Do you allow your kids to have friends of the opposite sex in their bedroom?
At what age do you think it is okay for kids to start being alone in their room with someone of the opposite sex?
I think the question should be "at what age is it ok for kids to STOP being alone in their room with someone of the opposite sex
I have always allowed my children to have friends of the opposite sex in their rooms. They also must have the door open at all times and know that mom will stick her head in at any given time and that the siblings will visit often. When I'm not around no one is allowed in the room, when I'm ready for bed friends are no longer allowed, etc. My kids know what the standards are and that there are consequences for not keeping within them. The also know that if my trust is broken with any monkey business the privileges are over. Eight children and no disappointments from any of them (6 are now grown adults).
We as humans are curious....so why would I allow my children to have the opposite gender in their bedrooms? ...if my childen can not visit their friend in the view of an adult then I guess they will not have company over....
When they paY the rent and have their own place.
We just finished a study on this for our youth group. As I read and did research I found that one of the leading risk factors for your teen becoming sexually active at a young age is having emotional relationships when they are very young. I think, as parents, we do have to be proactive in all we do. We have to consider the consequences and ask ourselves, if I say yes to this, what comes next?
For my girls, Yes. I have a freshman and a junior and they are both allowed. Door can be closed. We've had good talks about relationships, the emotional and physical aspects, and they have been raised with good morals and respect for us, their parents, and THEMSELVES. They want careers, marriage and families, and in that order. They know it only takes one time and no birth control is 100%. They both feel they are not ready for that step in a relationship as well. And, they communicate with their boyfriends who also feel that they are too young for a sexual relationship and don't want to jeopardize their futures either. They also know that when they are ready for that step, that they can come to us and we will let them go on the pill. Because whether you think they are ready or not, they, and they alone make that decision. And in your house, in their bedroom or in a car or some other place, when it happens is based on the foundation of respect, trust and maturity they posses. If you don't feel you can trust that they have those attributes, then by all means, keep the door open or don't let them alone. The answer that is right for us is not necessarily right for you.
My house, my rules. No way should a teen be permitted to have the opposite gender in a closed door room with them. That would be just bad parenting by allowing that. It does not mean that there is no trust. There are rules and guidlines in life and that is what you should be teaching your child. They need that more than just allowing them to make decisions completely on their own.
Never necessary to entertain opposite gender friends in a bedroom...that is a family room recipe/activity boundary...not a bedroom. Do not even start that practice and you will not have to rescind that privilege. Also...NEVER behind CLOSED doors. Boundaries keep everyone safe from even the simplest appearance of possible inappropriate accusations. Girls rooms are for girls and boys rooms are for boys.
I wouldn't want to encourage adult behavior. He has the rest of his life to be an adult. So no private visits in the bedroom.
Okay... here's my take...When kids are little they are allowed to play equally with other kids, be they girls or boys. They all play in each other space and we the parents have no worries. As they get older we start treating them differently. They notice this and through our behaviour they very quickly start noticing their differences. My mom raised six of us...we were allowed our friends of both genders for visits and sleepovers...all of us together. Her words were "I do not need to trust anyone else but you" and with that she won our respect. So if you raise your child with all the right values and morals in place, I don't think that you have anything to worry about once you have honestly told them that you trust them...Constant communication!
when they are married...
God this is a hard one!
We are just starting as our son is 16 with a girlfriend. We allow them in his room and the girlfriend stays over but they sleep in separate rooms. We trust them and would like them to feel comfortable and loved. I worry that if we push them to hard they will rebel and do something too soon out of rebellion rather that love between them.
I think, if you bring them up with the right values and not be too hard on them they will make the right choices for them. We were all that age and I remember a strict Dad and rebelling to spite him. We also have a 9 year old and having a hard time as he thinks the same rules apply to him.That's not going to happen, lol !!
Parenting isn't easy and we have to go with our insticts half time. Good luck with this one xxxx
I have 3 teens, well the oldest is soon to be 19 and here by us they are considered adults from age of 18 ... Anyhow, they have all many friends of the opposite sex, and they have always been allowed to have them on visit and behind close doors if they wish. We dont have a extra room for them to sit and sosialice in so the bedroom is the choice if they shall be able to listen to their music, playing their computers and doing their things. Dont see any reason to have different rules if its a friend of same sex or opposite that is visiting.
I do believe that when you child feels ready for sexual relationship they will find a way to make it happen what ever your rules is. You just have to trust that you have been able to give them the right values and respect for themself and others.
I really dont think the European teens are a lot more sexual active than the americans, they are just a lot more open about it.
But of course if it make you feel you have to control that part of your teens life and dont trust them to take care of them self... Its your choice
I have 3 teenage sons 18, 16, 15 and we have a rule that the door is to remain open/ajar, anyone can (and we do) walk in at any time. I am a stickler for checking first with girls parents what their rules are. If they stay overnight it has to be with girls parents permission regardless of where they sleep or how many are staying over. Don't be afraid to talk with the friends parents (girl or boy). So far we haven't had any problems. I think parents need to remember that the bedroom is not the only place to have sex. You have your head in the sand if you think it is. Remember the bike sheds, cars, movies the list goes on. Be open and not judmental, keep the line of communication open as closing it just buries the issue.
well my daughter knows that when she is a grown adult and moves out then she can be in her room with someone of the opposite sex .....NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT. That is the way I was raised and I didn't have my daughter til I was 31 yrs old .....
When they have their own place ..
IF we educate our kids about SEX and where and how babies are made, and how NOT to make them ( IE birthcontrol) then why not have friends in the room, if your are so worried take the door off the kids room! teach them some responsibility and maybe the adults a little trust, and us Americans are SOOO squimish about sex anyways, get over it people!!!
When they are married.
I think it's all right at any age as long as there's an adult there that can poke their head in at any given time. I allow my son to have the opposite sex in his room but I was here and the door was open. I don't have to see to know what my child is doing.
It is prudent and proper to allow friends of either gender to come over, interact and socialize. It is also prudent that there be a rule from the get go that "bedrooms are for sleeping" (or for brothers to be playing lego, or girls to play dolls at a young age.) When they are older, it is better all around for teens (and almost-teens) to be encouraged to hang out in the rest of the home with other family members, not to be holed up in their room alone for long periods of time. Another reason to have the family computer in the kitchen/common area. Young people learn healthy relationships by being around healthy relationships!
when they can pay for their own place. what type of parent would let their child have a friend of the opposite sex over anyway. Parents need to be PROACTIVE in their childs life, then maybe there wouldn't be so many teen preg.
I have a 17 year old and 19 year old, both boys. The rule in the house is "Door Stays Open." However, I have noticed that they tend to stay in the lounge or family room when girls visit them. Things have got a little trickier now that my eldest boy has a girlfriend, big difference between friends of the opposite sex and girlfriends!! But I must say he is the perfect gentleman, whenever they have retreated to the bedroom, his door has been WIDE open and of course mum makes the odd visit to the room to see if they want coffee etc. ;-) But he knows the rules of the house and I know this is not going to make him an angel as hanky panky can be done anywhere and in a matter of minutes. But I have brought him up to respect woman and himself and hopeful this has made an impression on him, it seems too have so far. As for my other son, well who knows, I just hope he follows in the same steps as his big brother. At the end of the day, I dont want to spoil my kids fun, but I do demand respect under my own roof and most certainly do not want to be a granny!!
never .i myself would never have invited boys to my bedroom.i had respect.i think when they leave home and get there own place do as they please.but not under my roof if they want to come sit down stairswith me thats fine but upstairs is out of bounds haha .
Yes.... Rule is open door at all times.... but my 13 year old daughter rarely invites boys to her room, they stay in the media or game room...
My son who is 21, when living at home won't ever invite girls into his sticky messy room LOL...
Guess I just have been blessed :)
With the door open, and explicit rules on what is and isn't allowed, I'd say teens. This depends on the layout of the house and how often they would be looked in on to uphold those rules. Talking or playing computer or board games isn't a problem to me, and in a small house or apartment that may be the only place to go. It is dependent on how involved the parent is going to be when the friend is over, so if your busy doing something, probably not a bad idea to keep them out of the bedroom
Um..let me think...NOT!
At any age. As long as my son's door is open, I'm fine with it. He knows that I randomly pop in to see what they're doing anyway. And, we had every talk in the book from a very young age, so he knows what the consequences can be. I might add that both he and the young lady that visits are still both virgins at 17.
I just started making my 13 year old keep his door open unless he is alone.
I am a divorced 38 year old mother of 3 living with my parents due to my financial situation. I thought about this question in applying it to my daughters, then I thought, what about me? I'm an adult, do I feel I should be able to bring a male friend over and hang out in my room? I would feel very strange indeed if I brought a male over to the house and took him to my bedroom. Never mind the example it would set for my 2 girls and young boy. Never mind it would be rude to my parents and the rest of my family to exclude them from socializing with my friend. Your bedroom is your sanctuary. It is your place of rest and peace. And privacy. To bring the opposite sex into your room is a very intimate act. Sometimes a girlfriend will come over and we go to my room and its not even a thought. But it would be very different if I were to do the same with a man. I think perhaps some of us should ask ourselves how we would act as an adult in the same situation.
I have created a patio space for my kids' friends to come over and hang out and be themselves. I look at this practice as setting the standard for their behaviors into adulthood. I can see them, but they have their own space. On occasion their friends even engage me in conversation, but I try not to be obtrusive. I get that kids don't want to be monitored, I trust my children, but it is my job to protect them for as long as they let me, and this is part of the deal as a parent.
I hope the children involved are not as narrow minded and judgemental as some of the parents commenting! Godd luck everyone with your teens and remember every teen and family are different. Being a parent is tough xxx
I have an 11 yr old daughter and she has not had boys over as of yet because she is too young. But just like when I was her age she will not have boys in her room period and have already informed her of this. She will have to practice self-control because even if I believed in her taking birth control at any certain age it doesn't always work and teens are careless. I have seen too many 16 yr olds getting pregnant like it's nothing and it makes me upset that their parents don't care either.
my son is 14 and I have a problem with female friends and him in his room but they are allowed to hang out in the den and I don't think that its a good idea to have female friend when my husband or i are not home
This is a really heterosexist question. Is the child attracted to members of the opposite sex? Is the child attracted to this particular person who s/he is alone in the room with? I think it's really problematic to assume that children are going to be doing sexual things just because there's someone of the opposite sex around (and that they won't possibly be with a member of the same sex). Besides, it's perfectly normal for straight kids to explore things with a member of the same sex. I think rather than sending the message that you can't be trusted with a member of the opposite sex, but you are free to do whatever you want with members of the same sex, it's more important to actually talk about what you do and don't want your child doing.
My daughter is 15 going on 16. She has had boys in her room. They are friends, nothing romantic. I am in the house while she is in the room with them just to keep it safe. I trust her in this respect. I know that she won't violate that trust because she wants to have her friends in her room. So far, I haven't had a problem with her about this.
yes i kiss boys occasionally in my bed room
yes but as thay got older we talked about sex and babies etc, that goes a long way into what your kids may or maynot do.. comuncicate with them.. remmber when you were a child.. or young adult .. think of that ..
first thing is no kids are not allowed in my home without a parent permission.
second thing, when kids are in my home without their parents, there is an adult watching them at all times.third thing is the bed room is off limit,when it comes to kids.So it is established from the start kids are watched by an adult the time they enter my home until, they leave my home