Can spanking kids cause future behavioral issues?
153 Answers
Do you believe in spanking?
Spanking is one of those controversial topics that no two moms quite agrees on. So, do you believe in spanking? If not, why? If you do, what are the guidelines you follow to ensure that discipline doesn't cross the line?
40 Answers
74 Votes
Yes, I most certainly believe in spanking, as a form of discipline. I also firmly believe that it is not the only form of discipline that should be used, depending on the severity of the wrong doing. I am proud to be the mother of 3 ranging from 9 to 18, and have had no need to spank any of them since they were 5 at the most. A couple of swats to the tushy, with an open hand, has not made them serial killers, or bullies, and an explanation and love after the swat, got the point across, so that further swats were rarely needed. Furthermore, all 3 of my children know beyond doubt that they are my best friends. And a final note, I was a child that never got spanked, and should have gotten my tail whooped on a regular basis.
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Suvi - commented on Oct 23, 2011
Just my way of thinking. I do the same, only when really needed, and that´s not often at all. When the kids get really wild and out of hand, that´s the last way to do it, and works for sure. After they got the open hand on their fanny, the only thing they need for weeks or months, is to remind them what will happen if they won´t do as I say. I have six kids (2, 3, 13, 15, 17 and 21) and can also tell that I have a great, open, fun, friendship-kind of relationship with my four oldest ones, they´re my friends, but also they respect me and still they do what they´re told to do without whining. And yes, I never had to spank any of them over 4 or 5 years old. My kids don´t even remember ever been spanked. But they know they did because I told them. :) I got spanked when I was a child and I´m happy that I did. Those days it was a loose, skinny limb from a tree, like in the cartoons. :)
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Charmaine - commented on Oct 25, 2011
Proverbs 23:13-14 says (King James) v.13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with a rod, he shall not die. v.14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Amplified v.13 Withhold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the [reed-like] rod, he will not die. v.14 You shall whip him with the rod and deliver his life from Sheol[Hades, the place of the dead]. Proverbs 19:18 says, Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not [indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and] set yourself to his ruin.(amplified) In all that we do we are to do unto the Lord, for Hid glory. There is a balance in everything.
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Trista - commented on Oct 26, 2011
Very well said
34 Votes
I am the mother of 5 ages 9,7,5,2,1 I absolutely believe in spanking I was spanked and I knew my mother loved me. I spank when warranted and also use time outs I use whatever is affect and gets my point across. Spanking is not abuse. I was raised n Mississippi and had to get spanked with swithces I knew I was being punished for doing something I wasn't supposed to and I didn't do it again because I didn't want a spanking. Its every parents right to discipline their child how they wish and no one can say what's right or wrong but abuse is definitely not okay ..the Bible says spare the rod spoil the child and I want to train my children up in the ways of God.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Although you clearly articulate your point here, I would like to respectfully disagree with you, Jessica. You write: "I didn't do it again because I didn't want a spanking." Jessica, this is my point. I want my child to avoid doing things I ask her not to do, not because she is afraid of me or a spanking, but because she has an understanding that compels her to do the right thing. That is how I see discipline, teaching a child, not just penalizing them, which is punishment. That means she will do the right thing even without my threats of spanking, and not just when I am around, but when I am not. Also, although it's popular, there is no bible that includes the phrase "spare the rod; spoil the child." The actual verse in Proverbs is "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Just an fyi. I'm sure your kids are are loving and happy, but please consider what comes from spanking. Is it really teaching them something that you want them to apply to others?
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Jeannie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Well said, Leslie.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Very well said.
33 Votes
I do believe in spanking as a form of discipline, but not the only way to discipline. Usually my kids will get a spanking if they do something outrageous, but not for small things. When I was a child I did get spanked with a swich, hand or belt. I rarely got spankings though. I definitely learned my lesson and tried my best to never have to get one. I turned out just fine. When I was in elementary school, teachers and principals used to spank children at school. They used a paddle. Now everyone says that spanking is abuse, which it can be if you beat your child. A few swats on the bottom is not abuse. Kids today are much more disrespectful than they were when I was growing up. Seems like kids are controlling the parents, because the parents are too scared to spank or be in control of their own kids for fear of someone saying they are abusing them.
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Patricia - commented on Oct 20, 2011
this is true Kenyatta and its a dam shame!!!! Lots of people on here have commented on how disrespectful our younger generations are.... lets face it... straight up outta control ya hear!! All these alternative forms of discipline( redirecting etc. what a joke) clearly arent working for SOME and in the mean time we and our children are subjected to other peoples bad ass kids and their horride behavior. Now dont misunderstand me im not speaking about all children and all parents im just sayin some kids need a good butt whoopin from time to time!!!
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Suvi - commented on Oct 23, 2011
Well said Kenyatta and Patricia! My thoughts exactly.
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Lian - commented on Oct 25, 2011
AMEN!!!
21 Votes
What a reliief that there are still moms out there that still believe in spanking. So many other sites/groups I've joined are anti-spanking and make those of us who do spank look like we're terrorizing our kids. My son is 5 and is VERY well behaved. He didn't get spanked very often (and the behavior would have to be pretty extreme) - he learned very quickly that there was a consequence for bad behavior. Now we're working with our 1yr old son...
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Veronique - commented on Oct 20, 2011
We live in an excessively coddling/and "reward for mediocre or negative behavior" society. I believe a firm and very loving approach is necessary when they are little...and then the relationship grows in a healthy and mutually respective way. I see such lack of respect for elders, and such lack of etiquetee and discipline in adults and children these days. I tell my children..."When you do something bad, bad things happen. When you do something good, good things happen. It is your choice and you can control how you want your day to be."
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Caressa - commented on Oct 26, 2011
my son is 5 as well, also have a 1 1/2 yr old who will be 2 next month and my goodness he is such a pusher with no intent on listening to me. i do believe in spanking when its necessary! its not like i beat my child for no reason. some kids need a spanking every now and then. i dont believe that time-outs work becasuse whats the disipline in that? to go stand in a corner or wherever for a few minutes...? i believe that if you do something that the child does not like they will learn quicker then being put in a time out its the children with no or little to none disipline that you will sadly see on the tv's or in the papers!
