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How do I get my 3 month old not to cry when I put her down?
It is very common for a newborn to start crying as soon as they are set down by their mother. What are some ways you reduce your baby's crying when you put them down?
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17 Answers
7 Votes
At this age, it's ok to hold her a lot. But when you have to put her down, I read some good tips from pidatritions and child psychologists. If you're putting her down for bed, make sure she has a full belly and is sleepy. Let her cry for 10 to 15 minutes, then go in and assure her that you're still there and encourage her by talking softly or singing, and patting her gently. Don't pick her up. Leave again and allow her to cry for 10 to 15 minutes again. Continue this until she falls asleep. This worked for my daughter and after about three nights she got it down. It takes patience, but once it's established it's wonderful.
If you just need to put her down to go do something, use a similar method...but I wouldn't do this very often. She's young, and holding her a lot now is likely to make her less fussy as an older baby and toddler. I like carrying wraps to help with this....
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Sunny - commented on Oct 16, 2011
This is not good to do when they are only 3 months though. 3 months is still considered the 4 term, you need to treat them as though they are still in the womb, its comforting for them, cuz its all they have know. I was told by my doctor not to use this method til my daughter was 1 year old.
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Helen - commented on Nov 25, 2011
I would agree that 'controlled crying' at 3 months is too young. They do need holding at 3 months and it breaks my heart when she crys hard when I have to walk away for something, ie, going to the loo!! I clicked on this link tho because I really need help with daytime naps, she feeds to sleep or falls asleep with me, then the second I put her down in her moses basket, she crys and/or wakes up straight away. Help!! Thanks x
7 Votes
This might not work for everyone, but I would cradle them in my arms a sway them a little bit up against me. Slowly I would take them away from me and keep swaying them until they were on the bed. It worked for mine. Not only did it kind of make them drowsy, I would hold them to me for a couple of minutes before trying to put them down, I don't think the transition was so obvious. If they looked like they were going to cry when I laid them down, I would gently rub their forehead. Have you noticed when you rub around their eyes it makes them sleepy? Anything is worth a try, nobody likes to walk away from a crying baby.
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Helen - commented on Nov 25, 2011
Thats a fantastic suggestion! Will try it x
1 Vote
The five S's.
Swaddle, wrapping tightly
Shushing, like the ocean or static in their ear.
Side, lay them on there side, almost stomach.
Sway, rock back and forth in quick motions.
Sucking, binky or your finger.
They taught this in my caring for you amazing new born class. You can do them in order until you baby calms down, you might not need all five.
http://youtu.be/XqGmBdH_oCs that shows you how to calm your baby and put them to sleep.
1 Vote
well my doc told mi it was ok to let her cry for a sec my 3month old wont let mi get out the room as loog as she can see mi she is good but i got her out of it by lettin her cry and talking to her letting her know im not going any were so if i do decide to walk out the room to get something she is ok for a while i just dont stay gone long lol
1 Vote
I just rarely put him down...I carried him in a knit wrap, www.thebabywearer.com can give you plenty of info on wearing babies. It was a life saver...and with the right carrier It won't hurt...well unless your muscles aren't very strong...and in that case you'll be sore like you would from using muscles you aren't used to...but they will strengthen and the soreness with go away. There shouldn't be any actual pain if your using the carrier right.
1 Vote
Swaddle her, wear her or put her in a swing. but she is kind of young i would wear her in a harness around me there comfortable there good luck
1 Vote
I use a Binky and a soft blanket seems to do a trick for my little guy now that he is 13 months. When he was 3 months I used one of those baby wraps and he would go right to sleep. It gives them the feeling of still being held. I used one of those until around 6 months.
1 Vote
I think the question should be more like how do I not feel guilty about putting my baby down when she's crying. When you need to put her down just do it as much as she cries It kills you more than it does her, crying is the only thing they know how to do so they do a lot of it. It's hard a lot of the time but it's your will power that helps her to learn those crucial lessons in life as hard as it is.
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Nika - commented on Aug 10, 2011
Well said Ariana!!
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Amanda - commented on Oct 15, 2011
very well put! It does kill you its not fun
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Lana - commented on Oct 19, 2011
I disagree. It is a lot harder on them than it is on you - you know what is going on, baby does not. You know what is going to happen, baby does not. She is crying to express a need. She needs you. Wear her and sleep next to her, it is what she is biologically programmed to want and need. She will be a happier baby and you will in turn be a happier mom. http://www.drmomma.org/2009/11/science-of-sharing-sleep.html http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/dangers-of-leaving-baby-to-cry-it-out.html http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it-out-causes-brain-damage.html
0 Votes
When my son does this some times when we put him down to play, we justy get down and start playing with him,then he will start playing with his kick toy by him self. I think some time they just dont like change.
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KRYSTLE - commented on Apr 8, 2013
at bed time we put on a night time cd and rock him or talk to him or hum the song till his eyes close he is also 3 months.
