How can you help your gay child?

You find out or suspect that you child is gay. What can you do to help him?

40  Answers

0 2

I have taken the time to read the comments and felt the need to respond. I am a lesbian who had three children of my own and raised two more. One of those two ended up being gay. I suspected that he might be gay from the time he was four or five years old. I kept my suspicions to myself because his father was just as narrowminded as some of the people who have shared their opinion here. The question is: "How can you help your gay child?" You can help your gay child with unconditional love and acceptance. We are talking about your child. Someone you gave birth to, who is a part of you. Do you want them to live a life of pain and guilt? Quote the bible to them. It will not stop them from being who they are. Some gay children experience so much guilt and shame that they take their own life. Could you live with yourself if your child killed his/herself because you couldn't accept them for who they are? Your child is still your child, gay or straight. The only thing that has changed is what you know about your child. A true mother's love is unconditional and will be there long after she is gone. How can you help your gay child? Love them with no conditions, protect them as much as possible with your own acceptance, inform them of the uglies that society harbors and be there for them. They didn't need you when you were changing their diaper or putting the bandage on that little cut or picking them up from football practice as much as they need you now. Oh, by the way, the bible was written by man fifty years after Jesus died. It was written from word of mouth. You know...one person told a story to another and that person told it to another who decided to write it down. I did research when I was struggling with my own sexual identity years ago. If you want to quote the bible, quote the part that says: judge not, lest ye be judged, and: love thy neighbor. Enough said...

196
0 0

Thank you Joanne! As a gay parent of two children I have also been deeply concerned and offended by some peoples remarks on this topic. We are asked how to help our children, and a part of that is educating them about prejudice from others, which has been well examplef by some comments in this forum. It always will be a topic of much differences, unfortunately.

View More
0 0

My son is only 4, so we're probably not anywhere close to knowing his sexual orientation. However, I plan to raise him to know that no matter what, his family will love him, accept him, and stand by him. He will know that just because some people are (I believe) born gay, does not make them bad people-just different-and different can be good. Obviously I will teach him it's not ALWAYS good, but it can be good as long as the person is a good person. I refuse to let my son be raised with hate in his heart, and I hope he learns acceptance as a result whether he turns out to be gay or not.

57
1 21

Now that is what a good parent does... Teach acceptance and open-mindedness.. Not hate and ignorance because honestly being gay or related to someone gay cannot diminish your life...

View More
0 0

My son came and told me he was gay when he was 20 although it was still a shock i can't say i was surprised i had suspected it for a few year but hoped i was wrong.....i mst add not that i have anything against the gay community but its the fear of what life they will have .....i am pleased to say my son has a wonderful partner who i love to bits and we all get on so well they are engaged and will eventually tie the knot i couldn't have wished for him a better partner had he been hetrosexual .....I think to help him i will always be there for him whatever .

41
0 8

I am also the mother of a gay adult son. You said all this so perfectly.

View More
11 12

I guess I am shocked that this is still an issue for PARENTS, yes we cannot control society, but for a parent to even stop and 'think' about this surprises me. My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship, the same love, kindness and respect that we had before I discovered she was gay. This is of NO consequence to me at all, she is still the same wonderful terrific fantastic young woman that she always was and whom she chooses to love has NO bearing on anything that I feel for her. I realize society may not accept her choices in life, but that is THEIR problem and I will fight for her if necessary, just as I would over any other thing in her life that is important to her. From getting on the cheer leading squad to playing basketball, the smallest girl in her class, and this is no different for me. She can do what she wants, and makes her happy and I will stand by her No Matter what. That's all there is. Please stop seeing this as a problem in your own home, it is no different than anything else in a childs life, and it is up to us to NOT treat it like it is something more to us in our own homes and hearts.

37
1 3

You are a fantastic mom!

View More
5 40

For those of you bringing up the Bible and quoting verses; please stop. Not one of you have said anything truthful. Most Christians don't even understand the Bible and what it means. It wasn't written 50 years after Jesus died. It was written centuries before he lived and centuries after he died. It has been translated from ancient Aramaic, to Hebrew, to Latin, to French, to Italian, and then finally to English. There are hundreds of scriptures that are not in the versions sold to the masses; some of which do not condem homosexuality. The preists and church officials are the ones that chose which scriptures were "suitable" for us to read....what they want us to know. Being gay isn't the issue. The question here should be: "If you found out your child was an ignorant, judgmental, narrowminded, bigot, what would you do to help them?" Because in life I'm afraid living your life that way would be much more condeming than that of being gay. P.s. I'm not gay; I have a 2 year old son. I don't think he's gay but who the hell knows and more importantly who cares; not me. I love himmore than anything and nothing that the world can bring upon us will ever change that. Have a nice day ladies. :)

29
0 0

Thank you Cynthia

View More
32 3

You would do exactly the same things you would do when you find out your other child is straight.

Love them unconditionally, hope they find that special someone fall in love with and to love them in return. You want your children to be real to themselves and not afraid or ashamed to be genuine.

29
1 3

I would support my daughter and love her unconditionally. Exactly as I do now. I have two mothers (My mom is gay) so I already have experience with society and it's bigots. I will support her all the way.

27
0 0

My partner and I have two beautiful girls ages 4 and 6. Yes we are lesbian parents, and I think it is great that you are all supportive of your Childs sexuality. It takes emense courage for a child to cone out as the fear of disappointment is do great. It is also very refreshing to hear from kids who have same sex parents and hear their support for their patents decision also. The decision to have children as a gay couple is just as frightening as coming out for the first time. And let me tell you, when you have kids you are coming out over and over again!! Great forum, I am very pleased there as so many supportive patents and kids out there :)

View More
0 15

i also have a gay son and again its not what i would wish for my child to be but it is something that you must as a parent accept if you love your child. My son also has a wonderful partner and they are both extremely gentle happy people. It is certainly a shock when you are first told but it is something that very quickly becomes a concern to a parent because you know instantly that they are going to be met with widespread prejudice and disdain by the community at large. I support my son and his choice and if others choose not to then it is their loss.

21
1 21

Nobody wishes for their child to be discriminated for something he cannot control. But it's good that you support him for having good judgment of character and a kind heart. After all, he has a choice in what kind of person he wants to be and if he picks another kind hearted person to be his partner, I'd say that is worth more than being a straight male with self esteem, anger, other issues that prevent him having a good quality of life

View More
0 30

How can you help your straight child?
You find out or suspect that you child is straight. What can you do to help him?

19
32 3

perfect response!

View More
0 21

My son was 17 when he told me he was gay. I already suspected that he was from a very early age. The only thing that went through my mind was not having grandchildren. Lol. I took him on holiday with some friends of his soon after, for his 18 th birthday, then we went to Manchester to celebrated with his cousins the best place in the North, Canal st, the heart of the gay village. He loved it. He also knew I was happy and supportive, which helped him immensely. He's a confident adult now, with lots of friends. He's studying to be a teacher at university. I'm so proud of him and love him dearly. I'm sure his future is going to be very bright indeed. X

19
59 24

For any out there who knew their child was gay early on...what were the signs?

View More
1 0

I'm going to approach this from another angle. My brother came to me when he was fresh out of college to tell me he was gay. I was heartbroken, but not for the reasons you might think. I love him no matter what, but I always thought he would be married with a family. I knew he was taking a difficult path. But, as time has gone on, he seems happier and more content with himself. He's a successful businessman and has loads of friends.

I say all this to point out that gay or "straight", this is just a small portion of who we are. Don't "help" your child, love him/her. Embrace every part of them completely. Encourage them in all their endeavors and let them know that when there's no one else on their side - you are.

14
1 30

It's quite simple. You can help your gay child in the EXACT same way as you would help your straight child, give them unconditional love and support, and be Proud of them for being brave and strong enough to be honest about who they are.
It's amazing how quickly a conversation about gay people can bring out the bible-thumpers, but for all the ludicrous notions mentioned in the notes below, very few have actually bothered to answer the original question.
I am a Lesbian single mother with 2 daughters, and all i wish in the world for my girls is for them to find love and live happy lives... whether that is with a man or a woman as their partners could not be less important to me. I am proud of who I am, but let me assure you (some of the women on this page), that being Gay is NOT A CHOICE. I was most definitely born this way. Having said that, I wouldn't switch teams even if i could. It wouldn't be natural. :)

14
0 0

Why does this topic, or more so the word " gay" always bring the religious debates into it?? Was the question about helping gay children or the teaching of the bible? I am confussed??? Religion, as usual, causing off topic debate and animosity. Pull your head out of the pages and address the question correctly please. Or when your child comes out will your help to them be from some scripture or from the love of your child in you heart?

14
20 15

Right there with you.

View More
5 20

I have a gay son, and when he came out and told the family I was so very proud of all of his siblings who looked at him, smiled and said " Yah? so what?" *L* Nothing Changed, no one got irate, everyone still loved him the same just like they always had. But then we raised our kids to hopefully be free thinkers. All my husband and I want for our kids is for them to live a happy life. My only personal concern about my son's gayness was that some doofus would abuse him because of his sexual orientation. Not everyone is open minded and some folks are downright hateful of folks that they perceive as "different". But what mother isn't concerned about her child's well being?... I am grateful that all of my children have grown up to be kind, loving, responsible human beings. Just LOVE your little ones... Be there, Listen to them... and just LOVE them... it is really all any of us can do.

13
0 14

Your kids reactions was exactly the same as when my sister came out. I love my sister, and I love her partner. I hope to some day dance at their wedding!

View More
2 6

You know, I was raised as a Mormon until I was 14 years old. Of course we were taught that homosexuality was wrong. After that I became a "Born Again Christian". That's when I learned that homosexuality was really wrong. but then I learned all sort of conraditions such as "sin is sin", "one sin isn't greater than another and we're all sinners", etc. However, I noticed that there seemed to be a much greater disdain for homosexuality than any other "sin". It really bothered me, especially for some reason I have always been some sort of a gay magnet. Since my later teenager years up til now, I have always had wonderful gay people in my life. I tortured myself over the belief that these awesome people were "going to hell", especially when I saw evil, cruel, "religious" people tormenting gay people for not believing what they do. After seeing the "Religious Right" in action, imposing their morality on others and in government, I actually felt embarassed to be affiliated with these fanatics, however, when you truly believe the Bible, you're a little torn. Thankfully, a few weeks ago I saw a movie on the internet called Zeitgeist which taught me the true origins of religion and my mind and heart has finally been freed. So, to answer your question, love your children regardless of their sexual orientation and fight for them. Fight for them politically. They deserve the same rights as heterosexual people. My husband, who is a total redneck said, and please don't take offense my sweet gay friends, "If I find out that my son is gay, I'm going to love him and the little faggot he brings home". Agreed.

11
0 0

The gay community is pushing their agenda far harder than the church is standing against it. I feel the church is trying to offset the tidal wave of gay propaganda. It is being pushed at every possible angle from the TV, the news, and radio. If the church does not speak up people will become gay just because of the popularity it brings in some circles. It is not a leave me alone let me do what I want life style it is ever more pushed in all of our faces. I am not going to let their voices be the only ones heard.

View More
2 11

One day my 5yr old daughter asked "mom, can boys marry boys?" I said "absolutly! Boys CAN marry boys". She said, "will one have to be the wife?" "Nope, they'll both be husbands", "can one be the wife if he wants to?", "YES! If he wants to" (ps...she later in informed me that her uncles, a married couple, were definitely BOTH husbands!!!

11
0 30

God has unconditional love for all people regardless of their sexual idenity.. To me the Bible seems clear that homosexuality was not his "Perfect" plan for mankind and marriage. Like anything in the Bible that God seems against it is because of His love for us and desire to protect us. It is out of love that there are RULES and REGULATIONS.. to protect us. He created man and woman to marry and share life together. Man needed Women to complete him. He was not ok alone. There are certain things that only a man can bring into a relationship (like strength) and things only a woman can (like nurturing and beauty). That doesn't mean that same sex partners can't both bring those things to the relationship but it isn't the "perfect" plan that God intended for us. Can it work..yes. When a Man and Woman are in relationship with God and one another it is a awesome thing and the way God meant for it to be. No where in the Bible does it say you will go to Hell for making this choice. It is like any other thing anything that seperates you from God's perfect plan for your life. Does that mean you can't have a happy life being gay...NO it just isn't the PERFECT plan.. can another plan work- yes- but there will always be something missing that God wanted for you. It doesn't mean you are loved any less by God. I think the church devotes so much energy on "sexual sin" when it isn't any worse than any other "sin" in the Bible. Any thing that seperates us from God is sin. Bottom line God loves you and desperately wants a relationship with you GAY or not.. He loves you!

10
0 0

Wendy - I totally agree...God has a perfect plan and we have free will. But God has a way of showing some that choose to be gay, such as my son, that this is not His perfect plan and there are a lot of hurts that will go along with it. When he is with his male companions he is always miserable but when he is with his female roommate he is very happy. So why choose to be what you were not created to be if it only causes you grief and pain...That is my argument. God loves my son no matter what but God (our heavenly Father) reacts just like we do as parents...when we do something that He does not intend for us to do there are usually consequences to pay because He loves us so much. I have known people that seem to have a happy life being gay but this is not what I have seen from my son so I have a real problem with it.

View More
3,133 38

What is hard about being gay is the reaction from family and community. Were it not for that, there would be no issues.

So many kids are homeless because they have been kicked out. They are bullied by other kids and adults too. There is a higher chance for depression and such things, not because they are gay, but because of how they are reacted to.

If you love your kid, then you love your kid. I will love my kid regardless of who she one day loves. I will love her even if she becomes a cheer leader, though that gives me pause. I will love her regardless of the religion she goes with, if any. I will love her regardless of the profession she picks even though I have visions and dreams about her life, it is not my life to live but hers.

I will support, encourage, love, enjoy .... life is hard. You need someone to have your back.

As for what you can do to help ... well, I would have LOVED it if my mother had spoken honestly with me. She suspected for many years, watched me struggle, but said nothing. When I found out she suspected, I was crushed. "You let me struggle alone for all these years?"

