How did your sex drive change during pregnancy and after?
The big changes your body experiences during pregnancy are bound to alter your sex life and many moms worry if what they are experiencing is normal. What changed for your libido during and after pregnancy?
My libido wasn't high before I got pregnant, so perhaps this isn't a huge change. During pregnancy, I had Severe Hyperemesis, so there was no desire for sex...only a nearby toilet. My poor husband was excellent about it and went without the entire pregnancy. Unfortunately, after my baby was born, the little libido I did have just completely went away. It is gone and I don't even want to be touched. I am nursing my baby, and they say that sometimes nursing, with the hormonal balance it gives you, as well as the constant demand on your body to be available to your baby, can cause women to just want some personal space when they can get it. But it has been almost 11 months since I had my baby and there is no sign that my libido is making a comeback. When we have had sex, it has simply been for his benefit. I have gotten nothing out of it whatsoever. I feel incredibly guilty and very sad, but I don't know what to do about it. I feel as though I am just going to have to get used to not enjoying sex and trying to force myself to have it regularly for my husband's sake. But somehow, that feels like lying.
My eldest daughter is nearly 4 and it took nearly 2years to even want be touched again by my now husband, my youngest daughter is 10months and to be honest i dont care if i dont have sex ever again. We have had sex about 5 times in 10months, but that was to satisfy him.
Our eldest is a terror, constantly fighting with her to do things, her shouting at me, running off throwing tantrums in shops etc and all my other half does is go on the ps3 when we get home. Then my youngest is teething and is up atleast once a night in pain, and he stays asleep.
Im the one who puts both girls to bed, reads to them etc.
When he has finished his game he then is wanting sex, im just too tired but apparently being a stay at home mum is a doddle compared to working 9hrs a day, when i tell him im tired all i get is him moaning.
While I was pregnant with my son. my libido was stil pretty high...but he was my first pregnancy and I looked pretty still... even when I was big, I still thought my pregnant form was beautiful. After my daughter it is a totally different situation....My libido is almost nil. I put it down to the fact that I have gained somewhere around 60 lbs... and I dont turn myself on anymore so how can I expect my hubby to be turned on...lol... which is completely unreasonable i know...but thats how it works for me...so I have a treadmill now and have lost about 10 lbs so far and the high it gives you when you are doing your workout makes me feel a little bit more like the confident woman he fell in love with. Its funny but they say confidence makes a woman sexy to a man... but it also works for the woman... and I sorely miss my confidence... hopefully I can keep to my exersize regimen and lose the weight and fit into my old sexy clothes and be the sexy sassy thing my hubby married, the one who liked sex with the lights on...lol... not the lights off girl I have become.
Mine changed to the extreme and it went to nothing after my daughter was born. My husband ended up divorcing me because of it. It is a real problem and 25 years ago there was not any support ouot there so I was on my own alone with a 18 month old. Good luck and I hope times have changed and you find the answers you need.
I've always had an extremely high sex drive. During pregnancy, (after the first 3-4 months of EXTREME morning sickness,) I got a real taste of what "extremely high sex drive" truly means. It didn't help that my husband (now ex-husband) and I were going through a real rough patch and he wanted nothing (physically) to do with me. I was crawling the walls. After my daughter was born he still wanted nothing to do with me and I just gave up. I (some of you may've read this before,) ballooned up to 230 pounds. I was MISERABLE.
The worst part is, that after the baby is born, you're supposed to be happy! Once you get the green light to have sex again everything is supposed to just fall into place somehow, magically.
It doesn't. Having a baby is incredibly time-consuming and (especially if you're breastfeeding,) it's a terrible toll on your body. Add to that self-image issues, (even that last extra ten pounds or so that you can't seem to lose can make a world of difference for women about how they view their body,) sleep deprivation... It's amazing that any of us ever have sex again!
I'm not sure how graphic we're allowed to be, but we *are* talking about sex, here... so I'd like to dispense a little advice to those of you lovely ladies that can't seem to get your groove back...
Mutual masturbation. Yeah, I said it. Sex is like a muscle... the more you use it the more it wants to be used and the stronger it gets. A lot of people say sex isn't everything in a relationship. It isn't. Let's not downplay its importance entirely because it makes us feel better for denying ourselves and our partners that pleasure, though. Healthy couples need sex. Unless both partners are entirely asexual, (which is weird, unusual, or medically rare, like a unicorn with two horns and zebra stripes,) sex is an important outlet for maintaining a healthy, committed, emotionally close relationship.
With mutual masturbation there's that feeling of closeness, that emotional connection, without as much of the work. There's still that stress release, the Oxycontin rush (those chemicals that help you stay in love with your partner and bring the two of you emotionally closer,) and you don't have to feel like you need to bring your "A" game to the bedroom, 'cuz, let's face it, you're exhausted!
Obviously most of you enjoyed a good sex life before you had your babies... (otherwise how would they be here, now) so hopefully this helps at least one person. To anyone who I've offended, my apologies.
my kids are 12y, 14y and 17y. but i vividly remember sex drive during pregnancy and after childbirth. i had no libido where before it was great. it caused a lot of problems between my husband and i. i hope doctors are dealing with this seriously these days. back then i was on my own. i didn't understand what was happening to me and my husband didn't either. it was a tough 5 or so years! there needs to be a rememdy or solution for this. unfortunately lots of mothers don't say anything and suffer through it.. it should be addressed in the doctors office. it's very lonely and you start to feel bad about yourself. you worry about what your spouse thinks, nevermind the loss you're feeling. i'm not sure what they do these days. they did nothing back then. there should be information pamphlets or even support groups for this. I'm in my 40's and my libido is great. but how i wish someone would have helped me back then!!
Like most of the comments i've read I can see i'm not alone in this. I am a mother of 3 children age 9, 6 & 2years 5 months and I will be having my fourth child next month. I would ay that I had a preety healthy sex drive until I started having children. To me sex after having my first child as been more of an obligation to my marriage and for my partner and never for me. Where i'm from talking about sex in the open even with hubby is awkward. I am a working mum and sometimes I think that my work contributes to my problem as after work I get home to work on my children again whereas hubby gets home, gets fed, get on the net and decides he needs sex.....I love my children very much but dread th time after birth when he will need some attention as well!!!
Its almost non existent, mine is almost 2 yrs and I still havent seen a return :(
when i was pregnant with my son who is now 4 my sex drive didnt change, i didnt want to be touched by my husband. when pregnant with my two girls who are 3 & 1 changed i seen to feel alot more sexy and comfortable in my body and seem to not mind it as much as i did the first time round. but now i have three kids. im not even up for it i go to bed and turn the other way. oh how kids change ur world ... for the better tho.
kind regards, Khloe
Mine didn't really change that much- I wanted it just as much as I did in high school after the baby, but due to baby needs we couldn't. I'd say the most important thing to remember: moms need BREAKS!
I think the fact that the mom has to take care of a little one all the time doesn't necessarily make her mind wander too much....let dad take the baby and have some time to yourself and see if that doesn't bring the libido back. That is my best advice!
Before I got pregnant my libido wasn't really high. Earlier in our relationship it was high but later on randomly it would hurt to have sex. Like one night it wouldn't and the next it would. It made me not want to try because it felt like I was losing my virginity every other time. It sucked. But about once I was 2 mths. pregnant it seemed like every time we tried to have sex it hurt at the beginning which just killed the mood for me. later on my libido increased more but we didn't try to have sex because it hurt even to do foreplay...which really freaks me out because I want to have sex. My son is 2 weeks old right now so I'm hoping that everything will be fine when we try next month
We had a pretty great sex life before I got pregnant..but because we had 5 miscarriages prior to getting PG w/our DD, we didn't have sex until I hit the 12wk mark, and then, I was so scared it wasn't fun for either of us. When I was 16wks, my husband left for the police academy and was gone for the next 24 weeks. My libido completely dropped off, and when he was home on the weekends, he was exhausted. We did other things like cuddling, kissing, making sure we showed each other love, but we didn't have sex until I was 6wks postpartum. When I was given the green light to "go" we must've had sex for the entire month straight. Now, we usually have sex 1x a week. It may not be a lot, but it works for us. My libido is so much more then my husbands..I'd love for him to get his testerone checked, but he refuses. So, 1x a week it is.
I am a 45 year old first-time mom and I had my baby girl in November of 2010. Since that time, my partner and I have had sex exactly 3 times, 3 times in 15 months and NEVER because I wanted to. This is very depressing for both of us - for him because he wants it and for me because I absolutely do NOT. The thought of having sext has repulsed me beyond words ever since my baby was born. Prior to becoming pregnant with her, I was considered a "freak" if you know what I mean. I do not understand what has happened to me and I am very concerned that I can't even just go through the motions when my partner wants to. I have to keep saying to him, "I just can't and I am really sorry." It is so bad that I want to tell him it's OK if he finds someone else to have sex with. I know there must be other women who have experienced this but I don't really have many women friends to discuss this with. During pregnancy I was the same as I was before pregnancy, I pretty much wanted it all the time. But now I honestly cannot ever imagine wanting it again. Thanks and best of luck to any of you who are going through the same thing we are.
The last time I had sex I was 19 years old & I was 4 months pregnant. Now I'm 21 & my son is a year & 3 weeks old. Being pregnant gave me no sex drive whatsoever, it actually took my sex drive away!
