How do I tell my mom I'm pregnant at 17?
This may be the hardest conversation you have with your Mom. Not knowing if your Mom is a 'best-friend' or a 'psycho' sort, here is my advice. My Mom has a lot of emotional and psychological issues. (A.k.a. she told me I was the worst mistake she wished she'd never made when I was about 5). When I had missed three periods I told her I thought I needed a pregnancy test, and her initial response was "who would have sex with you?". I see a lot of support on here for telling Mom now and getting it over with, but you also need to gauge who your mom is. If she's a bit off (or way off, like my Mom) get a trusted aunt or cousin or grandparent there to help. You don't have to tell them first, just arrange for the extra support in the "I have something really hard I need to tell Mom, and I want someone else there in case she goes off about it." sense. BTW, Grandma took me to the store, bought my test for me, and we did it together at her house. When it came back negative (twice) we made cookies and talked about safe sex practices - she found out that at 16 Mom had never introduced the idea of condoms, much less the pill (my school taught abstinence-only).
If you and your Mom have a good relationship, then tell her as soon as possible. All great relationships are based on trust. Even if she's mad, or disappointed, just shocked, she'll be able to deal with it faster and better if she knows you brought it to her in trust.
Hey hun, just to share a little, I got pregnant at 20 with my first child, a baby girl, and was PETRIFIED to tell my mother (my best friend!) as my boyfriend and I had only been dating for about 3 months. I was terrified of everything I imagine you are also, that she'd hate me, disown me, think I was young and dumb and didn't think before I acted. In actuality, that probably WAS her initial reaction. I had come in to visit her at work and asked if she would swing over to our apartment afterwards. She asked 'why?' again and again, and finally just asked if I was pregnant. I welled up, kind of a give-away, and her words to me were, 'boy Jenn, when you do it, you really do it good, don't you?' and she walked away. I was HEARTBROKEN. I walked to the back of the store to get something, and 2 minutes later she came and found me, crying, apologizing, and saying she was so sorry, and she'd of course always be there for me and support me. So I bawled, and everything was ok again. She was a major source of support for me through my pregnancy and labor and delivery. She 'knew', but she was still shocked when I finally admitted the truth to her. She just needed a few moments to get over the initial shock.
The other person I was terrified of telling was my devoutly Catholic grandmother. Since we werent married, I thought I'd be dead to her. I actually kept it a secret for 8 months from her; and I'm very dissapointed that I had done so, NOT something I'd recommend to anyone. When I finally told her, her simple response was, 'everything happens for a reason, so that's what the good lord meant to be.' As I stood there with my jaw hitting the floor, lol.
My point is simply this: people may surprise you. You need to be straightforward about it, don't beat around the bush. Be mature, and respectful of her feelings and opinions on the situation. Even if she already suspects it, to hear it is going to be hard anyways, it makes it REAL. Also, have a plan. If you are still in school, begin making a plan- are you going to graduate? Get your GED? Go to college? Being able to give her your plan of action will lessen the blow, knowing that you have given serious thought to your future. Remember, that you are STILL her baby girl (no matter how old you are, and you always WILL be her baby girl!), and she cares a great deal about your future, and only wants the best for you.
Just as a note; my then boyfriend is now my husband of over 5 years, we have another little girl on the way, due in November, and my mother LOVES being a "nana" (grandma sounds 'too old' lol!).
I wish you all the best hun, feel free to send me a message if you ever need to talk or just to vent. Good luck!
Hi I was 17 when I fell pregnant with my first son and I must say I was terrified of telling my mother that I was pregnant but not telling will eat you up worse than your mother would and even if your worried your mother will freak out a lil she's allowed and you just need to trust in your mother and believe she'll support you in what ever you want. Sit down with her and be honest tell her I have something I need to tell you It's important and I feel like your the only one who can help me through something like this and then come straight out If anything your scared of her reaction I think as a young woman we are always worried about our parents and what they think of us but I'm sure if you don't tell your mother It'll make things ten times worse down the line the earlier you tell her the better DONT BE SCARED and BE HONEST Sometimes the Hardest decision that are made are the BEST choices to make BE STRONG and Try not to Stress about it all
just be honest,i was pregnant at 17.i wanted to sit down and tell my mum but we were living in different towns so when i rang her to arrange to see her she knew,she wasnt happy but i had allready left home so it was a case of it was my disision.i just recomend that you be honest i would like to think that my kids will be that with me.