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Jessica - commented on Oct 26, 2011
Veronica...VERY well said! We obviously think very much alike...what a relief to know I'm not alone :-))) I know a child (7) who was only threatened with time outs and she has been a terror her whole llife. I'm not saying it was her fault, the parents had no control and she is VERY disrespectful to others and especially to her parents. LIke I said my son was spanked a few times and as you said we have a very healthy and respectful relationship...although he is still only 5 so he likes to touch my buttons but for a short period and then it's back to, "Sure mom, no problem" or "I'm not going to do that because it's wrong"! Caressa, I HEAR YA!! My hubby just said the other day, "F. is going to be a lot harder to discipline!" He will be about to do something wrong and look at us while he's doing it! But he's so darn cute it's soo hard to discipline him for it LOL!
19 Votes
I do believe in spanking. Not only is it effective, but it is the method prescribed by God to correct rebellion in a child. The Bible (see book of Proverbs) is specific that the child in rebellion must be corrected with corporal punishment administered by the rod (a small switch, not a club). When a child decides to follow his own will instead of his parents will, pressure must be put on him for him to comply. Once he is again in compliance to his parents' will, the spanking stops. Forgiveness and reminding them of your love for them is essential in discipline, also. The fear of a spanking acts as the external control that keeps the child from doing the wrong thing until the child is old enough to understand and value the reason why the offense is wrong. That is when the child begins to control his own behavior. After this point, the properly trained child will need to be chastised less and less.
Other forms of disobedience, however, should have a "reward" based upon the offense, teaching the child consequences for their actions and the proper way to right wrongs.
For detailed explanation of this, I recommend the book, "What the Bible says about Child Training" by J. Richard Fugate.
I have seen the result in our society of parents doing away with corporal punishment. Though it is not easy to spank your child, The results speak for themselves. All I see is children running rampant in public when just a couple of generations ago kids new how to behave and respect their parents. Today's parents let the children do whatever they want and then wonder why the disrespect and even hit their parents when they become teenagers. Let's not doubt the wisdom of God. Spank your kid.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 18, 2011
I know of parents who spank who have kids running rampant. I do not spank my 3 1/2 year old daughter and she is more well behaved than almost every 3 1/2 year old I know and have come across. People were also stoned back then. Should that be okay now?
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Kristine - commented on Oct 18, 2011
Some kids are generally more well behaved then others. I treat my child with the utmost respect, but i still spank him when necessary. Sometimes i feel it is needed, Like if he puts himself in danger.
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Jamie - commented on Oct 18, 2011
There is quite a difference between spanking and stoning. Stoning was commanded under the Law given to Moses as punishment for certain serious sins. Though we are held accountable to the Law God gave (ie this is why people go to Hell), Jesus fulfilled the Law for us through the righteous life He lived. He paid for our sins by His death, and promised us new life through His resurrection. Also, certain laws given to Israel were governing laws. I am no expert, but it seems to me that the law of stoning applied to Israel as a theocracy, and therefore does not transfer over into the New Covenant we have through faith in Jesus Christ. The book of Proverbs, on the other hand, says that the rod will drive a rebellious spirit (take that attitude, not a spiritual entity) from a child. It is a prescription to effectively train a child, and all of God's word should be honored, but it is NOT part of the 613 laws given to Moses on Sinai. They are entirely different things and should not be compared.
17 Votes
I'll tell you something. I never thought I would spank my child. But when he became old enough to willfully push the boundaries and walk into the street, you bet his sweet *ss I did. I've spanked him precisely 3 times. The first was walking into the street at 2yo. The second was at 3yo, trying to keep him from kicking poop all over myself and our immediate surroundings; I held his legs and calmly spoke about being calm and still and what the consequences would be if he kept kicking. He agreed to stop so I let go and his heel met the bottom of my chin so hard it snapped something in my neck and yes, I swatted the side of his bare leg and bit my tongue to keep from screaming at him over his screams. I finished changing the diaper and wiping the walls and changing our poop-streaked clothes with him laying there crying. All the while, tears of grief (over not being heard, not able to "reason" with him, being so blatantly disrespected, questioning his ability to actually empathize with others, etc.) streamed down my face. It was horrible.
It was the worst I have ever felt as a parent, aside from the time I came upon my 5yo daughter poking at a steep drop-off into a raging undertow, surface-still river, with a stick, alone. I had nightmares about that for weeks and even blocked it out for a while.
The third time I spanked my son was 2 days ago. He is a young 5yo, learning letters and science and making new friends in kindergarten. He is also learning new things from his peers that are against our core values, like sticking your tongue out at people and how to be inappropriate and talk with an elevated level of snot and sass and judgment in your voice. In addition to his revisitation of stubborn, free-floating obstinance, this behavior has been exasperating me for 6 weeks now. We have talked about the differences between homes and my boundaries around his behavior, that in our home we don't treat each other with disrespect and (spitting, scoffing, hitting, sass mouth, etc.) is unacceptable, he has received timeouts, I have given him suggestions on better ways to communicate what it is, precisely, that he wants to convey, etc. All wIth limited success.
And then, 2 days ago, he was ready for bed. I asked him to choose a book and get in bed, and said I would be right back. He followed me, surreptitiously asking what I was doing. This time, I TOLD him to get in bed. He blew raspberries into the air as he ran away (avoiding the consequence of doing it AT me). He bounced on the bed. Irritated, I defined what "in" meant and waited 2 seconds for movement toward compliance-- then I added, "NOW." I came back to find him doing gymnastics under the covers. I turned down the covers, sat on the edge of the bed with the book, and said, "I have asked you three times to calm down and get in bed, now come here." He came closer, then turned his back to me, put his head on the bed saying, "nyeah nyeah!" and stuck his bare bottom in my face.
I slapped it. No palm action like the poop incident on the side of the leg, but enough to sting, I'm sure.
He was shocked and cried. I turned out the light and lay next to him while he cried. I just waited in silence. I was biting my tongue again, yes. But this time, I had faith enough in my son (and therefore in my parenting heretofore), to know that he would engage me when he was ready, because he was empathetic enough to do that. And it gave me time to think.
