How do you get your children to be more independent?

When kids are young, they rely on you for their basic human needs. As they grow up, you want to encourage them to become more independent. How do you as a parent help them toward this goal?

If you have any questions, please check our FAQ page
Vote for your favorite! Help us identify the best answer.

11  Answers

2 Votes
Login to vote

By Janet Pekera

- Posted on Jul 10, 2011

Stop being there at every turn. They learn to be independent because you back off and let them handle thing on therir own.

  • Addie - commented on Jul 12, 2011

    It starts in the highchair. with finger foods. What mother hasn't put Cheerios of the tray. Green beans. Peas. It encourages finger dexiterity, hand/eye corrdination and learning to feed themselves. Childproofing your home so that they can explore. Lots of encouragemnt and love.

2 Votes
Login to vote

By Annette Fargo

- Posted on Jul 10, 2011

I always encourage them to accomplish whatever they set out to do. Have a positive attitude, "You can do that, no problem!" And prompt them on how to approach it

1 Vote
Login to vote

By jordan druckenmiller

- Posted on Jul 13, 2011

While I do beleive children need to be taught independence they also need to be confident... you can not spoil a baby they are not vegetables. Hold them often, this creates the confidence they ned to learn if anything goes wrong mom/dad will be there. When they fall don't rush into a panic wait and see how they respond if they cry tend to them if they don't then leave them be. Children respond more to how others react more than the pain. My child never had seperation anxiety and I believe that's bc I held her as often as I could. Babies want and need to
be held

1 Vote
Login to vote

By Valerie Summers

- Posted on Jul 11, 2011

Give your kids small tasks depending on her age to be responsible for. Sho them the task and how it is done then let them do it. Don't step in unless they ask or can get hurt. Then just show then talkthem threw it don't do it for them. Complment and or reward them for doing well. When dining out have themtell the waitpersons what they want or if shopping let them give the clerck the money and take the change and package. Have them help with getting meals and snacks ready.

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Jessica Wright

- Posted on Oct 2, 2012

I just went through this with my soon to be step daughters. When my fiance and I first got together, it became obvious that everyone in these girls' lives did everything for them. The girls expected it, because that's what they had always known. I talked to my fiance about what I observed to see if I was thinking down the wrong path. He agreed completely with me. I remember the specific event that kind of started the whole road to independence. We all happened to arrive home at the same time. Him from picking up the girls from their mom's house, and me from the grocery store. The oldest, who is eight, was kinda standing around while my fiance got the youngest, who had fallen asleep in the car, out of her seat. I said to the oldest "Hey! Can you go unlock the door for me?" and handed her the keys. She gave me the oddest look like I was speaking a foreign language. I said "Or you can help me carry some groceries in. It would be super helpful." She just took the keys and gave me the biggest smile and ran to go unlock the door and hold it open for all of us.

Other little things we've done is to have the kids start helping out with chores. (Age appropriate of course.) Things like making their beds. If they don't know how to do something, we'll help them. I started with having them pretend they were putting on a tv show called "The Cleaning the Room Show! Starring (their names here." Part of it I helped them make their beds and the next time I had them show me how good of a job they could do. They loved it, and now when they clean their rooms, they do a beautiful job with making their beds. A lot of positive encouragement helps with whatever they're doing. And letting them know that it's ok (and can be fun and relaxing) to have their own alone time. Kids like having control of parts of their lives. It makes them feel safe and comfortable when they can be in control of something in their little world. We give lots of love and attention still, but we also encourage them to be independent. The house has a wonderful vibe now, and the girls always tell me how much they love coming over. It's so neat to see them developing their individual traits and personalities.

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Elle

- Posted on Jan 2, 2012

IDK my daughter is very independent, i guess it really depends on mom. They tend to mirror and mimic us.

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Cecille Iida

- Posted on Nov 13, 2011

First , moms must let their children understand the true meaning of being an independent person . to put this into effect , you should let them know the importance and practice of responsibility. knowing her responsibilities will make it easier for her to cope up with her obligations as a growing up kid.undergoing all of this will eventually make parents realize that they have just raised a n independent child and of course ... they will be proud of them the way that i am proud of my two daughter

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Nichola Adams

- Posted on Aug 14, 2011

let them make mistakes, have accidents, set out chores, bring in consequences. list goes on and on. look in library for books they have good ideas

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Arleen Lindstedt

- Posted on Jul 12, 2011

Set parameters, but give choices; don't solve everything for your child: encourage him/her to think through a situation; work through and eliminate your own fears; build confidence by believing in their abilities; instill self-worth by loving unconditionally (that does not mean giving in!), stay firm in your convictions; give consistent expectations and rewards......

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Pamela Ladeau

- Posted on Jul 11, 2011

As a child grows & develops, each new step they achieve, commend them for it as if you`re surprised & amazed with pride & joy. They will react to your positive reaction, by going the next step further to try & get that same kind of cheer`s from you with ambition & drive to succeed. Cleaning their room is a great way to start off safe & something they need to do early once they understand the concept of the duty. Have them help you first, then slowly allow them to prove their abilities on their own, but always take time to reward with pride & joy.

0 Votes
Login to vote

By Jennifer Glosser

- Posted on Jul 11, 2011

I have found that my children want some independence. They will let me know when they want to something by themselves. My five year old twins like to get there own snacks and breakfast. I let them do as much as they can and hope that nothing gets spilled, If it does I have clean it up as much as they can.

  • Morayo - commented on Jul 12, 2011

    As my Twins are growing they want to be more independence and I encourage them especially if they want to go for shopping, I will give them the time to returm back home and they always been good in coming back home early even before the time. But the problem is that I will not them go out without each other and that is the reason of going to the same school.

  • Chris - commented on Jan 23, 2013

    I've always had the parenting philosophy, "If a child can do something themselves, they should be doing it themselves." If they can put on their seatbelt, shoes, jacket, they should do it themselves. My kids are 10 and older but it still shows up all the time. If they want something, they go to the store and get it. If they're hungry, they know how to make a meal for themselves. The only thing they're really bad at is turning in homework on time. But that's another topic. Kid's can do more than we think and they feel good about themselves when they can do it well. There will be bumps along the road but it's worth it.

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll