How Do You Communicate With Your Ex?
If your ex is involved in your children's life, how do you communicate with them about about is going in your kid's lives? Do you still make decisions together they way you did when you were still a couple?
My kids are older but I do still have one in school, and talk to his dad occasionally. I usually text or e-mail, but I don't hesitate to pick up the phone and call if I need to. After all we were married once, we had a strong friendship before hand and fortunately the friendship survived where the marriage did not! I want only the best for him and his "other" family. I will continue to see him at graduations, birthdays, holidays, marriages and births of grandchildren and don't want it to be akward for our sons on which parent to invite.... we are more than civil.
I invited him and his wife to my wedding and we all danced together!! I must say that we have had years of separation and no longer hold grudges for the failed marriage. It's nice to have that peace of mind.
For your child you should always work to have a civil co-parenting relationship. Your children are what's important and they will do better and be better adjusted if you can both work together, that means making decisions together and etc.
My ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, we discuss any major issues related to our son and try to come to a decision together. However, being that he is with me most of the time I make most of the final decisions.
My husband has been enormously controlling and our relationship has only recently ended. What is said in writing is very different to what is said on the 'phone or in person. I don't believe he is stable, he is highly manipulative and often angry. I am walking on eggshells sometimes as we have no parenting order in place. I am still learning how to communicate effectively, fairly without compromising my self esteem, my childs welfare and providing an opportunity for father-daughter time. Sometimes communication is used as another tool of control and the best thing to do is limit it to the neccessary.
Ha! My ex isn't involved. Jerk...
It depends on the time span since your separation really. If its too soon, u find smses and text messages work better, as time goes on and the anger and emotions go away, you can call each other and discuss issues about your kids.
The decision making bit changes as the parent with the child makes the most decisions. However, since the children will probably spend time with your ex its important that you have the same stance on issues such as discipline and the like. You dont want the kids to manipulate the parents.
It depends upon the relationship you have with your ex. Is there trust when it comes to the decision making for the children? Do you have other issues you are butting heads with?
I say if there is any conflict to mostly communicate by email so that most things are in writing. If you find yourselves constantly butting heads over decisions (as with me and my ex) then you may need some type of custody order about decision making.
When we were married, I informed him of what was going on and made all the decisions. He never questioned or asked about it. When we separated he wanted total control of everything and disagreed over every single thing with the kids. It was very ugly and time consuming. The court finally ordered that I have sole legal custody and got the final say on all decisions after discussing with him.
Theres no communication at all between me and my ex, he just cant be bothered and we (me and my son) are doing quite fine, probably best thing he got out of our lives, but will never deny him access to his son one day when he decides he wants to be part of his life. My son would have to make that decision himself.
All is fine and dandy!!
my ex and I now have a decent friendship, but he also lives 4000 miles away. So i make all the everyday decisions, but i have to answer the everyday questions as well. We have included each other on family functions, I have gone to his sister's wedding, and still visit his side of the family. My son needs to know his dad's side of the family, and I think it is important for him to see that we get along, and we love him and he doesn't need to know all the other details. We do try to spend some one on one time together with him if we are all in the same place since my son never gets him dad and mom together at the same time.
I talk with him through email. Conversation just brings up a lot of emotional baggage, so email takes a lot of the drama out of communicating and it gives us both time to process and decide what to say in response. Of course there's times it would be easier to just talk, but it's much more emotionally draining and things are more likely to be said in reaction to the person instead of the issue at hand.
I've been divorced from my son's Dad for 6 years now. We haven't always had the best track record when it comes to communicating. But with the help of mediation, we were able to get on a path of effective communication that now works really well for us. The vast majority of our communication is via text message. I have our son Monday-Friday, so all the school info is funneled through me. If there is a question I send him a quick text, only about that question. For calendar/planning items, I find email is a better way to do. Having a record that both parties can refer back to is very helpful. Then every so often we have a parent pow wow. Basically we chat via phone about any important issues or concerns that need addressing. The parent pow wow has strict rules. We stay on topic, stay respectful, and everybody gets a chance to say their peace.
You may find it difficult to communicate with an ex in the early stages, because there are still so many emotional triggers attached to that person. All of this will subside with time and practice. Remember, how you approach someone is how they are going to respond. If you start a conversation with an argumentative tone, an argument is sure to happen. If you would like to be spoken to respectfully, show the other person respect. The biggest idea to grasp on communicating with your ex, is keep the communicating about the kids, what the kids need, and how you as parents are going to address those needs. Hopefully, after a while you will see that you can more easily communicate, and even get to a place where you can talk as friends. Good luck!
well since my girl lives with me and i am basically raising her with support from my family , with minimal involvement from my ex , i made all decisions about my girl by myself. though he is not involved in any decision making but i will always sms him to keep him in the loop.
I only wished that we could make decisions together where the kids are concerned!! My ex is the one that left for another woman and my kids were old enough they knew what was going on! And they were very mad at him for a while and they are still hurt by it. But now it seems that I am a prisoner in my own home. My kids have learned how to play the game which is actually generated from their dad. He begs them everytime they are together to come live with him or tells them that if they dont like my rules they can come live with him, which I know him we were marred for 16 years and what he claims they would be able to do they would not, I am actually the more flexible parent. The kids have told me they dont like him pushing them to come and live with him and I have mentioned this to him but once again it only created an argument. But I feel like I cant discipline them in fear of them leaving and I know that is wrong and I do still discipline them I just walk around everyday waiting on the day they say we are leaving when i have always been their main caretaker, their dad has never even changed a diaper in 15 years! My daughter recently said that she hated being the one in the middle telling me this or me asking her to tell her dad something and I know this is wrong but he refuses to communicate with me and when we have it always ends in an argument so I refuse to any more!! Anyone have ANY suggestions???
Unfortunately my husband n I broke up in very bad circumstances, he beat me up for the nth time ... 9 yes I took it lying down hoping it would get better ... Then came along our angel ... Daughter and he beat me up whist she was in my arms ... I was unconscious n when I came to n saw her all covered in blood , mine, but thought it was hers n felt I had lost her to his brutality ... I called the cops ! Long story short .. He hasn't shown any interest towards her ... N we have carried on in life ... Though still fighting in court for justice since the last 15 yrs ! He uses a biological fathers sympathy to help himself on court but has done nothing all these yrs to get closer to her ... I do not feel talking to such a beast is going to help our child in any way as she is now grown up n has her own feeling too ... Life has not been easy on us ... But we are making it thru ... Do not need any further complications ... As he always causes trouble for us ! Initially inspire of all odds I did attempt to talk to him to knock some fatherhood sence into him ... But did not succeed ... So have left it at that ! Only the divine can prevail to sort out his Sences ... She is growing up to be a beautiful soul ... Don't want to mess her up ! I agree it's ideal for the father to meet n be in touch with the child , but with my experience ... To each his own !
Me and my ex split up on pretty nasty terms. I have two young children so they don't understand why Daddy isnt here anymore. I try and let him come over and see them as much as he's able too. As for the decision making, call me stubborn, but I feel like I have more say in what my kids do and don't do and where they go and can't go. Our relationship now is still very rocky, so I guess it depends on what your relationship is like with him. But making the decisions together and compromising on certain terms will make things easier for the both of you and for the kids.
my ex and I dont see eye to eye at all so we had to go down the court route just for maintenance that wasnt even a year ago and he has missed a lot of payments since we did get on untill he met his new girlfriend and now he only looks to see my son ( i say my for hes not bothered) when she cant meet up with him i gave up trying to contact him for on a good day it could take up to 24 hours to get him on the phone and i dont see why i would have to knock on his door my son sees his great grandparents (there the only ones out of his farther family who look to have him) about every week and a half so i rairly have a moments peace only for my boyfriend started to look after my son (i know him 10 years and hes been babysitting kids the last 7 years) so i could go to work i would have lost my job dose anyone else have this prob for i haven't meet anyone yet who dose
As little as possible. If he contacts me I will talk but otherwise if he's not interested then I won't volunteer info. He left us when my daughter was 2 DAYS old. She was in hospital for over a week after birth. He left because ha said my family criticized him and was too involved...BS anyone?
I try not to.. He's the worst!!
Email or text usually. If I need to I will pick up the phone and call him. We broke up 18mths ago. And sometimes he's alright for a few weeks and then he just gets all abusive and scarey and controlling. When he gets like that I simply stop communicating. If he wants to know something he can ask. When it gets time to deciding which school our son goes to, I will ask for his opinion, in the end it will probably be my decision though, simply because I'm the one who will be dealing with the day to day of school.
nope, because i provide everything to my children, and their father dont have any share for them so why should i ask any decision from my ex for my kids,..