He stopped crying, turned toward me, put his arms around my neck, and I started by saying, "I love you, I respect you, and I want what is best for you. I want you to stop acting like you don't respect other people's wants, needs, and feelings...." and I covered: wanting him to make good choices so that I could be free from being the bad guy, but they were fundamentally his choices. Making poor choices would result in consequences... I don't feel like he has heard my words or understood how serious I am in my desire for him to treat and be treated respectfully, so the swat he received was intended to get his attention another way. Perhaps now his ears will be more open when I am asking him to make good choices... and I also told him that I loved him, loved him, loved him.
But I did not apologize because I was not sorry.
He has been responding in a timely manner, not sassing me, doing his chores (which amount to 10 minutes after school), and putting on weather-appropriate clothing without whining for 2 days without the struggle of insistence, demand, "big voice", nagging, repetition, exhaustion, lessons, consequences, timeouts, tantrums, hurt feelings... disrespect...
In turn, this has made lots of space for reading, cuddling, laughing, loving and cooking together. I am still not sorry, but I hope I never feel compelled to do it again.
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Latisha - commented on Oct 20, 2011
Love it!!
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Stacy - commented on Oct 20, 2011
WOW...impressive. Kudos to you! Very well handled.
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Jeannie - commented on Oct 20, 2011
Those are nice stories and I am really happy for the wonderful relationship you have with your son. He sounds like a real sweetie. I have to be honest though, one swat carefully delivered is not usually the picture I get when I am imagining a spanking.
13 Votes
I got spanked as a kid - a lot! It was the way my parents' generation was raised. However, I do not believe in spanking as a tool to discipline my almost 8 y/o daughter. There are times when she doesn't listen when I ask her to do things which leads to her getting in trouble. She and I go to a 'think-about' spot, wherever we are, and THINK ABOUT what just happened, then I have her articulate to me her side. I've been doing this now for about 5 years and it has worked well for our situation. There will always be room for corrective measures at all stages of her life, but it would be hypocritical parenting on my end if I'm telling her not to put her hands on other people in anger if I did that to her. So far, using words to express our frustrations has worked for us. Not sure what the future will bring, but if I can raise her to think before acting and speaking so that she doesn't injure both emotionally and physically, then I think I would've done my job. This is not a method for everyone, but it is my method, and so far, it is working. Good luck to all the parents who are reading this and posting. And for those of you wondering what kind of kid she is, GREAT! Extroverted, intelligent (teachers love her!), loves reading and dancing, intuitive, conscientious, thoughtful, sweet. There are times when she acts her age, petulant and willful. These are times when I have to remember both OUR ages and be the adult and discipline accordingly. I need to remember to lead by example! You can't meet anger and frustration w/ the same and expect peace. I'm trying to instill long-term, lasting lessons, not swift punishments.
11 Votes
No, I don't believe in spanking children. I think the only thing it does is humiliate the child, and he/she does not "learn a lesson" from this form of punishment. I believe a punishment should educate as well as show children there are consequences for unacceptable behavior. There are other ways to illustrate this rather than grabbing a belt and engaging in something that physically hurts a child.
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Jeannie - commented on Oct 25, 2011
High five Lanie.
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Torie - commented on Nov 5, 2011
Why would you assume that in order to spank a child you would need a belt? I have used a belt on my children maybe twice? and every time it has been a cloth belt and had little to no force behind it. It' been more for getting my point across than for "hurting the child." Spanking does not mean " grabbing a belt and engaging in something that physically hurts a child." That's a little bit exaggerated.
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Andria - commented on Mar 3, 2012
I agree with Torie. Also, I was spanked and never felt humiliated. You can't say that children do not "learn a lesson" from that sort of punishment because I did. So did my cousins, brother, and sister. Again, not all children should be or need to be spanked, but some do.
11 Votes
The very best behaved children i meet are not hit ever, the very worst behaved are hit. That is all the research i need as to the long term effects. My mother hit us all the time and i never wanted to do anything she wanted, i just wanted to hide things from her and i did very well tell i left home and had no more to do with her. Did she ever beat me, no, would what she did be classed as abuse, probably not but lots of low level bullying over a long time.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 21, 2011
Bravo, Zoe. Very well said. I had the same kind of experience. Good for you for deciding not to spank based on your own experiences.
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Latisha - commented on Oct 23, 2011
Zoe the funny thing about that "research" is that it's not really research. I've seen tantrums from kids that clearly aren't hit. The parent looks so whimpy bending over and begging the kid to stop and stand up so we can leave the store. That parent either ends up going and buy what the kid wanted or grabs the kid and rush out embarrassed of all the noise the kid is making. My spanked kids simply set their face up and waits quietly by the register until I'm done and walks with arms folded and a sour face because they didn't get the item. Even still gives a last attempt "please" in the car. As I said and will keep saying every child is different and can not be compared to each other. Some people gets one slap on the wrist (arrested) and never repeats that action again that got them there and some people spend more time in jail then free because they just don't care enough or it takes longer jail time to catch a clue. End point every kid won't care about timeout, lectures, or taking away. And best believe some won't care about the spankings either (my older sister lol) But every parent has the right to know what works and what doesn't work.:-)
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Zoe - commented on Oct 23, 2011
Latisha, Obviously i did not mean scientific research, but if you want to be pedantic go for it, i meant my personal observations. my child has never been hit, and i never looked wimpish when she was throwing a tantrum, nor have i ever given in to what she wants becourse of a tantrum. i would simply stand so that i could see her and let her get it out of her system, 5 mins max. So i am prepared to give her time to express how she feels, not hit her for daring to express her feelings. all kids are different but hitting is never the best answer and one day this will be reflected in the law, it used to be ok for a man to hit is wife, to keep her in her place, couse he was the man, glade those days have gone, men still do it, but women know have the law on there side. end point i want my DD to do the wright thing couse its the wight thing, not for fear of being hit.
10 Votes
Personally, spanking is part of discipline. At times children at certain age do not listen to reasoning very well. A hit (moderately and not too hard) can send a message across to them better than explaining why they did wrong. Spanking is not for all children - that is important to remember.
Time outs at times do not work - especially for hyper children that are in fits of rage. I used it sparingly, only at times I need to. Never use it when in heat of anger. And we need to explain to the child why we do what we do so that they understand that its not that we do not love them. Its because we love them that at times we need to use it. For us in Asia, its part and parcel of our culture to discipline our children.
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Tabby - commented on Jan 2, 2013
Spanking is punishment not discipline.