It will be a very tough conversation, but it could also become a moment in time that ties you more closely with your mom. Just realize that if it came as a big shock to you, it will probably be an even bigger shock to your mom. As a mom I think that I would probably get very upset with my daughter, but I would love her more! Even if your mom seems upset, just know that she loves you more than she loves herself and give her time. Don't wait too long to tell her - the emotional stress isn't good for you or the baby, and who knows maybe your mom will be your biggest support in this trial. Good luck - you can do it!
Just remember whatever she says initially will just be from the shock of the situation. It may not always be negative. At the end of the day, she will be there for you like all good mothers to make sure you are taken care of and to help you along the way. Contrary to popular belief, having a baby young is not the end of the world, you just have to make the right moves and take care of that beautiful little baby you have on the way. All of the things you've planned on doing in life can still be done - keep your drive, ambition and determination. Doing all of that on top of being a mom just shows how strong you really are. :)
it totally depends on what kind of person your mom is, maybe take her out for lunch or supper, so then shes less likely to yell or cause a scene, or write her a note, telling her about your plans will help too, so she knows your planning the future. talk to the father of the baby, maybe he wants to be there too....
but all i can say, is the longer you wait, the worse it will be....MANY mothers can TELL your pregnant before you even tell them.....and having her find out before you tell her wouldn't blow over very well i can imagine
i was more scared to tell my dad then my mom, the worst part is my dad blamed himself for not teaching me any better
my mom and i have talked about what we would do if i ever got pregnant at a young age (before i was even having sex) and she promised me that she would be upset, but would NEVER disown me, so i was kinda confident that she wouldnt hate me when i told her
but EVERY parent is different.....
tell her now, the more you wait the more angry she will be. and if you and your mother are close enough more than likely she ALREADY KNOWS! you will find out when you become the mother that a mother always knows bout their child.
Well thats a tough one, would have been better if you and your mum talked about sex and the responsibilities that go with it before you got pregnant. Now that you are, you need to be brave and just tell her, she may be upset at first but as a mum, i love my kids unconditionally and your mum will hopefully be your best support system you will have. You could always get someone to help you tell her, a councillor or doctor. Good luck with what ever dicission you make. you have options and you can discuss those with your mum, doctor and definately a councillor. I wish you all the best. it is a hard job being a mum, but it is rewarding if your ready. There is also alot of people whom cant have children and adoption is a wonderful gift.. Take care and tell your mum as soon as possible as you will need her no matter what you decide..
Hey, I was 16 when I got pregnant. I was terrified to tell my parents, or anyone else other than the father through my whole first trimester. My mom actually somewhat found out on her own, as her and I always seemed to hit our mestrual cycle within days of each other. Somehow it passed her the first couple times I should have gotten it. Once she realized it was not a discussion I want to remember and yet will never forget. Looking back now I so terribly wish I would have just sat down with my parents and been honest and straightforward with them. It was a very bad start to it all. But once they got over the major shock of it all and finding out the way they did, I was able to share with them how excited I was, and scared! They were there for us and helped along the way whenever needed. Just be honest and tell her sooner rather than later.
Hello. I'm not sure how soon you will be turning 18, but if you want to tell your mom, I would say tell her that you really need to talk to her about something serious and that you don't want her to get mad at you. I understand that it might not have been a planned pregnancy for you, but just remember this, EVERY CHILD IS A BLESSING FROM GOD! And make sure that you tell your mother that too. I know that she will probably seem very upset with you at the time, but give her some time to adjust to the subject and I can guarantee you that she will end up being more happy every day. Especially once that little bundle of joy is born!! If there are any other questions that you want to ask...you can always send me a personal message too!!
I got pregnant when i was 14, my then 20 yr old bf was working and promised 2 take care of me because i was so scared 2 let my parents know. so i ran away with him, had absolutely no contact with any1 and felt so alone. 8 weeks after my son was born i found out that i was pregnant again. my then fiance walked out on us, saying that it was 2 much for him 2 handle and he was to young. eventually i reconciled with my parents and asked them if i can com back home. they agreed and asked me wat i was thinking, probably the same as you. of cause ur mom will be disappointed. i wish i told mine wen i had the chance, i mightn't have been here right now.
This is an old post so you've already done whatever you've had to do and your child is now born. However, as others in the same position may be reading this, I'll add my thoughts.
You need an action plan.
Firstly run a pregnancy test to ensure you're definitely pregnant. Next, you need to inform the man who impregnated you. If he is supportive, you should work on the rest of your action plan together. If he isn't, then you've got to do it on your own.
