How do you deal with a 6 year old daughter with a teenager attitude?
Kids seem to be maturing faster than ever. What do you do when your 6 year old starts developing a teenage attitude?
My 8-yr-old is just coming out of this phase. There are several things that I have found with my six children that have made a difference. Most of them were mentioned below but I though I would list them:
1. Listen with both ears and respond when they talk to you.
2. Require good manners (this means you need to have them too)
3. It's not fair is true (I made it fair by making sure she had to deal all by herself with the consequences of her decisions and she decided very quickly that she would rather it not be fair. Having someone work with you was much better and mercy is a good thing.)
4. Age apropriate activities and tv shows
5. How they feel is how they feel (Feelings are not necessarily wrong but understanding why they feel that way goes a long way towards better communication. We have a safe place in our house where they know that I will ONLY listen and they are safe to say anything. If it is a subject that needs to be addressed we make an appointment to do so at a later time someplace else.)
6. Be the parent, not their friend. (parenthood is not a popularity contest my children still call me "Evil" -- with love of course)
If children feel important, included and respected they will respond in kind. That doesn't mean it will be easy, but the relationships when they become adults are well worth the effort. Don't feel bad if professional intervention becomes necessary, sometimes we all need help.
does she watch older girl shows, like Hannah Montana, ICarly and the like? I've noticed usely the mouthy little girls usually spend too much time watching those shows which while not necessarily bad shows, just not the behaviors you want your 6 year old picking up.
when my kansas started this, i told her ;well you want to act older, then your having chores an lots of; i made her for a week, help clean up, do lots of homework ect, at the end of it , i asked her if she wanted to be older yet an i had a big NO, now she dont give me teenager talk, i get enough of that from my 12 yr old lol
If speaking to her or giving chores on more than one occasion does not help , maybe a good whooping will help her straighten up a bit. And, I am not speaking about excessively either! The problem with America is that parents are ,by law, forced from correcting their offsprings. What a shame. Then, when they turn into "Columbiners", it's then the system wants to look at the household. Kids can hit parents, teachers, etc with no care in the world. Then when the script flips its called child abuse. Also, too much technology is taking over our children's world and adults as well. That's one of the biggest problem today in America's society!!!
I;m sorry I didn't have to deal with this problem at such a young age. My daughter is 13 and thinks she is 23. Why she acts like this I still can not figure it out but I got control over her behavior for the most part. I took all of her luxuries away from her, I mean cell phone, tv out of her room, no using house phone to talk on to any of her friends, etc. Then I went and bought her a diary that locks and she holds the key so her sister and brother dont get into it. I don't even get into it but I have made her sit in her room and write her feelings out and why and what triggers her to act with such rudeness and disrespect towards anybody that said her name. I have had to sleep out on the couch for a period of time cause my other daughter decided to tell me that she was sneaking out in middle of the night to go to a high school boy apartment number which is right upstairs from our apartment. I took away what she wanted to wear to school which was shirts that were to low cut for my taste that she got from her aunt. I pretty much put the lock and key down on her. I will say the best thing I did to get control over her behavior was when she decided to take off on me it took me 45 minutes to find her but when I did she thought it would be funny to take off running from me and my fiance. That didnt work so well on her part my fiance took off after her and caught her, she said you touch me i'll call the cops. So I grabbed her and she was fighting me and hittting me, I had to basically man handle her to get her back inside the house. Then I threw the phone at her and said call the cops!!!!!! She threw at me and said NO!!!! I caught the phone in mid air and said fine I will call them cause i will not tolerate you hitting me. She honestly didnt think I would call the cops on her, "MY OWN DAUGHTER" but I did and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I did it. I know there are moms out there that are saying "how could you call the cops on your own child"?? I will tell you this it was the best decision I could have ever made. Yes they hauled her off to juvenile detetion center. (JAIL)!!!!! For assault on a household member. She sat there over night and I was able to pick her up the next day. She was very angry with me and everyone at the jail she gave her attitude saying stuff like" I DON"T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU" ETC, ETC, ETC. by time i was able to pick her up which was around 1pm that jail was spotless they had her cleaning baseboards washing whatever was in sight and them riding right behind her telling her she has no freedom there she does what they say when they say it and she better not even open her mouth besides yes mam or no mam. I got there to pick here up and she was in tears angry at me telling me how could i throw my own daughter in jail and i looked at her and said you hit me again and I'll call the cops again and put you right back