How do I deal with my daughter's father very immature girlfriend?

What would you do if you felt the father of you children was dating someone immature or irresponsible? Would you say something to him? Would you take into consideration his feelings about someone you were dating?

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8 Answers

4 Votes

By Jeannie VanderMarliere

- Posted on Sep 29, 2011

I never had this problem, but I have had friends who have gone through this. When I observed one "girlfriend" with my friend's children, it didn't take long to see what the problem really was. The "girlfriend" thought the best way to please the children was to be on their level...like the "fun Auntie". She had little or no experience with children and thought if she acted like an teenager, and made teenage type decisions, the seven and eight year olds would like her better. They did like her, but not the way she needed to be liked...their relationship lack a respect she mistook for not liking her. Have someone else, (who still likes your ex) observe and get their opinion. Maybe they can make a better asessment for you. My friend's children love and respect their step-mother as another "Mom" and my friend appreciates her for being a stable influence too.

3 Votes

By Love♥My♥Kids

- Posted on Aug 4, 2011

I would suggest overlooking the immaturity. Is it due to a younger age? Inexperience as a parent? Or perhaps jealousy of your past relationship and ties to BD because of the child? These are all questions that you need to consider.
If it is jealousy - then definitely overlook it! If it is inexperience as a parent, see if there is a way that you and BD can assist her in parenting education without offending her in the slightest.
If it is age, then for the most part, overlook it again. Sometimes, maturity comes with age and experience as the circumstances allow.
She may just need to get to know the situation better firsthand by sitting back and watching. Providing reading material on how the schedule for the child is to go, resources for the laws/guidelines, and also advice on being a "step parent" (even though she is a gf right now) could help her understand everything and give her insight on this life.
If she is unresponsive to assistance in these areas, then you should more than likely just overlook it all. If it affects your child - her actions and attitude, a discussion with BD is a must. Honestly, it is up to him to deal with his gf for now, unless the she has a major negative affect on your child.
Remember: you can not choose his new partner. That is between him and her. You might not ever like her - but, she is a part of his life, which brings your daughter into having another "care giver" while with BD. You can discuss this with your child and try to explain it to her as appropriately for her age level as possible. Let her know that it is okay to get to know this person. If her Father trusts her, then you both have to work on trusting her as well.
Do not speak negatively about the GF (or the BDs choice in a partner) in front of your child. This could damage her relationship with her Father.
I hope some of this helps you out! Good Luck!

2 Votes

By Kelly Russell

- Posted on Sep 29, 2011

There really is little for you to do. He needs to make his own decisions and it's not your business. However....when it comes to your daughters care you have very right speak up and control the situation. When he has time with her he needs to be present and not dump her on the g/f. If she is not capable of providing a safe and loving environment then she should not be left in her care.

2 Votes

By Jessie Tarnaski

- Posted on Jun 19, 2011

you just have to be the bigger person and set an example for your child. If she starts interferring with your children and her father then you may have to pull him aside and have a talk with him alone. Hang in there :)

1 Vote

By Cheryl Hobbins Corr

- Posted on Sep 30, 2011

I have been there, Sorry to say but you can not say anything, Just as he cannot say anything to you about people you see, You need to keep the peace.
If you say something it can add tension to your daughter (I have two daughters) She has it rough enough that your not together , let alone her dad is seeing someone else. Show your daughter how a confident woman you are and that very little bothers you about her dad.
No matter what is said or done by this woman (girl) lol You need to not say anything negative to your daughter about this woman. (that what us girlfriends are for..to vent too lol)

Keep your head high..and don't forget while you are taking care of your daughter, to take care of yourself too. You deserve it!!

Cheryl

0 Votes

By Brea Ellis-Hines

- Posted on Sep 29, 2011

I would most definately say something to him! They are yours and his children together. You both to think in the best interest of your children and their safety and happiness. No one else,like a girlfriend, should take that place. Do you think if you dated a guy immature and/or irresponsible he would say something to you? I wouldn't get too upset at first, start off nice, see where that gets you. Just tell him you have concerns. See where that take you in the conversation. Good luck! I hope it works out for the best, for all of you!

0 Votes

By Melinda Casey

- Posted on Aug 5, 2011

In the same situation with my kids. I have found that I have to take him aside and tell him my feelings about the matter of the g/f. See if you do have a problem with the person and have a valid reason for it, you can file a motion with the court so that said g/f can either not be around her or that she must partake in a parenting class. You must remember that you and the father are the parents, not the new girlfirend.

Samantha - commented on Aug 17, 2011

That is actually not true...the courts will not tell the Father that he cannot have THIS person around your children. They will however, make the proper provisions if you can state your case and they believe that you have a valid reason for the things you are asking (My ex and his (now ex) were ordered by the court to not consume or even possess alcohol after we went to court about the lack of supervision and care my children received at their home. He is still not allowed to have alcohol or have my children around anyone that is drinking and he could not have visitation until he received treatment for his alcoholism. I also have the right to request random UA's as often as I like along with two other pages of provisions. You have the right to protect your children and you can get what you want, if you go about it the right way. This is not to be misconstrued as taking your children away from their father because he has an immature girlfriend or because you want to be mean or spiteful. Do what is best for the kids, ALWAYS.
Cindy - commented on Sep 30, 2011

u r soooo wrong samantha rowan, the courts CAN order the g/f or b/f NOt 2 b around the child if they feel they have a valid reason, i know this from experience!! my ex took my son 2 a counselor & without the counselor talking 2 me b4 court 2 c what the problem was she said that my son was better off not around my b/f so he was ordered not 2 b around him 4 120 days 2 c how he does without him around. well i was ordered 2 counseling with my son & after she met my b/f she realised that it was just my son was intimidated by him cuz he was sooooo big )his dad is big also) & the way he talks & tries 2 get through 2 ppl but his dad is also the same way but his dad TRIES 2 b controlling !!! trust me the courts CAN & WILL do whatever they feel is best 4 the child even if their decision is wrong & they know it!!! as 4 the original question, if she is acting immature u need 2 say something 2 the dad cuz ur child needs an adult not a child watching them ALL the time (unless they r a child) !!! my ex thinks he can butt in2 my business but i can not with his well it doesn't work that way!! i can not say anything 2 my ex cuz he will not listen he will just let it happen even more cuz he doesn't want 2 grow up, his own words!! good luck & keep us updated on how things go 4 u!!!