0 Votes
my baby is 5 months and i have always put him down and let him cry. its ok to cry nothing wrong with it.
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Julie - commented on Jun 13, 2012
Until they get so upset they vomit.
0 Votes
Keep your baby on a schedule, keep him/her visually stimulate when up ..soothing vocal,verbal story telling,gross motor toys for movement ocean,sounds, audio to match his/her age..When time to knap, active passive color mobile quiet soothing music..for relaxing..
0 Votes
sevensling .com free wraps code "christmas"
0 Votes
Talk to baby when she is down - so she has the assurance you are there.
They have no concept that someone is close-by and they are SO dependent on mommie!
Love her.
Bed her in your room till she is at least two
0 Votes
Talk to them and stroke them.
0 Votes
There is a really helpful DVD based education workshop out, that WiC has recently implemented, called "Happiest Baby on the Block" My husband and i attended after the birth of our 3rd child, and found it immensely helpful and encouraging. it gives 5 tricks that help to soothe a fussy baby, even a colicy baby. Swaddling, position, shusshing, pacifier/finger, and brisk vibrations if i remember correctly. (they use all S-words, but those i do not recall!) Anyway, i like April's take, as she is very in tune with the child's contentment needs. This really worked with my second child, tho not with my other 2. Try it! This last one needed to be laid on her stomach, the fear of falling was just too great for her and she simply could not sleep any other way; she would almost settle and then startle and cry all over again. Each child is unique! listen to your heart and know your own child. I would caution against even 5 minutes of letting them cry until 6 months.... right now they need to know u love them and will meet all their needs, that they can trust you, that is the most important. At this young age they are incapable of self-soothing. Letting them cry will add to their anxiety and only worsen the problem for both of you. Your best bet is to experiment until you find a way to soothe them and then you will both be happy! Maybe ask a friend or family member that you connect well with to help you.... a fresh set of arms and ideas can be a huge help.... I KNOW! I wish you the best!
0 Votes
It's hard to listen or hear your baby cry but sometimes you have things to do that require you to put the baby down..he or she will be ok plus they have to learn to sooth themselves.
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Gayle - commented on Sep 30, 2011
I agree with Christina in terms of her being too young to just let cry - babies are mammals and it is natural for them to be near their mother and feel safe and loved and other mammals sleep with their young whereas, as midwives, we have to advise against co-sleeping for safety reasons - I believe it is distressing for a very young baby to be left crying, not just distressing for the parent. Controlled crying is certainly an option for older children if you can cope with a few nights of upset, but I dont believe it should be done on one so young. I also agree with April that making the transition less obvious works for some babies. I give the following advice to the parents of newborns that I work with: feed the baby until she is clearly satisfied (dont limit feeds to a specific time) and comes off the breast relaxed and "milk drunk", wrap her securely in a blanket/muslin, cuddle her on your chest for at least 5 minutes. Make sure the mattress in the basinnette is not cold (wrap a blanket around the mattress and/or take the mattress out of the basinette and sit on it whilst you are feeding - this will not only warm it up but will make it smell of you which will help with settling), place baby in basinette, put one hand on top of her head and the other on her chest/tummy so that she still feels your presence and hold that for a couple of minutes before slowly withdrawing from her. You can also place something that you have been wearing at the bottom of her basinette such as a t-shirt (obviously keep it away from her head for safety). The amount of time you need to spend doing this settling technique will vary from baby to baby and I am not claiming it works for all but is just another suggestion. Good luck!
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User - commented on Oct 11, 2011
It's a hard one as they are all different, my 6th child is 5 weeks & likes to be held alot, a baby carrier has been a life saver for me... Sometimes they do just need to cry for a few minutes- if u need to handle hot pans etc far safer to put her down for a few minutes than risk burning her... Also if u need to go to the toilet etc! My little one still cries when u change her clothes and nappy; probably the cold air- do u not change her then? Obviously not... I have put mine on her tummy in the day and she sleeps much better, although they don't recommend that anymore... My nearly two year old comes into our bed at night around midnight... He can put himself to sleep well, but wakes up in the night & comes to see us! I figure they will sort themselves out eventually, my other kids are 9+ and have been fine for years.. I do agree they are too young for control crying but sometimes you just have to put them down for a little while whilst you get something done.. It'll soon pass and in a blink of an eye they will be all grown up!
-1 Votes
I have a 8 almost 9month old and its not easy to lay him down an hear him cry. He has cryed for an hour but eventually crys himself to sleep. But he still gets up between 3 and 5. My boyfriends step dad is a retired pediatricion and he said it is normal for babys to cry for 6hours a day. MY son has never been a cryer so it kills me. Its normal, just have to let them cry it out. Everyone tells me you have to be able to breeth through it and everything is ok.
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Jackie - commented on Nov 30, 2011
It may have been the held philosophy back when your boyfriend's step dad was practicing, but these days it is NOT considered normal for a happy, well-adjusted baby to cry for 6 hours a day.
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