in this cell!!!! I got up to walk away from her and she yelled NO mom, NO mom!!!! Don't walk away I said I have nothing to say to you until you can respect me and not yell at me or call me names or tell me you dont have to listen to what i say or tell you to do. And of coarse an sincere apoligy for her behavior. I didnt tell her I wanted an apoligy I let her figure that out on her own. It took me 3 days of making her do all the house work plus more cause thats what they told me to do. they said i needed to break her. She got the taste what an adult would go through if they done such a thing. I finally broke her and when it happened she sat down on the kitchen floor and looked at me and said "mommy I'm so sorry for hitting you and my behavior. I told her thats what i was waiting to hear from her i said i didnt do this to be mean I did this for you to know and understand that she is still a 13 year old child and that she is not 23 and do and say whatever she wanted and to get respect she needs to give respect. She understood what the grass was like on the other side and it sure was not greener. Its been 4 months now since she has done this she no longer raises her voice at me or disrespects me in anyway. She has a diary to vent to and i set up in home counsiling for her and I. I learned that consistency is the answer to pretty much all disipline and she has her counsoler she can vent to without being rude or disrespectful. We get along better now than we ever have if she needs to talk to me i listen and dont let her think and I let her know I have the final word not her and when she turns 18 she can go and do and dress however she thinks she wants but until then I will let her do and go as i see fit for 13 year old girl. She dont like all my rules but she deals with them and complies by them. Its not what they watch on tv its what you as a parent let them get away with. It was the longest 3 days of riding her non stop making her clean something else if she mouthed back and letting her know I'm the boss not her. I let her express her opinion but it better be in a respectable way. You need to let them know you will not tolerate there behavior in anyway because there is no excuse for it in any way shape or form. I know that ur daughter is only 6 but you need to show her and let it be known that your serious and not to give in to her. You say something you stick with it she will come around and realize she dont wear the pants in the family. You need to jump on top of this now before she thinks its ok to behave like my daughter did for years and you having to make the hardest choice in your life cause its the worst feeling in the world to see your child get hauled off in hand cuffs and put in to the back of a patrol car. But moms out there i would do it again if i ever was put in that kinda sitution again. I got my daughter back she is acting like a 13 year old and not like she is 23. I'll leave you with sometimes tough love needs to be enforced.
By teenage attitude I assume you are meaning something negative? I know plenty of dear teenage girls who are kind and courteous to their mothers. Being mouthy/sassy is not a way of being independent, and it isn't mature. We can teach our girls to be independent by showing them how to act gracious in difficult circumstances, how to hold their tongue when under authority, and how to speak kind words even when they are feeling angry. That is an adult response; that is true maturity. Children can be guided lovingly into doing the correct thing. No need to make excuses for poor behavior. Lovingly correct and train... say to her 'We don't speak like that to Mother/Father. You can try that sentence again'. Then give her the correct, respectful response, and have her repeat it.
I think all kids tend to test us as parents! Its how far we let them go that depicts future behavior. May daughter does watch thoses kinds of shows but she knows its just T.V. She always has 100 questions and I find the best thing to do is to be honest. I let my daughter know how it is and I explain to her there are consequences. She's only 6 so of course she may step out of line once in a while but she knows when she has and straightens up real quick.
Your childs environment has a lot to do with it to.... If she is in a hectic environment at home with a lot of stress and attitudes there should be no surprise where her attitude comes from. We as parents are the teachers! Stop the attitude quick before it gets out of hand and you can no longer control her.
My daughter is a pleaser and she does not like it when Mommy is not happy, lol, so she does do alot around the house to help me. She washes dishes, she cleans her room, and she helps with dinner every night. The bond we have with our children is also very important.
I've noticed that too. Don't let your daughter watch those TV shows that make the kids look like they were the ones who are always right or as if they would make the best decisions by their own, promoting disrespectful attitudes for parents and teachers and making adults look like stupids. Hannah Montana and iCarly are good examples of what you don't have to let your daughter to watch on TV. Indeed, if she's 6, avoid her to watch Nickelodeon or DisneyXD due to they use to promote that kind of behavior.
I'd say limit TV time, and encourage more reading and other age appropriate things. I don't allow TV until about an hour before bedtime, and it's only for about an hour max. Then it's Animal Planet or some other educational programming. I've found that kids with less tv time behave better, in general. Of course there's always exceptions.
Also try to make sure you're watching various foods, because certain foods can make your daughter more irritable and what not.
