How do I get my 6 year old to obey me?
Children start becoming more independent as they get older, especially once they start attending grade school. What are ways to get a 6 year old to listen and do what you say?
I don't understand where a lot of you moms are coming from. Your view points are so off. Yeah, I know I'll get booed on this but someone's got be reasonable. Didn't you obey your mother and father growing up? Did you hate it so much that you told yourself that you'd never make your kids obey anyone?
That's silly. They are going to grow up, they need to be taught to obey authority figures, they're going to have a hard time following rules, have a hard time obeying their boss, the laws of the land and their government if you don't teach them. And then they'll be saying, the world is against them and wondering why everyone in society wants them to obey rules and their elders. Then you'll realize as a parent you failed to instill those rules and laws into your child when they were little. You let them believe them were equal or better than everyone, including their bosses and the government. You let them believe they didn't need to obey anyone. Mutual respect is not going to work with their boss. They will have to work and obey and it will be hard on them because their mothers never taught them how to obey.
We are training these children for the real world, don't you understand that? Yes mutual respect and love are important but so is knowing your place. Life is hard and we need to be the ones to show our children how to act. I do believe in kids being kids for as long as possible but we are talking about kids growing up and becoming more independent. That's what the question is about. And how do we get them to obey us? By teaching them to show us respect, how do you teach this? By acting respectful to others. Obeying the laws of the land and showing them how daddy (or mommy) obeys his boss at work. These are life lessons.
Fear is not the only way to teach someone how to obey. You can teach obedience with discipline (not the spanking kind). Discipline is something that you do over and over until you can not forget what you have learned. Take please and thank you, for instance, you're child obey's you when you ask them to say please and thank you. How do you get them to learn this? With fear? No, with discipline. You remind them to say it every time it is relevant. Some of you have a skewed view of obedience. Just because you obey someone doesn't mean they dominate you or beat you. You obey out of respect and love, you know how to do this because you were shown how to respect and love and obey others when you were growing up.
If your mother asked you take off your shoes before you went in her house, would you do it? I'm sure you would, that's called obeying. Were you fearful that she wouldn't love or hurt you if you didn't obey her? No, you weren't. She taught you when you were young that you need to obey her and she always had a good reason why. Or maybe she didn't always explain everything to you because after all you were a child. But now as an adult you can understand her reasoning and you are happy that she taught you how to obey.
Kids need rules, they need to learn to obey and they need discipline all of those go hand in hand with love and respect. And they need you teach it to them. No one else is going to and if you don't teach them they are going to have a hard life.
Consistency, consistency, consistency. Don't say anything that you don't mean or cannot uphold and uphold and mean everything that you say. When they KNOW the rules and consequences they will learn responsibility and will understand that their decisions matter.
stop being your kids friend and be the parent/ rule maker they need
Connection and mutual respect. I do not expect my child to "do what I say". Any more than I expect my husband or friends too. The only way to get someone to "obey" is fear and that is old fashioned. Having a strong connection with your child and mutual respect is the most important thing. Choose your battles wisely. Slow down and see what it is your child needs in the moment.
Simple. Don't say anything to him/her (in the way of 'commands/demands') unless you MEAN it -- and follow through!
CONSISTENCY! So True, I see many parents waste so much energy and get frustrated, say what you mean and mean what you say everytime. Let them know what is expected of them. Yeah they will hate you at times and there will be occasions where grounding will happen and a tap on the behind. I've had three children who were six once and on occasions i spanked and yes on rare occasions made them sit in their room for an hour or two and not allowed to play with toys, ususally killed them and they hated that punishment and would never do things again. I honestly did not have problems with my kids as they got older. Good Luck
It's not a question of OBEY, but to listen and follow your rules. If you clearly state your rules and he does not obey them, then a punishment is in order (ie: taking away privileges, etc) If he speaks to you in a manner you don't like, you need to tell him that it's not acceptable and that there will be consequences employed if he doesn't speak to you in a respectful manner. Consistency is key here. I do not allow the following words in my home, for instance: bitch, stupid, dumb, I can't, I won't, etc. Those are not acceptable and there is a punishment for them, after a reminder/warning. I now have 2 teenagers, they now remind each other of these things. They also don't accept these words from the outside world. Another golden rule that I use constantly: You Give Back What You Give Out. If you don't want to be treated with disrespect, then respect ME, and others. It works for us, hopefully this will work for you?
un tate quieto
Every six year old is different. We can toss in the word "grounded" and my oldest will totally change her attitude... other six year olds benefit from timeouts... for us... it is most sucessful to take something away when she is being non compliant. We have also had success with adding a chore, a logical one of course. If your child refuses to put their dish in the sink... then they next day they have to help clean the kitchen.... etc.
