How do I equally spend time with each of my children so they don't get jealous or feel left out?

Every child is very different, and moms of multiple kids are always aware of sibling rivalry and loving all their kids equally. How does a mom practically spend equal time with each of her kids without causing any jealousy?

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13  Answers

8 5

My answer - you don't!! Don't get stressed about it, don't worry yourself that you aren't spending time equally. All you are doing is fostering a sense of "competing" for mom and dad's time. It will happen, it just does in busy families you will realize that you can find it even in trips with one kid to the doctor, or an activity. It's ridiculous that you are even thinking about how to do this. It only fosters the feelings in your children you are trying to avoid. And I can qualify my statements by saying I have 4 kids, 14, 11, 8 and 3. I manage to get individual time with each of them every week. Little conversations here and there, trips to the grocery store, appointments, etc. My point is that too, you are a FAMILY, a group of people living together. You need to work on learning to do that too. Learning to talk, play, eat together. Do things together. In this day and age when we seem to want to be communicating via computer, phone, email (all very one on one methods) we need to learn to communicate in a group setting, that's how we live. One on one time is great, don't get me wrong, but that will happen. Worrying about allotting yourself time with each kid alone will only drive you nuts trying to make sure it is equal and fair and lead to your kids fighting and arguing over who gets mom alone the most.

6
1 20

I agree they need to learn most how to support and get along with one another. Long after we're gone they will need that much more. Love and appreciation for each of their unique personalities and gifts needs to be communicated to the whole family. Time alone with each happens and when it does - great. But I certainly wouldnt set the expectation that everything should be equal because there are times when the needs of one child are greater and have to be put first. A family needs to operate like a team. By the way my 5 kids are now in their 20's and all are happy and well adjusted adults.

3 7

Balancing time with kids is easy, all you need to do is make sure that you are creating memories with them. The thing I do to make sure I can relate to each of my kids and have that time be important for them to is pay attention to what they are doing and try it out for myself. My son plays video games so I let him teach me how to play ( I suck at it and don't care for it but we laugh about my lameness). My daughter loves to read so we share books. My second daughter like to help in the kitchen and the youngest enjoys origami, so learn right along with them. It creates a bond, it is shared time and you learn new things too. Each child is different and requires different interaction.

5
12 0

I have 3 kids (12, 7, and 1) and I focus on doing things as a family together, supporting one another, and getting along. I want my kids to grow up being close to eachother (especially with the age gap) and I don't think leaving 2 out to do an activity with just one fosters that closeness. My oldest are into sports and rodeo and we all go to every event and cheer eachother on. Sometimes one child has to go somewhere or do something for another that they don't particularly want to do, but I think that is a good lesson in supporting eachother and putting someone else's needs ahead of your own.

4
2 0

That is so hard. I know some weeks I feel like I haven't seen or hardly talked to one of my three. They are a little older now, 17, 15, and 12. Everybody is kind of in their own thing. When they were younger, I would take advantage of the time I had when one was off at a friend's house or doing something else. Sometimes when one was at a practice, etc. and I had a little bit of time. Me and the other two would go get ice cream or do something in that time rather than just waiting. It is hard. When I feel like one has been neglected I just tell them, "I feel like I haven't seen you all week! Give me a hug and tell me something I don't know that happened with you this week." I find being honest and acknowledging you know they have been left out sometimes means more than just spending time with them. I hope that helps!

4
19 62

Make a date with each of the children every week or month. When we were little, my mama (stepmom who raised me with my dad) made sure that we each got time alone with her. Going to the grocery store, or on other errands, were ALWAYS rotated between us (five) kids, too.