My ex and I get along great. Both of us are pretty laid-back people. We have been broken up for over two years now. We have an arraingment out of the courts; he gets our daughter for three days and two nights a week, and he pays the babysitter. He will usually call me once or twice thoughout the week and ask how our daughter is doing, and then we will talk about what is new in our lives. For a while he was trying to get back with me, even though I had a new boyfriend. All of that has passed, and we can both enjoy our daughter, drama free.
My children were older when I got divorced. However the youngest was still in school at the time and yes we did communicate. I wouldn't say that the decision were the same as when we were married but it was about what was best for our son and not any problems that we may have had. You have to remember even if you don't like your ex they are still the child's parent.
My ex and I just recently broke up and it was not pretty. We had been together for five years on and off. For many reasons we just cant get it right. I know I am not perfect but this guy is a control freak and refuses to compromise. I have my children 24/7 an I am thier sole provider. He wants to play part time daddy and Im not having it. I dont think its fair to me or my two dughtes. I feel as though if you are taking my children somewhere I have the right to know just as he knows where the girls are when they are with me. I just want my kids to be safe. When you say you want top see your children that dosent mean picking them up them dropping them off at someone else's house. And please dont tell the child or children your comming to get them and never show up. He is crazy. We are not on speaking terms. Id like for us to one day get pass all the drama and be civil for our girls but that day is far from comming. Yet I've been taking care of my girls as asingle parent all this time and we do good withouthim. Its his lost not me and my daughters.
it's good to open him or her to your spouse. but the best thing is: stop the communication. resolved or not, that was a past relationship. you have your present to live with, and work for.
hiya, well i suppose this really depends on the relationship that you and your ex have. If you and your ex can talk on the telephone, about your child. And its works. And both you and your child find it helpful or benefical. Then you should consider that. Just make sure you put boundaries in place with your ex. e.g dont call after 8pm. And so on.
However is your ex has a tendancy to malnipulate you, abuse you verbally. Or just generally be nasty. And you feel intitidated, or experience lower levels of self-esteem. Then in this scanerio, i suggest email only. Or a friend or family member, to mediate.
It's been a decade since we have been together. My ex is not, and never was good at communication. He plays games with our adult children and refuses to come to events where life milestones are being celebrated. Graduations, the babyshower for the birth of our first grandchild, refused to come. Very hard to understand why, but doesn't communicate with his brothers or cousins either. Find it very difficult but life goes on, and it's his loss in the end.
Text message and email.
My husband left me with all the bills to pay and a child with cancer to face all by myself. I had to get a court order for him to show up at Dr appointments. He did nothing to help in fact when this was all going on he told me he wanted the house sold I told him beep beep beep. Like I did not have enough to worry about.. My child and I spent a year in the hospital together 5 months of chemo and then a bone marrow transplant. I went on leave from work the community we live in helped us with a benefit so i did not lose my house. My son has never spoken to his father for 3 years now and thinks hes a horrible person which is sad. I was forced to make all the decisions myself and be the grown up like I had to when I was married to him so nothing changed but I at least helped to save my sons life and he is paying the price of have no relationship because he didn't do the time to help.
We have always been able to talk. We have three sons together but I agreed to let him have the kids as they were like my shadows and he had almost no contact with them when they were younger and he wanted to be involved in their life and I felt it was a good decision. I did not want them to be mamma's boys and they had a chance to know who their father was. They have grown up to be fine young men. My husband did a very good job in rearing them up. I love them all. I have remarried now and we all get along. Life is good, and I will always keep my ex in my thoughts. We got married at the age of 17 just too young. We tried for 13 years but just grew apart. He is a good man. Good heart. I am glad that the new generation is waiting until they are older to tie the knot as they say as it is just such an important step in your life.
We communitcate by Text or Email. Works best, although its hard telling if its his wife doing it or not, but really in my case, i know of his punctuation and spelling errors as his wife doesn't have the problem. I wish he would be a man since after all we had one child together.
Texting and Emailing work best for documentation as well
Unless the child is adopted by your ex i believe its unnecessary to keep in touch. as long as you are happy your child will be too. i think it starts being confusing. so everytime it doesn't work out your child still is a link.
When I do have to communicate with my ex..... I text him. He is not involved in my sons lives so I very rarely have to see or speak to him.
You should have a family memeber with you when it come to talking to your ex, as for as the kids are concern, not in the conversation, but some where near. because soemtimes it make cause so much drama.
....proofread is my thought.... please! in the Question above it says --about about-- instead of "about what" So I didn't read more--sorry