She knew NOTHING except the hate she had been taught, but made no effort to join PFLAG or meet other folks from the community. She made no effort to educate herself.

She is ashamed of me. She thinks my being gay makes her look bad, but she says her only issue is concern for my safety. If that were true, she would be making effort to make the community a safer place for me to live in by getting involved, giving voice to the issues, not hiding the fact that I am gay, talking with her friends, speaking up when people make jokes or hate filled comments .... she does nothing

10
7 5

It is sad your mother feels as she does. That she didn't let you know she suspected. Being young and having to grow up feeling alone is extremely tough. Although I don't agree with your choice, I pray your mother finds a way to love you unconditionally, as a mother should. God Bless you.

View More
0 14

Joanna,
I am a christian, and first, I would like to apologize for how the the church and many christians have treated the gay community. I firmly believe the Bible is the truth and I have seen it at work in my life. And although, I do not believe that homosexuality is God's best for someone's life, Neither is a drug addiction, pornography, poverty, sickness, etc.. God LOVES his people, and he wants the best life possible for everyone. Because of the fall of man, bad things happen, but it doens't change Who God is, and Why he sent Jesus. To bring freedom from bodages like these. Shame on the Christians who condemn any person struggeling with something. LOVE. Jesus taught us that Loving eachother was the most important thing we could do aside from loving him. Joanna, I love you, because Jesus first loved me. Period. Lesbian or not. That is between you and God. All we can do as Christians is love eachother and help one another through life, and trust that God is there along the way. Do we ignore what the bible says? Of course not. We acknowledge right and wrong, but we also acknowelge that we are all falling short and we need his grace to help us through. Don't point out the twig in some one's eye when you have a tree coming out of yours. Who are any of you to judge? Loving people, draws them to Jesus, cuz he didn't come to condem the world, but to save it! As a christian Community we have got to figure this out guys!! GOD LOVES HOMOSEXUALS JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU. I'm not saying I agree with the life style, because I discern right and wrong by what the bible teaches, but I'm saying none of us have got it all together, so picking on one group of people is unfair and un christ like. Jesus wants to draw people to him, and he uses us, so don't be a hinderance and push people away. Please.

8
0 31

very well said :)

View More
1 7

I find it ironic that some of these comments say "The bible says..." or "According to the Bible..." I didn't read anything that said "According to the Koran..." or "According to the Torah..." It is still amazing to me how the most judge mental people in all of these discussions are "Christians" but yet they are the ones that feel that they can judge others "for their sins!" Guess what? The topic is how to help your gay child. You start quoting the bible and you might as well stand your child up in front of a room full of people, naked, and whip them "for their sins!" The people who say love your children unconditionally are the ones who should be listened to. You don't have to agree with what your children do, but you made a commitment to those kids the moment you chose to be a parent. It isn't only when it is comfortable for you or as long as no one else is judging you for your child's choices.

8
2,413 9

Danielle, the favourite line of Bible-quoting Christians (on homosexuality) is Leviticus. 20:13: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." Now, you say 'I find it ironic that some of these comments say "The bible says..." or "According to the Bible..." I didn't read anything that said "According to the Koran..." or "According to the Torah..."' Just to educate you ..... The first five books of the Bible (being Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers & Deuteronomy) are also known as the "Torah". Other names the Torah is known by are the Pentateuch, or the Five Books of Moses. Did you notice that Leviticus is on that list? Good old Leviticus which contains the original anti-gay quote? For what it's worth, yes, I AM a Christian. I don't have any issue with gay people, I have a lot of gay friends. I've locked horns with other Christians who think I'm wrong to support gay people and affirm their rights to live in the community with the respect of the rest of society, get married etc .... So I'm NOT against gay people. But when someone speaks out with apparent "authority" on what scriptural sources are quoted and which ones aren't - making such a monumental mistake, it's almost comical, I felt compelled to speak out! Can't wait to show this to a Jewish friend of mine, she'll hoot with laughter! And I would be fully supportive to any child of mine who was gay. They're all grown-up now and seem to be straight though.

View More
0 17

I am mother of 3. I am also in a loving lesbian relationship. I was raised to be Christian, though doubted and questioned much of the bible at a young age. I believe in a loving god. A god that punishes for acts of hatred, not those of love. I have had 2 failed marriages (to men), a direct result of trying to live a life of a straight woman, to appease my family, which I knew at a very young age I was not. When my mother found my diary at the age of 12 and read of my crush on the neighbor girl down the street, the church held a "burning ceremony" and torched my diary in front of the entire congregation. I was mortified. I applaud so many of you moms who would never put your children through such a terrozing event and my heart breaks for the children of the parents that would. If any of my children are gay, so be it. It's who they are and I love the children I was blessed with, no matter who they love.

