Do you allow your kids to have friends of the opposite sex in their bedroom?

At what age do you think it is okay for kids to start being alone in their room with someone of the opposite sex?

40  Answers

5 0

I think the question should be "at what age is it ok for kids to STOP being alone in their room with someone of the opposite sex

42
1 20

Yes I agree!

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63 3

I have always allowed my children to have friends of the opposite sex in their rooms. They also must have the door open at all times and know that mom will stick her head in at any given time and that the siblings will visit often. When I'm not around no one is allowed in the room, when I'm ready for bed friends are no longer allowed, etc. My kids know what the standards are and that there are consequences for not keeping within them. The also know that if my trust is broken with any monkey business the privileges are over. Eight children and no disappointments from any of them (6 are now grown adults).

21
4 8

I agree with this too. I was allowed, but it was not guys that I was dating. Mainly, my brothers friends and my brothers.

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4 0

When they paY the rent and have their own place.

20
4 8

That is exactly what I was gonna say. When they are not under my roof!

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4 11

We as humans are curious....so why would I allow my children to have the opposite gender in their bedrooms? ...if my childen can not visit their friend in the view of an adult then I guess they will not have company over....

19
14 1

I feel sorry for your kids, you have already put in their minds you have no trust in them...

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1 24

We just finished a study on this for our youth group. As I read and did research I found that one of the leading risk factors for your teen becoming sexually active at a young age is having emotional relationships when they are very young. I think, as parents, we do have to be proactive in all we do. We have to consider the consequences and ask ourselves, if I say yes to this, what comes next?

16
0 14

Very well said! Think about consequences

0 16

My house, my rules. No way should a teen be permitted to have the opposite gender in a closed door room with them. That would be just bad parenting by allowing that. It does not mean that there is no trust. There are rules and guidlines in life and that is what you should be teaching your child. They need that more than just allowing them to make decisions completely on their own.

14
0 20

I wouldn't want to encourage adult behavior. He has the rest of his life to be an adult. So no private visits in the bedroom.

14
0 7

Never necessary to entertain opposite gender friends in a bedroom...that is a family room recipe/activity boundary...not a bedroom. Do not even start that practice and you will not have to rescind that privilege. Also...NEVER behind CLOSED doors. Boundaries keep everyone safe from even the simplest appearance of possible inappropriate accusations. Girls rooms are for girls and boys rooms are for boys.

13
0 0

For my girls, Yes. I have a freshman and a junior and they are both allowed. Door can be closed. We've had good talks about relationships, the emotional and physical aspects, and they have been raised with good morals and respect for us, their parents, and THEMSELVES. They want careers, marriage and families, and in that order. They know it only takes one time and no birth control is 100%. They both feel they are not ready for that step in a relationship as well. And, they communicate with their boyfriends who also feel that they are too young for a sexual relationship and don't want to jeopardize their futures either. They also know that when they are ready for that step, that they can come to us and we will let them go on the pill. Because whether you think they are ready or not, they, and they alone make that decision. And in your house, in their bedroom or in a car or some other place, when it happens is based on the foundation of respect, trust and maturity they posses. If you don't feel you can trust that they have those attributes, then by all means, keep the door open or don't let them alone. The answer that is right for us is not necessarily right for you.

12
0 0

And to answer the exact question about "what age," there is no magical number. It's a level of maturity that is different for each individual. In our case, one started dating just one person at the age of 14 and the other at 15 and so I would answer 14 to 15.

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0 0

when they are married...

12
492 54

good luck with that...

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0 6

Okay... here's my take...When kids are little they are allowed to play equally with other kids, be they girls or boys. They all play in each other space and we the parents have no worries. As they get older we start treating them differently. They notice this and through our behaviour they very quickly start noticing their differences. My mom raised six of us...we were allowed our friends of both genders for visits and sleepovers...all of us together. Her words were "I do not need to trust anyone else but you" and with that she won our respect. So if you raise your child with all the right values and morals in place, I don't think that you have anything to worry about once you have honestly told them that you trust them...Constant communication!

10
87 12

Excellent!

2 20

God this is a hard one!
We are just starting as our son is 16 with a girlfriend. We allow them in his room and the girlfriend stays over but they sleep in separate rooms. We trust them and would like them to feel comfortable and loved. I worry that if we push them to hard they will rebel and do something too soon out of rebellion rather that love between them.
I think, if you bring them up with the right values and not be too hard on them they will make the right choices for them. We were all that age and I remember a strict Dad and rebelling to spite him. We also have a 9 year old and having a hard time as he thinks the same rules apply to him.That's not going to happen, lol !!
Parenting isn't easy and we have to go with our insticts half time. Good luck with this one xxxx

8
0 5

I am in exactly the same position as you and seem to be acting in the same way as you, reassuring to know I'm not alone xxx It's a real tough one!!!

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2 25

I have 3 teens, well the oldest is soon to be 19 and here by us they are considered adults from age of 18 ... Anyhow, they have all many friends of the opposite sex, and they have always been allowed to have them on visit and behind close doors if they wish. We dont have a extra room for them to sit and sosialice in so the bedroom is the choice if they shall be able to listen to their music, playing their computers and doing their things. Dont see any reason to have different rules if its a friend of same sex or opposite that is visiting.
I do believe that when you child feels ready for sexual relationship they will find a way to make it happen what ever your rules is. You just have to trust that you have been able to give them the right values and respect for themself and others.
I really dont think the European teens are a lot more sexual active than the americans, they are just a lot more open about it.
But of course if it make you feel you have to control that part of your teens life and dont trust them to take care of them self... Its your choice

7
0 8

Very well said!

0 14

well my daughter knows that when she is a grown adult and moves out then she can be in her room with someone of the opposite sex .....NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT. That is the way I was raised and I didn't have my daughter til I was 31 yrs old .....

6
15 51

When they have their own place ..

6
0 5

I have 3 teenage sons 18, 16, 15 and we have a rule that the door is to remain open/ajar, anyone can (and we do) walk in at any time. I am a stickler for checking first with girls parents what their rules are. If they stay overnight it has to be with girls parents permission regardless of where they sleep or how many are staying over. Don't be afraid to talk with the friends parents (girl or boy). So far we haven't had any problems. I think parents need to remember that the bedroom is not the only place to have sex. You have your head in the sand if you think it is. Remember the bike sheds, cars, movies the list goes on. Be open and not judmental, keep the line of communication open as closing it just buries the issue.

5
0 6

I agree. The bedroom used to be the place they played with there friends until they were 10 or 11years old. Then we, the parents declare it a danger zone/ off limits. From playroom to Hazardous zone in an instant

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0 0

IF we educate our kids about SEX and where and how babies are made, and how NOT to make them ( IE birthcontrol) then why not have friends in the room, if your are so worried take the door off the kids room! teach them some responsibility and maybe the adults a little trust, and us Americans are SOOO squimish about sex anyways, get over it people!!!

4
492 54

Totally agree! The whole, "never" attitude is so ignorant. Do any of you remember being a teen? If you were not allowed to socially interact with the opposite sex at your house, you were doing it SOMEWHERE else. I'd rather have my kids learning under my roof for safety and education and good communication purposes.

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7 0

When they are married.

4
4 0

I think it's all right at any age as long as there's an adult there that can poke their head in at any given time. I allow my son to have the opposite sex in his room but I was here and the door was open. I don't have to see to know what my child is doing.

4
4 22

when they can pay for their own place. what type of parent would let their child have a friend of the opposite sex over anyway. Parents need to be PROACTIVE in their childs life, then maybe there wouldn't be so many teen preg.

4
8,547 21

Possibly, the kind of parent who HAS been proactive. Proactive in discussing teen sex, pregnancy, and consequences! I've always allowed it, and I still have a 17 YO virgin, AND the young lady that visits is also still a virgin. So, apparently there are different levels of proactive. And, just out of curiosity, what kind of parent would NOT have already covered this subject with their teens?

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0 16

never .i myself would never have invited boys to my bedroom.i had respect.i think when they leave home and get there own place do as they please.but not under my roof if they want to come sit down stairswith me thats fine but upstairs is out of bounds haha .

3
4 35

It is prudent and proper to allow friends of either gender to come over, interact and socialize. It is also prudent that there be a rule from the get go that "bedrooms are for sleeping" (or for brothers to be playing lego, or girls to play dolls at a young age.) When they are older, it is better all around for teens (and almost-teens) to be encouraged to hang out in the rest of the home with other family members, not to be holed up in their room alone for long periods of time. Another reason to have the family computer in the kitchen/common area. Young people learn healthy relationships by being around healthy relationships!

3
19 69

I am a divorced 38 year old mother of 3 living with my parents due to my financial situation. I thought about this question in applying it to my daughters, then I thought, what about me? I'm an adult, do I feel I should be able to bring a male friend over and hang out in my room? I would feel very strange indeed if I brought a male over to the house and took him to my bedroom. Never mind the example it would set for my 2 girls and young boy. Never mind it would be rude to my parents and the rest of my family to exclude them from socializing with my friend. Your bedroom is your sanctuary. It is your place of rest and peace. And privacy. To bring the opposite sex into your room is a very intimate act. Sometimes a girlfriend will come over and we go to my room and its not even a thought. But it would be very different if I were to do the same with a man. I think perhaps some of us should ask ourselves how we would act as an adult in the same situation.

I have created a patio space for my kids' friends to come over and hang out and be themselves. I look at this practice as setting the standard for their behaviors into adulthood. I can see them, but they have their own space. On occasion their friends even engage me in conversation, but I try not to be obtrusive. I get that kids don't want to be monitored, I trust my children, but it is my job to protect them for as long as they let me, and this is part of the deal as a parent.

