How do you explain gay relationships to your child?

It's not all that unlikely that your child may go to school with someone who has two mommies or two daddies in preschool or grade school. What are some tips for talking to your kids about different types of families.

32  Answers

2 3

My kids have known about gay relationships pretty much since they've known about straight ones. People fall in love, some people fall in love with people who are of the same sex, sometimes they don't. Simple as that. What they have a really hard time understanding is why some people are so mean to other people just because they want to be in love.

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4 9

That's exactly how I explained it to my kids. We go to a very open church & consequently have fairly high gay/lesbian attendance. My boys have several friends with 2 mommies or 2 daddies & when they asked why, it was why do they only have 1 mommy & 1 daddy :)

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12 0

I tell my kids they are not to judge others. That is between that person and God. I do show them what is in the Bible and they are bound by the Word of God and not the ways of the world. My kids are to show love and compassion towards everyone. For the oldest teenager, I simply answered him with a question: If there was not invitro fetilization, artificial insemination, what would happen to our human race? How would we continue to exist if same sexes could not reproduce? He answered "Our world would end if we didn't reproduce." The oldest is going to be 18. I never raised that question with the younger teenagers.

13
4 20

Thank you.

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4 0

With age appropriate answers, in preschool or grade school, you just explain that each family is unique and each child is lucky to have loving adults surrounding them with love. If your child asks directly about reproduction then explain how adoption works; a loving parent of a child gifted another family a child love. Each child deserves love teach your child to love differences, so when someone points out their uniqueness they embrace it instead of being ashamed of it. TEACH LOVE!

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1 11

My son has friends with two mommies and it's really not a big deal.... unless of course you make it to be. It's very simple, some kids have 1 mommy or 1 daddy, maybe even no mommy or no daddy. Some have mommy and daddy, some have 2 mommies or 2 daddies. My son asked when he was about 4. Answer was very simple, what I wrote above. I don't know why this should be a big deal a together? What if a child with 2 mommies would ask "Hey mom why does so and so have 1 mom and 1 dad?" I'm sure they wouldn't stress about the answer. It would be simple.... every family is dfferent :-)

9 18

Well considering the length of time that gay people have walked the earth one would think ADULTS can get the hell over it and accept that IT IS WHAT IT IS!!
Shouldn't be an issue to explain,,, here is an easy convo for the knobs that find it difficult to tell their kids about it.

Kid: Mommy, why is that man kissing that man and holding holding hands?
Mom: Same reason your father and I do, they love eachother.

WOW THAT WAS HARD LOL Jesus freaks need to get over it. Im straight. No I dont like gay people kissing in public, WHY? BEACAUSE I HATE STRAIGHT PEOPLE DOING IT TOO! :D

To the idiot quoting the bible: THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE A**HOLE!! Bet the priests in your church that play with little boys bums are not considered gay right? Did God let that priest be GAY in HIS house or did the devil make his way into the church and corrupt the MANY that like little alter boys? Focus on yourself and not others.

10
4 20

Respect is respect. You want people who consider the Bible (believing it to be the Word of God), as their authority, to respect people who choose a homosexual lifestyle, yet you have very little respect for those who have the former lifestyle &/or conviction. Authority comes from our Creator not how ANY of us feel or think. So, respect and love come from and are defined by Him, not our feelings or thinking. So my suggestion is, if you have advice for anyone, use what is TRUE, always true, as your guide and remember to practice what you preach.

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0 2

The God in the Bible is very clear on his view on Homosexuality and it has not changed. This World has changed and will continue to until the end. In the end of world as we know it God will have the finale word on everything that concerns us. Tell the your child that God loves everbody and yes even those who practice Homosexuality but not Homosexuality itself. It is a person free will and right to choose what ever lifestyle he or she wants and you have to respect that right because it is given to us by God himself and he will not even violate that right, other wise he would make everybody serve him.

9
0 14

Thank you Lisa and Kimberly" I didn't know how to express my concerns without offending anyone. You expressed my beliefs well, and I can't imagine that anyone would find fault with your views.

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9 37

My children go to aprivate christian school affiliated with our church and are very unlikely to be exposed to anyone who is Homosexual. they have encountered it when we were out places and on television. when the subject comes up we tell them that although we love all people and treat everyone with respect, we believe that this is not God's intended plan for people's lives. God created a man and a woman and God designed them to fit together and compliment each other in every way because they are different. A man and a woman marry and become one with each other, have children together and form their own family. This is the foundation for a healthy society. Some times two men or two women are atracted to each other like a man and a woman are and they want to live together like they are married and sometimes they adopt children but it is not God's way. Children Ideally, need both a (male) dad and a (female) mom to have a healthy self identity. They need to see their mother and father interact with each other in a marriage and this teaches the child how to be a husband or wife, father or mother in the future it serves as his or her example to emulate. If his parent's marriage is healthy, they are very much likely to grow up to be healthy adults. Homosexual relationships are not the natural way that God inteneded. It is every bit as sinful as a heterosexual relationship in which the unmarried couple is living together. All kinds of pain and trouble comes from these relationships. including unwanted or out of wedlock pregnancies, disease, broken hearts and broken lives. This is what I told my eight year old daughter.

8
0 29

Uh, that is interesting and obvviously very one sided. What about homes that are broken or houses where the spouse has died. I guess those children don't have health self identities. All loving relationships have interaction on how to love, respect and sometimes have the hard time to get through and no matter what, children will see that. I was not married with my now husband for 7 years before we got officially married and it was not "under God" or in a church. We had two children prior to it and raised them like a family. You don't have to be married to have love and to be a family. God didn't have marriage way way back in the day, before a bible was written. We created our own marriage and our own love. Our children know that. I feel very sorry for your daughter. Children are not born homophobic, they are raised that way. Didn't Jesus say to love and respect everyone. Treat others as you would want to be treated and you without sin cast the first stone. It freaked me out the other day when we watched a show and two men kissed and my son said, "that freaked him out." After all our talks, the children at school still got to him. His uncle is gay and in a loving relationship. Accept all and love all and all will fall into place. Don't make up scare tactics that you can't follow up. Because even in marriage, there can be cheating, there can be disease, there can be broken hearts and broken lives and unwanted pregancies.

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15 4

My daughter is just 4 and I explained to her that sometimes instead of a lady and a man who get married sometimes its 2 ladies who get married or two men and it just depends on who you want to give moochies (kiss like in the movies) lol It was pretty basic but it was enough for her hehe I am hetrosexual but she saw two girls (having moochies lol) on tv and I thought I would explain. I think its best if they learn things early on and then they will have no worries with it because mum has explained it to them and mum thinks its fine so she will too!

8
10 16

Children are not as complex as a lot of adults think. The simplest answers are usually the best ones. Love is love.

7
6 1

Agree w so many of these statements. My boys are 15, 12 and 8. W the 15 year old and 12 year old a lot of our conversations have been about using, or rather, NOT using "gay" to mean something bad. Seems to be a common slang term in jr high and high school, "that is gay"...same thing as cursing or using racial slurs in my book and I've advised them to tell their friends the same thing. The rash of teen suicides last year due to bullying because of sexual orientation was just so horrifying to me, what if it were your child, niece or nephew...any child is one too many, regardless of your personal relationship with them. As we know, once you have your children, you become. " everybody's mother." I've also discussed this, the bullying incidents that led to those unfortunate, untimely deaths, at length w my 15 year old.

7
0 20

My kids were about 7 and 8 (now 20 and 22) when new neighbors moved in next door. They were 2 mommies with a boy and girl about the same age as my kids. Their children were from a previous marriage of one of the women. My kids befriended them and spent a lot of time at their house. They asked these women shared a bedroom and I explained to them why. The kids never felt funny about it and loved the mothers. The mothers are RNs and lived just like we did, work, dinner, homework, activities and so on. Soon after, we found out that my sister-in-law was gay. She asked for the kids to visit her and her partner (they are still together) in California. We told them that their aunt was in a relationship like the ladies next door and were perfectly fine with it. I think spending time at the neighbor's home made it easier for my kids to accept the lifestyle of their aunt.

6
34 27

My daughter had a girl in her kindergarten class that had two mommies. She came home one day and was like Mia has two Mommies, isn't that super cool!?!?! I told her it was. About a week went by and she finally came to me and asked why she had two mommies instead of a mommy and a daddy. I told her because sometimes mommies fall in love with other mommies and sometimes daddies fall in love with other daddies. Fast foward to this past summer when she asked me about sex (she's 9 now!) I gave her the basic overview of it, she asked how Mia was born without a daddy getting her mommy pregnant, so then I had to explain adoption to her! Never give kids more information than they are asking for, find that balance point and walk it finely.