8
19 13

how can you believe in god.....i m appalled at your mother and the church

View More
0 1

It's interesting because you could change the word "gay" in this question and get some very different answers. Let's just pretend that the word is actually "challenged" and see what we get...
Please try not to filet me... I never post, but this one struck a chord.

Personally, I believe that God blessed me with children because he wanted them to be here... in my house, on this planet, in my care, etc... literally HERE. And because somewhere along the way I earned His trust to raise these little blessings. What they're going to be when they grow up changes daily. They know, because I've told them, that they can be or do whatever they want (including painting their house purple or having 16 cats). The catch is simple. As long as they live in my house they have to obey my rules. We are a Christian family, (I'm a single mom) with all the same sin, confusion, heartache, drama and disfunction of every other family, but we are also all very respectful and trusting of each other. As a result, we try to hang out with families who are similar in their beliefs. And if you deny doing the same with your group of friends then you're in denial. Notice that I said similar... not carbon copies of ourselves, but similar in values, morals and beliefs.

Now, the next part is more complex, and I think it's where people get hung up...
I am not interested in having 'society' or tv raise my child. Among other things, I feel like my job as a parent is to teach my children how to face difficult situations with grace, and I can't do that if I'm letting someone else answer their questions. We all know that kids ask a lot of questions and will take answers from anyone who listens. So, when my kids have crazy questions, I encourage them to ask me by giving them honest answers that make sense to their age. And if they come home with something new, I ask where they learned it and we talk about it and how it does or doesn't fit into our family's code of conduct. For instance, in my family, we kiss each other hello and goodbye, on the cheek. However, as I taught my oldest to kiss, we would smooch on the mouth, which became a problem when he started smooching every kid in his preschool. The answer didn't have to do with feelings or orientation, it was a simple matter of respecting personal space and germs. However, it did come up about boys kissing boys or girls kissing girls. I got excited, because I knew it was a real parenting opportunity. I told him what I wanted him to hear... probably not the pc answer, but my job as a parent isn't always pc... it is, however, reality. I asked him who he wanted to kiss more... what did he feel in his heart was right? He said he understood about being too young to kiss anyone except his family, (proud mama) and he understood the germ thing, and when it came down to it, he said that he might want to kiss a girl someday if she was as pretty as his Mommy (grin) but that he thought kissing boys was silly, which was exactly what I would've thought he'd say since I know him so well.
Now, if I was told my child was 'challenged' I would continue to expect the same respect, trust and honesty that I've always expected. And I would give my challenged child the same answer to the questions from my non-challenged children. If this challenge meant that certain expectations of mine were going to be out of the question, I have to admit that I'd be disappointed. It would not change my love or respect or trust for my child, but it might change the way I did things around the house from now on. We are lucky to live in the 21st century where most challenges can be diagnosed at an early age and these kids can be integrated into classrooms and sports and so on with no one ever knowing there is anything different about them. Being gay would be very different though, and I guess the idea here is to focus on accepting that difference instead of hiding it, so let's pretend that my child's challenge has no known cure, but is not fatal or physically debilitating, and something that lots of people are ashamed to admit.
I guess the bottom line is that I wouldn't change a thing. I'd still take my child to church, school, shopping. I'd still expect good grades, honesty, nonjudgmental friendliness, willingness to participate, outgoing personality, intelligent speech, manners, values, morals... all of that. I would still have rules about what they wore to school, play, etc. How they kept their room, how they behaved in certain situations, how they speak to me and other adults, how much tv or video games... None of it would change. I would still want the American dream for them. I would still want them to grow up Christian and have a personal relationship with Christ. And somewhere in there I would teach them to be proud of who God made them to be, just like my other kids. I would teach them to be prepared for some folks to misunderstand their differences, but hopefully see beyond that to the person I raised them to be. I firmly believe that my kids won't be carbon copies of each other just because they were all raised in my house. I also believe that they will be friends no matter what, and therefore gravitate toward people who share their beliefs, values and morals. I think I'd be a real disappointment to my parents if I didn't pass on the happy, well-rounded childhood, and lifelong friends (my siblings) that they gave to me. Frankly, it's an honor.
I want my kids to have every advantage I had, and the only way I know is to do what my Mom did and try not to repeat the few mistakes she made. I'm challenged every day by my kids, and I read voraciously to make sure I'm standing on firm ground before I make a change. You see... first impressions are everything, and you really can't argue with that. We judge because we're human, and we do judge books by their covers, no matter what we admit to in public.
Now... based on what you've read, can you tell my sexual orientation?