3
16 2

its the thought that counts so... when i buy one an out fit , i would buy something for the others etc,
when they go out to eat this time its sue's turn, george turn, mileys turn then parents turn etc... just little things like this i think helps alot and sitting at the table eating at least 1 meal a week together and ask them all the same question and go around the table and make the others listen while the others talk and say you had your turn now listen and say for example give each 5 min tell me what did you learn this week, .... whats your favorite thing about mom , dad, grandma, grandpa etc and dislike and try to improve what each one dont like to make the family grow together and get along better

3
6 50

I am a firm believer in teaching our children from a young age that life just isn't fair. I tell all three of my daughters that the material things I get for them has nothing to do with the amount of love I have for them. If I buy my oldest something for getting a 4.0 and my middle gets a little sad over not getting anything, I remind her of all the hard work my oldest had to do in order to earn this gift... In life, do we all get promotions because Sally Jane got one? Nope, we all have to earn it.... I hope this helps some how ♥

1
0 0

I found that by developing each child's personality the individual interests of each child will make time for itself. For instance my oldest daughter (25 years old now!!!) was/is very much into church as well as all kinds of music so we spent alot of time talking traveling to and from church, watching concerts on tv and listening to music together. My younger child on the other hand is a shopaholic; loves long car rides and is quite fond of reading (she is 21 now) so we shared time grocery shopping as well as at the library and joy riding. I also had "stay in the house' days where we would spend entire days just enjoying each others companies. The dollar store for crayons and coloring books, bubbles, puzzles, etc., their favorite meal and my undivided attention. Even now that they are adults we continue our share time...I LOVE BEING A MOM!!!!

1
3 20

I have three girls, 17, 4, and 3. It isn't easy giving each one individual attention, but I do try! Especially with my oldest, she will be leaving for college in a year, so I try to schedule myself in her busy schedule at least once a month...we do whatever she wants. The little ones don't really care b/c it usually involves boring things they aren't interested in, lol. But, it is sooo good to get the little ones alone and apart. They aren't twins, but often act like it b/c of the 18 months difference in their age. I found that making a special day for both works really well, a mommy date and a daddy date, or grandma date. That way both are doing something and not being "left out". Sometimes, it's just an hour or two home alone they want w/just mommy or daddy- sending daddy and one to the store is enough time to watch a show, play a game, read a book. I'm sure it will be harder as they older, but right now that's how we do it. Funny thing....they miss each other so much and talk the entire time about each other.

1
2 7

Each child has their own interest, let them each pick theirs and let them all get involved. Giving each their own time is a hard mostly impossible task

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454 0

I take one to school and one out in town with me for breakfast, and shopping and talking and playground etc.. and then i switch maybe the next week or so and do it with the other one.. for now cause i have 2..

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1 8

The effort should start while you are pregnant, prepare the elder kid that a small baby is coming to give you company, you are going to take care, she/he will be your friend. involve the elder one in the chores of the little baby. take support from other family members to keep the elder baby engaged while you are busy with the younger one. Don't miss the important school events of the elder sibbling when other mommies are there... it has helped me with 3.6yrs old boy and 6 mths old baby girl!!

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0 0

hi got a 10yrs old daughter and 3yrs old son which drives me crazy. recently my daughter is giving me some attitude problem which makes me dont want to spend time with her i know it not right but thats how i feel what shall i do

0
16 8

Wow, crazy. My daughter (who is doing the same thing to me at the moment) is called Christina :) We are having some serious sibling rivalry at the moment and i feel the same about her sometimes. I try and validate her feelings that she's being treated unfairly but vocalising my reasons. For example, "I know you're not getting much attention at the moment because your brother is sick but i promise when daddy gets home we will do something with you, just you." At 4yrs old she is very clever and can usually be reasoned with as long as i make sure i am consistent and make sure i don't promise something i can't do. Her brother is a totally different story, I try to be firm but he won't speak and i makes it hard to communicate both ways. He understands what we're saying but won't reciprocate in the communication stakes. I use the same method with him but it doesn't work as well, could be because he's two but i struggle to reason with him. I don't know if i've helped at all since i don't think i've offered any solutions but i wanted you to know you're not alone.

49 13

i spend time with my kids equally for the most part. me and my two girls do almost everything together..movies, eating out, church, shopping..school activities..we pop popcorn together and watch movies..i even watch their phoney old WWE wrestling with them..so i can heckle them..we are comfortable being together in spite of the age difference..my girls are 14 and 3..

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10 0

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