5
0 0

For those who wrote about the Bible condemning homosexuality.
I do not know one respectable biblical scholar attributing the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah to homosexuality. Yet the words sodomy and sodomite have come to mean the perversity of homosexuality.

As the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were already under the sentence of doom, the destruction of Sodom could hardly have been the result of the attempted gang rape of the angels. The prophet Ezekiel makes this perfectly clear. This is how he sees it: "As surely as I live, declared the Sovereign Lord ... now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore, I did away with them as you have seen." (Ezekiel 16:48, 49)

The sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was the sin of inhospitality, the sin of hardness of heart in the presence of human need, the sin of injustice and neglecting the poor. That was the abomination to God. Those were the Sodomites. It is amazing how God's judgment upon a city for its corporate injustice has been transformed into a clarion call against private sexual behavior.
We should be honest and give up the hypocrisy of claiming, "I am a biblical literalist," when really everyone is a selective literalist, especially those who swear by the anti-homosexual laws of the book of Leviticus and then feast on barbecued ribs and delight in watching the Super Bowl. For the literalist, the book of Leviticus says it is an abomination, not only to eat pork but merely to touch the skin of a dead pig.
If the Levitical text on homosexual behavior is made normative—"A man shall not lie with another man as with a woman"—what do we do with other prohibitions? Wearing garments made with two different materials and sowing a field with two kinds of seed?
Let's be honest about the Bible. No biblical literalist I know of still publicly advocates slavery or stoning to death an adulterer—both urged in parts of the Bible.

In no way do I discount the Bible. It is the foundational document, the foundation for all churches around the world. It is central to my life as a religious person. But if you take the Bible seriously, you can't read it literally and dismiss what we have learned in the centuries after the Bible was finished.
Today we know gay and lesbian couples who live deeply committed lives of love and integrity. This sexual orientation and its expression in an honorable relationship was not the subject matter of the biblical writers. The really serious problem for Christians who live by "The Book" is not how to square homosexuality with certain passages which on the surface condemn it—but rather how to reconcile rejection, prejudice and cruelty toward gays with the gracious, unconditional love of Christ.

I am one of these mother's who is in a committed loving relationship with another woman and I love God. My kids are happy and well adjusted. I just worry about their friendships with other children who have mothers and fathers that tell them that I am a sinner and I am wrong. It doesn't matter what else you tell them about forgiveness and "loving the sinner". All they will hear is that my son's parents are bad. Bottom line is prejudice and ignorance is what drives the homophobic person to say these hurtful things. Please open your heart up to be friends with the homosexuals in your community, get to know us!

4
6 5

well said

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10 0

How do you explain a straight relationship to your child?????

4
0 6

Good question!

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6 5

If your child goes to school at all, they will know children who live in a variety of situations -- with aunts, uncles or other relatives. Children today also have complicated visitation schedules with divorced parents. No need to get into the sexual dimensions of why two men or two women are caring for a child. "Because your friend is adopted" may be all the answer you need. If one of the parents is biological, "because your friend's mommy/daddy isn't with their other parent anymore. Now they live with their friend ___ who is helping them raise your friend." That is, the same or a similar explanation you would give about a child's friend with parents who don't live together.

4
20 7

I have 15 year old twin boy`s who`s farther is gay and live`s with his partner the boy`s live with me but there has never been a problem for us and no need for much conversation about it has just been exepted as the way things are, both boy`s have a good relatonship with there dad and his partner

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112 0

I'd just tell them that love is love and people can't help who they fall in love with. I hate that there is so much homophobia against gays. And I'm straight. I will stand for every gay right there is. I'm a strong believer in anyone should be able to get married. After all gay people aren't hurting anyone. I'd also tell them to treat others how they want to be treated. I treat everyone with respect except for when they disrespect me. Some of the nicest people I've met are gay.

3
0 0

They can help it. They just choose not to. Is it right for a married person to fall in love with someone else and commit infedelity. Wouldn't it be hurtful to their spouse. We can ask the lord for help. He has all the answers. GOD bless.

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1 6

I would say that it depends on the age of the child and their level of understanding. i would not make a big deal about it. Everyone is different. Period. There is no need to get graphic or go into detail or moralize on it. I think if you are comfortable with it, they will take it in stride.

3
4 5

We just said at that age that so and so has two mommies or two daddies and left it at that until they got older and the conversation Evolves..

3
7 41

We have quite a few different gay/lesbian people in our family and friends. My son is quite old enough for questions yet but I know in my heart what I'll say should he ever have questions... People fall in love. Period. It doesn't matter if heir boys and girls like mommy and daddy or boys and boys like our friend or girls and girls like our cousins. Everyone has the ability and choice to love anyone they want. End of conversation.

2
22 73

We haven't had to explaining anything to our five-year old son yet, but we have good friends in same-sex relationships. It's interesting that their identities as people are the most important things, and so the "relationship" part has never been mentioned. When the time comes, though, I will simply explain what others here have mentioned ... that different people have different relationships and what matters most is who they are and not who they happen to "like." We love them and hope whomever they "like" is kind and good to them.

2
5 12

I have to say all of your answers are wonderful and something I will use in explaining it to my daughter. It hasn't come up yet, we live in a pretty small Iowa town, however, 2 days ago a 14 year old boy from a town about 20 miles from here, took his life b/c he "came out" that he was gay about a month ago, and ended up being bullied and the police are looking into the report of death threats, so I am very glad to see all of your answers. Thank you to all of you for the reassurance of good people in the world!

2
22 73

Missouri legislation has been introduced for schools to no longer have conversations about being gay or anything to do with homosexuality (like GLBT support groups), much like in Minnesota where other teens have also committed suicide after being bullied. What a waste! It hurts me to think "our" children are socialized into such hatred against other people who are different than them.

126 18

I would tell my daughter that love is so big and boundless that it has no prejudice of skin color, or preference of persons. Seeing that she is bi racial I would explain how her daddy and I loved eachother so much we didn't even look at the skin tone because love see's the most important thing -- which is what is inside. And the same goes for gay relationships.
I would also clarify to her that some people prefer to be with men and men, others prefer to be with women and men. That if she ever preferred a woman, she can come to me and I would be okay with it.

Lord knows that my love for my daughter has no limits and I would want to always be her anchor in a world in which we have to use verses of a bible to push the rights of "LOVE" away.

1
206 7

Melissa - that is beautiful!

505 54

I Googled both, Homo and Heterosexuality. I read him the definitions. Then asked him if he understood?
Btw, don't Google it like I did! Naughty stuff popped up that I was NOT prepared for...my children did not see it, but non the less, SHOCKER!!

1
206 7

LOL!! Hilarious! Good for you for the way you decided to explain with facts.

12 25

I have read a lot of comments some good some bad. As a Christian I believe in teaching my children biblical principles of marriage and yes sin. I do also believe that you should not judge. That is for God alone. I see no need to go into details with my children about this subject matter, to me it is the same as talking with them about porn. I look at it as sin and they are taught that way. No matter what a persons lifestyle choice is we do not judge and this is taught to my children first and foremost. We love and respect everyone as individuals. I see no need to discuss sex life in that manner. When they become age appropriate I think it should be handled the same as any other conversation you have with your child about sex.

1
206 7

Just a little point to make here - being gay is NOT a 'lifestyle choice'. It is the way they were born, it is genetics and it is just as normal as any other relationship because it is love in all its wonderous forms.

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0 0

I give all thanks to a great spell caster, who helped me out from the homosexual feelings i do have,i got his contact from a friend,i contacted him and he told me all i need to do,and that was the end.now i have feelings for my opposite sex.not as before when i do fall in love with a fellow man like me.i now have a girl friend.you can also contact him on +2349038504409 or alegbespellcaster@gmail.com
Regards

0
0 0

U know all u bible thumpers and ignoramusses automatically assume that being homosexual is lifestyle choice well i tell u it damn aint it is in us we dont choose to be homosexual we r driven by attraction just like hetorsexuals this coming from a christian who has fought and fought to disrecard my sexuality all my life since i was able to understand sexuality ive tried to end my life etc etc and for ur information also it is not being gay thats the sin it is the sexual act that is the sin NEWSFLASH SAME GOES FOR HETORSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS

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51 0

Just as you would explain any other relationship.

0
1

I told my child after being exposed to same sex PDA that two men or two women loving each other is not right. Society has accepted these people's behavior just as we have made modified structures to accept handicap people with disabilities. God made man and woman to reproduce and two people of the same sex could never have a natural child from love. They love each other in false ways and a woman will try to look like a man to pretent to be a husband or a man a wife to who they love but they still cannot recieve God's gift to bear children. I told them God made it okay to accept gay people because if all humans loved each other as man and woman then the earth would have too many people and man could not provide for his children. That is why you see two mommies at your school. So God made them so they could want each other and make the earth more enjoyable for Dad and Mom and you. I also said that gay people get very mad when they hear this and try to prove we are wrong by doing things like what we saw in public.

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32 82

I will tell them the truth that two men/two women love eachother the same way nanny and grandad love eachother and they loved eachother so much they had a baby like mummy and daddy.
I would also arrange a playdate with the child of the gay parents incl the parents so they could become friends and see that 2 mummies/2daddies have the same life as a mummy and daddy...

i think its hard to pinpoint what yo would say until you were actually in the position with your child...

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176 1

www.abovethetrees.ca - I wrote a book for my daughter that explains there are all different kinds of family...and the family that you are in, is the perfect family for you. Our local school here was promoting my book as a good resource for elementary school level for anti bullying, as it does introduce the concept of "two mommies, two daddies, one mom, and one dad, there were grandma's, aunts and sisters, even grand dads, and each jungle family looked as right as right could be, why there even was a giraffe foster family. The children I have read to have all been elementary age and no one has ever asked any questions, and in fact, in some schools the kids thought two mommies, two daddies, were for divorced couples that re-married...which was not even in my mind when I wrote it. It is so important that we let children know they are all unique and loved. I am just a single mom who wrote this for my daughter to explain that her dad was not in her life. He has made that choice, but I never wanted her to feel that it was "about her", It is a story about a giraffe that grows up questioning where is her dad, and the he simple got "lost" in the jungle. She understands that when your lost it is not about how much you love someone, sometimes you just can't find your way back. I have done this from the truest part of my heart and was so excited when the school asked if I minded it being recommended as part of an anti-homophobic policy. I want my daughter to embrace all the different kinds of families and not think less of her own just because it is still considered "non-traditional" in a small town.

0
206 7

Easy - they love each other and people are different due to genetics. The majority are attracted to the opposite sex, but some to the same sex. In the end though, it doesn't make a bit of difference. Anyone, for whatever reason, who shows bigotry against gay people or relationships are the only ones in the wrong and I don't care what some book says!

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40 0

Gay and lesbian couples are on a lot of tv shows these days, and I don't shelter my daughter from much, except sex/excessive kissing on tv. I explain the dangers of certain things like her seeing drinking, smoking, drugs, violence, etc. on tv, so that she will understand that sometimes those things are glorified. She has seen a lot on tv, and understands which things are truly bad and which circumstances are simply different than ours. I mentioned those subjects only because they are sometimes considered taboo subjects to discuss with young children. She said "gross" when she first saw a gay kiss on tv, but then I explained to her that not all men or women choose to be with someone of the opposite sex. Children will be exposed to all different types of families and classmates, so you can either wait until they ask, or until you see them exposed to a loving gay interaction to slip into a conversation about it. My six year old seems to understand about gay relationships, but she her feelings have yet to be tested in real life.

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0 0

First of all I would love them to the end. Then I would explain how it is wrong. This is the way I would put it.
I believe it would start with a person feeling confused. Then explain that we are all born a little different and that no one is born perfect. Certain handicaps are desinged into our nature and weaknesses are no exception. Some are visual to the eye, and some aren't. I believe that the confusion that individuals experience such as homosexuality is nothing different than having the feeling of having extramarital relations even if your straight. The weakness is the feeling in whitch we have to continue to work against. It would be like being born with no legs, yet that person will have to make a way to continue a normal life and as his brother, we in turn, help with his disability. I would always choose my words carefully and with a gentel touch of grace and kindness. And first and formost, with the help of our Lord

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7 0

Being a homosexual is not a handicap, disability, or a choice. Those are not gentel words. they are confusing to a child. There is nothing wrong with being a homosexual and if you are so christian you wouldn't judge or teach your children to judge. Everyone loves in a different way and God loves everyone.

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