8
3 12

Well said. I was trained to be a Christian in a Christian home too. No one wants to be preached to because we are all sinners. Born sinners but not God's original plan when He created Adam and Eve. Many hate God because we are sinners and make choices to do our own way and disobey God's plan for our life. What does He require of you? To do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God. Some are gay because they turned against the natural way. My nephew is gay and my half bro is too. They were taught the God's way. God is in sovereign control of this world and we can read about it in His Word --judgment love and mercy. Pray God opens our eyes to see the error of our ways and repent. God IS love but He will judge us according to whether we accept or deny Him in this life. Only one life will soon be past only what is done for Christ will last. He is our Heavenly Father and loves us unconditionally because He is sinless Again, we are not.

View More
188 18

Help him do what?

8
0 0

Talk to them about it. Then take everything they say sincerely and ginuinely and put yourself in their shoes. Using the life experience and wisdom that you have, react accordingly. Keeping in mind that if anything major were to happen in their life you would want them to come to you first.

8
2 0

Just be as understanding and supportive as you possibly can be.

8
20 12

I would help my gay child like I would help my straight child. If they need help with their homework, I would help them. If they have a question, I will answer it. If they need something, I will provide it. That's the only help they need. That's my duty as a mother, and it doesn't change whether my child is gay or not. The wording of this question makes it seem like being gay is wrong, like "how would you help your drug addict child?"...There is no help, it's not a disease, and it's not something you can change...so if that's what you're looking for, then it's yourself that needs the help.....

7
46 16

Why does my gay child need help? It seems like you mean the child being gay is wrong or different so they need help. We are a free society and as mothers we are know we should be accepting and loving unconditionally to all our children. If we as a society are to live with gay people we should treat them as equals, so we shouldn't feel they need to be helped. He/she will go through all the puberty issues like crushes, dating, being heart broken, etc. So we just support them like we would any other child.

0 0

My Granddaughter is gay, I have always thougth she might be and I have no problem with it at all, she is my baby girl and who she loves as long as they are good to her I love them also.

I only wish she did not wear her hair almost buzz cut and the real large cloths. I don't say anything, she knows I don't like it but nothing is said. When I look into her beautiful blue eyes,she is my Baby Girl again. That is what matters most.

We are very close and I want to stay that way, she has a beautiful heart and is a wonderful person, that is all we can ask for. I

I hate that it is a hard life, wish other people would just let everyone be who they are and not try to change it.

7
1 21

Good for you... A child still needs to she's loved regardless of her orientation

View More
0 12

As a biblical scholar, graduate of seminary, experienced minister, and someone who has spent decades studying scriptures and studying religion, let me add that there are now, and have always been, multiple views on how to interpret the Bible. There are millions of people in established churches who interpret the Bible differently from millions of other people in other established churches. No one can say "my way is the only correct way to read the Bible" without declaring millions of self-proclaimed Christians, clergy, bishops, and entire faith communities invalid. The debate on scriptural interpretation is important, but it is ultimately a fruitless one when one side says "my view is the only right one, and I am closed to any debate." Scholars have examined, interpreted, debated, written volumes and volumes on contentious scriptures for the past two millenia, and we are not going to solve that issue here. The only important point about scripture for this forum is that it IS debated, that there ARE multiple views that millions of Christians in entire faith structures hold to be valid, and that THEREFORE, no one person's/group's view in this forum ought to be taken as either Standard Christian or as Divinely Revealed Truth. Scriptural debates aside, I do feel the need to highlight, as some others have, the importance of Christian Compassion. Even IF (and it is indeed a huge IF, and one that I do not personally hold true) scriptures do (in the balance) denounce homosexuality, Jesus himself repeatedly broke other aspects of the "holiness code" - which is the type of law homosexuality would fall under - for the sake of compassion. In light of the suicide rates for queer youth, the choice for a Christian is, to me, quite clear - if one wants to follow Jesus. Keep in mind, however, that most people who use scripture to denounce homosexuality actually operate under a different agenda - they generally already feel homosexuality threatens the patriarchal social pyramid of our culture, with God on top, then Man, then Woman, then Child, then Animals. Homosexuality necessarily changes that paradigm in a way some people find threatening - the same way people have found it threatening when women became pastors of churches and had "spiritual authority" over men. (And other such changes, the list is long.) So truly, it is usually useless to debate the "ethics" of homosexuality with those who quote scripture, because they generally have a completely different issue at the heart of their worldview - one that you will not be able to alter through ethical or scriptural discourse. That said, the one thing I have found to change people's hearts more than anything else - quite dramatically - is exposure. When those who have been taught scriptural prohibitions against homosexuality are exposed to (openly) LGBT people in an extended, meaningful way - enough to build actual relationships with them - they frequently change their minds about the issue. If they do not, they tend to be quite strongly frightened and threatened by the chaos they associate with changes to the above-mentioned power hierarchy. Finally, the good news is that young Christians today are increasingly tolerant of queer folks - they tend to ask "why does the church hate my gay friends?" The demographics are clear - this issue is on its way out. Yes, of course bullying is still a huge crisis, and we must continue to address it head-on with tolerance programs, education, etc. However, the tide has turned. When my one year-old is my age, she will shake her head and ask me "What was the big deal about gays again?" And I will hug her and say, "I'm so glad you are mystified by that." Respectfully, TGM

6
33 8

Brillant . . . Thank you.