You need a strategy for telling people - starting with your parents. Some young couples tell each other's parents - i.e. the girl tells her boyfriend's parents & he tells her parents - they find it easier this way.
Work out possible scenarios of how your parents will take the news. If their reaction likely to be negative, a scene, then you need to devise your own guidelines upfront on how to deal with it. Everything in life requires preparation. This situation is the same. Be prepared to answer questions - there will definitely be questions, however your parents take the news. Have your answers ready & prepared - also have realistic answers and don't tell any lies. It's a good idea to see a doctor, then you can tell them you're under your doctor's care and you're doing everything you should to ensure your child is born healthy. That shows maturity.
Plans regarding employment & education need to be made as well. No harm in making enquiries and arming yourself with extra information so your parents know you've already looked into how you will go about completing your education, how you will earn a living for yourself & your child etc ...
If your partner is standing by you in your pregnancy, no matter how much your parents are disappointed in him (and you) for what has happened, they will respect him greatly for having the guts to stand by your side when you break the news to them.
And if you’re really frightened, have another family member you trust with you when you tell your parents.
I am 17 myself, and I had no idea I was pregnant until my mother and I didn't get our periods at the same time. So I thought being sexually active I thought it may be a possibility (even though we used protection) My Mum was there when I first found out through a pregnancy test that my little baby girl was there. I am now 24 weeks pregnant with my gorgeous little girl who is due at the end of March. Although my Mum at the start was very worried for me as it is a life we are talking about and some people just cannot handle having a baby so young. My Dad was very much the same, he was angry at first but now everyone supports me with my decision with the exception of a few, but it doesn't matter about them it's about you and your child, but like I said everyone is excited that I kept her and all very excited to have her. I was in lucky in that regard that I was able to just tell my parents without having to be thrown into a decision that they wanted for me. But just tell her in a calm way and discuss your options, your concerns, your future, the father side of things, etc etc. But whatever decision you make about the baby, make sure it is the right one for you. I know I couldn't have gone through with a termination but that's just myself. Everyone is different when it comes to this situation and parents reactions vary from person to person. I hope everything goes well for you. And remember that pregnancy although has it's ups and downs whilst being so young, it is a beautiful thing to go through and I thank god everyday for my little gift that I received. Darling, It isn't easy but it is worth it. All the best, if you need someone to talk to, always open to messages xxx
I am 17 years old and am 3 months pregant, and i just had to face my fears and tell my parents. Its not an easy thing, but what I did to help was to have a plan. when you tell your mom know what you want to do, and sit your mom down and tell her the truth, tell you what you plan on doing and how you plan on getting there. Whatever you do, tell your mom sooner rather than later becasue the longer you wait the worse it gets. be honest with your mom and give her some time after you tell her. because as mad or dispapointed she may be the reality is that there is a baby coming, and that isnt something that can be ignored. She is going to have to get past that to help you. hope everything turns out all right
Hi there,. i also became pregnant at the age of 17,. Of course it's not easy to tell your parents, especially your mother. At first she cried and asked me why, i can see that she was so frustrated thinking that i lost or ruin everything (my studies, my youth, the chance to enjoy life, my whole life to be exact!) I had to stop schooling- that's the hardest thing to accept for her. When me and my boyfriend (my husband now for 10yrs) confessed to her i was really nervous, i feel so guilty for what i've done. Eventually, my mom accepted the situation,.especially when the baby came out, she was very happy,and supportive she loves my child so much as much as she loves me,. mother's love is truly amazing;it;s unconditional. I went back to school after 3months of giving birth, finished college with a degree and now i'm successful with my profession. Your mom will understand, because you are her daughter, just ensure her that you will still finish school(if you have plans to). Everything will be alright, soon.Goodluck!
If you have a good relashionship with your Mum, then she will support you at this time.. My best wishes are with you & all the best for the future
I was pregnant at 17 and it was a bit hard to tell my mom, I thought long and hard how I was going to tell her. When I did get the courage to tell her I basicly said to her (mom can I talk to you about something), she gave me a funny look. Now I am going to be truely honest with you she might get a little mad or start crying or surprise you and be happy about it but expect the other 2. So get up your courage and just be up front with her and try to understand that she may feel hurt but she is your mom and will always love you.
I want to share from a mother's point of view when your daughter comes and tell you she's pregnant.
