came out through a ladies vagina ( he insisted they were called ladies privates) I think it shocked him. then at 12 at school they have a class called growth and development and because I knew the class was coming up I asked if had anything he wanted to know or talk about. he answer was he knew far too much! I think if we start talking to our children at an early age and try to keep those lines of communication open then they'll be more inclined to come to us for advice other than peers. My oldest son is now 14 and although going through puberty will still ask question, more to do with dating than the actual birds and the bees, dad now fields those questions