View More
4 0

Accept his sexuality and let him be :))

6
0 0

I will love him no matter what he chooses but he has not made that choice completely in his heart. He said that if God sends him a woman and tells him she is the one then that is the way he will go. He is confused and mixed up because he was rejected so badly by his dad and he has such a tender heart. He will find his true sexuality and be happy one day.

1 1

I am a Christian and I know the Holy Bible is the inerrant word of God. As a loving, Christian mother, I would love my child unconditionally while not condoning sin in my children's lives. Just as if my child were born with alcoholic tendencies, I would counsel my child if she were to have homosexual desires. I would counsel her through my love and through scripture, though God's love. In answer to one of the posters, the Biblical documents have strong historical authenticity. The oldest documents date 15, not 50 years after Christ's ascension into Heaven. These were eyewitnesses to Christ's time on Earth. There is no question that 15 years is a short time in which to record a life changing experience accurately. Those facts, added to my own personal experiences tell me the Bible is God's holy Word. I would be failing my child to pretend that sin in her life is anything but that. It would not be love if I were to support the sin, rather than try to help her through it. I know that some individuals misuse God's word. But, there are many that have love through Christ in their hearts and are trying to live according to His love and His Word. We cannot just throw away what we know to be true, just because our child has a struggle.

5
1 1

I cannot see any of the response to my post, so I am posting this to see if they appear. I would ask how to see the responses, except I wouldn't see any responses telling me how! I can see responses to everyone else's posts. Frustrating!

View More
3 0

After reading some of the comments that condone homosexuality as a sin since the "Bible says so," I was fuming. I have learned not to fight fire with fire, so I will take my peace. I was raised Catholic, and I was raised to accept everyone for who they are in the sense of if they are a bad person or a good person. A bad person, a sinner, someone with the "devil inside of them" = a murderer, a rapist, a thief...someone who wishes harm on themselves or another. A good person = someone who appreciates the other good people, someone who LOOKS OUT for the other good people, someone who loves unconditionally, does not take out their bad days on another, someone who does not blame other people for things they are not responsible for. Good people respect, love and honor the human race. I say love people for who they are, as long as they are good, if my beautiful baby boy turns is interested in boys instead of girls, I will love him even more so and be thrilled with him enjoying the short time he has on earth...as long as he is a good, happy, healthy man...I will consider my life's work successful.

5
0 0

I am not here to shove the bible down anyones throat but what about the scripture that Jesus said - If one man lie with another man lest his blood be upon him. I don't believe anyone is born gay as we are all created in His image and God is not gay! My son came out at the age of 17 and said it was not because he was born that way but because his dad rejected him all his life. He was always filled with the Holy Spirit and always into church and God. He was just looking for male attention. He is now 22 and has been tortured by many (even the other gays) for his choice. He has been called horrible names by the gays and is realizing that this is not right. He has been telling his 10 year old sister that boys and men are mean and cruel. He lives with a girl that is wonderful to him and he is falling for her. I have been praying faithfully for him that he will turn back to God and not a different lifestyle that can't heal the pain. I don't think people are born this way...I think it is often an escape from some hurt or abuse that has happened along the way that they can't explain or fix. My son is still struggling but will come out of it because my answer to how you can help is unconditional love and a strong faith that God will lead them where they should be. PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5
0 16

I agree sister. He will be fine!

View More
0 21

I hate that our society has come to the point where a person's identity is wrapped up in their sexual orientation. This is such a miniscule part of who a person is. I would encourage my child to find their identity/self-worth in their faith, their education, their personality, their family/relationships. I would discourage them to wrap their identity up in their sexual persuasion. It kinda makes me sick. I think the emphasis the gay community puts on their sexual orientation is what draws negative feedback from outsiders. I believe they do this as a defense mechanism- a sort of 'safety in numbers' mentality, but it is sad that they need to do so. I hope this changes as homosexuals feel more comfortable and accepted. I have a few gay friends that I've known since childhood. All are men. They are amazing people, artists, musicians, actors. They are funny, kind, encouraging, faithful. Why do we sink so low as a society to label people by their sexual orientation?

5
14 11

Well said, Natalie!

2 8

I have a gay teen son who came out to me and his father when he was 12. I knew my son was gay maybe as young as 2 however never spoke of it because I wanted him to be who he was going to be. We have raised our son who is now 19 to be proud of who he is, we have allowed him to teach us about the Gay World!!!, we raised him to be honorable, respectful, trustworthy and loving but most of all to love God and be true to self. My son is very confident pertaining to who he is and who he chooses to love. We can teach our children many things but the one thing that we cannot force or make happen is who they love and give their hearts too. Love them for who they are, respect their choices, support their person, know that they are still your child!!! My child is whole, stands on faith, has integrity, very intelligent, confident, has courage and most of all my unconditional love and support because at the end of the day he is and will always be MY CHILD!!!!!!

5
0 0

My daughter told me she was gay when she was 17, it was a bit of a shock, but had suspicions anyway. She is now 24, a happy and healthy girl. It doesnt matter what she is as long as she is a good person and happy, which she is and I am very proud of her. I cannot understand any parent that would not accept this, my daughter could be a right yobbo attacking old people or similar terrible things, but she is a good person, so being gay is the least of my worries.

5
1 6

A very productive debate so far. My own kids are (so far) hetero, but we live next to a lesbian couple who have been together for 20 years. My kids' attitude: Can we use their Playstation 3? They don't care about any other part of their lives, and treat them with the dignity and respect they show all of our other neighbors. I do think it's harder to be gay in this point of history - many quotes above show that things haven't changed much. My only addition to the conversation is this: if the dialogue was "how can I help my left-handed child", would so many be so quick to judge? Would it still be considered a choice? a sin? a matter of education? Of course not. PS, do you really believe that of the 12 guys at the Last Supper, nobody was gay? Yeah, neither do I ...

View More
0 6

Love them...Make them comfortable when they want to bring home someone.

I have been a lesbian since I was 14. I have had a great life. I t wasn't so easy for me to come out with my family. My 16 year old currently says she is straight. I support and love her no matter what her lifestyle is.

5
5 0

What has changed, they are who they are regardless of their sexual preference.
Love of your child should be totally unconditional.
We bring them up to be kind, honest and loving. We wont them to love them self's
and be proud of them self's.
To except people for who they are and not to judge others.
I have five son's, all heterosexual (as far as I am know). They all have gay friends,
male and female.
They are all grown men and except people as they find them, so I guess if one day
one of the five came out, the others would all except it without to much of a problem.
There are far worse things in this world your child could be.

4
7 12

Amen! My daughter is almost four, and a very girlie girl, but I have friends who are gay and have seen their struggles. Never could I say to my child some of the things that my friend's parents had said to them! I'm pretty positive my daughter is straight, but if she's not, I'm fine with that. I don't have to understand being gay. I'm not gay. All I know is that no one had the right to tell you you can't love another person. Really? People want to ban gay marriage? Why? Do they really think that banning marriage between two people that love eachother and want to spend their lives together will stop that love? We don't have to understand it. Just like gay people don't have to understand being straight. Children need to realize that being yourself, and bring confident in who you are is okay. It's more than okay, it's a MUST. Feeling that acceptance starts at home. Love your children unconditionally, people. Set a good example and treat EVERYONE the way you would like to be treated. Your children learn from you. I agree with being fed up with the Bible talk too. 'Do unto others as you would have done unto you'. God loves everyone, and he doesn't make mistakes!

4
0 0

Honestly, i feel a little iffy about the word "help" in this sentence, I'm not quite sure what to make of it, on the one hand, just because someone is gay, doesn't mean they need help, what they need is your love and support. My son is only 5 years old right now, but if he were ever to tell me that he is gay, it wouldn't phase me, I would tell him the same thing i would think and wish for him if he were straight, I would hope that he will be happy, that he find true love some day, and i would tell him that he has my unconditional love and support. As for the bible quotes, let me just say this, religion has absolutely NOTHING to do with your sexual orientation, NOTHING. I've known gay people of different ethnic and religious backgrounds and it didn't make them any less of a person.

4
56 0

First and foremost, the question provokes an obvious question: help him/her TO DO WHAT?

THE best way to help your child live his life is to treat him/her as a TOTAL PERSON, not as merely a sexuality. A person whom you love. He or she may be acting on same-sex attraction or may be experiencing it and fighting against acting on it because of his/her beliefs. Either way, as a WHOLE PERSON, he or she deserves your respect and love.

Another question is: what can you do to help yourself? True love for our children is and should be unconditional. Yet, as we all know, approval for whatever they may decide to do in their lives may be another story entirely. Don't get suckered into imagining that, if you're someone who doesn't believe that acting on homosexual urges is right, it somehow "proves" that you don't love your homosexual child. Your beliefs deserve tolerance no less than do the beliefs of those who may disagree with you.

4
46 16

Why does my gay child need help? It seems like you mean the child being gay is wrong or different so they need help. We are a free society and as mothers we are know we should be accepting and loving unconditionally to all our children. If we as a society are to live with gay people we should treat them as equals, so we shouldn't feel they need to be helped. He/she will go through all the puberty issues like crushes, dating, being heart broken, etc. So we just support them like we would any other child.

View More

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms