How do you discipline young children?

Jenna - commented on Dec 28, 2011

Be careful, Elizabeth. My child was wonderfully behaved (like yours) until she hit the age of 4-4/12 and went to Kindergarten. She was my angel-child, who was perfectly behaved, was a dream to take out places, and well disciplined. Once she hit kinder, she realised that being naughty got her attention (negative, but still attention). She has really really really bad days, and she's about to go into grade 1. I'm at my wits' end on how to handle her. Discipline doesn't work anymore.

Elizabeth - commented on Dec 28, 2011

I'm sorry but I don't agree with you. Consistent discipline of some sort (whatever you choose) IS necessary. I think/hope your child may be going through a phase. I don't think our situations are the same. My child goes to daycare and so I am not sure why something would change in Kindergarten. We as parents have to show our children that there are consequences to actions or else our children will be out of control. Now, I also didn't write' "I have a perfect child"...she is definitely very clever and tests boundaries daily. She also tries to smile her way through when she thinks she can get away with something because she's cute. And, it was a process to get her to be able to eat out. I take her out often on purpose...so I can eat out when I want. We started at Panera because it's pretty quick. I used to take 1/2 my food home with me b/c she was done and we kept it short, then she had to wait for me to finish, and now I can meet a friend there and have a nice time. I of course have an arsenal of crayons and stickers. We recently went to Macaroni Grill for lunch with a friend and I'm not saying that she is perfect, but she's not a terror crazed kid throwing a tantrum. Yes, her utensils fell on the floor and she probably dropped some food and spilled her water down her dress, whatever, big deal. She meets my expectation to stay in her chair, not throw food, get some food in her mouth, and provide us with some sort of entertainment with her cuteness. Another difference we probably have is that I am a single mother. Now I'm in my 30s and have a great career and only work 3 days a week. I'm not a victim or a weakling and my daughter will not be one either. She is strong-willed and I keep her mind and body active. We are starting gymnastics in a week (I'm so excited!!) and she has been learning French. Next, she may start piano lessons in the summer if she likes the piano that's on the way here!! She is not even 2 and can sing a dozen song and count to 20. Soo, we do a lot more than discipline, and we keep a tight bond. She is of course the reason for my living, but she is not exactly "my angel-child, perfectly behaved, and or a dream to take out to places." I do have expectations for how she should behave, but they are in relation to her age of 2.

Esther - commented on Dec 29, 2011

I agree Elizabeth, consistency is key!. My son is 2 1/2 and I too have expectations on how he should behave (in public and at home) and normally he follows them. Not listening means some of his "freedom" gets taken away. If he's playing with a toy in a way that it might break of it might break something, I warn him twice. A third warning means the toy is taken away and/or he's taken out of the situation. When we are out somewhere he's allowed to walk by himself, but if he doesn't listen, he needs to stay with me and hold my hand. In the grocery store, same thing, but if he doesn't listen, he needs to sit in the cart. He's now at the point where he is definetly testing his boundaries. He knows that I don't care where we are though, I will follow through. There are hallways in other houses as well were he can sit for a short time out. I love that we can take him out to dinner and that we can go to the library and other places.

Lisa - commented on Jan 4, 2012

Although I agree there are many different appropriate means of discipline; time-out, taking away a privilege like t.v. or computer, logical reasoning & making them correct a bad behavior, etc., I am adamantly opposed to anyone ever spanking or hitting their child. Dawn - no offense, but why would a child ever learn not to kick you based on you hitting them in return? Even if you think the spank isn't to hard or intense, it is physical violence on your child. Spanking a child only teaches them that physical violence is o.k. in some circumstances. Most of the time spanking a child is usually about the parent's frustration, temper, or inability to think of other options, and if a parent allows for a cooling off period before inflicting the spanking to make sure they are not doing it when upset, then the child can't make the connection between the parent hitting them & the bad behavior. I truly hope the sticker chart works great for you & believe me, I know the frustration of trying to get through to your children (I have a 2 & 5 yr old). Your son thinks the world revolves around you, loves you unconditionally, and literally looks up to you in every way possible (seriously, think about how huge you are to him in his eyes (literally & emotionally). Please, please, please don't hit your kids.

Renee - commented on Jan 11, 2012

Dawn I was raised the same way you talk about raising your kids, and I am currently raising my two children the same. When time out fails, and the rewards system isn't working I am not beyond a pat on the behind as a way to get her attention and remind her she is the child in the situation. How ever I do agree that any punishment should be followed by a reminder of how much you love them and that that behavior is just not acceptable. There is a major difference in "hitting your kids" and a smack on the hand or behind to tell them something is not acceptable behavior.

Vivian - commented on Apr 26, 2012

I was raised with a dad who spanked as a means of discipline. I remember feeling humiliated, embarrassed, uncomfortable, ashamed and confused most of the time. I even remember wondering "why is he doing this" when I might have done something minor and he was just in a bad mood maybe. I became a very quiet child who followed directions, not because I wanted to please him, but because I was scared of getting a spanking if I didn't do something right. It affected my self-esteem all through my childhood. Not every child will cope with it the same way. It feels very demeaning to some who already lack self confidence. I would NEVER do this to my children - just remembering how it affected me would make me feel horribly guilty. Please think 3 times over before raising a hand to your child - not all children will understand what you mean by it.

Alana - commented on Dec 28, 2011

Research has shown that the effects a reward system like this can have on a child are actually negative later on in life. You should never focus on downfalls of any kind at the end of your day. You should most certainly focus on all of the positives and positives only. You should rate the difficulty of the situation and never punish but teach discipline. These are actually two different things. Both have different effects on a child's brain development. Deal with the issue based on the individual situation. Sometimes a positive chat showing the pros and cons of the situation and a reminder that time out could result is effective enough. Always be consistent. Be sure to remind them you love them and that they are a good boy or girl.

Vivian - commented on Apr 26, 2012

Jayne, I agree with keeping things positive - rewarding good behavior and not bringing attention to the bad. I hope you don't call the chair the "naughty chair" out loud? This may eventually affect self esteem if they are constantly on there and associate it with being a naughty or "bad" child. I have my son sit on the floor but I don't call it anything because it is really just a place for him to "time out". "Time out" is just what it sounds like - time to take a moment and relax. It's not to punish him for being naughty. I explain that to him when the few minutes are up. I get to his eye level and talk in a calm voice and hug and kiss him after. Like you said - keep things positive in the end!

Christina - commented on Jan 5, 2012

I have a 2 1/2 year old son & a 4 year old daughter & my son is Definitely my problem child! I blame a lot of his behavior on the fact that we're "older" parents & got into the bad habit of "whatever makes it stop screaming!" Big mistake because now I have to un-do all that lax discipline. :( I never really did time-out because I didn't think kids that little really could make a cause & effect connection, almost like punishing a puppy but I've been starting to do time-out & sticker charts & they work well with my daughter. I just hope it starts having some effect on my son soon :(

Melissa - commented on Jan 11, 2012

My daugter is 3 and i can say no and punish her and she will still just laugh im my face i dnt no what to do i have tooken toys she likes away her favorite tv shows away and still seems to not care

Leanne - commented on Jan 11, 2012

Alison, do you tell your daughter why you are saying no? I try hard not to use the word no. In your case, I would try to say something like this, "That's the dog's dish honey. It's not a toy for babies to play with. Why don't you play with this toy here instead." Then I would move her over to a different area to play with something else. I don't know if this will work for you, but it might be worth trying. Good luck!!

Alison - commented on Jan 23, 2012

Hi Leanne, I have started using short sentences to explain why we can't do things. I don't think "no" has to be removed from our vocabulary especially if it is followed up with a short explanation. I know that the longer the response though, the more likely she will tune out. I say "no, that's dangerous". Or "no, that's daddy's" or "no, that's hot". As a teacher I realize that though we love to talk -a lot- getting the point out quickly is key when there is a behavior to correct.

Charlotte - commented on Apr 27, 2012

i totally agree with you, this is exactly what i do and i didn't realise there were courses on it! i dont believe in time outs, spanking, shouting at your child, pulling them about... i wouldn't treat my friends, mother or partner like that... so why would i treat my child like that? she is a human, and just like the rest of us, she needs people to have patietence with her to help her learn new things!