We went to the professionals it got so bad! Weekly appointments at Sierra Vista Add Clinic to check in with psychologists 3 times a month and psychiatrist 1 time a month, She mellowed alot once we finally put her on Adderall believe it or not! We tried everything and I mean everything to get the girl to cooperate on any level with us, but when we finally gave in and had her try the medication, within 2 -3 days it was like a light switch at home, school, everything was so much easier! And she went from failing everything the 1st quarter of 4th grade, so I put her back in 3rd grade with meds and now she gets A&Bs & Cs in the 3rd, 4th ,5th ,and Honor Roll 6th Grade . The counseling did us all good though, they taught my husband and I ways to cope, and taught us how to communicate better with her in order to have a positive relationship. They also taught her how to cope with her emotions better too and it truelly helped our entire family!
It more easy to remember how it was to be a teenager than how it was to be six years old. I try to remember what I needed as a teenager every time my kids become 6. Every teenager wants to express how they feel, what they think och what they need. They want someone who listen and try to understand. It doesn´t mean that they always have to have everything in their way. As a parent I can listen and try to understand and I can say yes or no. I need to try to let go of some of my control because they need to feel independent. The more I let them handle on their own, the more they will respect when I sometimes say no. I try to explain my decisions if I can so when I sometimes say no without an explaination they respect that.
I find with my 7 year old daughter that she seems to emulate me a lot of the times. She does watch the iCarly and Victorious but I make it VERY clear to her that those kids are fake and that as her Mother I deserve her respect. I see her being a bit smart/cheeky with other kids but with adults she knows to be respectful. This is something that I've instilled in her since she started talking and is now just second nature. I find that the longer you let any child continue a bad trait the longer it will take for them to change.
If possible, find the time to play with her dolls and other toys with her. Also, get her involved in sports. Playing with children's toys will instill in her that she's still a young child. Playing sports will keep her body active in a postive way.
round her let her know you r the boss u are the only one who can have the attitude ,and if she dont like it .well ecah to thier own deal with it ,teache her that she is still a child /needs to learn how to respect thier elders .and everyone .//stop it know or in the future its going to be hard
Don't think, act or laugh like it is cute. No matter how hard that may be. Once you do you have lost the war before the battle even begins. And don't encourage others like dad, grandparents aunts uncles or friends make a big deal out of it. Straight out explain to your 6 yr old that he or she is not acting appropriatly. That 6 yr olds don't act, talk or behave like that. Be firm and get an apology out of them, after you explain why it is not appropriate. You may have to act like the bad guy but in the end it will be better for your child to learn now that they are not old enough to act certain ways and that you are the parent. If you don't put the kabash on this behavior now your 6yr old will miss out on the best part of childhood. It helped when my daughter tried to act like that I explained how much better off she was at 6 then she will be at 13 or older. Find the words that work in your family and stay strong. Best wishes
Take a look at www.loveandlogic.com we recently went to one of their conferences and it turned our house around in a matter of days. Life is much happier around her now. Love and logic teaches a much calmer, no-nonsense approach to parenting that really works. It has really made life a lot more fun around here, we were at wits end with one of our kids, and now we are actually enjoying her again. I highly recommend it. We ended up buying their cds to listen to in the car and they are funny and entertaining and give you great ideas on how to deal with lots of things kids throw your way. Good luck with her and God Bless. Plus a good diet and regular sleep go a long way in helping out too.
I agree with those who identified the older Disney TV shows which influence little girls to be like thier idols, such as Carly , Hannah Montana and others, I too limit these veiwings but in addition to these outside presures their are their peers. Even while playing at the park I over heard a young 5 year old girl say to my daughter...."don't you think Justin Beeber is hot , I Like his butt!" I was in shock and I quickly interveened and told my daughter we were going to go have some mommy daughter time, how about ice-cream! Then I explained to her that the little girl's comment was not acceptable and that being a little girl does not need to involve such discussions that Hello Kitty and Tinker Bell or Princess's and dreams are okay but the singers and tv stars and movies that are for older kids, like teenagers are not really fun to talk about, and that they are famous but not someone you want to be with, they'd be boring, they don't get to be kids and have fun like you do.
Usually when they behave this way- they are trying to be your level, to get your attention. It may be some animosity built up as well, if you have hurt her feelings... I say talk to her, and be open to what is the cause of her attitude! Good luck! :)
My 6 year old has been through this, she wants attention, and definately needs behavioral praises for every small thing she does, to show her that she feels better receiving positive attention rather than negative, and see if there is anything she believes is bothering her. Talk to her alot everyday, and definately spend as much quality time. They will learn so much positive things for the future them. ;)
Where did she learn that "attitude"?? Usually, they mimic what they see, so, maybe she's watching and listening a bit more than you realized.
