Do you believe in spanking?
Spanking is one of those controversial topics that no two moms quite agrees on. So, do you believe in spanking? If not, why? If you do, what are the guidelines you follow to ensure that discipline doesn't cross the line?
Yes, I most certainly believe in spanking, as a form of discipline. I also firmly believe that it is not the only form of discipline that should be used, depending on the severity of the wrong doing. I am proud to be the mother of 3 ranging from 9 to 18, and have had no need to spank any of them since they were 5 at the most. A couple of swats to the tushy, with an open hand, has not made them serial killers, or bullies, and an explanation and love after the swat, got the point across, so that further swats were rarely needed. Furthermore, all 3 of my children know beyond doubt that they are my best friends. And a final note, I was a child that never got spanked, and should have gotten my tail whooped on a regular basis.
I am the mother of 5 ages 9,7,5,2,1 I absolutely believe in spanking I was spanked and I knew my mother loved me. I spank when warranted and also use time outs I use whatever is affect and gets my point across. Spanking is not abuse. I was raised n Mississippi and had to get spanked with swithces I knew I was being punished for doing something I wasn't supposed to and I didn't do it again because I didn't want a spanking. Its every parents right to discipline their child how they wish and no one can say what's right or wrong but abuse is definitely not okay ..the Bible says spare the rod spoil the child and I want to train my children up in the ways of God.
I do believe in spanking as a form of discipline, but not the only way to discipline. Usually my kids will get a spanking if they do something outrageous, but not for small things. When I was a child I did get spanked with a swich, hand or belt. I rarely got spankings though. I definitely learned my lesson and tried my best to never have to get one. I turned out just fine. When I was in elementary school, teachers and principals used to spank children at school. They used a paddle. Now everyone says that spanking is abuse, which it can be if you beat your child. A few swats on the bottom is not abuse. Kids today are much more disrespectful than they were when I was growing up. Seems like kids are controlling the parents, because the parents are too scared to spank or be in control of their own kids for fear of someone saying they are abusing them.
What a reliief that there are still moms out there that still believe in spanking. So many other sites/groups I've joined are anti-spanking and make those of us who do spank look like we're terrorizing our kids. My son is 5 and is VERY well behaved. He didn't get spanked very often (and the behavior would have to be pretty extreme) - he learned very quickly that there was a consequence for bad behavior. Now we're working with our 1yr old son...
I do believe in spanking. Not only is it effective, but it is the method prescribed by God to correct rebellion in a child. The Bible (see book of Proverbs) is specific that the child in rebellion must be corrected with corporal punishment administered by the rod (a small switch, not a club). When a child decides to follow his own will instead of his parents will, pressure must be put on him for him to comply. Once he is again in compliance to his parents' will, the spanking stops. Forgiveness and reminding them of your love for them is essential in discipline, also. The fear of a spanking acts as the external control that keeps the child from doing the wrong thing until the child is old enough to understand and value the reason why the offense is wrong. That is when the child begins to control his own behavior. After this point, the properly trained child will need to be chastised less and less.
Other forms of disobedience, however, should have a "reward" based upon the offense, teaching the child consequences for their actions and the proper way to right wrongs.
For detailed explanation of this, I recommend the book, "What the Bible says about Child Training" by J. Richard Fugate.
I have seen the result in our society of parents doing away with corporal punishment. Though it is not easy to spank your child, The results speak for themselves. All I see is children running rampant in public when just a couple of generations ago kids new how to behave and respect their parents. Today's parents let the children do whatever they want and then wonder why the disrespect and even hit their parents when they become teenagers. Let's not doubt the wisdom of God. Spank your kid.
I'll tell you something. I never thought I would spank my child. But when he became old enough to willfully push the boundaries and walk into the street, you bet his sweet *ss I did. I've spanked him precisely 3 times. The first was walking into the street at 2yo. The second was at 3yo, trying to keep him from kicking poop all over myself and our immediate surroundings; I held his legs and calmly spoke about being calm and still and what the consequences would be if he kept kicking. He agreed to stop so I let go and his heel met the bottom of my chin so hard it snapped something in my neck and yes, I swatted the side of his bare leg and bit my tongue to keep from screaming at him over his screams. I finished changing the diaper and wiping the walls and changing our poop-streaked clothes with him laying there crying. All the while, tears of grief (over not being heard, not able to "reason" with him, being so blatantly disrespected, questioning his ability to actually empathize with others, etc.) streamed down my face. It was horrible.
It was the worst I have ever felt as a parent, aside from the time I came upon my 5yo daughter poking at a steep drop-off into a raging undertow, surface-still river, with a stick, alone. I had nightmares about that for weeks and even blocked it out for a while.
The third time I spanked my son was 2 days ago. He is a young 5yo, learning letters and science and making new friends in kindergarten. He is also learning new things from his peers that are against our core values, like sticking your tongue out at people and how to be inappropriate and talk with an elevated level of snot and sass and judgment in your voice. In addition to his revisitation of stubborn, free-floating obstinance, this behavior has been exasperating me for 6 weeks now. We have talked about the differences between homes and my boundaries around his behavior, that in our home we don't treat each other with disrespect and (spitting, scoffing, hitting, sass mouth, etc.) is unacceptable, he has received timeouts, I have given him suggestions on better ways to communicate what it is, precisely, that he wants to convey, etc. All wIth limited success.
And then, 2 days ago, he was ready for bed. I asked him to choose a book and get in bed, and said I would be right back. He followed me, surreptitiously asking what I was doing. This time, I TOLD him to get in bed. He blew raspberries into the air as he ran away (avoiding the consequence of doing it AT me). He bounced on the bed. Irritated, I defined what "in" meant and waited 2 seconds for movement toward compliance-- then I added, "NOW." I came back to find him doing gymnastics under the covers. I turned down the covers, sat on the edge of the bed with the book, and said, "I have asked you three times to calm down and get in bed, now come here." He came closer, then turned his back to me, put his head on the bed saying, "nyeah nyeah!" and stuck his bare bottom in my face.
I slapped it. No palm action like the poop incident on the side of the leg, but enough to sting, I'm sure.
He was shocked and cried. I turned out the light and lay next to him while he cried. I just waited in silence. I was biting my tongue again, yes. But this time, I had faith enough in my son (and therefore in my parenting heretofore), to know that he would engage me when he was ready, because he was empathetic enough to do that. And it gave me time to think.
He stopped crying, turned toward me, put his arms around my neck, and I started by saying, "I love you, I respect you, and I want what is best for you. I want you to stop acting like you don't respect other people's wants, needs, and feelings...." and I covered: wanting him to make good choices so that I could be free from being the bad guy, but they were fundamentally his choices. Making poor choices would result in consequences... I don't feel like he has heard my words or understood how serious I am in my desire for him to treat and be treated respectfully, so the swat he received was intended to get his attention another way. Perhaps now his ears will be more open when I am asking him to make good choices... and I also told him that I loved him, loved him, loved him.
But I did not apologize because I was not sorry.
He has been responding in a timely manner, not sassing me, doing his chores (which amount to 10 minutes after school), and putting on weather-appropriate clothing without whining for 2 days without the struggle of insistence, demand, "big voice", nagging, repetition, exhaustion, lessons, consequences, timeouts, tantrums, hurt feelings... disrespect...
In turn, this has made lots of space for reading, cuddling, laughing, loving and cooking together. I am still not sorry, but I hope I never feel compelled to do it again.
I got spanked as a kid - a lot! It was the way my parents' generation was raised. However, I do not believe in spanking as a tool to discipline my almost 8 y/o daughter. There are times when she doesn't listen when I ask her to do things which leads to her getting in trouble. She and I go to a 'think-about' spot, wherever we are, and THINK ABOUT what just happened, then I have her articulate to me her side. I've been doing this now for about 5 years and it has worked well for our situation. There will always be room for corrective measures at all stages of her life, but it would be hypocritical parenting on my end if I'm telling her not to put her hands on other people in anger if I did that to her. So far, using words to express our frustrations has worked for us. Not sure what the future will bring, but if I can raise her to think before acting and speaking so that she doesn't injure both emotionally and physically, then I think I would've done my job. This is not a method for everyone, but it is my method, and so far, it is working. Good luck to all the parents who are reading this and posting. And for those of you wondering what kind of kid she is, GREAT! Extroverted, intelligent (teachers love her!), loves reading and dancing, intuitive, conscientious, thoughtful, sweet. There are times when she acts her age, petulant and willful. These are times when I have to remember both OUR ages and be the adult and discipline accordingly. I need to remember to lead by example! You can't meet anger and frustration w/ the same and expect peace. I'm trying to instill long-term, lasting lessons, not swift punishments.