I tell my son to "look at me, and listen to what I say". If he is distracted by something (eg. The TV, or a toy, or even making faces at himself in the mirror), I remove the distraction or turn it off.
I then ask him if he understands what I've said and ask him to explain what I just said to make sure he was listening, if he hasn't listened he loses a privilege, like tv, or a turn on the iPad, and I always follow it through for the day.
If he asks I say no, and ask him "why can't you watch tv this afternoon?" to make sure he knows it's because he didn't listen when I spoke to him.
Kids should never get away with ignoring an adult when they are speaking, it's very disrespectful.
how can i get my 6 year old to obey me? everytime i ask her to do things she doesnt respond until i raise my voice at her. i dont want to be doing that
Of course Consistency which can mean a routine, repetative rules, sticking to the same responce to their actions that are performed wrongly! Make sure you choose the way you handle your battles! Never threaten something you know you will not follow through with. Routines work great!!!! Remember they do as we do not as we say! Children always pay more attention then what we parents think they do, they have eagle ears!!! LOL Don't forget to reconfirm the rules every night before bedtime what you expect of them for that moment and the morning. Then remind them when you wake them what is expected of them to get ready for the day, when you reach your distenation remind them what is expected of them while they are in school or church what have you... After a week, then start asking them each night what is expected of them, then do it in the mornings and when you reach your distenation etc... You will find them advancing quicker then if you didn't go through this process.
Don't forget from the approx age of 18 month to 2 years of age, you can speak a sentence and usually the only word that sticks with them is the last one of the sentence. With age depending on the child the number of words in a sentence that stick will grow. If your child is responding with anger..... when they listen to you speak but then don't follow through their can be other medical issues that could be the cause of the undesired behavior. Listen for any keywords the teachers/counselor may be using when speaking of your child. It is against the law for any school fauculty to tell you they believe your child may have add/adhd etc...
Wish you the best and hope you let us know what you tried and what worked best for you and your child!
Every child is different so you handle things according to the childs behavior. With my children 14, 11, And 6 I tell them to look at me when I am talking to them so I can know that they are listening. I tell them that when they talk they want me to listen so they have to be courtesy to me and listen when I talk. I teach my kids to be considerate and to treat people as they want to be treated "the Golden Rule". Good Luck! And your kids have to listen whether they want to or not because you are the parent.
I like what is being said. I also have the problem of having my child not always listening to me.
respect that child - meet their needs... emotionally and watch how you ask them to do something.
There are ways to make a child want to obey you and there are ways you can break a child's spirit in doing what you've asked... and hurt their tender heart in the meantime -
Children are anxious to please their parents...
Spend lots of time with your child ... and love them! ♥
Consistency, choosing your battles, sitting and talking to your child as to WHY or WHAT is making them antsy ... and realising too, that 6 yr old won't listen EVERY time.. because they have brains like butterflies!
Spanking is a NO NO. It isn't respectful and you can't 'demand' respect .. it is earned!
Praise a good, well behaved, polite action and explain that the opposite will not be tolerated. Don't make the punishment too OTT though - because that can in some children make them even more rebellious.
I am not so happy about the 'I hate yous' meaning you are doing something right. I hated my mum ... and had good reason to .. so think hard about what and HOW you are doing it too ... sometimes we are our own worst enemies !!
Time outs and spanking have not worked on my son who is five almost six. What works the best to get him to obey is to take away his favorite toy at that moment. I tell him if he doesn't stop whatever he is doing at the time I am going to take away...and if he doesn't stop then I take the toy away and put it away for a certain amount of time. It works pretty well. Sometimes he will say he doesn't care and then I put it away for longer and then he does care. Not always fool proof but works most of the time.
As Jennifer put it so well - choose your battles wisely. This is the time to earn the respect of your child. While children do need reasonable boundaries, they are also our teachers and if we really listen to them they will show us how to be the parents they need us to be. Yes - slowing down is a great idea too Jennifer! There is so much happening in our world today - let summer be as relaxing as possible.