2
0 15

I have a 17 year old and 19 year old, both boys. The rule in the house is "Door Stays Open." However, I have noticed that they tend to stay in the lounge or family room when girls visit them. Things have got a little trickier now that my eldest boy has a girlfriend, big difference between friends of the opposite sex and girlfriends!! But I must say he is the perfect gentleman, whenever they have retreated to the bedroom, his door has been WIDE open and of course mum makes the odd visit to the room to see if they want coffee etc. ;-) But he knows the rules of the house and I know this is not going to make him an angel as hanky panky can be done anywhere and in a matter of minutes. But I have brought him up to respect woman and himself and hopeful this has made an impression on him, it seems too have so far. As for my other son, well who knows, I just hope he follows in the same steps as his big brother. At the end of the day, I dont want to spoil my kids fun, but I do demand respect under my own roof and most certainly do not want to be a granny!!

2
0 17

Yes.... Rule is open door at all times.... but my 13 year old daughter rarely invites boys to her room, they stay in the media or game room...

My son who is 21, when living at home won't ever invite girls into his sticky messy room LOL...

Guess I just have been blessed :)

2
11 25

With the door open, and explicit rules on what is and isn't allowed, I'd say teens. This depends on the layout of the house and how often they would be looked in on to uphold those rules. Talking or playing computer or board games isn't a problem to me, and in a small house or apartment that may be the only place to go. It is dependent on how involved the parent is going to be when the friend is over, so if your busy doing something, probably not a bad idea to keep them out of the bedroom
.

2
5 8

Um..let me think...NOT!

2
8,547 21

At any age. As long as my son's door is open, I'm fine with it. He knows that I randomly pop in to see what they're doing anyway. And, we had every talk in the book from a very young age, so he knows what the consequences can be. I might add that both he and the young lady that visits are still both virgins at 17.

2
0 21

I know we all want to believe our kids, but don't make prideful comments like my kids don't drink, my kids don't text and drive...or my kid is a virgin. Just because they have never been caught, pregnant or have an STD doesn't mean they are virgins. Please don't be too naive, it will only harm your children in the end!

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3 10

my son is 14 and I have a problem with female friends and him in his room but they are allowed to hang out in the den and I don't think that its a good idea to have female friend when my husband or i are not home

2
0 21

I do not allow my son to have anyone over if my husband and I are not home, especially girls. He is to stay in and do whatever, but no visitors are allowed over.

1 20

I just started making my 13 year old keep his door open unless he is alone.

2
492 54

I will do the same, probably around that age. My boys are 7&10

0 5

I hope the children involved are not as narrow minded and judgemental as some of the parents commenting! Godd luck everyone with your teens and remember every teen and family are different. Being a parent is tough xxx

1
2 25

Well said Karen :)

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2 32

I have an 11 yr old daughter and she has not had boys over as of yet because she is too young. But just like when I was her age she will not have boys in her room period and have already informed her of this. She will have to practice self-control because even if I believed in her taking birth control at any certain age it doesn't always work and teens are careless. I have seen too many 16 yr olds getting pregnant like it's nothing and it makes me upset that their parents don't care either.

1
0 6

Boys/men are a natural part of our world as girls/women. Restraint is not something you can practice at home if there are no boys about...so I guess they have to practice it out there where you and I can't see them...Again trust and letting them know it!

2 7

12

1
0 6

I disagree with this age. At even 10 kids are curious and will "explore". I let my then 14yr old have a boy over and with the door open.. they gained my trust and I later found out that they were able to do the same thing at the boys house except with the door closed.. that is when I found out they were sexually active. She was raised in a christian home with other children and I fully trusted what I had taught her. He pressured her and she caved in! I think it is ok for the opposite sex to visit but not in the bedroom where things can happen when you aren't looking , even with the door open! I still have a 14 yr old at home now and boys are not allowed in her room. I can not take the chance again.

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51 0

Of course. Door closed? Maybe not, but if they know boundaries and you taught them respect you should be fine.

0
6 0

i let my 14 year old son have his girlfriend alone in his room. they recently had a party in his room together. they were playing music off one of their iPhones on his iHome speaker dock/alarm clock. they closed the door around 11 PM. i don't know what they were doing. they like technology a lot so they were probably on his laptop or they were playing on their iPhones. i don't know and i didn't ask.
as for your second question. age 10

0
0 0

yes

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14 0

I allow it, with the door WIDE open, but it makes my daughter uncomfortable, so she keeps them out. When her boyfriend is over the house, they keep to the common rooms, and they do the same when they are at his house.

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5 0

Yes, but we have an open door policy. Must have the door open.

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1

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11 0

My 13 year old has boys in her room with the door open. They play video games. My 16 year old and her bf are allowed in her room with the door closed but they are in a long term relationship and she is on bc and using condoms.

0
1 8

Is there such a thing as a"long term relationship" at 16? There's no way

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