I am one of the mothers that this happened to. My daughter fell pregnant at the age of 15 almost 6 years ago. I am one of tho's Psycho mom's as I only have the one child and happens to be a girl. I was devastated that my baby girl was going to have a baby as she was still a child herself. I initially handled it SO wrong as the shock was too big for me to comprehend that my sweet little girl is pregnant. I wasn't there for her at first as I couldn't get myself over the fact that she was going to be a mommy, never the less that I am going to be a granny at 35. But as Jennifer's grandmother I also started to think everything happens with a reason, my reasons of course was that our mother-daughter bond wasn't very strong at that time and my fiance left me after finding out that she's pregnant. After 3-4 months and many tears and decisions later we decided we are going to make the best of our situation. As she was in gr 10 we obviously had to inform the school (although it was our first), it wasn't the first teenage pregnancy that the school had to dealt with. They were awesome and after that everything just fell into place. After everything and accepting our situation we got closer and our bond is still as strong as ever. When my granddaughter was born, I followed her in the hospital everywhere the sister's took her not taking the chance of my granddaughter being abducted or something. She was the most beautiful little girl.
So, my advice for mommy's to be...tell your parents asap, the sooner you tell them the sooner they get over the shock and accept the situation. Let them carry on like whooligans (like I did) to get it out of their system that they are going to be grandma & grandpa.
As a mother, we want what is best for our children, no matter what kind of relationship we have with them. I was recently told by my 23 yr old single daughter that she was pregnant. She was so afraid of my reaction. Although she is not married, the same God that created her created this baby.....so I was very supportive from the beginning. Just remember, her reaction may not be all smiles, but she will adjust and be there for you. Just dont hold her first reaction against her...she loves you and after the initial shock she things will be just fine. Good luck with your pregnancy!
I had this happen to me when I was 16 -the best thing is just to tell her -deep down she already knows if she is any kind of Mom. good luck and honesty is important because it will help you to have her support.
I love what Jeannie has to say about knowing who your mom is AND also having a trusted female friend or relative present -- preferably someone who also knows your mom and can help manage the conversation. As a mother -- and a former teenager :o) -- I truly believe that our parents want to know the important things going on in our lives SO MUCH and want to be part of helping us live the best lives possible. You might also think through as completely as possible your choice about whether or not you're going to have/keep the child (again, possibly with a trusted female friend or relative). Your mother - no matter how stable she is -- will likely react emotionally at first. You want to have done your best to think through what YOU want, so you are presenting that option up front. She may have very firm opinions, but it is YOUR life and your decision. Good luck and all the very best.
Just sit down and open up. Sure she might get angry, she will be disappointed but more than likely she will be supportive.
well what i did was told my mom that i needed to sit down and talk to her and told her i needed to get a doctor apointment and she said what for and i said mom i think i might be pregnant ... please don't be mad at me .... but it was different for me as well to because everyones parents are different
I too got pregnant at 17. I was so afraid of my parents that I did not tell them. Actually, I didn't tell them, my boyfriends dad went to my dads business and told my dad. I was 6 1/2 months along at that point with no prenatal care, and at my very first prenatal visit i was put on bed rest because I was starting to dilate. But after bed rest and medication to stop labor my son was born a healthy full term baby. If I could go back and change things i would have told my mom from the very moment i thought i was pregnant. You need to just tell her, she may be mad, but I bet it will pass.
I got pregnant with my baby girl, who is now my world, when i was 17, a week before i started my senior year of high school, my mother and i didnt have the "best" relationship. As soon as i found out I called and told my dad and he was very upset, he knew my life would be hard but he said that he and my mother would be there to support me and my baby. there was a little awkward feeling between my mother and i for a while but now, my baby girl is almost 2 and we could imagine life with out her! Even if your mom is a little upset in the beginning it will pass, in my opinion it is best to just tell her so you can get to the doctor and get on vitamins and all that good stuff... good luck!
Well, I remember when my middle daughter told me she was pregnant! It was kind of comical the reason being there is 6 years between her and my youngest daughter and she had to tell me over the phone. I was getting ready to take my youngest daughter to school when she called to tell me. My daughter was 20 at the time but, she still thought I would be mad at her and freak out! When I didn't it shock not only my daughter that was pregnant but my youngest daughter! So you see I can over react on some things but, a baby is a joy and a miracle or God no matter that they were not planned!