8 Votes
I do believe in spanking
before I had kids I always told myself I would never spank my children but, then I had them and I do what works best for my kids! My youngest will be 2 in 3 weeks and she is VERY strong willed. If its not done her way watch out! She will bite, hit, throw things, ect... She has been like this from birth. We have tried many things to get her to behave redirection (which I think is a joke), standing her in a corner, and ignoring her behavior! What works for her is a little smack on the bottom and standing her in the corner she can come out of the corner when she is calm and says she is sorry to whomever's feeling she hurt or was mean to! We give her a little smack because it get her attention! My middle child all I have to do is look at her the wrong way and the tears start coming!
The reason why I think redirecting is useless is because it teaches them nothing. When they get older if they are having a hard time are they gonna redirect themselves? No you want them to learn to excel in any situation that they are in! Make the best of it....its not always gonna be what they want or be about them! They have to learn to deal with what ever situation is given to them!
I believe you should do what works best for your child to make them healthy, strong, Independent individuals!
7 Votes
Spanking is lazy parenting. There are a multitude of appropriate way to discipline a child which require hard work and effort. There is not single study that supports spanking as effective discipline. Violence breeds violence and it is never acceptable to put your hands on someone especially someone you Love. The is no logic in hitting someone you claim to love. It is 2011 use the internet and do the research.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 26, 2011
Yes!
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Kenyatta - commented on Oct 26, 2011
You are right, it is 2011 and there is more bullying, sexting, kids beating up the parents, and more pregnant teenagers than ever before. Hmm Wonder why? My mother spanked me sometimes- not all the time and I never thought that she didnt love me. I made good grades in school, stayed out of big trouble, joined the band, participated in clubs, graduated and went to college and graduated there too. I am not a violent person, im actually one of the nicest ppl you would meet, I believe that my mother caring about me so much and takiing the time to discipline me when needed, helped make me who I am and be more responsible. Spanking works for some and then it doesnt work for others. It depends on the individual child. While you are doing your internet research, please show evidence where a spanked child always directly correlates with violent, disruptive and horrible individuals. Please post the link and I will gladly look at it:)
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Patricia - commented on Oct 27, 2011
First of all it is 2011 how bout go read ya bible instead of the internet. It tells you everything you need to know about parenting. And Kenyatta yes you are right except you left out kids murdering thier parents murdering each other murdering themselves drugs all kinds of crazy stuff going on with kids.
7 Votes
My parents spanked me when I was 4 and when I was wrong and stubborn but they also explained and warned me beforehand. It also worked when I needed to discipline my daughter when she was 4 and 5. It was one whoop and she learned. I don't do it now because she's almost ten. My daughter is a straight A student and whenever she has a issue, I just speak to her and explain the consequences like no more TV. We have a great relationship.
I believe that spanking has its limits. It should never be used in severity. Keep it in mind, kids like to test their limits. It would be great that I didn't have to spank but after 4 or 5 times of giving verbal warninings, a spank works.
7 Votes
No I don't believe in spanking. It is a cop out and expression of anger using a physical form of punishment of force and creating fear. I was spanked as a kid and feared doing anything inhibiting me to think for myself out of fear of being spanked. I have 3 kids and I don't spank and they are very well behaved children. I believe in redirection and using positive reinforcement. When they do something they shouldn't have, we sit down and discuss why it was wrong, how it affects ourselves and other people and how our decision could have been better. It takes more time and that is the problem because spanking is too quick and easy.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Awesome!! :)
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Kristyn - commented on Oct 19, 2011
What did you do when your children were young? My son just turned 3 but up until recently I could not sit down and discuss anything. I have friends that weren't spanked as kids, they were "spanked with belts" which to me is abused and they have a very similar opinion on not spanking due to fear. Could it be possibly that you were spanked in excess?
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Bonnie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
I have a 9 and 13 year old and spanking is not a option but walkingall over me has become a option, and not listening to rules, I have taken everything away and they get more angry. now what?
6 Votes
I believe spanking is disrespectful and wrong. Kids are people, too. You've got to be pretty close minded to be unable to think of any other effective form of discipline.
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Amy - commented on Jan 3, 2012
It is not close-minded. With consistent discipline, and follow through, spanking is rarely needed. Usually the "threat" (not so sever, but can't think of a better word at the moment) of a spanking, behavior improves. HOWEVER, once a child has been told that a spanking will be forthcoming if behavior is not corrected, it must happen if the child continues to misbehave. I did spank my kids a few times, but after that, they knew that I meant what I said. You cannot reason with a toddler. Sitting them down and explaining what is wrong is fine, but rarely enough. I found timeouts to be fairly useless. My children are now 7 and 11. Neither has received a spanking in years, since age 4 for each, if I recall correctly. I am not adverse to promising one though, if the situation warrants it. It always works. Oh, and my boys are well behaved, straight-A, gentlemen. They are normal boys, but they have respect for others, and act as I would expect any well-raised child to act. Spanking has been nothing but positive in creating children that others actually don't mind being around.
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Stacy - commented on Jan 3, 2012
My 9 year old has a healthy respect for others, as well, but mostly because he's learned from example, not threats of being hit. I work with toddlers for a living and where as they can be hard to reason with, they can still learn the expectations and consequences of their actions without being spanked.
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Lorraine - commented on May 12, 2012
I agree wholeheartedly Stacy
6 Votes
I DO NOT believe in spanking! They are just kids and are learning.. Would you want them to hit someone else just cuz they weren't listening to them? I have a daughter in her terrible 2's she gets into everything. And doesn't listen. But never would I spank her.. There are many other forms of discipline without turning to striking your child! If you choose to spank your kid well that's your choice.. It's just my opinion that I think it's wrong..
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Mauro - commented on May 12, 2012
We're learning all the time. Young, middle-age, old. Does that mean no spanking ever?
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Wendi - commented on Jun 19, 2012
thats right shandi!! exactly!!! my daughter will be 2 next month and im very proud that I've Never HIT my daughter! how could i hit someone i love so much!
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Tabby - commented on Jan 2, 2013
Yes Mauro, it does mean no spanking EVER. We are always learning, but thats not what she is talking about. These little kids are learning to function socially, cognitively and emotionally. They are learning to regulate their emotions, decifer right from wrong, learn to read people, most of all they are learning about the things around them and how things roll in this world, things that ADULTS have already learned.
6 Votes
I do believe in spanking. I have 7 year old twins. They're pretty well behaved so I don't have to use that method of discipline often, but I will if necessary. They're at an age where they like to challenge authority quite often. I normally take some of the favorite things away, if the problem still exist I will put them on restriction from playing outside and with friends. Spanking is usually what I do when all else fails.
6 Votes
I most certainly believe in spanking. I believe that a child needs to learn that there are certain actions that will provoke an immediate physical reaction. I spank my kids, thru their clothes, with an open hand. It works. Tho I use several forms of discipline, there are times I find spanking to be most effective. I would rather my kids learn now that you do certain things (hit, bite, spit) that something will happen right back.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Kristyn, I wonder can you teach not to hit by hitting? Are there two sets of rules in this case? I know there are grown up rules and child rules, but is this really one of them. When you say teach, what are you teaching? That when mom says, no, it's no for sure? Don't hit/spit/kick because mom will spank you? I'm sure that gets across. However, what about respecting a person's right to say no or about keeping your hands, feet, and spit to yourself? How do you teach that with spanking? I propose that although you don't mean to, what you are really teaching your child is to avoid certain behaviors when mom is around out of fear of spanking. It may keep them from embarrassing you, but have they learn what to do or what not to do. I know this is a lot, but I'd appreciate your reply. I really want to understand where you are coming from with this.
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Kristyn - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Leslie~ I guess I need to start with the point that I don't just spank my children and let it go. Before I spank them I give them several chances to stop what they are doing. I tell them that it is not nice or appropriate behavior. After several chances I give them a swat on the butt and then explain why they got a swat. We do "talk" about it. I say talk in quotes because I do not believe that a 2-3 year old can really fully understand the conversation of appropriate behavior, respect and such. I do explain why we need to keep our hands, feet, spit to ourselves but lets be honest, kids push those bounds and don't always get that "its not nice". My kids do NOT fear me in anyway. My spankings are not harsh, my kids rarely even fuss. Its more of a reminder of what they are doing. I do try several forms of discipline because I don't think anything works all the time. Now, all I usually have to do is give my 3 year old a look and he understands he needs to quit whatever it is he's doing. I was spanked as a child, and I did/do not fear my parents. I didn't do things out of fear of a spanking, the spanking did teach me that those actions were not acceptable.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Thanks for your reply. It's nice to agree to disagree. :-)
5 Votes
no I do not believe in spanking it teaches that hitting is OK
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Mauro - commented on May 12, 2012
Hitting is not OK when you're wrong.
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Stefanie - commented on Oct 21, 2012
i say this all the time .the only time i think it ok to slap your child is for safty iusse like your in a parking lot or street or near hot strove u keeo saying dont do that whgatever they not listing .then i would beter to slapm there bum once then get hit by a car or get bably burn .but i think time outs or other things should be done first depends on thde kid .when i took care of my neive an newophew .i did time outs loose a privlige .only once i slap them each booth for safty iusse .other then that no
5 Votes
Absolutely not! This is the part of my answer where I assure everyone that I know we are all doing the best we can with our kids. Haveing said that, I tried a couple of swats when my oldest was a toddler and did not .like how I felt or the results she displayed afterwards. I have found so many other things that work better.
I am wanting to teach my kids the best life skills to succeed as an adult. I do that by example, repititon, logical consequences, rewards and a variety of other teaching techniques. I don't hit my children to get them to obey me. And to me the bottom line of spanking (pun intended) is that I am hitting my child, however carefully, so that she will obey me. And I am most certainly not concerned with temporary snits or attitudes. These are little people who will grow up. As grown ups we still have our snits and attitudes we have just learned to be more polite about it. My kids will too.
Spanking is a bad idea whose time has come and gone.
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Kathleen - commented on Oct 19, 2011
It's nice that you have found other ways of discipline, but some children need more. It doesn't make it a bad idea. It is the foundation of discipline from long ago. Proverbs 23:13-14 King James Version (KJV) 13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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Latisha - commented on Oct 20, 2011
So what would you do if your 1st grader decided he's going to kick the trash can and throw crayons at the other students and throw over his desk oh yeah and rip up his school work, because the 1st grade teacher told him to stop talking in class?? And this behavior was happening oh I don't know every DAY!! Oh and fyi I talked and timeout and took away... but after I spanked a few different times that behavior ceased!!
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Jeannie - commented on Oct 20, 2011
Latisha, I can't answer that because I don't know the first grader, the teacher or various other parts of the picture. I am glad he is doing better now. I would not have spanked him. What would I have done instead? Well, it depends. First off, I do believe that classroom behaviour and classroom managment are pretty much the teacher's responsibility. If there is a big problem and I was contacted we would work together. I would probably put together a series of rewards for good days and consequences (not spanking) for bad days. One of my children has a number of special needs. I am used to working with the teachers about her. She is doing great now without spankings. It does take longer sometimes to change behaviour without spanking.
5 Votes
I do believe in spanking. It is only used as a last resort though. When I was pregnant with my first child, I discussed this topic with the ultrasound Tech. We both believe that an open handed swat on the buns is fine. The first swat is for the child, and additional swats are for you and excessive!
I prefer to use time outs, sticker charts, and taking away toys that are favorites, until they earn them back. We also have "specials" where the kids earn their daily stickers after a period of time we reward them for their good behavior, like going to frozen yogurt etc. I'd rather reward for good behavior than punish for bad. This helps so that bad behavior is less frequent! The kids like to be good, to be helpful, to get rewards.
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Jamie - commented on Oct 22, 2011
I would have to disagree that more than one swat is always excessive. It depends on whether or not your child has submitted after the first swat. If you have a STUBBORN child like mine, one swat will just make her smirk at you and she'll test your boundaries to see if you'll follow through with more discipline. If a child is affected by one swat, wonderful, but if they are still unwilling to submit, more may be necessary.
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Beth - commented on Oct 22, 2011
Thank you for your reply. I can totally respect what you are saying. You have to do what works for you and your child. No two are the same, that is certain. :)
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Suvi - commented on Oct 23, 2011
All good points of views. :)
5 Votes
Spanking is effective. there is a difference between spanking and abause. Done the proper way, it is a good form of discipline. With that said, i was spanked as a child and did not grow up to be a serial killer, hatwful, mean, or act innappropriate. I believe firmly in spanking.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 18, 2011
What is the "proper way?" And what, in your opinion, warrants a spanking?
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Rachel - commented on Oct 18, 2011
Not in an abusive manner. For discipline, when the child does not listen and certainly only when they are old enough.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 18, 2011
People all have different views on what's abusive and what's not. What is old enough? What form of discipline is used until that age?
5 Votes
I absolutely do not and I don't believe there is anything a child could possibly do to warrant a spanking. I believe that spanking or hitting a child is wrong, although I wouldn't go as far as calling cps unless I believe it is extreme. I don't think it teaches the child anything except that hitting is acceptable. If mommy or daddy hit me, shouldn't I be able to hit them or others? And who is to say what the right amour of force behind a spank is, without "crossing the line?" There are plenty of other great, effective and positive ways to discipline a child, spanking, in my opinion, is always an unnecessary, inappropriate and negative course of action. If you need ideas on discipline, I suggest you visit <http://www.supernanny.co.uk/>.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 18, 2011
Typo: right amount
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Kathleen - commented on Oct 19, 2011
spanking and hitting are 100% different. I think all of us on here would agree that hitting is wrong. A spank is just a light swat on the bum when other forms do not work. What do you suggest a parent do when a child does not listen ever??? Let them act out? I think not.
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Carrie - commented on Oct 19, 2011
I am pretty sure that none of us NON Spankers are saying that (and I see we are a minority here). I have lots of suggestions if you want them.
4 Votes
I have 5 children, 2 are now adults, and I have never raised a hand to any of my children. My last 3 kids are adopted and suffered serious abuse, so no way were we going to give them anymore reasons to fear others. I have NEVER needed to assault my children in order to correct their behaviour. The whole point of disciplining your child is to teach them to self-regulate. Discipline should teach a child what they have done wrong. When done properly, discipline is incredibly effective, and spanking is not needed. I have never understood what in the world parents believe their are teaching their children by hitting them. What is that teaching them? Not much, except that it's ok to assault someone who is smaller than you. My children have never been hit, and yet, they are incredibly well disciplined. My kids are respectful, compassionate, empathetic, kind and patient, and that is because of what we modeled for them and because of the limits and boundaries we set. Natural consequences are much more efficient.
4 Votes
I do not believe in spanking, me and my daughter Grandmother have talked and talked about this from day one. I was spanked when I was a child - obviously I didn't like it. But, I feel if I go around spanking her & putting my hands on her she will think its okay do to the same. Everyone has their own oppinions I however think it isnt needed.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 29, 2012
Yes!
4 Votes
No I don't believe in spanking. I think it's confusing to children. Why would someone who says they love me and protect me ," HOW CAN THEY HIT ME" doesn't make since to me. I think there are so many other forms of disciplining our children without hitting them. I think it creates bullies and also makes our children insecure about themselves. Don't get me wrong sometimes I've wanted to, but I haven't. There are all sorts of studies to show why spanking doesn't work. PLEASE READ. Yes I know the Bible says Spare the Rod spoil the child. But I've never thought it was right.
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Sharon - commented on Jun 7, 2012
I have never known a child who was spanked that was a bully unless they were actually abused. That is a totally different issue. The children I know who were spanked were much better behaved than the ones who weren't and were much more secure with their parents. The ones who aren't spanked are usually totally out of control and show the parents zero respect. Plus other people watch as they control their parents and try to control other adults around them, much to the annoyance of other people having to deal with the child with no self control. There are numerous studies that show that spankings do work unless it is done abusively. God knew what he was talking about in the bible, he is God after all. We are swayed by our opinions and resentments of authority. The devil is the one who wants people to not control their children so he can control them instead because they are easy targets because they never learned boundaries.
4 Votes
Hi I am a mother of 13 and 8 and eversince I dont actually believe in spanking my children to listen to me.Children nowadays are very different as compare to our generation. I still believe in an open communication and explain to them what is not good and what is not based on our opinions at the same time I also ask their opinions we dont under estimate their thinking actually even their children. They are well expose and sometimes you will be surprise of their reasoning.
3 Votes
Do you permit that somebody spank to you if you do something wrong? do you imagine the vision of your child when you do it? for them we are more bigger and strong like giants for us? For me one change in the opposite direction was better sometimes kiss and hugs make a change
3 Votes
Well I have spanked my child (lightly) a few times. I threaten a lot too because it gets her to stop from doing something. Although when I have threatened it sometimes, she has said "Mommy, don't hit me". It breaks my heart when she has said that as if I beat her up! I don't at all. So I have told myself I am not going to do that again, I don't need her saying that as school or any where else!
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Latisha - commented on Oct 23, 2011
And I believe because she didn't like the spanking when you speak and correct her from then on she will listen. Sounds like she's a good child just testing her limits only a little!! :-)
3 Votes
No, I don't. You can't hit a child & then tell them not to hit others. It is a cop out and expression of anger using a physical form of punishment of force and creating fear. I was spanked as a kid and feared doing anything inhibiting me to think for myself out of fear of being spanked. I have 2 kids and they are very well behaved. I believe in redirection and using positive reinforcement. When they do something they shouldn't have, we sit down and discuss why it was wrong, and how it could have been better. It takes more time but that is the problem with spanking, it is too quick and easy for parents to resort too when caught up in the heat of the moment. Try a time out instead. It lets the parent calm down & stops the childs behavior in its tracks. Then they can sit and think about what they just did & how it resulted in a time out.
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Lyndie - commented on Oct 20, 2011
Right!!! Like cussing in front of a kid and then wondering why they say those words and getting them in trouble for it! Can't spank then punish them for hitting, and it seems especially silly to punish a hit by spanking! Ha!
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Kathleen - commented on Oct 20, 2011
Hitting and spanking are totally different. A spank should never be more than a light swat on the tush, and used when "talking" doesn't. I don't believe a 2-3 yr old knows how to "talk" about it yet. Yes older kids can talk things over, but not the young ones so much. Spanking out of anger is wrong,I agree. I think most of us spankers on here never feel good about it when we have to do it, and don't do it just because we are angry. It's done because ALL ELSE fails. But let's face it, after 4-5 times of trying to get your child to stop... and putting them in time out as you call it, and they still act out...what else is there to do? You HAVE to draw the line at how far they can try to push you. Some kids need a spank.
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Stacie - commented on Oct 20, 2011
Exactly Lyndie! I so agree with you! When a child is too young to talk to as you say Kathleen, you can redirect the child on to something else. Alot of times when my child was age 2-3 he was only acting out for some other reason. Whether it be that he was bored, tired, hungry or whatever. Once I thought about what other reason could be behind the behavior I would modify what was going on to help the situation. If redirecting doesn't work then try ignoring the behavior if it's not a safety risk. My son went through the tantrum phase between 2-3 yrs & once he found out that mom & dad just ignored it & didn't react to it the way he wanted it quickly stopped. We were also consistent with what we did so he knew we would not budge on our decisions & that arguing with us would not get him anywhere. At age 3 we can totally reason with him and talk to him now. You never "have to" spank your child & they certainly don't "need" a spank. It just shows the child that when you get upset you resort to hitting/spanking. I don't see how these are any different & I'm sure a child would have trouble understanding the difference too.
3 Votes
Back in the day Spanking was the way ..it touch us how to be disciplined as well have respect for the elder .
These days children have the law by their side if you "hit" them and this leads to no discipline ,no respect and lots of back chats
As a parent you know the best way of raising your child as you are the FIRST teacher in your child's life
So yes i believe in spanking ..ONLY when necessarily to let the child know the right from wrong as screaming and standing in a corner becomes such a norm routine for them .
Like the saying goes ..bend the tree while it is still young
3 Votes
I was spanked as a child and love my parents for it. I agree, there are more than one way to train a child, but spanking is very effective and not at all abusive when done correctly. Something I learned early on was that you never spank when you are upset or angry and NEVER use your hands. We had a paddle that was designated for the task and it hung in my parent's room as a reminder. Hands were never used (except in dire need) because they are for loving. My husband was not spanked correctly as a child and had to learn these new techniques and has a testimony about the difference in the two. We also have instituted the use of a smaller stick rather than a paddle for smaller ones and it is a great training tool for the super resistant. Just stings a bit, no bruising or long term effects. I think spanking is a great tool used in the hands of a responsible adult.
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Sarah - commented on Oct 18, 2011
Wow not sure what country you are in, but FYI spanking with any object other than your hand is against the law. Using your so called paddle or stick is abuse and you can be charged with a criminal offence!
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Kathleen - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Sarah,,, just because some gov't officials say it is wrong don't mean they are right to enforce that law. as we have seen, The gov't is wrong a lot. It is not abuse unless you are using it in an abusive way, say beating a child because you had a bad day. Do you NOT know the difference? Really? Come on.
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Patricia - commented on Oct 19, 2011
Sarah P do you spank your kids?
2 Votes
Charmaine, not surpised your kids do as you say ...they are probably terrified of you
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Sharon - commented on Jun 7, 2012
I spanked my children and they were never terrified of me. How ridiculous. If you show your children love and affection and only use spankings in a reasonable manner when nothing else works, they learn boundaries without being terrified. Do you only not break the law because you are terrified of the police or because you know there are consequences if you go too far? All the children I know who aren't spanked rule their homes and are total brats that nobody can stand to be around.
2 Votes
Yes, i believe in spanking.. my parents do it and it didnt hurt it us we are still alive and walking around. NOW i dont believe that abusing your child.. if you are going to spank a child one swat per age and not enough to leave marks but enough to get their attention!
1 Vote
In no way do I believe in spanking a child. I was never spanked as a child but I watched my brother get spanked a lot, and also get his mouth washed out with soap a lot. I am the older sibling, and watching this made me cry in pain for my brother and in fear of my parents. I grew up in a very verbally aggressive household. However, one time , when I was a late teen, my mother and I were arguing and she punched me on my arm, I just punched her right back and much harder! My dad also tried to come at me a while back. Violence, no matter how "little" or "non violent" the act seems to be to you, the parent, It is always the world to the child. Do you want your baby, toddler, teenager to be fearful of you? That is no king of parent child relationship. I am a single mother of a beautiful 16 month old daughter. I thank my lucky stars she is a great kid, but believe me she has her moments, and I don't get a moment away for a break. No matter how stressed I can get I would never resort to hitting my child. What good is that going to do? It will just make her fearful of the only person that is her one and only in her life. She throws a tantrum, I sit back and wait until she is calm to hug it out. She is only 16 months. You can't expect strict obedience from a baby, or a toddler. They are just not capable of that. Let your child make a mess of their food, or of the drawers, or of whatever! This is their major learning and exploring time! I told my mom the other day to stop telling my daughter to not throw her toys around. My mom said "well how will she ever learn?" I said she is only 16 months old! She has PLENTY of time to learn social etiquette . And right now she IS learning by what happens when she throws something and sees how it falls. And she is exploring the way all objects feel and move and what happens when they are squished, or thrown, or jumbled with. What I'm saying is take it easy on the your kids. They are exploring their world.
1 Vote
I have spanked my boys in the past, under a handful of times. They are currently 7&10. But I have since made a conscious effort not to. It was usually a LAST resort and meant to scare them into never doing something that dangerous again, or to snap them out of an attitude that has persisted WAY to long. However, I do not recommend, or encourage it. Spanking was a primary mode of discipline for me as a child. My parents did it very routinely, methodically, predictable and with "love" I understand there method and the reasons they thought it worked at the time. However, research now shows that being spanked inhibits self esteem and confidence. I believe this to be true and something I struggled with personally up until I was 30! Our main objective as parents is to BUILD our children's self worth, not tear it down. There are SO many other productive was to discipline a child, and the abuse issue is such a grey area, why in this day and age should we continue to use spanking? What is it teaching our kids? I told my husband, Why would we hit or child for "hitting" it is sending a mixed message. Beside, there was a bit of guilt involved, and that was a red flag to me that even with good intentions, it probably was not the best approach. People say, "do you want your child to be afraid of you?" Well, yes and no. I would like them to fear the wrath of consequences I will be teaching them for there bad behavior, but not fear for their safety or increase their anxiety. Depending on the child, it can do just that. I say, Let's just keep our hands for loving and caring for our kids in hopes that they will turn out the best they can be!
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Leslie - commented on Oct 29, 2012
Well said. Good for you...and your kids.