I had an extremely high sex drive during my pregnancy until I got to about 7 months b/c I got so big. After giving birth and being stitched back up it was really painful to have sex....almost like a born again virgin. My sex drive has never really returned to normal since having my son but both of us are always so tired and now it happens 2-3 a month which is pretty sad.
When i was pregnant , the first three months i didn`t want sex, i was feeling weak and having nauseas. After the fkourth month I had a lot libido, but my husband didnt want to touch me , he felt guilty to hurt the baby.
My libido always fluctuated with each pregnancy. But i remember that after giving birth with my second baby...even though i wanted to have sex for his sake, i just could not get wet. I was so dry the whole time that it was pain all the way.Lubricants didn't hep much. In the end it just died a natural death till i got preg with my 3rd born. after his birth, the sex drive became so high and hubby couldn't catch up and it frustrated me...LOL. Now i know that it changes and depends on each baby. I am preg again with my 4th child and sex drive is just fine. I am just worried that after birth it might just die again yet i am not planning to have another baby to help return it during pregnancy! i wonder how i will cope. Thanks guys for sharing this coz it makes me feel that i am not alone...:)
I have a 4 yr old and 20 mth old, and I haven't enjoyed sex since I first got pregnant. My libido was not high to begin with, but completely disappeared the moment I got pregnant until now. Ofcourse consideration for my hubby meant we had sex regularly, but for me it's just something on my list to get done. It has greatly affected our relationship, especially since I just can't put in the effort anymore! Sad thing is, I'm reaching a point where I don't really care that this prob is driving my hubby and I apart. i just feel relief that I get another night sex free!
My children are 4 months, and 2years 4 months. I have a boy and a girl. We used to have sex all the time before we got prego, my sex drive never really came ,back after our daughter, and now that our son is around, it still hasn't really come around. Its really starting to be a commonly talked about problem with our relationship, but we both still insist to each other that its just something that needs to be worked out. I don't know what to do about it I feel really bad and he kind of understands, but its so hard. I don't know if I should go to a dr and maybe get some kind of prescription for a hormonal balance or something......Im just completely at a loss.....any advice please help!!
@ Jessica, dont discourage once your hormones realign you will probably get your libido back. Like Meaghan says though feeling good about yourself goes a long way, as does a little personal space and time. It's hard to give affection when your hungry for space and solitude. I went through every shade of libido from very active (before pregnancy) to absolute zero during, to barely anything for the few months after her birth. Now it seems we have finaly found balance. Honestly you dont need the perfect sex life, especially not every single year of your marriage, but you do need to make sure that everyone's needs are being met most of the time or your relationship will eventually suffer. Besides whatever efforts you have to make if your sex life improves you might surprise yourself how much you'll gain from it.
With our first there were times during the beginning when my libido was very low...I didn't even want him to touch me, but closer towards the end I actually became more affectionate, and that's when he didn't want to because he was afraid of hurting the baby lol...we still caressed and did other things but he was really paranoid about intercourse. Afterwards, I was really uncomfortable physically due to labor and episiotomy (or however you spell it) for a while, even after it was healed I still felt unconfortable so we started up slowly but I would say it still took a good 2 months for me to even want to try (and it was uncomfortable at first even then). Now with my second pregnancy my libido was low in the beginning due to nausea, so we stuck mostly to just caressing, hugging kissing. now that nauseas gone I'd say we're definitely more active but don't know how I'll feel later on.
Well, children are the best contraceptives. I say, I wont be ready again until im old and wrinkled.
My sex drive didn't change a bit. Until it was safe to have vaginal sex we caressed, kissed, gave massages and other kinds of loving touch. I have a very strong libido and it was easy for me to pleasure my husband and vice versa in loving ways.
Moderate before, high drive second trimester, down to almost no drive after pregnancy...i think I san just tip tired all the time...ft job and my DS is almost 3
Before pregnancy I had a pretty strong sex drive. During my second trimester I was insane, I had to have it all the time, and I was practically climbing the walls when my husband had to go out of town to a week. Then I was a huge blimp and could not be touched. Now my sex drive is back but his is not always.
Befor I got prego my sex drive was kinda there but did it more so cubi like been close withy hubby but like end of my 1st trimester a hole new me came hasn't stoped I beleave after I have birth it got a lil worse
i had no sex drive when i was pregnant mind you i am a single parent from the day i found out i was pregnant...my sex drive didn't improve after either i feel that if i have sex again i am disappointing my son so therefore i won't start dating
During pregnancy my libido dropped during my 2nd trimester. Most of the time I only had sex with my husband for his sake and to feel closer to him, not because I enjoyed it. After pregnancy my sex drive is through the roof!!! My libido came back 10 fold and I want it ALL the time and actually initiate it quite often. I was really worried it would never come back but thank heavens it did!!!