How do you deal with the loss of a child?

Grieving for the loss of a child is one of the most difficult experiences for any parent. If you have lost a child, what would you recommend to other moms to help the cope with such a heartbreaking situation?

40  Answers

7 13

It was 24 years ago, August 2d, when my 12 week old daughter passed away... 12 weeks to the minute. I'll never forget having to give the okay to stop the medication keeping her alive and asking them if I could hold her. She cuddled up and went to sleep in my arms like she loved to do... It seemed like just a few minutes... Everyone said it was actually 4 hours... Some days I can still feel her little snuggles... She was born a blue baby, the left half of her heart had never developed... The Dr's couldn't explain why she lived 12 hours let alone weeks... My son was 5 yr old at the time, he's 29 now and still won't talk about it... My 22 yr old daughter won't talk about it either, except once in a while she talks about her big sister... Wow, 24 years later it still feels like yesterday! Most times now it's okay to talk about her. But a lot of days it's just still too painful... For the 1st year I remember nothing at all... Just the phone call, at work, to get to the hospital immediately, a friend showing up at that exact moment to give me a ride and the Dr's apologizing they couldn't do anything, holding her... It's still all a blur... It took 2 years for the anger to hit.... I was angry with God for taking her... He and I argued a lot I wanted Him to tell me why... It took 5 years to admit out loud she was gone and I had a total heartbreaking melt-down. My best friend had finally forced me to acknowledge she existed as my brain was still in denial... I still feel the love, smell, and feeling of holding her in my arms, such a precious, beautiful little baby! I miss her greatly!!! To tell you that time will heal the wound I can't say... This is different for every mother who loses a child... The denial, the anger, the sadness, It does soften over the years, but the empty space stays there. Yes you will go on with life, and the time passes... One day, several years later, I was at an airport and had decided to sit at a bar, not for a drink but just to pass time. There was a lady next to me in great distress... She had just lost her 15 yr old son... To be able to talk to her, with tears and a choking throat, and honest feelings gave me a sense of why... This lady needed someone who had experienced a child's death to talk to because no one understood her pain... We can never make sense of it, it just happens... It eventually gives us strength to share with other grieving mothers... I choose to believe that the good Lord knew she would be in for a rough life and decided to spare her... Faith in Him and not my own understanding is what has given me the hope that I will see her again!! If you would like to talk, I'm here... For all of you!!!

P.S. Just heard this song for the first time, it's a wonderful song that speaks to the heart of all of us who've experienced loss.... ♥

http://www.givingpraise.com/music/hurt/

14
0 0

thanks for your words, you know i throught i was the only one who had this dear closeness with there child, its good to know i can spare the same grief with someone ,and we can try to get through this suffering,

View More
0 0

Hi my name is Deb and I lost my 5 1/2 year old son to a very nasty kind of cancer called neuroblastoma [cancer of the nervous system]. He was diagnosed when he was 4 yrs old and survived 11 months. He went totally blind within 24 hours so there were some huge adjustments we had to make, not only excepting the diagnosis but also changing our lives to adapt to blindness. My little boy died in my arms, he slipped into a coma then I watched him take his last breath as he past into eternity. I remember literally feeling his spirit leave his body, it was like he was looking down on me clinging to his lifeless body. I understood the real meaning that day of a crushed and broken heart, it was a very physical feeling, One of the hardest things to come to terms with at that time was the fact that I could do absolutely nothing to change that moment, I had to keep breathing, I just wanted to scream and scream and scream, I felt so absolutely hopeless. I didn't want to live myself. For the next two years I grieved so bad, I felt I had no reason to go on but I knew I had to. I got involved in bad habits which only led to more heartache and frustration in my life. One day someone told me about God and how heaven was a real place and that if I gave my heart to God I would understand where my son was........so I had pretty much tried everything else to find some peace and nothing did so I thought what have I got to lose so I opened up my heart to Jesus and when I did I had the most amazing experience....in an instance I knew in my heart exactly where my son was and that he was healed and whole and happy. I knew I had found him and that now I was ready to go to him when my time on earth is over. My grief left me and I felt the most amazing peace in my heart. I now have 2 beautiful daughters who never got to meet their brother but are looking forward to hanging out with him in heaven one day when they get there. After all one sure thing about life is death but when you truly know Jesus there is no sting in death. Believe me there was a day when I tried to take my own life through the heartache I felt but now I have life abundantly. I truly hope you hear my heart with my story...

10
0 0

i do with tearful eyes , all i can see is his beautiful eyes his great smile and his voice tell me i love you to mom, my son god blessed me with what it is to trully love someone other then my self, he was so much a part of me , owr spirits trully connected. with this gone i will never have such a wonderful feeling about some one again god i missed him so bad ,he passed away november 18,2012 how long before i can live again or is this the end for me.

1 0

My firstborn daughter was due Nov.9, 1999. On that day I went in for the last doctors appointment before they were to decide when or if I was going to be induced. I was exactly 40 weeks. The doctor was unable to find a heartbeat. I was sent to the main hospital for a sonogram which confirmed that my daughter had no heart beat. She had passed. I was admitted to the hospital in order to deliver my stillborn child. Twelve hours later I delivered. I remember asking the doctor why isn't she crying. I still expected her to be alive. Her face was blue from the umbilical cord around her neck. They let me hold her afterwards. She seemed like she was only sleeping. I was in denial. I still can't believe that happened. The hardest part was going home to a nursery and having no baby. We held a small service. I have no advice for anyone. For me, the loss was just to great. Time helps but never really heals.

9
0 0

When I read this I thought I was writing it. We lost our daughter the same way on March 20th 1998. Only we don't know why she died. We are ok with that. I did not want my baby cut open to find out why she died. It was not going to bring her back. I feel for you, I am one person that understands what you went through and it is awful. Dr appt,hospital,delivery. I wanted a c-section so bad. Like you I still believed she would be alive and sceaming. Yes going home without a baby was horrible. I could not even go into the Nursery for the longest time. I told my husband to shut the door before I could go upstairs. you said it perfectly time helps but never really heals.

View More
11 8

I lost two children in miscarriage and 1 son in 2006 who was serving in the Army. No parent want to be a member of this group. But for me it was my faith, family and friends who help me even today through the hard times. You never forget. It doesn't go away. There are some days that are very hard and other days when it is easier. I also joined 2 online support groups that help a great deal as well. They are www.mylovingtribute.com and http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com . both of these web sites not only help with grief from losing a child but for grieving over the loss of any family member under any circumstances (suicide, cancer, stillborn, and countless others). So please if you have no other support in your life, check out one of these websites for help.

8
2 11

Compassionate Friends, work, counselling, faith and anti-depressants. It's been almost 5 years since I lost my only child when he was 21. I know I will survive it, but it still rears up and hurts. Ups and downs, I know where he is and he's happy and loved. I am trying to live as he would want me to. Not easy, but trying still. Hang on to God. Know you are not alone.

8
0 0

God bless ,im still trying to figure out how too put one foot in front of the other x

View More
6 2

It was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. He was the younger of my two children. He was 17 years old. It was sudden.., he drown in Lake Michigan...on the north shore of Illinois...in Evanston.. near Northwestern Univ. He was gifted.., in so many ways. It was the third day of a new school year. August.28., 1997.., he and three friends decided that since the school hasn't really stated taking attendance yet..., they would skip out that day...and go to the beach.. .., summer's last 'hurrah".., Lake Michigan is not known for undertows.., but that is what happened. None of the boys knew to swim or float with the current.. they all fought against it. Two boys survived..., two drown. I am not sure how the other boys mother handled or dealt with the loss. I know it took me years. I had a lot of support..from family.., (husband and daughter and I developed a stronger bond). But extended family and friends. .., were a strong community for us..even if they couldn't understand the devastation I felt. They let me tell the same stories of his young life over and over.., oh and my son's friends..even the two survivors of that day...with their survivors guilt...came and cried with us.., held hands with us..Laughed at some of the memories we shared. Then I found out about this support group called compassionate friends. The only requirement for membeship..is the one thing no parent should ever have to be a member of...the death of a child. I found my denial, my anger, my depression were not uncommon. I kinda resented it when someone says you "lost" a child. It's not like they can be "found" again. The biggest issue I had though, (not the groups fault), was as I was releasing my pain..and anger.., I was taking on the pain and anger from other parents releasing theirs. It is not a group anyone wants to be a member of.., but a much needed group. I also journaled a lot, drew his portrait.., on his birthday we went to the cemetary and released ballons in the sky..with goodwill messages for anyone that would come in contact with the ballons. On the anniversary of his death..we went to the beach and left letters to him and his friend in the sand. When I finally got to the stage of acceptance..., I found myself...less depressed and ready to go on with my life. One never gets "over" the death of their child..., but it does get easier each year that passes. Louis Eric will forever be in my heart...and I will neve forget our time together on earth.

7
0 0

yes you right when someone states you lost your son, i felt the same way where is he then ill go and find him, i want him back so bad its killing me because i cant.

93 11

My husband & I lost our daughter just over 2 & a half years ago to stillbirth, finding out Christmas Eve she wouldn't live.

For us, family & friends have been the big key to helping us get through from day to day. We learnt the hard way that there are some though who at either certain times or overall, we've had to either cut ties with or distance ourselves from sometimes. Especially as time has gone on when we get things like 'aren't you over that yet?' thrown at us. Christmas/New Year since has always been a hard time for us, especially seeing at the moment 95% of our friends all have young children or are pregnant.

As fantastic as many of them were, we still found it good to get outside help together. Our state SIDS & Kids hooked us up with a counsellor who even came to the house which we both found really good. Sometimes, it helpes to talk to someone who is removed from the situation we found.

Dues to the circumstances surrounding Ashley's birth/passing, we never got to see her, hold her or have photos but we found ways that we could remember her. We ordered special photos from a place online, we had a couple of little items that we put in a special memory box - a little jacket & rattle we had bought just for her. Both my husband & I also wrote to her - my husband a letter & a poem from me that we placed in it too. We didn't want a big service etc.... the most important thing to us was to do what we felt was right, regardless of any outside pressure.

The most important thing we've learnt is to just take each day as it comes. Some days are good and some, not so hot. We just allow ourselves the chance to take time out if we need to, when we need to. You never get over the loss of a child, you just learn to get through each day a little bit at a time.

7
2 0

I haven't really taken advantage of this group because my son was a teenager and honestly, hasn't caused us a second of grief. He was born with complex congenital heart defects. He unexpectedly passed away just two weeks ago. A friend that lost his daughter to heart disease a few years ago told us both that we would grieve differently. I could see that happening already. It seems fortuitous that this subject showed up in an email today. I know I'll get through it but thanks Kerrin for letting me know that it's okay if I never get over it. The day he was born, we weren't sure if he would live. We had 18 1/2 wonderful years with him. We are grateful for that.

4 0

Reading all of these posts has really helped me. I believe when you lose a child, you feel like you are the only one who has gone through it. Hearing from others and reading others stories is very therapeutic for me. We lost our 11-year-old son in a tractor-mower accident in July of 2009. The pain never goes away. It's not something that you "get over," -- it's just something that you learn to live with. It seems that all of your relationships change, mostly because others don't know what to say or how to react, and the some relationships become strained. Luckily, we have a very close extended family and church family, which has truly held us together. God has been good to us.

My advice to others is to take the time to truly grieve -- the time frame is different for everyone. Don't rush your grief, but don't wallow in it, either. Let others be there for you. Get out of the house a little at a time and eventually you will find a new "normal." His birthday, the anniversary of the death, and holidays are the hardest for us. We plan for those times to be "low stress" -- we don't plan a lot of activities and make sure we take care of each other.

Honor your child, even if it's not in a public way. Buy Christmas gifts that you think they would like and give them to Toys for Tots or a homeless shelter. Plant a tree. We write notes on balloons each year on our son's birthday and "send them to heaven." (His little sisters find this very helpful.)

May God bless all of you who are hurting. I do not know you personally, but am praying for each of you to have the strength to smile again!

6
0 0

One day i might be able to smile and mean it

View More
0 1

I lost my 2nd child, my first son, 19 years ago this last 4th of July. We went to the hospital expecting to have a normal birth. Little did we know that he had several anomalies that were not compatible with life and he died just 18 hours after he was born, while I held him in my arms. We had called our pastor and had him baptised in the nursery, and then we were allowed to bathe him and dress him before they removed him from the ventilator.

It is very true that everyone grieves differently. The nursing staff had placed a "do not disturb" sign on my door without my knowledge. We have a very large family and a large circle of friends from church and I needed their support. I was angry that the staff did that w/o asking our wishes first. We also had a very strong sense of humour and that was and still is our way of dealing with life's dificulties. We rationalized everything: so he had a cleft palate . .not the first kid born that way, so his eyes hadn't formed. . . he wouldn't be the first blind kid ever born, so his testicles hadn't descended . . that could be dealt with, so his brain didn't develop except for the left frontal lobe and the brain stem.....now THAT could be a problem. The staff and even the neonatologist attributed our (to them) glib and blase reaction to shock. I thought it rather crass when the neontologist called me at home 3 weeks after the funeral to let me know the chromosome studies were normal and suggest that we exhume the body for an autopsy. Excuuuuse me?!?!?!?

I had occasion to speak with the neonatologist a year later and reminded him that he had taken care of my son in the special care nursery. Of course, he didn't remember the specifics of the case and asked how my son was doing. I replied that he was still dead, and then I reminded the doctor what he had written in my chart and advised him to word his charting more carefully as everyone DOES grieve differently, and what may have seemed rude and disrespectful to him was OUR way of dealing with it.

After the first few weeks, it's as if everyone is afraid to speak of your child. I yearned for someone to talk to me about him, it felt as if they were trying to forget it had ever happened. Even now, 19 years later, I still look at the pictures we took, the lock of his hair that the nursery staff gave us. The 4th of July is such a day of celebration for so many, it was 10 years before I took the holiday off of work and spent it at home with my family. As a nurse and now a volunteer firefighter, I set up a memorial scholarship in my sons name to offer financial assistance to any of our volunteers who wish to pursue training as an EMT, paramedic or firefighter.

You will never forget. Cherish the memories. And for those who say "aren't you over it yet" - keep in mind that until they themselves face this heartbreak, they wil never understand that you never get over it.

6
134 2

My brother died fifteen years ago and I am not over that. I could not imagine loosing a child. Oh I don't go around moping a lot, but he is in my thoughts daily.

5 23

I found out at 18 weeks that our son had Potter's Syndrome and would not live. His kidneys didn't develop, which caused other parts to not develop, including his lungs. After getting through the rage of having an insensitive Dr who did the 2nd level ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis, we were adamant that we wouldn't abort him, even though there was pressure to do so. Our marriage fell apart those few months and on Feb 22, 2005, I went to the hospital with spotting and my OB, who is/was amazing, told us we could deliver that next morning and that he might have a chance of making it through the delivery, since he would be smaller. After alot of prayer, we agreed and I was induced. He was born at 6:01 pm. Our pastor was there to baptize him before he was cut from the cord and the hospital allowed our family and friends to be in the adjoining birthing suite so they could see him and be close. They gave him a bath and brought him back to me when his heartrate started dropping. I held my little boy as he struggled for his last breath at 7:01pm. He lived an hour and he was worth it all. I still cry when I think of him and we did have a funeral and buried him at a local cemetery that had a place special for children, set away from the road and sheltered. I have a beautiful picture of his father holding his hand that hangs on my wall and I tell his brothers that they will meet him one day in heaven.
Time doesn't heal, but it does help. Because of him, I have thrown myself harder into supporting the Pro-Life movement, because I know he was alive and beautifully and fearfully made. He is my angel and I can't wait to see him again. My faith and family and friends are what has gotten me through these almost 7 years. I just recommend going to God, because he can and does heal.

5
134 2

Your story is very touching. I am sorry you lost your baby. Our story is simular only my child survived. My son was born with a syndrome. I was told that I needed to have an amniosythesis (probably spelled that wrong) so that I may check to see if you child might have abnormalities. That way if my child did I would have the chioce as to whether or not to terminat the pregnancy. I told them there was no need because I would not be terminating the pregnancy and I knew that there was great risk of a miscarriage with an amniosynthesis. The doctor was aggrivated with me but it was my choice and they could not force me to do this. Well, my son was born early and he had a syndrome. He almost didn't make but now he is twelve years old. I am pro life as well. But I am still sorry you lost your baby. No mother should have to go through what you went through. I had a miscarriage but it was early on in my pregnancy. Your loss is a lot different.

7 0

Lynda, I understand the anger at the euphemisms. Our daughter died at age 25. We had her 24 years longer than the docs expected, but it was still a shock. The finality of death pulled the rug right out from beneath us. We did not "lose" her, like at the shopping mall; she did not "pass", like a spelling test. She died. I know people are trying to soften the blow by using those words, but, believe you me, there IS no softening of THAT blow. You go about in a fog at first, get angry that the world continues as usual despite the end of YOUR world as you knew it (no flags half-mast; no black ribbons- what were they THINKING?), and pretend that your child is off picking heather in Scotland on days when you are unable to face the truth. It is a long, sad process to mourn. I call the death of loved ones the stinkiest part of life, but what are you going to do? Never love anybody?

5
0 16

I lost my 14 year ols son to leukemia 8 months ago. He was diagnosed just before his 13th birthday. Within 6 months he was in full remission and we were over the moon! He had gone back to school and was playing golf and participating in all his usual activities. It was during a routine checkup that the doctors noticed his bloodcounts did not look rifght and three weeks later he suddenly passed. People seems less sympathetic when they hear the cancer term, but I can assure you that it came as a huge shock to us. One minute he fighting with the nurses who made a noise when he was trying to sleep and the next minute he went into a coma. My entire universe fell apart. I wanted to die!! But I do remember what a giving spirit he was. He made me drive around with a bag of apples in my car to distribute to the street beggers. We do not have a compassionate friends in South Africa and you are pretty much left to mourn in the privacy of your house. I started the Dominique Foundation and I organise high teas and all kinds of socials to raise money to assist the children in the oncology ward. There are so many families that can barely afford the medication and still try and dress their kids. So, I buy comfy pajamas and art and craf packs to help the kids. I have good days and bad days and the only thing I have learned is that you can only take on day at a time. It helps to talk, I share my story to anyone that will listen. It never gets better , you only learn to live with your broken heart! Jacky

5
134 2

No matter how long your loved one has had cancer it is always a shock when they are gone. Yes people say oh it was expected. Well, I am sorry, death in and of itself is a shock. But I know you really wern't expecting this because he had been in remission. Most people go in and out of remission several times. I know my Dad did. Anyway, I am sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child, but I have lost people very close to me. My brother and Dad namely.

0 0

On December 18, 2000, God blessed us with a precious little boy from Korea. I thought our life was complete. Our daughter, from China, was 4, and now we had a little boy. For 3 years we had a great life. But on December 10, I was in the hospital in Tampa and my dad had come down from Arkansas to watch the kids. It had rained all day. Dad left our house around 6 pm and drove 2 miles down the road to drop our then 7 year old daughter off at our church for the Christmas program practice. While sitting outside at a flashing red light (opposing traffic had a yellow flashing light), he thought an oncoming car had their right turn signal on. He pulled out and our van was hit on the passenger door where our son was sitting, asleep in his car seat. The paramedics revived Kyle and ironically he was brought to the same hospital I was at because it is the best trauma hospital. He was rushed to surgery to try to stop the internal bleeding and they removed his spleen. My husband and I had rushed down to the ER and were there before Kyle arrived but we were not allowed to see him. Finally they put him in PICU and we were allowed to go sit beside him. He had a huge gash in his head and his neck was broken. Twelve hours later we were told that there was no brain activity and what did we want to do. As a kidney recipient, we believe in transplants. But this was our baby, how come we were having to make this decision. To make a long story short, they were able to give both kidneys to a lady who lived in the area and his liver went to a 7 year old girl who lived in Michigan. We met the lady and her husband and we became friends. We never heard from the other family but that was okay too. I tell you all of this to say that I have had to learn (still learning) to forgive myself for that accident. You see, Kyle was running a fever that day but I thought he would be okay with my dad and I really wanted Robby with me while I had the biopsy. I will always wish I made a different decision. We were never mad at my dad because we knew how much he loves our kids and would never have done anything to hurt them. Weather was the cause and visibility. God is so good though. Talking about your child is great for healing. Having friends who will listen is wonderful. But knowing God never left me and was there waiting when I got through being mad is how I got through this. I still miss Kyle so much and often wonder what he would be like now at age 11. He now has a little sister, from China, who I know he is watching over. I am blessed in the fact that Kyle never suffered as he never regained consciousness. As I have read the other stories, my heart aches for each of your losses. I am glad that some of you were able to hold your little ones one last time. Because Kyle's neck was broken, I was not allowed this one this last thing. They did make me plaster hand and foot prints and gave me a lock of his hair. Time and God's love does heal, but it takes a while and that loss never goes completely away. It just hurts a little less.....

5
0 0

I am truly sorry for your loss . Thank you so much for sharing your story. My 5 year old son was killed in crash involving a distracted driver. In the emergency room they were doing this and that to try and stop bleeding and then told me that he had a severe head injury and had to be flown to another hospital to be seen by a pedoneurosurgeon. I arrived there (my husband was injured and was being treated at the first hospital) only to be told that my beautiful healthy son was brain dead. Once my husband was able to join me and my younger 2 year old son ,we made the heartfelt decission to donate his organs. His kidneys were given to a 40 year old mother of 2 and his liver was given to an 11 year old girl. I was upset later that they could not use his other organs because of logistical (location and OR time) reasons and find it interesting that your experiece is so similar. My younger son is now the age (5) that my older son was when he died and its a very difficult year for me. I have given talks on the dangers of distracted driving and got a few laws changed .even one to have permission for a roadside awareness memorial sign and have had trees planted. Wecelebrated his birthdays in his absence by decorating his trees with neighbors and friends and family. We talk about ADam every day. Without knowing you, just from your post discussing adoption, illness, loss and forgiviness and love I think you are an amazing family, I can feel the love. Thank you again for sharing.

1 8

I had my first stillbirth in 1988, then my second 10years later. I think the hardest part is when you have no answers which was the case with my first. There is no fix it remedy, you just have to allow yourself to feel what you feel when you are feeling it. I have had support with both losses but in the main I had to deal with them alone.....the hard part for me was the first time round I had just gone through a marriage break up and the second time I was a long way from the friends that helped me with my first. Friends are a wonderful help but sometimes they need to step back and wait for you to ask for help. Take life after lose each day as it comes....You do what you can each day and be thankful you got to the end of it.....you never ever forget and neither we should. We may not always understand why things in our lives happen but we should learn from each exprience that we are lucky enough to have ...be they good or bad. Like others my faith and belief in what happens after we die helped me too. I know that had I not been through this type of lose...there are friends and others who have come into my life that I wouldn't have been able to help...
Although many of my friends could not understand how I could do it again I am very lucky to have an 11yr old son and a 9yr daughter now, that had I given up, I wouldn't have...
There is light at the end of what seems like a very large, very deep hole....
Just remember: take time to do what you need to do to help yourself.
Don't be upset with family and friends that may say the wrong thing.....unless they have had a similar lose, they don't know what to say , when all the want to do is help make things better for you.
LIFE DOES GET BETTER IF YOU LET IT...THEY ARE WATCHING OVER US...XOXOXOX
To all mothers and fathers who have lost a child....

5
27 25

We lost both of our children at the same time and at very young ages. Time can be ur best friend or ur wordt enemy. We actually began going to ceramic classes. It took both of our minds off off everything for a little bit. Time dows not heal but it does help. Everyone deals in their own way. Just know that no way is wrong. Start with finding the smallest of things that can help u learn to live again. Our loss was 15 years ago. God has helped us thru so much! We now have 3 wonderful adopted children.

4
20 0

Lorrie, the more and more I think about it I know I want to be a mother I just don't know if I want to go through the pain of pregnancy loss again. If you don't mind, would you share with me by sending a message of your feelings about adoption after a loss? I really think it might be the right option for me but I'm not sure. Hugs to you for the children you loss. http://deathofababycopedealandheal.blogspot.com/

0 0

2007 I HAD MY FIRST BABY GIRL WHICH WAS A BLESSING SHORTLY AFTER I LOST MY SON DRS SAID HE WOULDNT MAKE IT CUZ HE WASNT DEVELOPING PROPERLY SOON AFTER LOOSEING HIM I GAVE BIRTH TO MY 3 YEAR OLD SON A COUPL;E WKS LATER I WAS PREGNANT WITH TWINS A BOY AND A GIRL BOTH BABIES WHERE FINE UP UNTIL DAT 8TH MONTH WHEN MY TWIN SON STOPPED BREATHING., ALTHOUGH I HAVE 3 HEALTHYKIDS WHICH NOW RE 4 3 AND 2 I FEEL THE EMPTINESS OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE MY OTHER TWO. I WAS TOLD GOD KNOWS BEST AND HE NEVER MAKES A MISTAKE. LIVE AND BE STRONG FOR DA KIDS FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS IN YOUR LIFE NOW

4
0 0

AND ALSO MY NAME IS MARQUITA KITCHENS IM JUST ON MY FRIEND TOYA PAGE CUZ I FELTLIKE IT NEEDED TO LET THAT OUT PRAY FOR ME ADN ILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU

159 19

I lost my first child. Chuck was a very wanted child, and I'd had a tough pregnancy. Under any other circumstance, I'd have brought home a live baby at 33.5 weeks.

Acknowledge the fact that you're still a mother, and always will be for the rest of your life, regardless of if you don't have other children. Validate yourself that you did what you had to do, and you aren't a bad mother because you lost your child.

Support groups are helpful, but, if you are overwhelmed by people coming in and out, please don't feel bad for asking people for privacy. My mom is an RN, my stepfather is a pastor and at one time was the on-call chaplain for the hospital... I think I had every part of the staff come in to see me, and I hardly had time for myself from 8AM until midnight, and I stayed 2 nights. I actually welcomed the funeral home staff, it cleared the room except what business we had to do.

4
52 21

My first one I was 24 weeks along, I just cried for months. then in 88 I was 27 weeks along when my son was born, I got his tiny feet print tattoo at my heart, then I have in memory on my right shoulder, and my left one has his name. It seem to work.
In 90. I was 4 months and had a tumor that killed my baby. I cried for months again.

3
6 8

I've lost 2 and there is no right or wrong way. The most important thing to do is allow yourself to grieve ...it will come back to haunt you later in some other way. Try not to be too upset when other's don't acknowledge your loss, they just don't what to say or they're fearful they'll say the wrong thing.
Take your time, cry your tears, and remember that you are not alone.

3
0 21

My daughter was older, almost 21. She just moved out and I kept thinking of her that way. Still in the next town but alive but I knew deep down shewas gone. I would just keep talking to people of our happier times together. With time it gradually turned into just knowing she was gone, so pretending helped. The only time it hurts now is when I see her friends have children or go on to do great things and wonder how much that strong spirit could have done with her life. I will also mss her laughter I find too reaching towards other Mom;s who lost there child,helps me get throgh mine. Share the memories.Missy"s MOM

3
109 15

loosing a child is one of the worst things a parent can go through i had my 1st baby at 16 my boy joshua but he passed away at 5 months old from sids the worst part is the not knowing why it happend or how also it doesn't help things when you are the one to find them that is something that sticks in your mind always my son died 11yrs ago but ive only recently grieved for him i tried to put it in the back of my mind but as ive learned it only makes things worse,
my advice to parents is don't try and block it out because it only comes to your mind another time i can't watch programmes where children have died it brings it all back.
let yourself grieve dont hold back!x

3
0 6

I lost my son when I was 26 wks pregnant I was ayoung mom to begin with it was the hardest thing I had ever gone through we had avery small service for him and he was buried in afamily plot. It feels like yesterday that I had him but I know that he watches over my three beautiful little girls and will be waiting to welcome me when god chooses to call me home and then I will be able to hold him in my arms and share all the love I have carried with me since they day I found out i was pregnant with him. There is afoundation I have just recently became aware of its called Hygenia it is asupport system for mothers and families dealing with the loss of achild wether it be finical support or just a ahoulder to cry on.

3
1 3

I found that talking to others about what happened helped. I miscarried tiwns. I remember it realy helped to have someone just listen. The nurse just let me talk abbout what happened, She sat and listened to me. I will never forget that. It helped me to open up instead of burring it inside. She semed to know that alls I needed was a listening ear.

3
8 31

My heart goes out to parents who have lost a child- may god give you the strength to accept it and brave it. Remember all of us are with you and feel the immense pain....
Ask god for strength; family and friendz can help and try to keep yourself busy

3
2 0

I lost my 19 year old son three years ago this week.At first it helped to count the blessings of having him in our lives.Compiling digital versions of family photos and videos allowed everyone to contribute and it gave me glimpses of aspects of his life with his friends and other family members. This was a real gift.Each of us grieved differently. Personally I needed a lot of private time. I played a lot of music which had reminders of him and this allowed me to cry freely and privately.I still drive and listen to those CDs and find an element of release each time.Counselling helped. It reassured me that all expressions of grief are OK. It also let me know what to expect in each stage.Lean heavily on friends and family and it soon becomes apparent you have some wonderful people in your life.It was OK to talk with other parents who had also lost children but I soon learned to avoid those who were still highly emotional as it only upset me further.I have learned to cherish the memories and accept the hurt as without it I would never have known my wonderful son.We also began a facebook group to register people who donate blood on his behalf. So far there are over 1600 donors registered. It was a cause dear to his heart so every time we get a new member it helps usjust a little bit more.Bepositive 4Peter.
Kerri Argent

3
6 11

It is a difficult situation. I feel for your personal loss.

10 0

I lost my beautiful son Kyle, my only child, May 12, 2012. He was a college student, and his death was sudden. I received a call at work from a policeman, on an 'ordinary' Monday workday. Looking back, it is strange and surreal to have actually lived through...and survived...the absolute worst thing than can or will ever happen to me. When I would hear or experience the loss of other's children, I would actually say..."I could never survive that, not in a million years"...yet here I am. I don't know how I have survived the first year, other than to say I get up each day, and get through it the best I can. The years that lie before me without him are unfathomable, and to go there in my mind would be my undoing. I have to take it day by day by day. 24 hours without him? Ok...I've gotten through it. A lifetime? Well that's another matter entirely.

Do NOT be ashamed of your grief. Cry when you feel like crying, which will likely be more than you ever believed you could cry. Anything and everything will bring it on...from remembering happy times shared...to just seeing someone out in public who walks like your son or smiles like your daughter...to driving by the restaurant you last had dinner together...to stumbling across your child's 'blanky' from when he was young. You will be blindsided by things...often. I moved not long ago, and came across a mug. Inside the mug there was a scroll with a ribbon of "The ten things I love most about my mom" from when my son was young. You will go along, doing fine, then...something like that sneaks up on you.

Be prepared for friendships to change, and for people to avoid talking about your loss. They will be there for you in the beginning, but then...they expect you to move on...or don't bring it up for fear of causing you pain. This is difficult, because it will likely cause you to feel a sense of isolation. Seek professional help if necessary...find a support group...don't be afraid to reach out to those who understand.

2
5 5

In July of 1998 we adopted 2 beautiful little boys, 3/12 and 5. Everything was fine for a few years then the oldest one, Lovell, started showing us alot of anger. We did everything we could but we couldn't help him at home because he started getting violent. He was seeing a psychocogist off and on(mostly on) for about 5 years. The psychologist left his practice and a few months later is when all of the problems started. He had been out of the house in various rehab facilites. The last one he was at he was there for about 6 months before he committed suicide in February of 2009. We found out later that he was angry because he was depressed and he didn't know how to deal with it. He was only 15. It devastated us all. Our younger son went to therapy for a couple of years and we went to a support group for about a year. We drop in every once in awhile. The support group helped us quite a bit. It is not a support group that you choose to be in. It is for those who have lost loved ones to suicide. The name is Survivor Resources. We also got a lot of support from our church family and other family members as well. We leaned on God a lot and still do. You never get over the death of a child, but you learn to live with it. It has totally changed our lives. I highly recommend finding some sort of support group or therapist. It will help. Talk about your child as well. People don't know what to say, but if they ask if they can do anything, tell them yes. My prayers go out to you, I know exactly what you are going through. Our faith helped us quite a bit. Let your feelings show, don't hide them. If you are angry, let it out. Don't keep the feelings inside.

2
6 11

My firstborn granddaughter passed from an undetected staph infection. She died a couple of weeks before Christmas in 2001.

It is very difficult to absorb the loss of a child. It is one of those moments we tend to by pass thinking about because death is not a subject we discuss when our children are healthy and developing into the next phase of their lives.

My advice to anyone is simple. Take things one day at a time. Making burial arrangements and all that goes into this moment is stressful and painful.

Allow yourself to mourn in your own style. No one can tell you how to feel during this time in your life. Even now, when I think about the fact that my granddaughter would be almost ten years old. I look at my crop of granddaughters and realize that I will never know what she would look like, sound like or what her interests would be.

I am fortunate. I have a good circle of friends, a couple of my sistas have had their own losses when we were childbearing age, so they were truly supportive of me. They allowed me to talk about how I felt, understood and gave me space on the days when I wanted to grieve privately,

I do not believe that you ever forget the children that you birth or who are related to you. The stages of grief will flow through your life and they are not always easy to cope with. I did a lot of praying and quiet mediatation.

I still think about Deja'. I cannot imagine just blocking her existance out of my mind because she is not physically present. I have a strong belief in God and that has helped me to make it through.

2
0 1

I too lost my daughter to an undetected staph infection in 2006 she was 13 years old and she was my best friend I miss her everyday and feel guilty for not being able to save her... I should have been able to protect her, but I couldn't... I am very sorry for your loss...

View More
2 11

i lost my little boy i was 40 weeks and i went to the hospital on the 18th of feb 1997 i told drs that i was in pain they didnt listen too m uch to what i said that night i was still in pain i asked the midwife for pain relife she said stop being a baby so i put up with the pain morning dawend diffrent midwifes took over a young nurse said you look in pain i told her she put me on to a trace machine she found a abnormalty that min it got manic drs sending off for bloods i had my daughter with me she was 14 basicly they made a cock up and my baby died 1 min befor he was born he bled to death inside of me he was born at 1 min to 7 at night he weighed 6lb 15 he looked like he was sleeping ruby red lips my little angel i went off the rails i drank vodka like it was pop i didnt care i wanted to die my daughter at 14said mum please stop drinking i love you made me drop to my knees i stopped drinking and i then wanted to find out why my little boy died i wouldnt let him be cut open he come in to the world with no cuts n stitches he was going out perfect there was an inquest the drs said it was a error of judgement not it was there fault i was in the angry stage i wanted to ripo the drs head off my vicar come to see me she was loverly took me in a room where there was pillows i picked the black pillow and i litaraly ripped it to shreads jumped on it beat it up made me feel a lot better when you loose a baby you loose part of yourself it does get better but you never forget birthdays and xmas is the worst times of yea cos you waNDER WHAT THEY WOULD BE DOING OR WOULD THEY HAVE LIKED A MOBILE PHONE I MISS MY BABY SON MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD AND WE WILL MEAT AGAIN ONE DAY BUT MY DAD IS LOOKING AFTER MY LITTLE ANGEL TILL I CAN TAKE OVER I FEEL A LOT BETTER KNOWING MY DAD HAS MY BABY WITH HIM RIP MY LITTLE MAN LOVE YOU MILLIONS AN MILLIONS CLIFFORD XXXXXXXXXXS SO IF YOUR MUM DAD ARE IN HEVEN BE REST ASURED THEY WILL BE LOOKING AFTER YOUR ANGEL BABY XXX

1
0 0

your so right i know my father got my son , they were two of a kind, my pops loved him as much as i, then again i dont think no ones loves owr children like we do, we birth them, they are trully a great part of us, all the kindness the gentleness we give pass that to them, their the better side of us , and then to part from that, it ripes up apart.

0 0

I recently lost my 5 month old son to SIDS
I currently have a 4 yr old daughter that helps me get threw it, but my heart is still broken into pieces
How does a parent cope with it?? I've been angry , depressed, having a mindset of giving up to be able to hold my baby boy again.
I'm 23 years old & trying to finds way to understand this
Your response will be greatly appreciated

0
0 0

How do I carry on life without my only daughter . It's nice months now since she passed away we done everything together she was my life. I'm a nobody now and the tears never stop. I will arranging be arranging the headstone soon and I can see in my head mine name as we'll . I just want to be with her .

0
0 0

It took us 10 years to conceive we got our beautiful Shelby after a fairly rough pregnancy. Then I got pregnant with our son Saber David... The pregnancy was horrible I begged for the doctors to take him, I was in terrible pain and had a horrible sense of doom. Of course there was no medical reason to take him. With both pregnancy I was highly monitored. I went on Friday every thing was great on Tuesday there was no heart beat. I had my 2nd c-section. He was born at 36 week one month from my due date. He had a knot in his cord no it was not wrapped around his neck it was in a true knot. I begged God to take me with him I hurt so bad. He was so beautiful looked just like his big sister. Shelby is what kept me alive. We had a funeral... This is so wrong we should never have to do this we should be able hold and nurture our children hear them breath and cry and coo and laugh. I had a lot of support but mostly I'm expected to be strong for everyone else. I suffer alone I cry and I hurt but I know God had a greater purpose. I will not ever truly know. Shelby was confused she thought we were going to leave her too. She didn't understand why her baby brother never got to come home. Now I am pregnant again about 17 or 18 weeks... We really don't know for sure how far along. We did not do a procedure as we had with Shelby and Saber David... This happened naturally. God has given us the chance at another miracle. My husband doesn't understand I don't know maybe no one does. I am super happy yet I feel like I am betraying Saber David guilt isn't the best word but I don't know how else to describe it. As excited and thrilled as I am I feel like I'm not being fair I didn't get to watch Saber David learn to crawl or walk or breath in his beautiful baby smell. I just pray to God that this child is born healthy please please God let every thing be ok this time. I don't believe the pain will ever go away but I know I have to keep on living my Shelby and the new baby need me.

0
0 0

after having a stillbirth in april 11 2013,i try to get pregnant again from may till november but prove abortive now am in USA and my husband his in NIGERIA,what can i do and i need to carry my baby with my own hands

0
1 0

Grieving is a funny old thing, after losing so many people, in so many ways! The lost of my son hurts...so many emotions/regrets..but one thing that helps me is to remember all the fun and laughter we shared..Cry, take time-out, dont feel guilty of what/how you cope with the lost and most of all share your feelings with someone that understands, They will never be forgotten!!

0
1 0

It has been a little over a month since I lost my son Jackson at 31 weeks pregnant. I had the perfect pregnancy. He was a healthy baby, his heart rate was alway perfect, my blood pressure was always perfect and I had normal swelling. On October 25th i woke up and noticed my face was severely swollen. I called the dr. office and the nurse told me to check my blood pressure and it came back at 195/160, so she told me to go to the emergency room and not to panic. Needless to say they took the straight to the womens health floor. The nurse couldnt find a heart beat and neither could the ultrasound tech. Come to find out i had developed a case of toxemia over night (which is very rare from what my dr. said). There was nothing i could have done. i was so devastated and in shock to say the least. My doctor tried everything to get me to deliver vaginally but my body wouldn't progress. 2 1/2 days later he did a c-section. Jackson was born at just 2lbs 10oz. he looked so perfect and like he was sleeping. They let me have him in my room as long as i wanted. The hospital also provided a photography service who came and took professional photos for us. All i wanted was one cry or one yawn. Thats all I kept saying. We had a small service for him on all saints day. its been so difficult this past month especially since me and the father are not together. Even though I have an amazing family who has been there for me i still feel so alone. A broken heart is always hard but especially when your heart is broken from the loss of a child. You never know how you will deal with the loss cause everyone grieves differently. i honestly have been taking it day by day which is hard sometimes. But i know Jackson is in heaven hunting and fishing his little heart out. God never makes a mistake and has Jackson up in heaven for a reason I know. He has a bigger plan for me and for Jackson as well I just have to believe that in my heart.

0
1

when my baby girl passed away it was one the hardest things i have ever exsprianced and at such a small age my little girl was only 9 weeks old and it broke my world in a whole second when i saw her the way she did the only thing keeping me strong is my family as me and my partner not long broke after my baby passed xx

0
    Edit  |   Delete  |   Get Your Widget
0 0

i lost my child charles is his name, he was all i had, we were very close,like best friends. his death came quickly on a sunday night. not even a good bye, the home is so quiet,still and lonely, i walk the falls talking to my self wondering what i could have done to have avoid this happening, i pray to god to have mercy , to help me with this suffering, but my pain is stronger then my belief its so bad i planed my feneral arrangement, looked up a date to end this crushed heart, i cant sleep, because hes in my mind, every minuted of every day. i hurt so bad i cant go on i want help some one to tell me how to cope but then if i live this wicked world im in ill be with my son again, written this the tears fall , please help dont know what to ,tell me how to move on how do i live please help.

0
0 0

You never do,you just larn how to make other peaople hapy

0
18 0

as today is 17 years ago that I lost my twin boys I can say I have a blog I write every year on their birthday which is special to me. But the most special thing is my husband bought me is a ring with their names on it it validates them.

0
10 0

What I can say now is that I choose for life, for my life, I have my baby boy in my heart, but I have to let me live, we have a precious thing...LIFE. and in name of my baby I will live intensely, take the good and bad sides, but focus on the positive, and be grateful for what I do have. I will miss him till my death, thinking of him everyday. But I hope that with time I can smile when I think about him, and not cry.

0

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms