How do you feel about spankings/swats/butt busting?

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40  Answers

1 0

The problem I have is parents who feels they shouldn't spank but then have no plan for another form of consequenses. Here's the thing, action result in consequenses good or bad it is a part of life. No choice you make goes without a consequence. Some choices you make result in a positive or negative consequence and the degree varies. If my 4 year old slaps me across the face I will swat her on the butt. In real life, if you walked up to someone on the street and hauled off and hit them wouldn't you expect to get hit back? If my child delivers physical harm to anyone including herself, I spank. However, if she refuses to clean her room I do not swat her, I encourage her. I think whatever the issue is, you are the parent and you make the choices on how to discipline your own child. Please do so with love in your heart and their best interest in mind.

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4 37

I think you have it SPOT ON!!!! I agree 110%! My son is now 13 yrs old and when he was 3 he smacked me in the face so I swacked him. That was the first & LAST time that ever happened! He respects me and would not ever lay a hand on me.

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318 0

It's a rather big assumption that kids who are spanked don't love and respect their parents.

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2 0

I agree, my mother used to give me a few wacks...lol But, I love her and repect her and knew that it was always out of love and for my safety. After she did it she would always apologize and remind me that she loves me and wants me to be safe and a good girl. When I miss behaved it made her sad and after she popped me she would tell me that I could seriously get hurt and you will thank me later for this. Thank you Mom! ♥

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4 12

It is not illegal to spake children on their bottoms. We all need to know our limits and so do our children. They push to see how much they can get away with. It should not be done with cruelty but when no means no a parent has to put their foot down. It is VERY difficult to be the stern parent. But if parents cannot control their children, the legal system will have to when they are to far gone. A final thought...when I was in school I was more worried about my spanking or grounding at home so I behaved at school. Spanking should be the last action of discipline...try everything thing else first.

18
0 0

Debbie, you have set the standard for all parents to follow! Very well said! God Bless you and your family!!!

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0 0

I believe that it is the ultimate responsibility of the parent to nurture a child as soon as they are born. Now, what does nurture mean? It means to give tender care and protection to a young
child, animal, or plant, helping it to grow and develop. It also means to encourage someone or
something to grow, develop, thrive and be successful. (Encarta World English Dictionary)
Now, if you study animals, such as dogs, cats, lions, tigers, bears, or any other animal
that has offspring. They all operate the same way when it comes to nurturing their little ones.
They all teach their little ones what is acceptable, and unacceptable behavior. If you don't
believe me watch Animal Planet, or a similar program. If the little pup or cub does something
that the adult feels is out of line, they take a nip at their young to say "that's enough of that!"
And that little pup or cub gets the message and changes the direction of their behavior.And
what is amazing, is that those animals can't talk, but their message is made clear.
That's called nurturing! Now, what is different about humans? They don't take a little
nip at their little ones, but they use the word "NO," quite a bit! But what if "NO" doesn't work?
How about time-outs? If you use them and they work, that's great, and you have been successful
in that issue. But, what if time-outs don't work after a time, and the errant behavior continues?
How about grounding, or sending them to their room? After a short time that gets old, and the
little one finds a way around that, especially if you send them to their room with the television,
video games, cell phone and I-Pods, and all the while they are laughing at you on the way to
their room! And those forementioned parenting tools do work for some parents. But some
parents are pulling their hair out, hoping that someone would come over like "SuperNanny"
and rescue them from their their kid, because they have been transformed from a little angel,
to a little devil! There are a lot of parents who grew up being spanked or swatted for no reason
at all. So, I can surmise that their parents were treated the same way! So, they promised themselves that when they grew up, and got married that they would stay away from any kind
of corporal punishment, or discipline when they had kids. Now, I submit to parents that the "old school" way of spanking children if it was with "kitchen utensils", wide razor straps, tree branches, extension cords, or any other tools that they used was in essence "child abuse", even though it was not called such. But many "old school" grandparents attest to the fact that their way of correcting was the only way that they knew. But I also submit to you even though that "wrong way" to correct and discipline was used in the "old school" form, which is now considered "child abuse", there is a "right way" to spank",( which if used) should be used only as "last resort", after all other methods have been exhausted. That correct, and lawful way in all 50 states of the United States is listed in this way. The law in Nevada states that "the parent/guardian may use reasonable and appropriate physical force upon the minor when, and to the extent, reasonably necessary and appropriate to maintain discipline" (Sec. 11.81.430.[Cr.] And it is understood in all states that that means on the rear end, and not to be administered in anger. So,in order to administer such correction, parents must place a "cool down" period between the errant act by the child, and the light swattage on the "seat of understanding". Then, it is also the parent's duty to explain to the child why that correction took place, and close that episode with love and nurturing. That is similar to the "little nip" that the animal parents used to get the attention of their young offspring when they got into trouble. It must be understood, that parents have an obligation to set limitations and boundaries for their offspring early, because the parent is similar to an artist who is about to paint a masterpiece on a brand new canvass. You as the artist, are the one and only one, who gets first dibs on what you put on that canvass in the early years. But if you don't take the opportunity while you have it to hew and shape that canvass so that the painting will be a successful "Rembrandt", you will miss your chance, and the local "junkyard dog" will have their dibs at the "paintbrush" ensuring that you won't not get another chance to nurture and shape your
offspring! So, I hope that is "food for thought" for this never-ending controversy! That is The Bottom
Line!!!

18
215 1

As a 56 year old grandmother who never HIT her children and certainly doesn't hit her little grandchildren, I take offence at how you believe that there is a 'correct way of hitting a child'. You can't couch it in any other words - spanking IS hitting. And as such is a violent act which, if I used on you, I would be quite rightly arrested. How and why should anyone HIT another person? Why should a defenceless child be less safe under the law than you the adult or even your dog? Just because 50 States are cruel enough and insensitive enough to leave spanking on the table - because the powers that be are too worried about votes than mere children - does NOT make it automatically right. A few years back we would have been discussing the beating of wives in exactly the same way - and we ALL know that that is wrong. How is it not for a little one? How is it that we can't raise our children up without violence, and with grace and understanding, compassion so they become gentle, caring adults? Any person who is able to 'cool down' and then calmly HIT a child, or anyone frightens the heck out of me ... and should everyone. BTW 'closing the spanking with love and nurturing' is just to make the parent feel better about hitting a child! I just felt anger, hate, resentment, abused and there was NO way I believed they loved me - as they had just HIT, me something even I didn't do to another!! Telling me and attempting to hug me making it 'all ok' to having been hit NEVER gelled with me .. and now at nearly 57 is never likely to! My parents lost me - they lost my love, respect and trust. I surely don't trust and respect anyone who hits me! Just ask my ex husband.....

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0 0

I'm sorry was the question How do I feel about spanking? Or was it How do I feel about HITTING? Trust me there is a difference and spanking CAN be done in a loving way. I got spank plenty of times and For someone to say my loving parents are bad people can go to HELL for judging such good people.

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7 2

Well said. Thank you.

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16 0

I don't think theres anything wrong with spanking as long as its done correctly. It should never be done out of anger and is a last ressort! AS it stands, I smack my girls hand if i say dont touch three times and she keeps doing it, but when i say smack its not hard, its just to get their attention that its wrong. we have also smacked their bums in the bath tub for standing but again its after three warning and just to get her attention.

its not abuse, the tragedy is, theres a whole generation of kids out there with no values and no appreciation for anyone but themselves due to no discipline! thats distugusting!

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3 10

Thank you, I sure am glad that there are still some out their that knows that a child has to have discipline to learn correct behavior. Scripture teaches us to discipline our children. Nowadays that is sadly lacking and it is very noticeable. So many people have absolutely not respect for others and do not think think they should be accountable to anyone.

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3 3

I have a 2 year old son who is very head strong and does not like time out! So my husband and i decided to spank his butt! Guess what it works! I also have a 1 year old who we have spanked once and never had to do it again because she now understands that no means no and she stops immediatley! So my opinion is it is ok to spank your child! BUT there is also a difference between spanking ang beating you child! SPARE THE ROD SPOIL THE CHILD!

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4 25

just because somthing works doesnt mean u should do it. wanna know how to get free food? steal it! seriously it works! do it -.-

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2 20

God put 2 little balls of fat on our back sides. I know they are designed to cushion us when we sit down, but I think he also designed them to be spanked. I believe in spanking, but only on the bottom and not when your angry, and not to the point of abuse. I spanked all 5 of my children and would do it again They are all fine young adults, and raising fine respectful children.

9
0 0

Kasren, You have said what is true, tested, and proven! If every parent followed your prescription for parenting, more of society's children would be raised to be productive members! Kudos to you for being a great and loving Mom! be productive

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71 10

I stand by my decision to spank. Timeout is a big joke for some kids. As is spanking for others. I surely would not put a mom down for choosing to do either or. What I don't like is people who see you child get in trouble and ask if you need help. Thanks I am good, and I know what is best for my child. Give me a break if your going to say you are always calm when you discipline your child. We as humans and parents do loose it sometimes. Spousal abuse is different from spanking and is a very broad theme to bring into a discussion about spanking, which should happen on a child's behind. The two don't correlate. I wanna see your proof that children that are spanked are horrible members of society.
TealRose you might want to look into some counseling for yourself, your childhood, and your previous marriage. Good luck with that!

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0 5

Katie I have never made a comment on here but read about spanking and I TOTALLY agree with you. There IS a difference between spanking and beating! I am now a grandmother, I raised 2 boys and they both were spanked and will tell you they probably deserved more. I had friends say that we were the only couple with kids that were invited into their home because my boys were so well disciplined. They werent beat, they were spanked. My grandchildren are spanked too, and given a reason why they were spanked. "Time Out" is plain stupid to me! There are more toddlers telling their parents what to do and it should be the other way around. Parents just don't get it! Plain and simple! Being hit by a spouse and being spanked as a child is COMPLETELY different. Some of these parents are going to have major problems when their precious brats turn 12 and 13 yrs. old then they will wonder what in the world happened. By the time they finally "get it" its going to be too late. If you spank or smack their hands when they are starting out it doesnt take long and then all you have to do is say "No" and the kids get the picture. Isn't it funny how the kids understand and "get it" but their parents don't! Good for you for being a good parent and I know your children will love and respect you for it.

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19 14

We know so much more about human development and human behavior than our parents did. They did not have as many tools as we have for discipline. Spanking or slapping hands is no longer need to teach children to be responsible.

7
146 0

I'm absolutely against it. Yes, I understand some children simply don't respond well to time-outs and the like...at first...but the truth is, they WILL grow out of it, and they WILL learn, if consistent discipline is used every. single. time. But they won't grow out of knowing you HIT them. That you used violence to ensure that you got what you wanted (even if what you wanted was reasonable). You've taught them that the ends justify the means, and I don't agree with that. Not at all. My daughter, now 6, went through and extremely trying period from 3-4 years old. I thought I'd lose my mind, honestly.

But as hard as that was, it's worth it knowing that I didn't teach her that it's okay to hit people who don't do what you want. I didn't incorporate violence into her world as a way of life. And now, she's an extremely well behaved, well spoken, kind and thoughtful little girl who has no doubt that hitting people is wrong. I have no regrets. I endured, as all good parents must sooner or later, hard times, and we came out closer and stronger for it. I'm glad that I didn't succumb to using physical violence because of my own anger and frustrations.

6
215 1

Sarah well done !! It isn't easy is it? But as you say was SO worth it. I never wanted to teach my children that violence was a good thing, that hitting was what you did to get your own way. They are now grown into fine, kind, gentle caring adults !

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56 0

it's cruel and abusive punishment out of fear and pain. is that the way we want our children to grow up? there's so many better alternatives. the problem is it's hard to adjust to the change from spankings to time-outs and taking away privileges. but it's got to be done and it works so much better. we are "giants" to our children isn't that such an unfair match? wouldn't a bigger person abusing a smaller person be a bully? yes, i think so. love and constructive discipline is all you need. and on occasion dad can approve or disapprove of certain behavior and raise his voice a tiny bit. i'm too gentle and loving for my kids to b afraid of me. and i've never had any problems with any of my charges throughout my life. just my own 2 little amazing little people. lol!

6
26 10

It is abuse and teaches kids that it is OK to hit people who are smaller than them. It also doesn't teach anything positive and doesn't help the child make better decisions....

6
14 1

That's pretty black/white/and overgeneralized...you must've done a shitload of research to make such blanket statements. Amazing.

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2 3

I have been torn on the spanking issue. I started out not spanking then resorted to it a few times when my son seemed to respond to nothing else. It did stop his behavior better than any other form of discipline but also increased his own aggressive behaviors at other times. When I would tell him not to hit, he said well you hit me. And he was right. And I don't want my child to mind me out of fear of me, but instead out of love and respect for me. I stopped spanking again after seeing some negative effects from it. I don't really want to teach my child to hit people when they don't do what he wants them to do. That could lead to big problems in the future. But that's basically what we do when we spank- we hit out children when they aren't doing what we want them to do. If it's not okay for an adult- if it's not okay for your husband to hit you if you go against his wishes- then what makes it okay just because it's a child. So I've been there on both sides of this and personally, for my own children, they will not be spanked in the future.

6
7 2

God Bless your thinking and choice. BUT don't dare call it wrong. It's not beating. It's not abuse. It's a form of discipline. It works for some and not for others. Me? I try all other forms before it comes to that form of discipline.

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33 19

Ok ... I'm probably going to get some stuff said but oh well, this is my opinion. As a child I was smacked and, at 19, I believe I turned out okay. My 2 year old gets time outs either in a corner or at my feet ( depending on where we are) HOWEVER, I have smacked her twice now, both times for dangerous behavior- such as running away from me close to a road. I wouldn't smack her over not cleaning her room or some other easily rectified behavior. Over all I believe it is a parents choice on how they parent :D

5
4 0

Don't you hit or I'm going to HIT YOU. Makes no sense to me.

5
57 1

Exactly Megan!!! People have no logic! UGH!

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1 1

I find it a little out of whack to think that you respect someone who teaches you violence. I am 51 years old and I was spanked a few times as a child and all it taught me was to fear my parents. Spanking teaches a child fear of getting in trouble and getting hit. It teaches them violence as an answer to wrong doings. I don't think my parents felt good after spanking us kids and learned that using time out and taking away privileges brought about a better response. Sure it's easier to just get a quick whack and get it over with rather then being responsible for your actions. I raised my children without having to raise a hand to them and I'm proud of it. They learned that their actions brought about a consequence. As an adult if we do something wrong we have consequences, if we break the law we can go to jail and have our privileges taken away. As an adult if we hit someone what does that accomplish? We can go to jail, right? So why would you think hitting a child is teaching them anything but violence and fear of you? Are you preparing them for the real world when they grow up where it is okay to hit someone if they do something wrong? So in essence you have told them as a kid it's okay to be hit and to hit if they do something wrong but you have to stop hitting, spanking as an adult because you could go to jail if you are caught. Wrong message ladies, so stop spanking your children and teach them something they can use all their life. If you do something wrong there is a consequence that doesn't involve violence. Teach with love instead of anger. Make the consequence fit the crime. If you colored on the walls though you know you arent' supposed to have them scrub it. If they took something that doesn't belong to them, have them give it back or work to pay off what they broke or took. If they bite have them bite a sponge until they can't bite anymore and continue to have them do it until they learn that biting isn't any fun and not the right answer. If they spit, have them spit in the toilet 100 times till they run out of spit and know that that is not acceptable and they only place they are allowe to spit is in the toilet and not at someone. Just examples that I have had to deal with raising three children, helping raise grandchildren and 25 plus years helping to raise other people's children in daycare. If you want them to learn violence let them watch cartoons, now there's another subject we might want to discuss.....

5
8 0

GREAT!!!!!

4 0

As a family therapist with 35 years of experience, a mom of two young adults Samara 22 and Todd 29, I can honestly say that I walk my talk. I have never swatted, spanked either of my kids and as far as my patients are concerned I have not ever supported their aggressive treatment of their children. Why do I feel that way? MOst parents that spank their children are frustrated and unable to calmly articulate what their child did or didn't do that disturbed them. I am all about Aerial Parenting, an anti punishment approach, that focused on our child's safty, wellbeing and talking rather than striking at. Be mindful that when you spank, you child can become a spanker of their children. The harder road is to realize that that one major mistake and start from scratch. You can disagree with me but anytime I have seen anyone hit, spanked etc., that's a child, it goes right through me. There are so many more options. Please read my book, What Do You Expect? She's A Teenager! Remember when you made a mistake, were you hit? Just because a parent did that, didn't make it right. It's not right to hit. It's right to teach a child how to be compassionate, civilized, just, fair, compromising while true to themselves. I have two amazing caring intelligent young adults who are good citizens and wouldn't hurt a fly. Give your child hugs and love!!!!
I get really fired up on this subject!!!

5
0 0

Arden, I commend you on your approach, but it does not work for everyone! I believe that you are referring to beating a child, as opposed to several light swats on the backside! Beating a child is abuse and unlawful, but spanking, which is lawful is defined as "reasonable physical force" and I have a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice, and amzonk an Alternative Sentencing Domestic Violence Instructor! Take a look at my book entitled "Parenting: The Bottom Line, and see if you agree with what you see there, and comment your honest response!!!

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0 0

Hands arent for hitting!
Thinking chair worked for my little girl as a toddler and now at the age of 7,we sit and talk about it,and if I need to notch it up another level "No activities".(havent had to go that far yet).
I was bought up by a single Mum in the, 60's,70's,80's, My Mum never ever touch us,we did as we were told.I am a Mum in my 40's now and I love every moment,clear boundaries and Firm Language is all you need.

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11 4

Here is my 2 cents. I was spanked as a child. Back of a hairbrush, meter stick and of course by hand. How do I feel about it? I didn't trust my mother. I walked on eggshells and was terrified to move in the house given I was a child and was learning my boundaries. I hid in a closet, under my brothers bed at times. I would have to out run her at times. Was I a bad kid? Not at all. She had 0 patience, never "talked" to me to understand why I shouldn't do things. I made innocent mistakes that kids will make. I don't believe a child should be scared of a parent, their home should be a safe place. The world can be cruel enough. I have 4 healthy. smart, productive kids, ages 6, 4, 1 and 5 months. I have never laid a finger on them. Also, I want them to know it is not ok for others to touch them!

4
11 4

I wouldn't want someone "spanking" or hitting me now. It's degrating, insulting and belittles and could land someone in jail. Is it in child abuse laws that segregate hitting from spanking? If a child hits or spanks at school it is bullying. Should a teacher "spank" because it is non-evasive. What I seem to read is the ones that are OK with it say oh I do it with no anger, it's not hard. If that were true then it wouldn't work as not feeling pain would mean nothing to a child. There is no element of fear. Pain creates fear. Look at your kids face next time you do it. Sure it takes a lot of patience to sit and work it out with a child. Many time its because they get into something that we could have prevented. I don't want to raise my kids to think oh well if I can't get through to them hit them. Many out of respect for thier parents will applaud and say oh it helped me and gives me an excuse to do it to mine. Nobody wants to come to a realization that maybe just maybe they are wrong. I have my kids, I will continue to not lay a hand on my children. Although my daughters friend is sent on her knees to a corner or gentley spanked by her parents. I asked her how she felt about that. Her words "It scares me and sometimes it hurts" she is like a little mouse, way to go! I'll take of mine and choose to use my words and you may do what you choose and maybe no one will ever change it. I chose to break the cycle of "spanking".

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0 0

I am not sure who is moderating this forum or if it is moderated at all. I came in to add my opinion about spanking coming from the perspective of an abusive upbringing, and also a degree in Child Development. Quite frankly, I am afraid to say anything. No matter what I say, someone will be offended or disagree. And although that usually doesn't bother me, the immature and hostile responses some of you have made towards each other is offensive. You can say what you think with out sarcasm. Good grief.

4
0 0

Melissa, The question is, how do you feel about....? That leaves the answer for you and how you feel about a certain issue! You can only answer from your point of view! No one can speak for you. They can either agree, or disagree, but they have not walked in your shoes! So do your thing and join in the dialogue! We all can learn something we didn't know!!! Ron

11 0

It will cost you the trust ofyour child, You may think it is an instant solution, but it creates long term problems that you will regret later
Dont do it.

4
8 0

I cannot believe even to READ this question!!!
To use any form of violence when your child is NOT behaving the way YOU want, is TEACHING the child tho use violence to get it his /her way. That is the big message! the strongest can do what he /she wants! So, when your older child hits the younger out of anger and prustration, DON"T be upset, because you were the one teaching how anger and frustration can be expressed!!!

For many it is seemingly soooo difficult to understand this because most of us are raised with the power versus powerless education. We will reproduce the same behavior later in life.

The hidden message is also: "if you dont behave the way I like, I punish you" The hidden message for the child is also: I am not accepted for who I am. ( The core essence of the problems why many clients in my practice come to seek for help) It is a sign of CONDITIONAL LOVE.

Heart=based and LOVE based education gives other alternatives then spanking...It is interesting that if parents really look deeply insight of them, they disover often other reasons for their frustration then the surface was showing them...

4
7 4

Well, Dr.Phil says no spanking. Personally I think Dr.Phil is a kook. Their are some kids that have to have a pat on the britches. My step son would take his tricycle into the street no matter what we did. I mean we nurtured the heck out out him and nothing worked. A firm pop on the butt did it.

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215 1

Kandyce - so you chose to hit your stepson, instead of simply taking the bicycle off him for a while? BTW tricycle indicates to me that this child was very young - and shouldn't have been anywhere NEAR the road or able to get into the road at his age! Just .. sad.

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4 6

I think a well placed swat on a bottom following the warning "if you do that again, you're getting a spank" gets their attention and serves as enough deterrent to change the behavior.

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0 0

Tasia, beyond all the nonsense coming from the parents who want to be "best friends" with their kids. A swat or two from them early, is the best deterrent from having to see the S.W.A.T. Team chasing their children later!

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1,738 8

I personally don't believe in them. First of all, punishment in and of itself has a lot of problems that go along with it... But spanking/etc. in particular I am absolutely against. No matter what you are "teaching," you are still demonstrating that hitting another person is okay. I do not buy into the "do as I say, not as I do" type of parenting - if I want my child to engage in safe behaviors, so do I. When my dd started kicking my dog and yelling "All done water!" (he drinks until he's sick), I realized that she saw me nudge him with my foot and yell (he's almost deaf). So I changed my behavior, and now she walks over, pets him gently, and says, "Sorry, Jack Jack, all done water. All done." I think that if you remove yourself from the situation until absolutely calm before delivering the punishment, then MOST (not all, of course, and not for every person - but for a lot) spankings would not exist. I would rather deliver consequences that match the behavior (you make a mess - you clean it up; you hit over a toy - you apologize and lose the toy) while teaching appropriate ways to get your needs met.

Positive reinforcement works wonders while avoiding the pitfalls of punishment. Think of how often you show up to work (positive reinforcement - you get paid, you keep your job, you have money to buy things) versus drive the speed limit (since speeding tickets are punishments).

4
1 7

Consistency to time outs works unbelieveably well. We just have to be the adult and be consistent and persistent to performing the time outs. There was a Super Nanny show where the mom put her child in time out over 160 times in a row until he understood that he was going to have to listen to her. He finally got it....no physical pain involved at all. Time out worked everytime after that....

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0 0

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/news/articles/2012/02/06/spanking-produces-troubled-kids-study-contends

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11 2

There is a difference between a beating and a spanking. As a child i got both. My sons all got spankings growing up. If I had to tell them 2 times to stop the inappropriate behavior, I warned them that if I had to tell the again they would get a spanking and a timeout. I was basically a single parent and it was very stressful working all day then coming home and taking care of them at night. I could not have them out of control, i needed them to behave appropriately, knowing that there were consequences for bad behavior. There is nothing wrong with a spanking when it is needed....I've seen lots of kids on playdates who would really benefit from a spanking. Watching the parents try and persuade and reason with this out of control child makes the parents look stupid, and if the child is behaving this badly in public I can only imagine what goes on at home.