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Lisa - commented on Nov 18, 2012
Very true ... but you might reconsider once your oldest hits his teens. I had to restart then for a few years. There's just nothing like the embarrassment of a spanking, and unfortunately teens sometimes do things (smoking, drinking, etc) that make you need to resort to it.
1 Vote
I was spanked as a child when I disobeyed my mother. I didn't fear her nor have any killer tendencies. I'm dying to hear these proven "longterm effects" because of spankings?? But my 11yr old was "saved" by that same mother when he was younger from any form of discipline. To the point that when we finally moved out on our own he was out of control. I talked and timeout until I was blue in the face. He understood what he did was wrong but didn't care. He was HITTING children he was disrespecting teachers and the principle... I.e. throwing desk, ripping up school work, writing swears on his school work. Until I started reminding him who's BOSS and I finally pointed out that Nana isn't here to spoil you, and got in his a$$ with spankings (all the other stuff wasn't working) He's a well mannered 11 yr old now, very polite does his school work and homework. LISTENS to me without further actions needed and his sister sees this and follows in line. Now don't get me wrong they aren't perfect I still have to tell them keep their rooms clean and put away their laundry and he does tease his sister. But I can't imagine where my son would've been heading by now if I didn't up the discipline.
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Leslie - commented on Oct 21, 2011
Latisha, although I don't spank, I can relate to your comments. I grew in around people with the same idea of "spoiling" a child or "getting in his behind" to straighten him out. I think your experience with what you describe as an overly permissive grandparent gave you the idea that the resultwas your son's fault. It wasn't. If she was his guide and he behaved in a way you disapproved, why blame him and not his Nana? Perhaps it would be helpful to find out why he's acting out. And, if the other non-physical methods don't work, it's not because he's too difficult. Maybe your preference for spanking made you ineffective at applying those methods. Just my thoughts... I'm happy that your family is well, and I wish you all the best.
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Latisha - commented on Oct 23, 2011
Leslie simply put everyone's child or children are different. It's either they listen without further action or you need to make them listen. I don't believe in pleading with a child. I feel I should speak ONCE and that's that. If I try timeout and you only respect the rules if I sit there too then I'm concluding timeouts DON'T work. If I take your toy box and t.v. privileges away and you decide your entertainment is harassing your little sister then taking away isn't bothering him. If I lecture and have you acknowledge what's wrong and why it's wrong and the very next morning you're back at it again SPEAKING isn't working either. If I ask why are you misbehaving and you tell me because you feel the teacher shouldn't tell you your wrong, then you clearly believe you're above the rules. So with that being said please don't tell me what I did or didn't try. You're lucky to have a kid that is easily disciplined, I wasn't. We both have the same end results what's the big deal??
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Isabel - commented on Oct 25, 2011
Leslie Brown I would like you to know why I acted out. It is because I wanted to. Do you understand that she isn't blaming her child. She is doing what is best for her child. As she put it She talk to her child. I guess you were a very good girl when you were younger. As a problem child my self I understand you have to show the child who is the boss. When I got spanked I listen. When I got Grounded I laughed and snuck out. When I got extra duties I did them and got in trouble again. Being grounded I listen but didn't if you know what I mean. Yes spanking hurt my feelings but it allowed me to listen and understand why I got the spanking. I wanted to know why they hurt my feelings. Then I would be oh that is why.
1 Vote
I do believe in spanking as a form of discipline. I do not like to use it very often. Usually I will use a corner or naughty chair. Spanking comes as a last resort. My daughter is VERY strong willed, and many times those things do not keep her from disrespecting me. But a swat on the butt works just about every time...Just depends on the situation. I was spanked as a child, A LOT. I never feared my parents, but I always respected them. When I hear about children calling their parents names and the parents do nothing about it. And people wonder why our children are in such bad shape these days. It shocks me when I hear about those types of children and I can't ever understand how these children can get away with it.
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Kaitlyn - commented on Oct 19, 2011
I agree Holly, parents are just sitting back and letting their children sun them over...and they wonder why their kid is doing drugs, drinking under age and in prison.....shhhheesh.
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Zoe - commented on Oct 20, 2011
my DD absolutely does not get away with bad behavior, still dont hit her
1 Vote
I saw some one post about punishment (penalizing, e.g., spanking) and discipline (teaching). When my daughter acts out which is very rare she gets 3 chances to stop the behavior. I explain to her what she is doing, why it is wrong and ask her to please stop. If she does not listen the first time I tell her the same thing the second time and if I have to repeat myself a third time that is when I mention the spanking at the end. I rarely have to spank using this method. It teaches BOTH teaching and punishment. It teaches my daughter that when I tell her not do something that she should listen. I also explain to her how and why her behavior is inappropriate, and I give her a few chances to correct that behavior before dishing out the punishment. After I spank I explain to her why she got this spanking, so I disagree with the fact that spanking does not teach a child. That being said I never spank my child when I'm angry. Spanking when already pushed to the limits is what pushed parents across the line of punishment and abuse in my opinion.
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Alison - commented on Oct 19, 2011
My 2.5 year old son is the same way. I tell him that if he doesnt listen the next time he gets a spanking. Then I dont just fly out of nowhere and spank him, I tell him that you did(whatever he did) and I told you that you were gonna get a spanking. This is usally a last resort and happens maybe 1 out of 9 times but I think its effective.
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Jessica - commented on Oct 19, 2011
I have the same results. Very rarely do I actually have to spank her (she is also 2.5). Normally after the 1st warning she stops acting out. She's still young though so I prefer to give multiple warnings to give her a chance to understand.
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Kristyn - commented on Oct 19, 2011
My son is 3 and daughter is almost 20mths and they both know that when I say they will get spanked, they will. Now, I barely ever have to touch either of them. They quit instantly because they know whats coming. I tend to give at least 3 warnings before any thing happens because they are both little still.
1
0 Votes
I agree with spankings. Spanking and beating your kids are two different things if you are doing it correctly. This crap about it's a temporary solution is incorrect. Grounding, taking things away is temporary because most parents bend & end up giving in or the kids find something else to do to aggervate. If you spank it puts that fear in them not to do what they are not supposed to. No, I am not saying you want your children to be afraid of you but you do want them to be afraid of the "spanking on the bottom" they are going to get.
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