Take this class. I am in it right now for teens, it is great!!
I received this email and had to join this conversation--I am in the middle of the "6 y/o teenage acting daughter" as I type this--and her mouth-wow! I somewhat remember going through this when my son was this age and I recall there was a span of time where I really "didn't like" him much. I agree with Darlene-I think both boys and girls go through this stage and I agree its a need for more independence. At this moment, I'm just not sure how I am going to get through this with a girl.
We talked today about choosing chores and goals to work toward but an hour later it was like we never had the conversation. any other suggestions??????
I have the same problem with my 5yr old daughter. She talks back to me and says things i know she doesnt mean but still it hurts. My daughter doesnt watch hannah montana or icarly she prefers to watch Qubo channel (dnt have cable) i think the Qubo channel has some decent shows i havent seen a show i didnt like. When my daughter was 1-4yrs she was a good little girl every now n then she would get a attitude but its nothing compared to how she is now. One of the reasons could be my fault i never really let my daughter be around other kids she was mainly around adults all the time except for when her cousins came around. So i think she kind of picked up the adult attitude. And when she does play with other kids she tends to "act" at like them with attitudes and not listening and when her friends leave she asks me " mommy how come i cant say bad words or be like how my friend is" i tell her she is to young to be talking like that and acting like that you are a young lady and i tell her that her friends parents problay lets their kids do whatever they want but that's not gonna happen with me. I'm the mommy. I don't her friend come over that much because I realized my daughter started acting like her friend. When she hasn't been around her friends she helps me clean do laundry, dishes, feed the animals all without me asking. So I personally think its who your kids hang out with.
I have the same prob with my eight year old daughter,I think u should try n let her live a life she needs to live,tell her she has grown up to fast and needs to stop acting like a teenager for her own health.
I am still looking for the answers. My 6 year old daughter has such an attitude with me. It just breaks my heart. I do believe that the older kid shows can destroy the little ones behavior. I cut out all of the (big kid shows). We got her an Ipod touch for christmas which I feel was another mistake. I feel now that it is too mature for a 6 year old. She doesn't even enjoy riding her bike much. When I was her age, I was riding my tricycle, making mud pies, playing dolls, and following my mom around asking her to teach me how to blow a bubble with bubble gum. I didn't even know what a video game was!! I want my little girl to know that all I want to do is teach, protect, and love her. Hopefully this is a phase that will go away soon.
regardless of how old they are I have a zero tolerance policy with my children on their bad behavior and they know it. They know precisely what is expected of them. Good communication is key. For example "Don't do that again. It is not okay and I won't tolerate it." With my kids this nips the behavior in the bud. I generally don't have to repeat myself. Sometimes it's " I will not tolerate you talking to me in that manner. Don't do it again." These phrases draw very clear lines and can be delivered in a kind but firm way. Sometimes it is necessary to get them to think about what they have said so ask them how it would make them feel to be spoken to in that manner and get an answer. Hold them accountable for their own behavior. Hold yourself accountable for yours. Always set a good example.
i have observed that shows like victorious seem to show its acceptable to talk back, be rude etc. I would sit down with your daughter and explain that you do not appreciate her new attitude and would like to spend time with her one on one. at the one on one time explain you love her and that she will always be your special girl. encourage her to open up about why she feels so anxious to grow up. good luck!
While I agree that TV has an influence, unless your child is watching hours of TV each day, it is not the cause of bad behaviour. Children emulate people they know and admire. This is why parents MUST keep their cool when kids are testing out new attitudes. We need to model calm, mature, respectful behaviour. That said, be firm. Telling to 'bite their tongue' is a great theory. Teaching them how and when to do so is the challenge. When any of my daughters(I have 3)are mouthing off and ignore my request for a more respectful tone, I instantly assign a consequence which multiplies with each nasty remark after. These duties are usually things they can do immediately like dishes or laundry. While they do their task, they can think about how better to express themselves. It sounds simple, but it's not. It's exhausting for both of us, but it's worth it to see their attitude change. Get ready to be called every name in the book. The stronger/more mature you are, the better an example you are providing.
Im 29 years and i was raised by my grandmother after she died i was taken in by my aunt. My childhood was good apart from the fact that my parents were and still married and they took a little part in raising me. My daugther is 6 and she is a sweet gal sometimes i forgot even if she is. She asks a lot of questions that i am unable to answer like how long did it take for you to deliver me? was it painfully? she asks about condoms, sex and all the big questions that im not comfortable to answer. I always tell her to be cautious ,gals are always raped, and she will ask how do a person rape.And i will tell her its whe someone asks a little gal like you to accompany her and tried to kill her and that is scary.