3
0 0

I agree; it does depend on the child. I respect parents who say they never spanked and their children are polite and well-behaved. However, I know that parents also set different bars for what they think is appropriate behavior. I grew up next door to a girl who was never spanked. I was spanked by my mom. I remember her mom describing us to a friend of hers as "My daughter is very well behaved while Paige is just good as gold". Then my own mom later complained to the same neighbor: "the girl next door is a complete brat. Very disobedient." I realized: the difference was in the expectations of the parent.

1 1

Kids are exactly that, kids. There is a difference to 'hitting' an adult., who should have all faculties, supposed logical and mature enough to know right from wrong. A kid does not, he/she is still learning, knowing boundaries and if you are fortunate and have kids who are well behaved, less discipline is needed and then, if you have one who is prone to tantrums, to being challenging, what do you do then ? When timeouts and all that reasoning/talking do not work ? I advocate spanking as a last resort. Its never a first option and its a good deterrent, spanking works. As the kid gets older, spanking stops and taking away privileges are the norm for bad behaviour. Please do not compare 'hitting' an adult to 'spanking' a child...totally different subject.

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57 1

My daughter was very challenging, never hit her. My son wasn't, never hit him either. It was a LOT of work to raise a challenging girl, but she's a teenager now & my patience & hard work has paid off. She is in all honors classes, receives high honors, is kind, works 2 jobs, keeps her room clean, never swears, is classy, etc.! You don't have to hit them if they're "difficult", that's your choice if you do & would be a poor one. It would teach them things you don't want to teach them.

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1 171

We starting spanking our child around the age of 3. Other things just did not work for him (corner, timeout, etc.) We tried EVERYTHING but nothing worked for him. He did not understand until we started spanking him. He learned real quick that if he did something bad he was going to get tore up. He is a much better child since we started doing it. He was completely out of control before and now I cannot even believe he acted the way he did before. It has made a very positive difference. Every one feels differently about this issue, but if it works for you then do it. I did not want to start doing it, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to go on medication he was so terrible. Spankings helped us tremendously. He is much better now and knows if he doesn't do the wrong thing he will not get a spanking. Regardless of whether people say they do it or not, they have at some point. It is ridiculous not to do it unless you like your kid to be terrible and show out all the time. I have also noticed that a lot of lazy people do not do it either because they just do not want to take the time to discipline their kids and let them run all over them.

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May I ask why, if you were having so many problems with a tiny three year old, you didn't ask for help from a child therapist instead of hitting him? [Tore up? that sounds really frightening to me ..] Sure .. he avoids a spanking .. who the hell wouldn't - but does he REALLY know why he shouldn't or should do a thing? Does he really know how much you love him ?? Because as a child I know once my parents hit me I didn't. Lazy parenting is not finding out the cause of the problems, not respecting a child's own personal being - and hitting them. You wouldn't want me to hit you, would you?? You wouldn't find that respectful??

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Myself and 5 brothers and sisters came from a loving and happy home, but if we misbehaved on some occasions, we had a smack. We had often pushed the parent to it as they were few and far between, but it did often deter us from doing it again because we knew the punishment. It hasn't harmed us and we have always loved and respected our parents. I my self have had to smack my son on a few rare occasions and on one occasion I bit him after he had bit me. I think he still loves me!! There is a difference between a smack and a hit, and I don't think a small smack hurts any child if the have overstepped the mark. It saddens me to see really naughty children misbehaving and Mummy/Daddy trying to ''speak'' to them about their misbehaviour and the child running around taking no notice whatsoever.

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good for you rosemary! These are the kids I can not stand...they get up and walk around in a restaurant..and their parents have no control over them...as they are trying to "talk" disipline them...

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In my opinion, spanking on the bottom should only be used when the child has done something that could put them in a "life or death" situation. For ex: running out into the street or in a parking lot, jumping into the lake without a lifejacket...I wasn't spanked and I don't spank my 7 yr old son. He's gotten a spank on the behind for running out into the street...once. That's my opinion. Causing your child pysical pain and then apologizing for it, makes no sense to me. To each their own.

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Totally agree. We have a simple rule - harming themselves or other (as in endangering - Eg - a child is about to put a fork into the power socket - I would smack there hand out of the way and repeat no etc.)

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There are as many opinions as there are parents, if anyone wants to hear mine, I think neither spanking, nor butt busting are going to teach a child what's right and what's wrong. I never hit, spank or otherwise punish my child in any physical way. I raised my voice at her (rarely, but I did), and I apologized to her for that. I want to teach her that hitting, spanking, and the such are all unacceptable, and she should never accept them from anyone. The only way I can convey that is by setting an example. If she misbehaves, there are toys to be taken away, there is always some favorite activity to be cut short, and there are always ways to make it up. As she grows up, I require that she thinks of ways to make up for her mistakes (she yelled in a tantrum at daddy while shopping? she needs to apologize, explain what she's apologizing for, what she should have done instead, and she needs to think of a way to make it up for it). If she does something dangerous (to herself or others), I normally just need to calmly tell her of the danger and she'll listen in 99% of the cases. For the remaining 1% I'll use the "I'll only read two stories tonight instead of 3" remedy, which is the most painful one for her. If she is in real imminent danger (too close to the street, biking straight towards small kids without looking) and there is no time for her to react to my words, I usually run and prevent the catastrophe as best I can, and then do the explaining. I don't have anything against people who do use spanking as a last resort. My parents did that (and I don't hate them for it, but I don't think it was a good educational resource either). I just don't do that.

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I gaurentee you will end up with a "bossy" beligerant, preteen,teen that will want her way in every situation..if she is showed no disipline she will think she can get away with murder and someday when she has done something really really bad...and she's responsible for it...how are you gonna help her...? By telling her she needs to apologize and needs to think of a way to make it up to them ??

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I have a 3yr old and every now and then she gets a tap in the butt keep in mind she does have a pull up or something on. She has a lot of attitude but the occassional tap on her butt is calming her down. I still gett the same amount of "I love mommy" kisses and hugs as I did before nothing has changed at all except her behavior is getting better.

I believe it all comes down to the childs personality and what works for the parents. Some parents have no control over there emotions and yes can and have severly hurt there child, however, those bad incidents can't be turned on us parents who do have emotional control over the situation with spanking our kids. You can be anti spaning if you choose but don't be little or put down parents who choose spanking, its not a right for anyone to judge anyones parenting as no parent is perfect and not one parent will always agree with the other. Except people have different styles, ways and skills and let it be without arguing and acting childish

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There are just some things that time out's and counting don't seem to work for. There is nothing wrong with a swat on the butt with in reason and it has to fit the crime. Those of us that got swats when deserved aren't in to criminal behavior but if you look at the kids that get asked over and over again to not do something tell me how much respect they have for their parents let alone society I can tell you NONE. Take a look at society and see 1980's and back and how much crime there was and those people were spanked. but look towards 2012 and how many young adults are into some crime and they were more then likley not spanked cause the law says we are not aloud and gave our kids the upper hand against us. Do i think teachers should be aloud to spank our kids no i don't it should be for the parents.

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SO yesterday

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Everyone likes a well-behaved child. My children are all adults and two of them have adult children. My mother's choice of discipline was to shame, embarrass and humiliate..She was discrete most of the time but sometimes not. It was successful but the emotional pain lives on and on and on.... Let me say this: When I was in a nursing home relearning how to walk my niece brought my mother (age 95) to visit me. She leaned over me and said, "Can you ever forgive me for the awful things I said to you?" It was emotionally healing - I was 64. DO NOT NAME CALL, EMBARRASS, BELITTLE, HUMILIATE OR USE ANY KIND OF VERBAL ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When children are very small they love to touch and feel things. Pretties are soooo attractive. Some people will disagree with me on this but I firmly encourage it. Put things that are treasures away or out of reach. Let them learn not to touch with things that, should they get broken, won't make you feel angry! When you are visiting someone with lots of "stuff" have a few toys with you and USE DISTRACTION. Avoid frustration by keeping your visit short. Children don't need to be thrust into temptation!

I made lots of mistakes raising my children - don't smile and say, "I won't" because you will. It won't be intentional - as I told my oldest when he was 16 and on a rant about what terrible parents he had, "We don't lay awake nights talking about ways to make you miserable. We do talk about how we might help you." He was the oldest and we were determined that he would be PERFECT. He was perfect - our efforts to perfect him were with good intentions but not always helpful.

We did spank sometimes. That's not something I would do hindsight. There is a cartoon of a dad sitting on a park bench with his child over his knee spanking him and he's saying, "How many times have I told you not to hit other children?" That sums it up for me.

I read a book MOST OF US ARE MAINLY MOTHERS. There was a sentence that, to me, is profound and I typed it up (no that was before computers, dears) and put in on the fridge. RAISE THE THRESHOLD OF YOUR ANNOYANCE. Never lash out at your child in anger. They need to understand that they have pushed the limit but they should never doubt for one second that you value them less! Keep in mind that sometimes anger makes us unreasonable.

Correction is changing direction. Discipline doesn't have to be harsh - you'd never slam on the brakes and steer wildly on ice. You'd surely crash and wreck your car On the other hand you wouldn't throw up your hands and cover your eyes - that's permissiveness. Both end in disaster!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOBE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE AND LOVE MORE!

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Linda, if you suffered severe beatings, as well as emotional scars as a child, I am sorry for what you went through. But, if you have been reading these posts you have read that "old school" beatdowns by parents back in the day were passed down from generation. It was not called "child abuse" but it was! So now in this present day, state law has begun to define what is "child abuse" and what isn't. all of the 50 States in this Great Country that we live in states that "parents or guardians have the right to use "reasonable" physical force, in the correction and discipline of their children"! The words "reasonable" means only a "swat or two on the backside, and only after all other methods of discipline, ie, time-outs, or grounding etc, have been used. And iif you swat, let it be the last resort, and not be done in anger. I know you find this hard to swallow, but this bring the child to understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and that there are consequences for flagrant misconduct! Please respond to anything that I have written in error!

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My children are all grown and have children of their own now. I spanked my children and believe that God has commanded us to do so. The Bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child" My children are wonderful citizens, hard working, responsible, and they are now spanking their children as well. If the spanking is done in love, and only on their behinds...they will live through it and be better for it.

Our world today is full of spoiled rotten people that commit crimes if they don't get their way. Our jails are full of people who never learned discipline. It starts in the home when babies are small and learn to not touch electrical outlets.

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My kids are teens, hard working, awesome teenagers & I never hit them. Do you eat pork, does your husband cut his hair, do you stone people who are raped? It also says that in the Old Testament. It actually doesn't say "spare the rod, spoil the child", that is a VERY mis-quoted saying from a poem Hubridias by Samuel Butler. There are a lot of spoiiled rotten people, true! You can spoil them rotten AND hit them, imagine that! The states with the most juvenile crimes are in states that use Corporal punishment in schools. 99% of people in jails WERE corporally punished! You teach a kid not to touch an outlet & watch them at that age. If they touch an outlet, a parent should spank themselves for not watching their kids well enough! You seem like a very nice person, but should do your research on these matters more. Looks all this stuff up, there are multiple outlets to inform yourself about the statistics, etc.

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I feel that spankings are important in raising children. I believe that the lack of is a big reason that our world has ended up the way it has. Schools used to be able to use Corporal punishment in schools and now most are not allowed and our schools have gotten out of control and I truly believe that this is one of the main reasons. I believe it teaches respect. I am talking about spankings and NOT hitting....there is a big difference.

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Rachael, 22 States have re-instated corporal punishment after the Columbine Murders. They took these measures because of the willful negligence of parents to discipline their children across the country! You are on point!!!

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I for the most part don't believe in spanking, I am a big believer in talking to kids. I found that a lot of the times if I exsplained why what they had done was wrong they quite often didn't do it again, I also believe in teaching kids to think, I would often ask them about what they did which would make them think about their actions, I also taught them about cause and effect, we would talk about their actions and the the effects it had, we'd discuse who or what was effected and how they/it was effected. if more than talking was needed I would give time outs and/or take away privileges. I said for the most part I don't believe in spanking and that is true I do however think in some cases when it's a matter of safety and they need a sound lesson fast a spanking would be given, my oldest son got a spanking when he was three and I walked into the kitchen at his Grandma's house to find he had gotten a hold of a garbage bag and had put it over his head and entire body, I pulled off the bag and gave him one firm slap on his bottom and told him never to do that again, after wards I sat with him and told him I was sorry for spanking him but he could never do that again and exsplained the danger, another example of a time I would think it appropriate situation for a spanking would be a child running from a parent in a parking lot or near a street, in my opinion if a childs action has danger of harm or death to the child and a spanking is going to get the message not to do it again a spanking is not a bad thing. I will say though in my opinion if spankings are given with any kind of frequincy they will be uneffective in doing anymore that teaching a child that hitting is ok. This all said if disapline is needed, in my opinion which I have formed in the raising of my four children time outs/groundings and/or taking away privledges is the way to go unless it's a matter of a quick firm lesson needed to protect them from serious injury or possible death.
A couple other points I have to make that I feel vital in raising children are: Be consistant if rules and exspectations are not clear the kids with not be clear on how to behave, do not give false threats, if you treaten that you're going to give a certain consequence for a proticular behaviour and you are known not to follow though the kids will know there are no real consequences for bad behaviours. and start with kids when their young, if you wait until a child is preschool, kindergarden age before trying to put rules and boundries in place your going to have challanges that could have been avoided.

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For those of you against spankings, I've always been against it...i now have a 14yr old and a 12yr old that call me every dirty fowl mouthed thing they can think of and threaten my life on a regular basis its gotten to the point where im almost afraid to go to sleep at night!! In my house bad language and physical violence does not occur and is not allowed...their dads side of the family is the opposite and find this behavior funny and they way real men should be!! If I try to take something away (video games, phones, friends) the behavior gets worse and im literally scared!! I recently called the police on them and the police told me that what kids need is a good spanking!? Could somebody that raised their child with the not spanking method please tell me how to correct this behavior?? No matter how crazy they get I still feel like spanking or hitting them back is child abuse, the fact ones the same size as me and the other one doubles me has me feeling like I've lost all control and am going to end up seriously hurt when their tempers go off ( thus is a multiple times a day occurrence, not blue moon occurrences....PLEASE HELP!!

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