How do you handle parenting disagreements?
It can be very frustrating when you and your partner don't agree about parenting decisions or styles? What are ways to handle disagreements you have with your partner over parenting styles?
My husband and I both have children from previous marriges and two of our own. We keep parenting and discipline uniform by maintaining a dry erase board of house rules and consequences for breaking them, that we agreed on together. It keeps the perspective clear for us, as well as the kids on expectations and consequences. If a rule is broken we go to the board, explain why that rule is important to the child, and carry out the dicipline action for it. Yes it took a good amount of time to line out, and each of us made a list of what we'd like to have in place. However, having a game plan, and compromising for a common goal before hand, reduces the chance for disagreements later on. It also eliminates either parent from being the good or bad guy all the time since both will be able to carry out consistent discipline.
Whenever my husband and I disagree on something we discuss it, usually in private, then present the results to the child it is concerning. For the most part we agree on most things. We always like to have a united front so our children can not use one against the other.
We don't get it right every time!
Sometimes we don't have the opportunity to discuss it first.
I think it's important for the children [or in our case, grandchildren] to know that we are not perfect but that we will always be fair.
As grandparents, we uphold the parents' discipline methods, which set firm boundaries.
Sometimes I find my husband disagreeing with what I have said. I try hard to not undermine him and not to get cross when he does seem to undermine me! If I get it wrong, I say sorry to the kids.
This is a controversial aspect in parenthood. Using my own experience,whenever we have a matter we disagreed upon,i always try for us to reach a consensus. Some of the things we do is to table our differences and similarities and figure out which one outweighs the other .Then and then we reach a joint decision. Apparently as frustrating as parental disagreements can be,it is a good recipe of healthy parenting. i believe our differences makes us special and gives each marriage its flavor
I really like Bonnie's answer. My husband and I chat about all the rules, and we talk with our daughter as well. We all agree with the rules and outcomes of breaking rules. We sign a contract, and that is that. What are you disagreeing about if you don't mind me asking.
It can really be frustrating, but whenever we are faced with this problem, we always try to talk about it and discuss things so we can resolve any misunderstanding and differences.
I think it's important for both parents to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. If your not, then the child can play sides and that leaves an open door for your child to continue to test boundaries, when boundaries should already be set! I realize that parenting does not come with an instruction manual and I am far off in the way of being a perfect parent, but I believe that having Faith in God and praying for patience and perseverance when it comes to your children is very important! Also, bringing your child up in the way of the Lord is very important too! It's ok to love your children, but in order to truly love them, there must be consequences for every wrong action if they are to learn from their mistakes. It doesn't mean they have to be major consequences every time, but you must instill in them the proper values for life!
We used to argue about a couple of things, but we've found it much better to find some middle ground. You HAVE to be on the same page as your partner, especially on the big issues, or the children will pick up on it and both suffer because of it, and manipulate both of you. It's not possible to talk before having kids about every single parenting issue that's going to come up, but you should talk about issues as they arise, and decide where both of you will stand united on each issue, it's imperative.
I like the idea of having clear cut rules and consequences, and once everyone agrees it makes life easier. What is very dangerous and I have had this problem is disagreeing in front of the kids, it makes one parent look like the "bad guy" . If there is a problem let's say an unfamiliar problem where there was no rule, even if you disagree with the method, wait until the child is not within earshot and discuss why you disagreed with whatever the method was. It is ALWAYS important to have a united front, as children learn how to play one parent off of the other (they are smarter than we think).
We have a list of rules, like Bonnie said, but ours are more formalized, written down on paper with the consequences written out. The biggest problem is that I am the "heavy" and hubby is the "fun guy," so generally when I am out of the house the "rules" don't apply or "those are mom's dumb rules." Even though we agreed on them in writing, he does not enforce a good part of the time. Also he warns and warns them "do you want a point?" rather than just assigning points for breaking the rules. I then HAVE to be the bad guy and enforce the rules. Also, my husband refuses to talk about anything later/private, so it's either now or never with him, which means parental arguments in front of the kids. We have 5 kids, so we have to keep order in the house or it's all going to go to h*ll in a handbasket!
WE have not established any boundries really. It has been causing havoc in our household. Any recommendations? I nned a good answer for this one myself.