We should listen to them they are very brilliant given a chance. If she did something wrong i ask politely and i will figure out she doesnt know what she has done its wrong and then i will explain.
Remind her in a positive way what respectful behavior looks like, and make sure she understands that that behavior is expected at any age.
No, but then, we don't watch any TV. We've opted to give them a classice childhood where they actually have to play games with each other and interact like humans.
I'm having the same problem with my six year old. She is the second child out of my 4 four and I don't know if she acts like this because she is my oldest girl or what. I do not allow her to watch those teenage shows because it's not age appropriate. I'm stumped as well.
Well I hate to say that my daughter is learning so much from riding the buss. Oh my she is learning about more things that I care her to learn. I have not options but for her to ride the buss. My four year old rides the buss home and is learning some of the things too and developing some of the attitude. Other things my daughter picks things up from are magazines, tv billboard adds and so on. We can't hide them from the world but we can explain to them what is inappropriate. My daughter cut out different images of women in magazines and asked me what I liked and why. I didn't pick the women that had large breast or the ones with a lot of cleavage. I picked the fun looking ones. I told her that the ladies that look like super models have to look like that. I told her to look around all over where she goes and see if the average women dresses like that. I think it clicked with her but she still have that idea that looks do matter. My daughter is 7 going on 12. I just pray and try to be open, honest and loving as much as possible and let her know she is beautiful just as she is.
my 5 n half yr old is going through that phase at the moment i find ignoring her or taking something they enjoy away from them works better!x
idk........im having that problem too with my 6 year old girl........i feel like i dont know what im doing when it comes down to her eye rolling, happy one min, crying the next, sassy whatever attitude. i only hope my other girl (my 18 mo old) will be easier........my boys (ages 11 & 8) are so laid back and nothing like that.
Wow, I have to re-read some of these but they all make a lot of sense to me. We have a 7 year old daughter and an 8 year old son, they are also our grandchildren. They learned from their biological mother that it was okay to swear and throw fits, fight. My husband used to think it was okay to let the kids fight as he grew up with 3 brothers but I think he's changed his mind a little. We have gotten a lot of the attitude behaviour, disrespectful behaviour in the last year. It is hard to handle sometimes because we are so much older and tired. My daughter will run and hide or run around the table when I try to get her to do a time out. Her brother will sit on the stairs but plays and asks every couple of minutes if he can get up. We try to limit the TV and they don't have all the electronic gadgets that most kids have but they have watched Hannah Montana, I Carly, VIctorious and others. I find there isn't a lot of in between shows for their age. They watch Sponge Bob, and some other cartoons and only watch TV for maybe 15 minutes before school and half an hour to an hour after if we don't have other activities. The most time they watch TV is Saturday. They are in Boy Scouts, GIrl Scouts, gymnastics and she just started cheerleading. I know all of those are good for them but they still have the teenage attitude. What really bothers me besides that is that they will tease us until you want to slap them or just accidentally hit you. My son does that a lot more than his sister and then he says he didn't do it or didn't mean it but he doesn't act like he means it. It's hard to be a parent, now and back then.
My ALMOST 3 year old has a horrible attitude. I always tell people that shes 2 going on 16. She doesnt watch much tv or go hardly anywhere aside from the store or going with me to take her older brother to Pre school. I have no idea where this attitude came from, but its bad, my mother in law is always saying i need to get her under control or i will have my hands full when she IS a teenager, im thinking, i have my hands full NOW... I too need some advise on how to handle a toddler who has a teenage attitude!!!
Carol hit the nail on the head! My 6-yr old daughter has picked up these same attitudes from watching those shows with her two older sisters. They are no longer allowed to watch them when the little one is home, and we have begun seeing our sweet little girl emerge again.
my sons 9 he thinks he is 15 or 16.
I have a 6 year old, when I had to sit her down recently and have a talk for the first time for talking some thing from her Grandma's, I was alittle scared, she sat there in the lawn chair feet up, half paying attention, etc. I was like come on Layla, sit up and listen to me. they see their friends and cousins and everone on TV act this way, not to mention Us. It is no wonder they think it is cool. I am not going to spank her for it, I talked to her and let her know that it is not right to do thing like that, and I also told her that when people grow up and do things like that they have to go to Jail.... And where we live there are prisons with prisoniers outside in the fields, I told her that was the jails. And NO it did not scare her, she understood that that was reality. I think you need to be truthful.