Do you use time outs or another method?
Different forms of discipline work better for different children. Do you use time outs with your children or have you found another method you prefer?
My daughter does well with what's referred to as 'time in", which we call take a break. She generally knows when she needs one and will sit on the stairs or go upstairs and relax a little while before coming back to join us. We make it clear that she is always welcome with us but the bad attitude/hitting/throwing etc is not and sometimes we all need a break.... Even mommy! So there are times I'll tell her that I'm going to take a break and she likes that it's something that mommy does too.
During a time in, she's allowed to play, read etc and bring herself back to the family, it's not controlled by us. It's been working very well and as I said sometimes she realizes when she needs a break and will go off for a little while and come back with a good attitude and apology if she hurt someone or clean up what she threw etc. With time outs she reacted so poorly to them and just cry and it felt like we were demanding a fake apology from her before she could leave her spot. I'd rather her be genuinely sorry, open for discussion, and learn to understand her feelings.
When my kids are fighting over a toy, the toy goes in time out. By the time it comes out, the kids have moved on to something else and have forgoten about why they were fighting over it.
The "Super Nanny" time outs work great for us! If you do it properly with the warnings and explanation it's awesome! It takes a lot of patience, dedication, consistency and follow through on the parents part though. We tried it for awhile half heartedly and felt that it didn't work. Then I got to a point where it was either a spanking or a time out for my 2yr olds behavior and I chose to dedicate myself to mastering the time out. It broke him of both biting and hitting (twice!) He has better manners than most adults I know and we also get compliments on that. As to the kids who use it to their own advantage, then the parents of those kids clearly have no control. We pick up right where we left off ater a time out. If he threw a cup, it waits right where he left it and that's the first thing he does afterwards. He is responsible for going to pick it up and put it away.
We used them briefly, but it didn't take long to realize they don't work well for our son. When he's in trouble, he prefers to sit with us and talk with us about what happened. I think a child put in time out feels unfairly isolated. Often, young children don't fully comprehend why what they've done is wrong, yes, even if you've told them not to do it a million times. They need (and deserve) a full explanation, and a more concrete punishment if the situation really warrants it. I have also heard accounts of children putting themselves in time outs to get out of doing homework, chores, eating veggies, etc. Obviously it's not working for those kids. If time outs are working for you, then use them. I don't find them to be effective, nor do I even think they count as "discipline". All you're doing is putting them in a corner to sit and stew with their angry and confused thoughts.
I have tried time out's but they never seemed to work with my son whom is 3 years and 8 months... I actually find time out's useless! My son enjoys talking and I encourage the talking by telling him whats going on.
The discipline I use on my son work's very well and he is very well-mannered, and very well- behaved. I've had compliments from many people saying how well my son listens and behaves.
Timeouts worked very well with my daughter whos four in two weeks. I started with face in the corner then her pediatrician said put her where she can't see you and it will put better across th message that they are being " rejected" because Wat they've done is not ok. Consistency is key followed by love and explanation .
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Instead of 'time out' we use a 'peace out'. Its similar, with a secluded space or chair, away from the other kids toys (and TV, if its on). We encourage deep breathing to accompany the counting, which is a popular tool used in combo with 'time outs'. In 'peace out', we talk about the positive alternative to what they did and visulaize ourselves in a white light beaming in and around us. This way we can come back to playing with a new self-awareness.
We use time out at our house, works great but every child is different and there needs, time out has worked so well that my nearly 4 year old will take herself there when she is frustrated. I personally believe that today's generation has been wrapped in cotton wool, children need love, nuture and guidelines, they need to know when something is unacceptable and to learn lifes lessons. I talk to my girls about what has happened and get them to suggest what should of happened. I'm
Not a tough cookie on my girls, I just want them to grow up happy and content, I do not smack them and I suppose time out can be preceived as being rejected but when they are older, there will be far worse situation that they need to cope with and will need these skills to help deal with those situations.
As my son has gotten older time outs have been working alot better for me not just him.
When he is throwing his temper tantrums I tell him that I am not dealing with him and this nonsense and I walk away for some alone time for me to calm down and think about how I am going to deal with his behaviour. This also gives him time to calm down and makes him more willing to listen to me.
They never worked for us when he was younger, but now that Jacob is a bit older (just turned 5), they work well. He is just now truly understanding the "consequences" concept and "getting it" much better. We also take away privileges as necessary (if he has an "accident" because he was too busy playing with a certain toy, that toy gets put away for a couple of days, or because he is watching tv, the tv is shut off for the rest of the day etc....)
Explaining child the consequences while disciplin for the situation (play as a team, take turns, etc)
lessen Tv/video time to few minutes/ sleep few minutes early during bedtime
Distract child by engagin in a different game/activity like coloring and
Most times sit down with the child explain the area need disciplin, sometimes they need parents attention, want the parent to be involved in their playtime
Read book/story to them (w.r.t maybe they need to take turns/ no hitting etc)and try to help the child understand they are friends, it's amazing kids fight and are friends the next minute, when asked to hug each other and say we are best friends :)
Time out is the least and last resort
I use a "naughty bench". My daughter is almost 3, a very good and well behaved girl but when she has a moment of ill temper I bring up the naughty bench and BAM instant quiet LOL
3 mins on the naughty bench brings tears but when her time is up she says she is sorry and she loves me and says she will be good girl from now on. The bench is only used for ACTUAL issues like hitting or screaming out no when asked to do something.
I use time outs, or try to use them. My 27-month old throws horrible temper tantrums for everything and starts to throw things when he escalates. I pull him to the couch, which is his time out spot. He screams and gets off the couch constantly. I put him back on the couch over and over. I just can't get it to work for him. He DOES get the point that he has to be removed from the table when he throws a fit at the table. He can return when he can behave appropriately. However, the whole process with time-out has been difficult. He just won't do it no matter how many times I put him there. AND to be there quiet for two minutes is an impossibility. I am doing good to get 30 seconds. Any ideas on how to make it work better, or another system for a stubborn temper tantrum throwing two year old??
We were using time outs but effectiveness began to dwindle even though I was very consistant. I found a discipline method I LOVE so far & have been using for several months. I have seen vast improvements in my 2 3/4 yr old twins. It's called Positive Disciple for Preschoolers by Jane Nelsen. She also has one for school age children.