Well, this line caught my eye. It happens. I was just a bit older, but was also scared to tell my mother. I asked to have lunch with her ( thinking a public place would make me feel protected) didn't have the best relationship with my mother. She already knew, and was way more calm about it then I thought. In my time , 22 years ago, there was a lot of suggestion to abort, which I did not do. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened in my life. We have an awesome relationship of honesty and there's nothing I would want more than for her to come to me if she was ever in a situation that he didn't feel ready for. Things happen in life for reasons you just can't know all the time. Be open to the miracle of your life's experiences; and try to know that everything has its purpose. Also, I want to share with you so pre- motherhood advice. Listen to everyone's advice, but no one more than your own heart. I've found that worked well for me. I Love being a mother. Actually wish I'd have had more children, but one on my own for a long time was all I could really handle. My best to you.
This is my 'mom voice' talking....I understand your being scared to tell (and I don't know a thing about your mom or how she'll react), but here's how I reacted to my 17 year old step daughter when we found out from her friend's mother and I confronted her (calmly) with the information I'd been given. The poor thing burst into tears because she hadn't been able to tell us herself. After we calmed her down, swallowed hard, we made it clear to her that this will continue to be your home, you will finish school, the young man WILL be involved at least financially (it took two to create this, two will be supporting this) whether you choose to marry or not, and you will be raising your baby yourself (with our help when needed). We were ready to move forward. It doesn't matter if anyone is happy, sad, disappointed, etc. It is what it is and you need the love and support of your family.
My message to you in getting ready to share this news with your mom is to start planning a future that includes your child, get a promise of support in writing from the father (makes it easier when telling HIS parents), plan your schooling (please, whatever you do, don't quit school) and start looking into child care for when you do go back to school...it isn't your mom's responsiblity to babysit, always keep that in mind.
Her story turned out a bit different, she miscarried at 9 weeks....actually a blessing in disguise. The relationship with the baby's father disintegrated, her bio mom freaked ("how could you do this to me"), etc.
Good luck to you. Come back and share how it's all going....we are a circle here, one that widens as needed.
If one of my daughters wound up pregnant, I'd hope she would come to me. Thank goodness they are only in kindergarten now, so those issues are far away for now.
When you engage in adult actifivites, you have to live with the adult consequences. As someone who experienced severe infertility, I only wish I could accidently get pregnant. I hope you elect to have the child. It if is too much for you to keep it, and it is okay not to, please remember that there are thousands of infertile women out there, desperate for a child, who would be thrilled to give your baby a good home -- if that is a route you would consider. My sister is one of them.
Tell her before she finds out via someone else or Facebook (like I did) I know it's hard but it's always best coming from you sooner than later. If she loves you she will understand no matter what.
Speaking as a mother of teenagers, there is no telling what your mother's initial reaction will be, but whatever it is know that it is only because she wants the best for you and is worried about you. I would be disappointed if I learned one of my children is pregnant at a young age, but NOT because I would be disappointed in them, but because I know how hard it is to raise a child and what difficult choices you are now faced with at a young age. Brace yourself for the uncertainty of whatever the shocked, surprised reaction MAY be, but who knows it might not be as bad as you think. Ultimately, your mother will be your greatest support system and by trusting in her you will likely grow closer than you thought possible. If, however, you have a rocky relationship with your mother and you are truly afraid, I like the advice of finding another close family friend or relative to support you as you talk with her.
I know it's not the same situation because I'm older than you but I was really scared to tell my father, even though I'm not living at home. You could always just hand them a pregnancy test has your results on it. I personally used an ultrasound photo. It has your name and how far along, etc on it.
i fell pregnant at 20 and was scared to tell my mum not so much what she would say but that i would disappoint her in some way.. so i waited to tell my mum until i was 30 weeks it was the worst thing that i have done i missed out on so much of being pregnant because i was always trying to hide it.. i was so glad when everyone new and if i could do it all over again i would have told my mum straight away as she would have been a great support.. your mum may be angry/disappointed to start with but they will come around you are giving them a beautiful gift and as soon as they see this little buddle of joy they will forget why the were ever angry.. That just what mum are for
I told my Mother over the phone so she would have some time to calm down before I went home. I spent the night away from home and we had a TALK when I got home from school the next day. It was rough getting pregnant that young (I was 17 as well) but I still graduated HS on time and after a long hard road I am married (not to the father of my first child) to the love of my life and together we have 8 beautiful wonderful children that my Mom could not live without!
My then 19 yr old dd was pregnant last yr & i was happy!! I mean she'd been living with her boyfriend for awhile so I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Now I have a beautiful 6 month old granddaughter. : )
Any of us.. feel free to ask away......thats why we are a circle!!!!!! TRUST ME SHE WILL GET ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE....SHE WILL TRY TO RUN THINGS ALSO SO BEWARE..REMEMBER YOUR STILL HER BABY :)