No, I don't believe in spanking children. I think the only thing it does is humiliate the child, and he/she does not "learn a lesson" from this form of punishment. I believe a punishment should educate as well as show children there are consequences for unacceptable behavior. There are other ways to illustrate this rather than grabbing a belt and engaging in something that physically hurts a child.
The very best behaved children i meet are not hit ever, the very worst behaved are hit. That is all the research i need as to the long term effects. My mother hit us all the time and i never wanted to do anything she wanted, i just wanted to hide things from her and i did very well tell i left home and had no more to do with her. Did she ever beat me, no, would what she did be classed as abuse, probably not but lots of low level bullying over a long time.
Personally, spanking is part of discipline. At times children at certain age do not listen to reasoning very well. A hit (moderately and not too hard) can send a message across to them better than explaining why they did wrong. Spanking is not for all children - that is important to remember.
Time outs at times do not work - especially for hyper children that are in fits of rage. I used it sparingly, only at times I need to. Never use it when in heat of anger. And we need to explain to the child why we do what we do so that they understand that its not that we do not love them. Its because we love them that at times we need to use it. For us in Asia, its part and parcel of our culture to discipline our children.
I do believe in spanking
before I had kids I always told myself I would never spank my children but, then I had them and I do what works best for my kids! My youngest will be 2 in 3 weeks and she is VERY strong willed. If its not done her way watch out! She will bite, hit, throw things, ect... She has been like this from birth. We have tried many things to get her to behave redirection (which I think is a joke), standing her in a corner, and ignoring her behavior! What works for her is a little smack on the bottom and standing her in the corner she can come out of the corner when she is calm and says she is sorry to whomever's feeling she hurt or was mean to! We give her a little smack because it get her attention! My middle child all I have to do is look at her the wrong way and the tears start coming!
The reason why I think redirecting is useless is because it teaches them nothing. When they get older if they are having a hard time are they gonna redirect themselves? No you want them to learn to excel in any situation that they are in! Make the best of it....its not always gonna be what they want or be about them! They have to learn to deal with what ever situation is given to them!
I believe you should do what works best for your child to make them healthy, strong, Independent individuals!
Spanking is lazy parenting. There are a multitude of appropriate way to discipline a child which require hard work and effort. There is not single study that supports spanking as effective discipline. Violence breeds violence and it is never acceptable to put your hands on someone especially someone you Love. The is no logic in hitting someone you claim to love. It is 2011 use the internet and do the research.
My parents spanked me when I was 4 and when I was wrong and stubborn but they also explained and warned me beforehand. It also worked when I needed to discipline my daughter when she was 4 and 5. It was one whoop and she learned. I don't do it now because she's almost ten. My daughter is a straight A student and whenever she has a issue, I just speak to her and explain the consequences like no more TV. We have a great relationship.
I believe that spanking has its limits. It should never be used in severity. Keep it in mind, kids like to test their limits. It would be great that I didn't have to spank but after 4 or 5 times of giving verbal warninings, a spank works.
No I don't believe in spanking. It is a cop out and expression of anger using a physical form of punishment of force and creating fear. I was spanked as a kid and feared doing anything inhibiting me to think for myself out of fear of being spanked. I have 3 kids and I don't spank and they are very well behaved children. I believe in redirection and using positive reinforcement. When they do something they shouldn't have, we sit down and discuss why it was wrong, how it affects ourselves and other people and how our decision could have been better. It takes more time and that is the problem because spanking is too quick and easy.
I believe spanking is disrespectful and wrong. Kids are people, too. You've got to be pretty close minded to be unable to think of any other effective form of discipline.
I DO NOT believe in spanking! They are just kids and are learning.. Would you want them to hit someone else just cuz they weren't listening to them? I have a daughter in her terrible 2's she gets into everything. And doesn't listen. But never would I spank her.. There are many other forms of discipline without turning to striking your child! If you choose to spank your kid well that's your choice.. It's just my opinion that I think it's wrong..
I do believe in spanking. I have 7 year old twins. They're pretty well behaved so I don't have to use that method of discipline often, but I will if necessary. They're at an age where they like to challenge authority quite often. I normally take some of the favorite things away, if the problem still exist I will put them on restriction from playing outside and with friends. Spanking is usually what I do when all else fails.
I most certainly believe in spanking. I believe that a child needs to learn that there are certain actions that will provoke an immediate physical reaction. I spank my kids, thru their clothes, with an open hand. It works. Tho I use several forms of discipline, there are times I find spanking to be most effective. I would rather my kids learn now that you do certain things (hit, bite, spit) that something will happen right back.
no I do not believe in spanking it teaches that hitting is OK
Absolutely not! This is the part of my answer where I assure everyone that I know we are all doing the best we can with our kids. Haveing said that, I tried a couple of swats when my oldest was a toddler and did not .like how I felt or the results she displayed afterwards. I have found so many other things that work better.
I am wanting to teach my kids the best life skills to succeed as an adult. I do that by example, repititon, logical consequences, rewards and a variety of other teaching techniques. I don't hit my children to get them to obey me. And to me the bottom line of spanking (pun intended) is that I am hitting my child, however carefully, so that she will obey me. And I am most certainly not concerned with temporary snits or attitudes. These are little people who will grow up. As grown ups we still have our snits and attitudes we have just learned to be more polite about it. My kids will too.
Spanking is a bad idea whose time has come and gone.
I do believe in spanking. It is only used as a last resort though. When I was pregnant with my first child, I discussed this topic with the ultrasound Tech. We both believe that an open handed swat on the buns is fine. The first swat is for the child, and additional swats are for you and excessive!
I prefer to use time outs, sticker charts, and taking away toys that are favorites, until they earn them back. We also have "specials" where the kids earn their daily stickers after a period of time we reward them for their good behavior, like going to frozen yogurt etc. I'd rather reward for good behavior than punish for bad. This helps so that bad behavior is less frequent! The kids like to be good, to be helpful, to get rewards.
Spanking is effective. there is a difference between spanking and abause. Done the proper way, it is a good form of discipline. With that said, i was spanked as a child and did not grow up to be a serial killer, hatwful, mean, or act innappropriate. I believe firmly in spanking.
I absolutely do not and I don't believe there is anything a child could possibly do to warrant a spanking. I believe that spanking or hitting a child is wrong, although I wouldn't go as far as calling cps unless I believe it is extreme. I don't think it teaches the child anything except that hitting is acceptable. If mommy or daddy hit me, shouldn't I be able to hit them or others? And who is to say what the right amour of force behind a spank is, without "crossing the line?" There are plenty of other great, effective and positive ways to discipline a child, spanking, in my opinion, is always an unnecessary, inappropriate and negative course of action. If you need ideas on discipline, I suggest you visit <http://www.supernanny.co.uk/>.
I have 5 children, 2 are now adults, and I have never raised a hand to any of my children. My last 3 kids are adopted and suffered serious abuse, so no way were we going to give them anymore reasons to fear others. I have NEVER needed to assault my children in order to correct their behaviour. The whole point of disciplining your child is to teach them to self-regulate. Discipline should teach a child what they have done wrong. When done properly, discipline is incredibly effective, and spanking is not needed. I have never understood what in the world parents believe their are teaching their children by hitting them. What is that teaching them? Not much, except that it's ok to assault someone who is smaller than you. My children have never been hit, and yet, they are incredibly well disciplined. My kids are respectful, compassionate, empathetic, kind and patient, and that is because of what we modeled for them and because of the limits and boundaries we set. Natural consequences are much more efficient.
I do not believe in spanking, me and my daughter Grandmother have talked and talked about this from day one. I was spanked when I was a child - obviously I didn't like it. But, I feel if I go around spanking her & putting my hands on her she will think its okay do to the same. Everyone has their own oppinions I however think it isnt needed.
No I don't believe in spanking. I think it's confusing to children. Why would someone who says they love me and protect me ," HOW CAN THEY HIT ME" doesn't make since to me. I think there are so many other forms of disciplining our children without hitting them. I think it creates bullies and also makes our children insecure about themselves. Don't get me wrong sometimes I've wanted to, but I haven't. There are all sorts of studies to show why spanking doesn't work. PLEASE READ. Yes I know the Bible says Spare the Rod spoil the child. But I've never thought it was right.
Hi I am a mother of 13 and 8 and eversince I dont actually believe in spanking my children to listen to me.Children nowadays are very different as compare to our generation. I still believe in an open communication and explain to them what is not good and what is not based on our opinions at the same time I also ask their opinions we dont under estimate their thinking actually even their children. They are well expose and sometimes you will be surprise of their reasoning.
Do you permit that somebody spank to you if you do something wrong? do you imagine the vision of your child when you do it? for them we are more bigger and strong like giants for us? For me one change in the opposite direction was better sometimes kiss and hugs make a change
Well I have spanked my child (lightly) a few times. I threaten a lot too because it gets her to stop from doing something. Although when I have threatened it sometimes, she has said "Mommy, don't hit me". It breaks my heart when she has said that as if I beat her up! I don't at all. So I have told myself I am not going to do that again, I don't need her saying that as school or any where else!
No, I don't. You can't hit a child & then tell them not to hit others. It is a cop out and expression of anger using a physical form of punishment of force and creating fear. I was spanked as a kid and feared doing anything inhibiting me to think for myself out of fear of being spanked. I have 2 kids and they are very well behaved. I believe in redirection and using positive reinforcement. When they do something they shouldn't have, we sit down and discuss why it was wrong, and how it could have been better. It takes more time but that is the problem with spanking, it is too quick and easy for parents to resort too when caught up in the heat of the moment. Try a time out instead. It lets the parent calm down & stops the childs behavior in its tracks. Then they can sit and think about what they just did & how it resulted in a time out.
Back in the day Spanking was the way ..it touch us how to be disciplined as well have respect for the elder .
These days children have the law by their side if you "hit" them and this leads to no discipline ,no respect and lots of back chats
As a parent you know the best way of raising your child as you are the FIRST teacher in your child's life
So yes i believe in spanking ..ONLY when necessarily to let the child know the right from wrong as screaming and standing in a corner becomes such a norm routine for them .
Like the saying goes ..bend the tree while it is still young
I was spanked as a child and love my parents for it. I agree, there are more than one way to train a child, but spanking is very effective and not at all abusive when done correctly. Something I learned early on was that you never spank when you are upset or angry and NEVER use your hands. We had a paddle that was designated for the task and it hung in my parent's room as a reminder. Hands were never used (except in dire need) because they are for loving. My husband was not spanked correctly as a child and had to learn these new techniques and has a testimony about the difference in the two. We also have instituted the use of a smaller stick rather than a paddle for smaller ones and it is a great training tool for the super resistant. Just stings a bit, no bruising or long term effects. I think spanking is a great tool used in the hands of a responsible adult.
Charmaine, not surpised your kids do as you say ...they are probably terrified of you
Yes, i believe in spanking.. my parents do it and it didnt hurt it us we are still alive and walking around. NOW i dont believe that abusing your child.. if you are going to spank a child one swat per age and not enough to leave marks but enough to get their attention!
In no way do I believe in spanking a child. I was never spanked as a child but I watched my brother get spanked a lot, and also get his mouth washed out with soap a lot. I am the older sibling, and watching this made me cry in pain for my brother and in fear of my parents. I grew up in a very verbally aggressive household. However, one time , when I was a late teen, my mother and I were arguing and she punched me on my arm, I just punched her right back and much harder! My dad also tried to come at me a while back. Violence, no matter how "little" or "non violent" the act seems to be to you, the parent, It is always the world to the child. Do you want your baby, toddler, teenager to be fearful of you? That is no king of parent child relationship. I am a single mother of a beautiful 16 month old daughter. I thank my lucky stars she is a great kid, but believe me she has her moments, and I don't get a moment away for a break. No matter how stressed I can get I would never resort to hitting my child. What good is that going to do? It will just make her fearful of the only person that is her one and only in her life. She throws a tantrum, I sit back and wait until she is calm to hug it out. She is only 16 months. You can't expect strict obedience from a baby, or a toddler. They are just not capable of that. Let your child make a mess of their food, or of the drawers, or of whatever! This is their major learning and exploring time! I told my mom the other day to stop telling my daughter to not throw her toys around. My mom said "well how will she ever learn?" I said she is only 16 months old! She has PLENTY of time to learn social etiquette . And right now she IS learning by what happens when she throws something and sees how it falls. And she is exploring the way all objects feel and move and what happens when they are squished, or thrown, or jumbled with. What I'm saying is take it easy on the your kids. They are exploring their world.
I have spanked my boys in the past, under a handful of times. They are currently 7&10. But I have since made a conscious effort not to. It was usually a LAST resort and meant to scare them into never doing something that dangerous again, or to snap them out of an attitude that has persisted WAY to long. However, I do not recommend, or encourage it. Spanking was a primary mode of discipline for me as a child. My parents did it very routinely, methodically, predictable and with "love" I understand there method and the reasons they thought it worked at the time. However, research now shows that being spanked inhibits self esteem and confidence. I believe this to be true and something I struggled with personally up until I was 30! Our main objective as parents is to BUILD our children's self worth, not tear it down. There are SO many other productive was to discipline a child, and the abuse issue is such a grey area, why in this day and age should we continue to use spanking? What is it teaching our kids? I told my husband, Why would we hit or child for "hitting" it is sending a mixed message. Beside, there was a bit of guilt involved, and that was a red flag to me that even with good intentions, it probably was not the best approach. People say, "do you want your child to be afraid of you?" Well, yes and no. I would like them to fear the wrath of consequences I will be teaching them for there bad behavior, but not fear for their safety or increase their anxiety. Depending on the child, it can do just that. I say, Let's just keep our hands for loving and caring for our kids in hopes that they will turn out the best they can be!
I was spanked as a child when I disobeyed my mother. I didn't fear her nor have any killer tendencies. I'm dying to hear these proven "longterm effects" because of spankings?? But my 11yr old was "saved" by that same mother when he was younger from any form of discipline. To the point that when we finally moved out on our own he was out of control. I talked and timeout until I was blue in the face. He understood what he did was wrong but didn't care. He was HITTING children he was disrespecting teachers and the principle... I.e. throwing desk, ripping up school work, writing swears on his school work. Until I started reminding him who's BOSS and I finally pointed out that Nana isn't here to spoil you, and got in his a$$ with spankings (all the other stuff wasn't working) He's a well mannered 11 yr old now, very polite does his school work and homework. LISTENS to me without further actions needed and his sister sees this and follows in line. Now don't get me wrong they aren't perfect I still have to tell them keep their rooms clean and put away their laundry and he does tease his sister. But I can't imagine where my son would've been heading by now if I didn't up the discipline.
I do believe in spanking as a form of discipline. I do not like to use it very often. Usually I will use a corner or naughty chair. Spanking comes as a last resort. My daughter is VERY strong willed, and many times those things do not keep her from disrespecting me. But a swat on the butt works just about every time...Just depends on the situation. I was spanked as a child, A LOT. I never feared my parents, but I always respected them. When I hear about children calling their parents names and the parents do nothing about it. And people wonder why our children are in such bad shape these days. It shocks me when I hear about those types of children and I can't ever understand how these children can get away with it.
I saw some one post about punishment (penalizing, e.g., spanking) and discipline (teaching). When my daughter acts out which is very rare she gets 3 chances to stop the behavior. I explain to her what she is doing, why it is wrong and ask her to please stop. If she does not listen the first time I tell her the same thing the second time and if I have to repeat myself a third time that is when I mention the spanking at the end. I rarely have to spank using this method. It teaches BOTH teaching and punishment. It teaches my daughter that when I tell her not do something that she should listen. I also explain to her how and why her behavior is inappropriate, and I give her a few chances to correct that behavior before dishing out the punishment. After I spank I explain to her why she got this spanking, so I disagree with the fact that spanking does not teach a child. That being said I never spank my child when I'm angry. Spanking when already pushed to the limits is what pushed parents across the line of punishment and abuse in my opinion.
I agree with spankings. Spanking and beating your kids are two different things if you are doing it correctly. This crap about it's a temporary solution is incorrect. Grounding, taking things away is temporary because most parents bend & end up giving in or the kids find something else to do to aggervate. If you spank it puts that fear in them not to do what they are not supposed to. No, I am not saying you want your children to be afraid of you but you do want them to be afraid of the "spanking on the bottom" they are going to get.